My Wish is Granted

To be perfectly honest, during the time I spent as a actor in the theater, I always had a deep desire to portrait a female.

Well….lo and behold…I got my wish!

I had a VERY courageous theater director (who had the gonads of a bull) willing to cast me as the Wicked Stepmother in the wonderful tale of Cinderella.

I had worked for this particular children’s theater company on and off for a few years. They were incredible professional, so I knew that the show wouldn’t simply come off as, “Hey look…a man in a dress.”

The costume department built me an awesome female body suit, which included BIG boobies, a cinched waistline, and a female derrière. When the actual costume was placed over this nifty creation…I looked like I had the figure of Marylyn Monroe.

(and the face of Ernest Borgnine)

I’m a pretty hairy guy, so they also invented these long gloves that covered up my fuzzy arms. The wig department made two wigs (to alternate) that looked identical to the animated character in the film.

Being a make up artist, I had the time of my life transforming my mug everyday into the face of Mommie Dearest. The hardest part was waxing down my thick eyebrows with this stuff that felt like wall spackle. Because I sweat so damn much, I had to keep pressing my eyebrows down while I was off stage, because the kept popping up like two large caterpillars on my face!

Oh….and the shoes! I think ALL men should see what it feels like to run around in high heels.

(it’s lovely!#@!)

Anyway, it was a musical, so the rehearsal schedule ran for 4 weeks. Which gave us more than enough time to learn the songs, choreography, and dialogue.

As opening day approached, I started to get a bit nervous about the reaction from the children. Children are VERY smart, but I also know that they have the innate ability to suspend reality and PLAY. So I figured, that if I just enjoyed myself with the character…and PLAYED…the kids would play along with me.

And they did!

However, when I was getting ready to make my first entrance, with a full house of people (parents and children)…I got extremely nervous (almost to the point of throwing up and having diarrhea). I started to doubt myself and thought, “Shit, what if I go out there and the children all start SCREAMING?”

I took one deep breath (made the sign of the cross) and walked out….

Needless to say….the kids went along for the ride. They were all such great sports.

My favorite part of this acting job, was that the cast was required to go out into the lobby after each performance and meet and greet the audience.

And I will never forget this as long as I live….

On this one particular evening, after shaking hands with all the children, I noticed a little girl just standing there staring at me for 10 minutes. She finally walked up to me and said hello. I got down on my knees and extended my hand to shake hers. After we greeted one another, she made a gesture with her little index finger, like to say, “Come closer.” And as I moved closer, she whispered very softly in my ear, “I just wanted to let you know that I can see your beard showing through your make up.”

Well….I had all to do to contain myself from bursting out with laughter.

And I responded to her, “I know, I’m sorry sweetie, but I missed my hair waxing appointment the other day, and I’m ashamed of myself.”

She giggled.

I could see her mother and father just laughing in the distance.

And as they walked away I smiled and thought to myself, “Aren’t children the greatest? They just tell it like it is.”

NOW GO SCRUB THE FLOOR DAMN IT!!!!




Photo: Barely Fitz

21 comments

  1. Oh Ron what a fabulous story! Have you any photographs - I just have to see what you look like as a dame?

    Children - you can't fool 'em can you. LOL

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  2. Hi Akelamalu!

    Man...I JUST posted this not 2 minutes ago...you're FAST girl!!!

    Yes...I DO have photos, but unfortunately not digital. I need to get them copied and placed on a disk so I can transfer them to my comupter!!

    When I do...I'll be sure to post them for the WORLD to see. Just make sure you've had a few glasses of red wine before you look at them. I wouldn't want to scar you for life!

    I LOVE children...the're the BEST!!!

    Thanks so much for stopping by today, my friend!!

    Enjoy your weekend!

    Mommie Dearest

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  3. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

    *making George spin in circles*

    *snickering*

    Are ya dizzy yet?
    Aren't you the brave soul....letting us play with your head. LOL

    Wonderful fairy goddirector! Gotta ask what musical.
    And can we get a sample of Mommie Dearest singin'? ;-)

    Gotta love kids for being so darn honest. And bless her heart for being so kindly to do that with a wag of a finger and a whisper.

    *going to mess with George's head again!*

    :-D

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  4. Hey Mel!

    I just added George's head yesterday! I found him on this cool free cursor site. I played with ALL of them. There were SOOO many to choose from!

    I do have actual photos of me dressed like the stepmother, that I need to make copies of so I can download them to my computer and post them. I may shock you one day and just add them to the sidebar!!!

    The musical was Cinderella!

    I also have a filmed video copy of the show. I wonder if I could put it on a YouTube and broadcast it here????

    You would DIE if you saw it!!! Thank God I had to look like an ugly stepmother!

    It was so much fun!

    That little girl just made my day! She was so darn cute!!!

    Thanks for stopping by tonight, Mel...and for playing with my head!

    Spin George...spin!!!!!

    Enjoy your weekend!

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  5. You don't have a scanner? Get one quick!

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  6. Hi Akelamalu!

    That's next on my list of "to get" things.

    My brother has one and uses it a lot!

    Hey, by the way...I hope you're enjoying Microsoft Vista. Don't you LOVE the constant updates???

    Hope you're enjoying your weekend. The weather here is FABULOUS - Sunny, clear and low 50's! I've been out all day!!!

    Later, my friend!

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  7. That was such a funny story, did you feel really differant dressed as a woman?
    And I love the cursor.

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  8. Oh i would have loved to been there to see you! How yummy to play the wicked stepmother..i always loved the WS characters. Guess it's that wicked side of me again. hee,hee.
    My sister and I ended up having our very own wicked stepmother thanks to my Father..she even had red hair.
    Children are honest to a fault...oh i could tell you some stories about my son. :O
    i needed a good laugh...thank you darling one!

