Cleaning Tile Like Joan Crawford

Why is it that whenever I clean the bathroom tile I always feel like Joan Crawford on a vodka induced cleaning binge at 2 am?

Yesterday morning while I was brushing my teeth I happened to glance in the shower and thought, “When the HELL did my nice white tile grout suddenly turn brown, orange, and fuzzy?”

It looked like a Petri dish.

I guess because of the summer humidity the mold and mildew were having a party.

It’s funny, because I can still hear my mother saying to us kids, “Don’t EVER throw your old toothbrushes away because you can use them to scrub the tile in your bathroom.”

Since then, they’ve come out with so many wonderful tile sprays that you can just spritz in the shower after each use; preventing mold from ever forming.

(however, I haven’t been using one of those lately)

The worst…and I mean the WORST mold and mildew I’ve ever experienced was while living in Florida. Nothing in Florida ever dries so no matter what you do to combat mildew, it instantly reincarnates.

Anyway….since I had yesterday off and no pressing engagements, I made myself some strong coffee and decided to clean my shower the “Joan Crawford Way.”

I thought this would be the perfect time because it was getting to the point where I needed to switched to a new toothbrush, as my current one was starting to look a bit haggard. You know what I mean, when the bristles start flattening out to the sides like someone slowly ran over it with a steam roller?

So I took a handful of Comet cleanser and my old toothbrush and began scrubbing the tile like a crazed Crawford after she just got fired from MGM.


And after 30 minutes of scrubbing until it felt like my fingers were going to snap off, I stood back and looked at the results.

Hot damn!…my shower looked FAAABULOUS.

I thought I’d share the results with you in a before and after photo…..



It looks like a completely different bathroom doesn't it?

It's amazing what a little Comet, an old toothbrush, and some scary-ass Joan Crawford can do.

Have a great weekend Mommie Dearest's!


  1. Don't forget to use your CAULK,
    honey!! :D

  2. Yo Ron, you did a great job on cleaning that bathroom. We would get along so well. LOL. That JC photo cracked me up. Have a great weekend.

  3. Wanna come clean my tiles?

  4. k....where's the comet?! I'm gonna go clean.

    But if I don't get the same results--
    Well...let's just say I know where to find you. *laughing*

    Happy weekend to you, sir!

  5. I never tire of your Joan Crawford references! You did a fabulous job. Mommy is very proud of you. (she said with a raised eyebrow)

  6. Damn. I need to get me some Comet!

    You know, I'm almost embarrased to admit this, but since I switched to the Sonic Care toothbrush, I've been known to stock up on regular brushes when they are on sale. Mmmmm, yes, the Joan Crawford in me likes to have them around for cleaning. No vodka needed.

    I have serious issues with cleaning. Throw a little stress into my life, and I go crazy cleaning things that no human should ever think of cleaning.

    I never realized how truly messed up I was until a friend stopped by and caught me applying car wax to my washing machine. Apparently, pretty much the rest of the population could care less if their washer and dryer and clean and sparkling.

    Who knew......

    Have a beautiful weekend, Sugar.


  7. last night i got home from work early so i decided to swiffer the floor. ugh, the dust was grotesque. when i told my roommate i cleaned she told me she "cleaned yesterday too". o_O lies.

    totally relate to ur cleaning rage.

  8. Aloha Debi!

    Funny you mentioned caulking because there's a few areas around the edge that could USE some caulking.

    CAULK, CAULK...haaaaay...beep, beep!


    Thanks for dropping by my handy-dandy friend!!

    Enjoy your weekend!

  9. Hi Valerie!


    Doesn't that after photo just blow you away?


    When I saw that JC photo online I just HOWLED! It's my favorite scene in the movie!

    Always great seeing ya, Val!

    Thank you for stopping by!

    Have a great weekend!

  10. Hiya Funny Girl!


    We can clean your tiles, while drinking a glass of wine; listening to the soundtrack of Funny Girl!!!

    "Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putta''s candy and the sun's a ball of butta'!"


    Have a faaabulous weekend!

    Thanks for dropping by!


  11. Howdy Mel!

    I use a "special" kind of Comet.

