A Stage Kiss


Two times in my theater career did I have to kiss someone on stage.

And both times it wasn’t just a quick peck on the lips…it was a very INVOLVED kiss.

And ironically, both times it happened to be actors who we couldn’t STAND one another.

One was a woman.

And one was a man.

I was cast in a show based on a true story, which was a heavy drama about the aids epidemic in New York City during the 1980’s.

It was a very intense show that we performed for six weeks, and I was incredibly happy when it was over, because it was completely draining in so many ways.

Anyhow…my character happens to meet another man through a business encounter, and they decide to make a date for dinner.

And after dinner, the two of us go back to my place, where after a few drinks and some talk about politics…we start making out.

WELL…let me tell you something….

I would have MUCH rather been making out with Kermit the Frog.

Unfortunately, the actor playing my kiss-mate had the onstage passion of a piece of corrugated cardboard.

AND…had bad breath.

He and I never “jelled” from the start, because our acting techniques were completely different. He liked to analyze and talk about everything, and I like to throw myself into a role and then see where it takes me.

This conflict, coupled with a personality clash, caused us to have ZERO chemistry on stage. And it was challenging for the both of us, because are characters were meant to be partners.

So we spent ten weeks tolerating one another.

A stage kiss can be strange, because you’re not really involved with one another on a personal level, yet you must leave yourself open to create some sort of believable passion.

I remember the night we had to practice the kiss, in order to get a sense of timing and just how passionate it should be.

You haven’t lived, until you’ve had a director stand about five feet from you just staring, as you make out with someone over and over; saying to you, “Could you just take a little pause here, and maybe go a little faster there?”

(ok, CUT!…I need a breath mint)


The other kiss was to a woman, who I had always prayed would NEVER have to work with.

And in total honesty…her feelings about me were mutual.

From the first time we met one another, years before this experience, you could just sense an aura between the two of us like…. “You know, I really can’t stand you. And I hope we never get cast in a show together, other than a play about two people who kill each other with a CHAIN-SAW.”

And it’s ironic how when you try to avoid someone, KARMA will always sees to it that you have to KISS them onstage.

She and I played two characters who meet by mistake because of a wrong address.

I ended up at HER house, when I should have been somewhere else.

Quickly, my character falls head over heels for her, and spends the next three acts trying to convince her that I’m the man she needs to spend the rest of her life with.

(yea…and I had to dig DEEP for that emotion)

After a dinner party, all the guests go home leaving she and I alone; cleaning up cocktail glasses.

And after a long conversation, I decide to go over where she’s seated and lay a big SMOOCH on her.

I remember the night we practiced our kiss….

You could feel the tension, as we were both thinking...

A. Can I do it ?

And B. Can I make it look REAL?”

It was awkward, but we proceeded.

The director wanted the kiss to start off gentle, and then gradually build into a “let me see if I can touch your tonsils with my tongue kiss.”

And the funny part about this is, that the actress was married at the time and told me that her husband REFUSED to come see her in the show, because he couldn’t bare to see her kissed my another man.

And I’m thinking…“Trust me, buddy…you have NOTHING to worry about, because after this kiss…she‘s yours.”

Someone curiously once asked me, “What was the difference between kissing the man and the woman?”

My answer?

“No difference…

…because BOTH gave me HORRIBLE nightmares.”





Have a fabulous weekend, everyone!

Happy Halloween!


34 comments

  1. ron , you completely amaze me.
    Yet another reason i could never be an actor
    EWWWWWWWW
    and DAMN!
    My hat is off to you, bad breath?
    UGH!
    and karmic chainsaws!
    it's a shame you are not in this field any more, if you could kiss those 2 toads and live to tell about it..
    You are IT!
    wonderful story...but
    I prefer a happy ending.
    (something with breathe mints!!!)

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  2. OMG, Lady Sorrow....I JUST finished publishing this post!!!

    GREAT seeing ya!

    You are TOOOOO funny!!!

    And trust me...sometimes "I" amaze me too!

    This is one of those "things" about being an actor that can be VERY challenging. NOT getting along with your KISS-MATE!

    aaaaah...but I guess that's WHY they call it ACTING!

    *and that's why they also made TicTac's

    HAHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks a BUNCH for stopping by for an evening chat, dear lady!

    I ALWAYS enjoy them!

    Have a wonderful weekend!
    X

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  3. After the first practice, I think I'd have sprayed him with Binaca!

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  4. Morning Debi!