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  9. Greetings Enigma!

    YES...I did feel different. And what was amazing...is that once I put the make up and costume on...my entire body took on a completely different "energy." Even when I was backstage walking around...my body moved as a female.

    (and you should have seen when I had to pee)

    I was SO concerned about getting the dress wet!

    I perfomed this role for 4 weeks and after it was over...I actually felt sad about giving the costume back!!!

    TOOTSIE!

    Acting for me, was always a very spiritual experience. It was always about ALLOWING the "life force" to control me. A wonderful lesson in TRUSTING and SURRENDERING!

    I SOOO enjoyed this role. Every man should feel what it's like to feel as woman.

    And CELEBRATE!

    Thanks for stopping by, Enigma. It's always good seeing you!

    Yes, Mommie Dearest....


    P.S. So glad you enjoyed George!

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  10. I was an actress for a while, and occasionally still act in some commercials, and I know what you mean by the energy thing, and i second the call for pics.

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  11. Hiya Gypsy-Heart!

    Oh, God...you and I are like two peas in a pod!

    I seem to ONLY like the WS characters!!! To me, they're always so much more FUN than the "good ones."

    In my acting career, I played the WS a lot. And what was funny...is that when my friends would come to see me in a show, they would always say how much they LAUGHED at the character!

    Just like in "real life"...no one is ever ALL one way (I'm certainly not). So as an actor, the best part is trying to find the LIGHT and the DARK in each character. Because it's ALWAYS there!

    I have a stepmother too!!! That's so funny. Mine is not wicked though (insane...but not wicked). Whenever she had to punish us...she would always refer to herself as the wicked stepmother! She's actually a VERY sweet soul.

    Thank you for popping by today, Gypsy-Heart...you always add JOY!

    Yes, Mommie Dearest

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  12. Hello again, Enigma!

    Oh...that's wonderful!!!

    Have I ever seen you on TV?

    PLEASE let me know if you ever do anything that shows here, ok? I'd love to see it!

    When I get the photos copied...I'll be sure to post them.

    OOooo..I may even use one as my new avatar! Can you imagine?? Then I'd REALLY look like a VENT!

    NO WIRE HANGERS!!!

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  13. ROTFL
    Big old grin
    Wicked? wicked wicked man!
    I am sorry, i am still thinking about the time i took my oldest to see a play called fire light and stardust at some small theater.( it was a darling kids story) AT one point he leaned over and said in the loudest stage whisper you have ever heard " Mommy, that lady's legs are hairier than yours!"
    Honest, o-baby!
    thanks for the laughs! and the sweet trip down memory lane!

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  14. I dont think you would have seen me in anything recently, I was in one a few months ago, but was hidden by these huge monster things.Most of our TVS are international, I dont usually act in them, only if they need a technician instead of an actor...and dont change your avatar, I really like it.

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  15. Evening Sorrow!

    Oh, God...I'm laughing my ass off!

    Hairy legs?????

    Thank GOD I had flesh colored pantyhose on...AND a Little Bo Peep fluffy under garment...AND a dark blue taffeta dress to cover up MY hairy legs????

    (they look like Bush Gardens)

    And I was NOT willing to shave my legs for even THIS role. It's bad enough I had to shave off my freaking beard!!!

    Thanks for dropping by, Sorrow...you ALWAYS make me laugh!!!

    Enjoy your weekend....

    P.S. And did YOU scrub the toilet today? Yes, Mommie Dearest!

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  16. I'm sure you did a fabulous job Ron.

    If you ever need a true review of your work, just ask a child. I love the fact that they will just tell you like it is. They haven't learned to mask their emotions like us adults unfortunately have.

    Great post my friend.

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  17. Hey Jeff!

    So good to see ya, buddy!

    You're NOT kidding...children contain the beautiful gift of..."no mask."

    And this is why I love to be around them so much.

    They re-teach the adults how to be!

    Thanks for taking the time to stop by tonight, Jeff.

    Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

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  18. Now that was a great story. Kids you got to love them. It reminds me of the time I played Santa Claus, when my oldest son was about 8. After I had made my appearance. All the kids were lined up and on the way out each kid was saying bye Santa! bye Santa. My guy said see you later Dad!
    If makes a great story now and brings back really fond memories.

    Ron,
    Break a Leg

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  19. Oh, Dave....your comment made me LAUGH so hard!!!

    I could ACTUALLY see that happening to you!!!

    What a WONDERFUL memory!

    I bet you were the BEST Santa ever. And I bet the kids loved you.

    Yes...children to me...make the BEST audience. They can see through BS and speak their truth!

    Gotta love them is right!

    Thanks SO MUCH for sharing your story here, my Libra friend. You've added much humor and warmth!

    Curtain up!

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  20. I love the fact that children can suspend belief for hours on end and then snap right back to reality.

    I would really like to see you as the "Stepmother", so hurry and scan those photos!

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  21. Afternoon Nitebyrd~

    Thanks for flying by!

    Yes...you're SOOO right...they can suspend reality and then come right back to it.

    Children continually teach me about things that I (as an adult) sometimes forget.

    Maybe subliminally, that's why adults say so often, "Ah...to be a child again."

    I think I'm REALLY a child...trapped in an adult body!?@#?

    Yeppeee!!!!

    Yes, as soon as the photos scanned, I'll be sure to post them.

    Thanks for taking the time to say Hi today...it's always fun sharing with you!

    Sincerely,
    Mommie Stepmother Dearest

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