    It not only cleans, but also has an interior decorator inside the can!


    *warning: before using Comet in the tub, be sure to remove all rubber duckies!



    Have a great weekend, dear lady!

    Thanks for stopping by!

  12. Hi Chrissy!

    What is it about gay men and Joan Crawford???

    We seem to idolize the drama queens!

    *go figure.


    Thank you Mommie Dearest!

    The bathroom turned out pretty good didn't it?

    With love,

    P.S. have a great weekend and thanks for stopping by!

  13. Hellooooo Vixen Kitten!

    I'm SOOOOOOOO happy to see ya!

    How are ya???

    SEE!?! Aren't toothbrushes GREAT for cleaning tile??? They fit perfectly in between the tiles and SCRUB that grout out!

    I HOWLED at your mention of using car wax on your washing machine because that's FLAWLESS!

    You GO, girl!

    I'm kinda the same way with cleaning whenever I'm stressed. There's something "internally" cleansing about cleaning, isn't there? I find it very theraputic.

    Thank you SOOOO much for stopping by today!

    You made my day!

    Have a beautiful weekend, dear one!


  14. Greetings Duaba!

    Welcome! Thanks for stopping by and sharing a comment!

    I can SOOOO totally relate to your dusting story because I have hardwood floors in my apartment. And no sooner do I clean them, than the next day they're dusty again!!! I live in a city, so the dust and dirt is flying around everywhere.


    Aren't swiffers GREAT???

    Stop by anytime. You're always welcomed!

    Enjoy your weekend!

  15. Ron, you're so funny! LOL

    When MWM retired we made a pact - I would carry on working he would do the cleaning so I gave him lessons which included getting a toothbrush to the grouting. He's done a fabulous job for the last five years! :)

    PS Can you come clean my bathroom so it looks like your after photo please? ((wink))

  16. Hi Akelamalu!

    You GO, girl!!!!

    You taught MWM well!!!!

    There are three boys in our family and when we were younger, my mother instructed each one of us on "how to cleaning a bathroom." And let me tell ya....I'm SO grateful to her! I actually enjoy cleaning the bathroom!

    Yes, when I come visit you I promise to clean your bathroom like the photo! I work cheap too!

    (a glass of red wine will do)


    Thanks for stopping by, m'dear!

    Have a great weekend!


  17. It's amazing what a little Comet, an old toothbrush, and some scary-ass Joan Crawford can do.

    Not to mention the whole bunch of vodka consumed after you finished! LOL

  18. AnonymousJuly 10, 2009

    Well I suppose doing the Joan cleaning is better than doing the Roseanne cleaning myself. Now that you have done such a spectacular job on that bathroom, get over here and do mine would ya. LOL I'm sure we can find some sort of toothbrush and I can even put some Joan music on for ya. I don't clean clean well at all. It's against my general principles. Nothing like being white trailer park trash. LOL

  19. Howdy Nitebyrd!

    YOU SAID IT, Sis!!!!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    All my love,

  20. Aloha Thom!

    Hey listen, I would be more than happy to fly over and clean your bathroom.

    My only request, is that while I'm doing HAVE TO rent Mommie Dearest so you and I can reinacted the bathroom scene, ok?

    You can be Christina and I'll be Joan!

    ..SCRUB, TINA...SCRUB!!!!...


    Thanks for stopping by, buddy!

    Have a GRRRREAT weekend!


  21. AnonymousJuly 10, 2009

    Deal...too funny. I just love your blog. It's awesome :)

  22. Thank you for being a part of this blog Thom, because YOU guys are the ones that make it awesome!


  23. Well I usually use sofscrub and a plain ol' sponge so I don't scratch the tub; I had a Buy-One-Get-One-Free I'm stocked up for awhile. But SOOOOON I'll start buying the chemical-free stuff. *wink*
    And when I run out of the little sample dishsoap stuff that came with the dishwasher, I'll buy the natural organic stuff then too.
    Because I gots coupons for that too!
    BTW, still haven't gotten to use the dishwasher yet. Plumber coming Monday. $hee$h!
    And one more think dahlink...they let me use my Sayless coupon on a sale item. WHeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  24. Hi Debi!