    OMG...he needed an IV Drip of Binaca!

    And one of those "Stick-ups" on his chin.

    HAHAHHAHA!

    Thanks for stopping by today, Debi!

    I hope you're having a MAAAVALOUS day at work!

    Enjoy your weekend, my friend!

    P.S. Ok...I guess I should go to bed now....goodnight!

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  5. Oh Ron,

    You have my complete sympathy for having to go through the role with these people !!
    It somewhat feels like in school, when the teacher has to pair the kids off for a project by twos or as PE team mebers... God; we always get the one that we can't stand next to us !!

    Sooo awful about that dude's breath !! Ever try to give him a roll of breath mints as a hint ??

    And I just can't undertsand that woman. I can say to everyone, I met Ron and I liked him right off !
    What's her problem??

    Once again, you are telling these incredible stories,Ron.

    Hugs xxxx

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  6. Eww.

    EWWW!!

    *gak*

    k......

    HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

    Toad kissin', eh? *snickering*

    EWWWWWWWWWWW!

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  7. Good Morning Barbara!

    How are ya?

    Hey...I TOO remember those times in PE Class and splitting everyone up into teams!!! ARGH!!!

    You're SO right!

    For whatever reason, sometimes people have personality clashes, ya know? And it's not only how I feel about THEM, but also how they feel about ME too.

    And in these two situations there was definitely a CLASH.

    But that just happens sometimes...

    And anyway...it gave me something FUN to post about on my blog, though!

    HAHAHAHAHHA!!

    Thanks oodles for stopping by today, Barb!

    ALWAYS a joy talking with ya!

    Say hello to Didier!

    And have a MARVI weekend!
    X

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  8. HAPPY HALLOWEEN MEL!!!!

    YAHOOOO!!!!!

    Can you believe it?????

    It's FINALLY arrived!!!!!

    This is OUR day, Mel!!!!!

    Have a wonderful time handing out candy to all the cute trick or treaters....and think of me, wishing I was there with you!!

    And make the holiday last the WHOLE weekend!

    Thanks for stopping by today, Mel!

    TRICK or TREAT!!!

    BOO!

    P.S. and give Studley a hug for me!

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  9. Happy Halloween

    I'd love to plant a big one on ya right now. And I'd bring you lip balm too!

    I've been meaning to tell you forever - I ADORE Judy Davis, she is fantastic in Starter Wife.

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  10. Ronnie...I kissed the leading man (Romeo) and it was passionate. His hands were all over me...then the director yelled...GET OFF the stage Spiky! Where's Sharon (Julet)...hehehehe.

    Um I was just filling in for her. Um, in the kiss scene. Practicing with Romeo (psst, he was my b/f) aat the time...at a little city theater.

    It was just a reminder to my then B/F (Romeo) what a passionate kiss was really like.

    I had a problem with kissing scenes. Like Sharon kissing my b/f scene...hehehehe. GRRRRR.

    hehehehe

    Ron that was funny...you are right though, a kiss is a kiss when it comes to acting. But I would die if asked to kiss someone I did not want to...I'm not that good an actress...I mean does wardrobe come with barf bags?

    Rewrite that drama into a comedy...

    Ciao babe...again another fabulous post.

    PS...I'm still snickering at the glitter lips balm post. HA!

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  11. HAPPY HALLOWEEN Dinane!

    Thank you dear lady!

    And here's one back at cha'....

    ....SMOOOOCH!

    aaaaahhh....with a nice lip balm and fresh breath!

    HAHAHAHA!

    ooooh....oooooh...don't you just LOVE Judy Davis???

    And I'm sure you've already seen her in "Me and My Shadow" - the Judy Garland story!?!

    Her performance gave my CHILLS!!

    I've not heard of "Starter Wife" but will definitely look for it in the video store. Thanks for the recommendation!

    I hope you have a wonderful evening with the Trick or Treaters that come to you home!

    I SO miss doing that!

    Have a great weekend, Dianne.

    And thanks so much for stopping by!

    BOO!

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  12. Dearest Miss Jones....

    ...your comments ALWAYS leave with such wonderful LAUGHTER!!!

    Thank you for that!!!

    And your too funny....

    ...filling in for Sharon!!

    Who?....Sharon Stone????

    HAHAHAHAHHA!

    Kissing on stage IS strange, isn't it? I mean, it really helps if you at least LIKE the person, but for ME...these two experiences were kind of YUCKY!

    It was like an out-of-body-experience!

    HAHAHA!

