Goobye, Hello Kitty


I know after posting this all the Hello Kitty fans will come out of the woodwork, crucifying me in comments and most likely report my blog to the Hello Kitty Police Department.

Oh, well.

I thinks it’s odd that for someone who loves cats as much as I do, has an utter disdain for all things HELLO KITTY.

My anti-love affair with Hello Kitty all started when I had a job working in a gift shop and was assigned to the Hello Kitty section of the store.

You have no idea how insane it made me to have to stock and organize the plethora of Hello Kitty Shit...oh, pardon me fans....merchandise.

We sold Hello Kitty pens, pencils, erasers, notebooks, diaries, key chains, earrings, and necklaces. I’m surprised we didn’t have an adult section with Hello Kitty Condoms.

Anyway, since then I’ve noticed that the Kitty Empire has expanded it’s merchandise to an even bigger audience. Saturday afternoon I decided to surf the web by googling Hello Kitty, and almost DIED from Kitty overload.

Here are a few items I couldn’t resist sharing with you…..


Couldn’t you just see this item sitting amongst all your stainless steel William-Sonoma kitchen appliances?



I put this one on my Christmas Wish List, so if any of you would like to purchase this for me, please feel free to contact me via email and I will send you my mailing address. I’m thinking that perhaps this is a Kitty Mac?


And isn’t this item a must-have? I guess it’s for those fans who want to design a Hello Kitty Couture line.




I find cell phones painful to begin with, so this item made me feel as though someone had just grabbed my testicles and twisted them into a pretzel knot.


Now this one is interesting. A Hello Kitty tail pipe for your car. I think this one should come with a license plate that says, I-H8-KITTY




However, I did find one item that may change my opinion about “certain things” Hello Kitty….



HELLOOO…..kitty!

Meow!


48 comments

  1. i do share your disdain for all things miss kitty and you didn't even have a daughter or a granddaughter so you have no rights at all to complain and then you actually went LOOKING for more stuff...hmmmm, methinks thou dost protest...

    no no no, i know it couldn't be but that tail pipe thingy was cute in a mechanics sort of way, the toaster with all the ss might really sort of work, the rest well, ugh....someone made a ton of money on that thing as it's been a 'thing' for 20 years if my math is correct...amazing and yet, there's never been a hello doggie, isn't that weird?

    love and kisses to you ronnie, my computer is going to the shop so don't know when I can come visit again...hoping just a day or few

    xoxoxoxxo

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  2. Ron,
    As always a hilarious post! I had a tiny pack of Hello Kitty colored pencils as a girl, and hate to admit but adored! I've grown up since then, thankfully. The tailpipe, really? WTF!!!!!!!!
    Have a great week!

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  3. I hate that F#$@%^! Hello Kitty crap. Although, I have to agree with you on the last one.

    Cougah says, MEEEOOOWWW...

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  4. Me-OW!!! Yowza! No kidding!

    Great post Ron! BWAaaahahaaa... you had me laughing the whole way through.

    I have a similar distaste. When I first moved away from home, I was 17 and I moved from a small town to a large(ish) city with my boyfriend, who was 18. We were, predictably, living like refugees because we had no money. I had two jobs and it's debatable which was worse.

    One of my jobs was as a telemarketer. I know - gross eh? Well it could have been worse; our unit was responsible for raising funds for several worthy causes, like Easter Seals and Old Timer Hockey Challenges. anyway... I digress...

    My second job was working in a stuffed animal store. This was in late 1997 during *cue ominous music* the Beanie Baby craze.

    Oy. If I see a Beanie Baby now, it is all I can do to restrain myself from lighting the little bastard on fire and dancing over its carcinogenic carcass.

    So to make a long comment even longer... I feel your Hello Kitty pain, Ron!!! I'm pretty sure I don't even get the salve of having some really hot BB skivvies to drool over... 'course, I haven't searched it.... yet....