    OMG...aren't YOU the coupon queen???

    I should be more like you and start clipping and using them!

    I should also start using Sofscrub because I've been noticing that Comet is not only scratching the tub, but it's also causing the caulking to loosen!!

    oooo...goodie, your dishwasher will be running on Monday! I bet you can't wait?

    I'll be heading over to Sayless tomorrow to look for new dress shoes!!!


    Hope you had a great day!

  25. I gotta tells yo the story about after I wore my new shooz.
    Went to work. Had to make a bank run. On the way back thought I'd try the acai cup at Bamba Juice. So I get that and an omega oatmeal cookie and walked back. Stopped at restroom and specifically entered one with the elderly rails so I could put my acai cup sitting on it. I turned to open the door, and SPLAT! went my acai cup, bananas, granolas and all, none of which I never even got a speck of taste, but got all over one of my new white shoes. (Guess I have TOO much junk in the trunk!) Cleaned up the mess. I'll be damned though that acai stuff (thick and purplish red) came out of the white sayless shoe!
    Note to self: next time use the EXTRA EXTRA wide stall with elderly rails!

  26. I am an obsessed grout cleaner. I will admit it. I have even gone so far as to buy one of those little electronic devices for scrubbing grout that looks like an electric toothbrush. If only my results could be as good as yours.
    Now, if you start threatening people with wire hangers, we may need to do an intervention.

  27. OMG...Debi!!!

    That's horrible about your acai cup,but AWESOME that the stain came out of your Sayless shoes!!!!


    It's funny, because sometimes if I have to use the bathroom in Starbucks, I've also used the elderly rail to perch my cup of java whilst I pee-pee. Never had it fall though - thank god!

  28. Hi Jen! are TOO funny!!!

    Hey, that little electronic device sounds awesome! I need to look for one of those.

    I think the only reason why I got such great results was because while I was scrubbing, I kept screaming...

    ..."No wire hangers...EVER!"...


    Always great seeing ya, Jen!

    Hope you're having a great Saturday!

    Scrubbingly yours,

  29. Hi Ronnie,
    Behold the wonders of "muscle man" !!
    Of course, we won't tell anyone about your so chic kerchief on your head heeeeeeee !

    Heck, that is hard work, even with these shower cleaning solutions.

    You rock, Ronnie !So now, R&R; you deserve that drink !


    P.S. I always have an old toothbrush in my cleaning junk for such jobs !

  30. Bonjour Barbara!

    I know...

    ...I feel like that man on the bottle of Mr. Clean!

    *except I have an OH-SO-CHIC kerchief on my lovely head!


    Aren't toothbrushes GREAT for cleaning a variety of stuff??

    *besides TEETH?

    Always great seeing ya, my friend!

    I just got back from WSP!!!


  31. AnonymousJuly 13, 2009

    I so agree with you. It's not my blog posts it's the people that make my blog. It wouldn't be shit without any of you :) NO MORE WIRE HANGERS...I had a dream last night...those damn little bubble cleaning shits were all over the place. Ya think my bathroom needs a scrub? LOL

  32. OMG, can you come over and do my bathroom!!???
    I've got a little Joan Crawford going on some days... but unfortunately not in the bathroom. More like just the 'don't fuck with me fellas' line when I'm annoyed. LOL

    I just LOVED that movied and catch atleast some of it whenever it's on. Joan was quite an interesting lady and Faye did her wonderfully.

  33. Bwahahahhaahahaha...Thom!!!

    OMG...what a WILD dream!!!!

    Well...I think the dream is either a sign to clean your bathroom, or perhaps Lawrence Welk is trying to contact you from the other side!

    .."A one...and a two...."

    tee, hee, hee!

    Aloha, buddy!

  34. Hiya Crystal Chick!

    Hey, me too!

    Whenever I get pissed, I mentally project the line "Don't fuck with me fella's!!!"

    *and it seems to work!


    YES...Faye did an AWESOME job on that role. But what's really ashame, is that she completely ignores that film because she didn't care for her performance OR the film.

    GO figure!?!

    Thanks for stopping by, neighbor!