    Anway, my dear friend...I'll be stopping over at your place in a bit to catch up on your next guests post!

    That was VERY cool, by the way!

    Hope you have a WONDERFUL Halloween night and get LOTS of trick or treaters at you door!

    *and then share some wine with your girl!

    Thanks for dropping by!

    Ciao bella

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  13. LOLOL Ron, you crack me up! Thanks for the lift tonight and HH to you too! :)

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  14. Happy Halloween Linda!

    And Boo!

    Did I scare ya?

    HAHAHAHA!

    So glad you stopped by this evening...it's ALWAYS such a TREAT!

    Hope you had a wonderful day, dear lady!

    Enjoy your weekend!

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  15. B is so right...if some uptight, piece of glass stuck up the ass Beeyotch can't stand you, then that means I sure would in a heartbeat-and ALREADY DO...ADORE AND WORSHIP YOU!! :)

    and P.S. I have an hour left to go at work, I'm hungry, I'm eating ALL the Twizzlers, so I guess I have Twizzlers Breath.

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  16. Hiya Debi!

    AWWWHHH, shucks.....you're so SWEET!

    Thank you, girl!

    OH WOW!!! TWIZZLERS?????

    DAMN....that's the BEST staple food in the world!!!

    I could survive ONLY on Twizzlers!

    HA!

    I've been working on my other blog for the past 4 hours playing around with adding Ads. I finally signed up for Google Adsense, and now it's just a matter of trying them out in different areas of the template.

    It's a BITCH!

    But fun!

    Hope you had a great day at work and enjoy your evening!

    Only one more hour to go!

    YEPEEEE!

    Later, Debi!

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  17. Obviously your talents were tested to the limit on both those occasions! :)

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  18. OMG, that picture at the end was so funny. I'm scrolling down, reading the story and then WHAMMO, in your face, big red lips. LOL
    Eeewww. I just can't imagine how you got thru those kisses with people who you just didn't like. I mean, I would think you'de have to have something there to work with another in that intimate way. I don't mean that actors should lust after other actors. LOL Altho that's certainly happened. But you know, just mutual respect or friendship, etc.
    To have nothing and have to build on that and make it all believable.... well, I guess you really must have been quite a talented actor!! Hooray for you, Ron! Bet you're not missing those parts of acting though. ;)

    Happy belated Halloween. I did stop by yesterday and read thru some of my fav blogs but I was so tired that I didn't comment much if at all.
    We had a LONG day in Philly. Took the bus over at 6:30 in the freaking morning. Got a spot right up front at City Hall for the Phillies Parade but had to sit there until it came by sometime after 12 noon. It was FUN though!

    We didn't get alot of trick or treaters after we got home. And part of the time we were glued to the t.v. for the rest of the Phillies festivities anyway.
    So we have LOTS of candy leftover. :)))
    Have a wonderful weekend. M

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  19. OMG..Akelamalu!!!!!

    You're back!!!!!

    YAAAAAAY!!! YEEPEE!!!!!!

    Did you have fun?

    I bet you have wonderful photos!

    ooooh...and happy belated HALLOWEEN!!!

    Yes, my friend...on BOTH occassions I had to "pretend" that I was kissing Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy!

    *Now THOSE are some HOT actors!

    HAHAHAHA!

    Thanks SO MUCH for stopping by to let me know you're home!

    I'll be by your place later this evening when I get back from work!

    Welcome Home!

    And have a great weekend!

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  20. Good Morning Crystal-Chick!

    TEE, HEE...

    So glad you enjoyed the last photo!

    When I saw it on Flickr I just about DIED!

    It also reminded me of all those WAXED lips I chewed as a kid!!!

    And you're absolutely right....

    ...it DOES help the onstage relationship between two actors, if they as least have respect and ENJOY one anothers company offstage.

    And thoughout my career that's USUALLY how it always was. Unfortunately, in these TWO ocassions, it was not. And it was ODD, because we HONESTLY didn't like one another, and there was nothing we could do about it except pretend.

    It was just a "bad match" onstage. However, that happens sometimes...and you just have to go with it.

    *and have your Breathsavers handy!

    HAHAHHAHAHA!

    And HAPPY BELATED HALLOWEEN to you!

    BOO!

    I know...everyone has said that this year has been scarce of trick or treaters.

    I guess they were ALL at the malls!!!

    I actually saw a few on the streets yesterday afternoon, and also a few DOGS in the park that had costumes on!