    Have a fantastic day my friend!
    ~Penny

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  5. there is a kiosk in the local mall with all things Hello Kitty and my skin crawls whenever I pass it
    especially when I see grown women cooing over the shit/merchandise

    Siren and Mia want to organize a revolt against this form of cat exploitation but of course they took a nap first

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  6. Love the last photo!!!!! LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT! Do they have those in Ninja Turtles too! HaHa

    Thanks for the chuckle,
    Isabella

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  7. Good Morning Linda!

    Hey, that's a good question...I wonder why there's never been a Hello Doggie? I think you and I should start a business!!

    Oh, I forgot to tell ya in my last response to your comment....I LOVE your new avatar - it's gorgeous!

    Yeah...the tail pipe totally flipped me out - WTF?

    I hope your computer is ok. Mine's been acting weird lately, too. But my issues have to do with VISTA. URGH!

    Anyway, dear lady....thanks for stopping by today. I tried stopping your blog last night, but the pictures were taking so long to download and everything just suddenly froze. I'll try again later today.

    Have a great Monday!

    {{{{ Linda }}}}

    xoxoxoox

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  8. Hiya Brndoutw8tress!

    OMG...I remember those tiny packs of Hello Kitty pencils!! I think they came in a plastic case, right?

    They sorta looked like miniture golf scoring pencils.

    And don't you just LOVE the tail pipe?!? Those are for the REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY big fans of Miss Kitty!

    Barf!

    HA!

    Thanks for dropping by, girl!

    Always great seeing ya!

    Enjoy your week!

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  9. oh, I've seen Hello Kitty VIBRATORS!!!

    I'll have to dig up some images and send them to you- from my home computer. That's one thing I don't want saved on my work computer!

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  10. Hey Chrissy!

    I was SO totally thinking of you when I decided to use that last photo! Being the "Smut Twins" that we are, I knew you'd LOVE it!

    HUBBA-HUBBA!

    HELLOOOOOO Mr. Kitty!

    Be careful though...he may give us Cat Scratch Fever!

    Bwhahahahahahahaha!

    Thanks for dropping by, my friend!

    {{{{{ Chrissy }}}}

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  11. Good Morning Penny!

    Hey listen, I forgot to tell ya...that last photo is a "scratch and sniff", so have fun!

    MEOOOOW!!

    bwhahahahahhaha!

    I do remember the Beanie Baby craze. I worked in a department store while still living in Florida and they had a HUGE table in the kids department covered in Beanie Babys. I never really got into the craze, but just recently one of my dear blogging friends sent me an Elvis Beany Baby Bear and it's freakin' ADORABLE. He has long sideburns and sunglasses, and I swear to god he looks just like ELVIS.

    But dear god I totally hear ya, because I know what it's like to work around something day in and day out and get sick of seeing it - like HELLO KITTY!!!

    Thanks soooooo much for dropping by today, Penny!

    Have an AWESOME day!!!!

    Sincerely,
    Hello Kitty

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  12. Now I appreciate that Hello Kitty is not aimed at my demographic (but just as a precaution I put on my F-off Kitty Jock strap).

    I do however feel it has its place in society. After all with our rush towards the green side and our let's buy things that we don't really need, but can prove our green credentials by recycling mentality. We are in real danger of wiping out the poor house bin. This action will lead directly to the creation of unstable gaps in the land fill sites across the world. The side affect will be far reaching, for example the knock on affect for the local news broadcasters. What will replace those heart warming (snigger snigger) stories that they show of the couples who purchase a winning lottery ticket and accidently, each week, put in the garbage. Instead of swimming through mounds of slimy household waste they will just have to rifle through a small box at the local dump.

    5 seconds into the broadcast "It's OK hunny I found it...."