    OMG...it was so cute!

    Anyway, M....thanks a kaboodle for dropping by today.

    Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend and this FABULOUS weather we're having!!

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  21. Happy November 1st from rainy and cold Paris-errrrr!
    I read these entries with such joy and every now and then leave you a comment. Beautiful.
    Have a good weekend and watch who you smooch,
    BB

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  22. Bonjour Pretty in Paris!

    oooh...my god...I just spoke FRENCH...did you hear that???

    Oui...Oui...madame!

    HAHAHAHAHA!

    ALWAYS so nice seeing ya, dear lady!

    Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment today.

    oooooh....I bet this time of the year in Paris is SPECTACULAR!!!

    A few of my readers are from France, and the photos they always share are so beautiful!

    Enjoy your nice crisp fall day, with maybe a wonderful cup of espresso and a toasted bagel from Dunkin Donuts!

    HAHAHAHAHH!

    NOT!

    Happy Belated Halloween!

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  23. Those lips...

    Bwahahahahahaahahah!!!!!!

    The only acting I've done has been through events at the church so long passionate kisses are usually not part of it (go figure). Anyhoodle, I'm sure it would be a true test of skill to pull it off with someone you didn't like.

    Still laughing at those lips...

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  24. Howdy Mr. Jeff!

    Bwahahahahaha!

    Aren't they they WORST????

    But it's the PERFECT image of what it felt like to me!

    HA!

    LUCK YOU, BUD!

    Kissing someone you're not particularly fond of...is sort of like taking a spoonful of Cod Liver Oil!

    PEWY!

    Thanks for dropping by this evening, Jeff!

    Hope you and your family had a FUN Halloween night!

    Enjoy the rest of your weekend, pal!

    Later!

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  25. How funny that some actors totally scam on each other when they work together-- either cheating on their spouse or gf/bf and some just hook up during the length of the project... So, with you... it was the exact opposite... You DIDN'T connect with the recipiants of "the kiss!" How funny, but NOT funny at the time it was happening... I guess that is where GOOD acting comes in!!!!
    PS... My friend from SD is here until tomorrow so I haven't been reading blogs.. just catching up now!! Take care and Happy Sunday to you Ron!!!!
    Hugs,
    Leesa

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  26. Just reading down in your comments and noticed my good friend, Pretty in Paris, left you a comment! She's a dear one, just like Barbara!!!

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  27. Helloooooo Leesa!!

    YES, you're SO right...in this case it was the complete OPPOSITE!!!

    No SCAMMING going on, but plenty of
    PANNING!!

    HAHAHHAHA!

    aaaah...the life of an actor!

    But I LOVED it!!!

    Thanks SOOOO much for stopping by today, Leesa!

    And I hope you're having a WONDERFUL time with your friend from SD!

    I'm SURE your a GREAT host and showing them a FANTASTIC time!

    Great talking with ya, my friend!

    Enjoy your evening!

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  28. P.S. Leesa...and YES your friend Pretty in Paris is SUCH a delight! It's been great talking with her! I should have KNOWN she was your friend!

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  29. Merci Ron! C'est vrai,I DO have nice friends! I'm blessed!!!!!

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  30. Bonjour Leesa!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Have a great day!

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  31. I had a vision of John Lovitz from SNL in my head saying, "ACTING!" while I read this.

    Ron, you make me laugh out loud!

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  32. Howdy Nitebyrd!

    ACTING!

    HAHAHAHAHHA!

    So glad you enjoyed this, dear lady!

    Thank you!

    Have a wonderful evening!

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  33. I read all of your wonderful and funny posts, but I don't have time to comment on all of them. :(

    I loved this one though!! I love stepping into your memories, and I can just see you on stage!

    Thank you for some afternoon laughs!!

    Love Ya!!

    Ps I'm SO glad the election is over..but SO happy with the outcome! :) The stars said he was going to win..back when this all began...interesting, eh?

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  34. Good Evening Gypsy-Heart!

    Thank you for taking the time to read all my posts...that's so nice of you!!!!

    So glad you enjoyed this post, because I really enjoyed putting it all together!

    It was FUN!

    And YES, my friend...I TOO am glad about the presidential outcome!

    YAHOOO!!!!

    Philadelphia was electrifying on Tuesday night!!!!

    I had no idea about it being in the stars, but I can believe it!

    It was time!

    Thanks for stopping by today, dear Heart!

    Always a pleasure sharing energy with you!

    Enjoy your evening wine!
    X

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