    News producer - "Ok that's a wrap"

    Hardly riveting stuff

    Now if they were have to wade though piles and piles of Hello Kitty shit - you would have half the population watching and ready to report any actual kitty abuse with the rest of us hiding behind the sofa saying "I can't watch anymore, I'm going to hurl if I see another Hello Kitty full-size plastic sex doll - with its 6 rows* of fully functioning nipples!!!" What do you mean you haven't got them over there yet.... Don't worry it will be coming to one of Kathryn's new sex emporiums soon - Oh no, she didn't tell you she purchased 'that' shop the other day....well that's the kitty well and truly out of the bag....

    great post Ron

    * 8 rows in the deluxe model, which also includes a premium kitty milk pre-warmer facility and back scratch function that actually draws your blood....

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  13. Hello Dianne!

    Siren and Mia want to organize a revolt against this form of cat exploitation but of course they took a nap first.

    HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

    Yes!...I knew it.

    Even though you and I are huge cat lovers, I had a feeling that the whole "Hello Kitty Thing" annoyed you too!

    You and I both know that REAL cats are much more "subtle" than that.

    tee, hee!

    Thanks a bunchs for dropping by today, my cat loving friend!

    Please give a scratch under the chin to Miss Mia and Mr Siren, ok?

    oooo...and a kiss to Miss Hope!

    X ya!

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  14. Hello Isabelle!

    I almost shit when I saw that last photo online.

    It gave me a completely different feeling about "certain things" Hello Kitty!

    MEEEOOOOOW!

    Oh yes, I'm sure they would have Ninja Turtle undies! Just google it and see what comes up.

    Always great seeing ya, Isabelle!

    Happy Monday to you!

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  15. Hola Lora!

    oh, I've seen Hello Kitty VIBRATORS!!!

    OMG...you just gave me a great idea for another post!!!

    I'll await those images!

    Can't wait to come up with a post title!!!!

    Thanks for dropping by, my Philly friend!

    Isn't the weather today Bellissima?

    Ciao!

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  16. Bwhahahahahahaha...BlackLOG!!!!

    Holy shit...you KILL ME!!

    * 8 rows in the deluxe model, which also includes a premium kitty milk pre-warmer facility and back scratch function that actually draws your blood....

    Bwhahahahahahahahaha!

    You're entire comment made me laugh my ass off!

    You really should consider doing "Stand-up Comedy" - even in your writing, you're comedic timing is brilliant!

    but just as a precaution I put on my F-off Kitty Jock strap.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    I need to get me a pair of those too! Maybe Kathryn will sell them in her new emporium shop?!?!

    Thanks for the great Monday morning laugh, buddy!

    Enjoy your day!

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  17. I've never gotten into Hello Kitty stuff, that last photo could change my mind! LOL

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  18. Afternoon Akelamalu!

    You said!

    purrrrrrrrrrrrr.....

    HA!

    Thanks for dropping by, m' dear!

    Hope you're enjoying a great Monday!

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  19. Sadly I don't think I'm going to get the chance to do stand up. Kathryn is already out side the basement door of From the inside...Out - she's screaming :-

    "Little BlackLOG, Little BlackLOG let me come in....

    Not on the hair on your chinny chin chin.....

    Then I'll huff and I'll puff and blow the basement door in...


    Oh No, she's put an axe through the door (that won't wipe off. I hope she doesn't expect me to lose my deposit over that)

    She's peering through (I do wish she'd had shave this morning....)

    "Here's Kathryn"

    Aaaarrrgggg.....It was nice knowing you Ron. If I don't make it tell Mrs B, McG and Mischief that I love them.....

    P.S. glad to entertain. If I survive I'm available for desperate parties, cheap weddings etc....

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  20. Hello again BlackLOG!

    She's peering through (I do wish she'd had shave this morning....)

    OMG...wait until she read that! I may have to censor her comment for extreme profanity!

    Bwhahahahahahaha!

    Thank God you live in the UK. It's a little harder reach you with AXE!

    tee, hee!

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  21. The underwear are only okay if they come with the guy wearing them. Otherwise, they below in the shredder with all of the other crap. Can you imagine actually buying one of those items that requires electricity? I would be afraid of burning my house down. Hello Kitty should have gone to that big cattery up in the sky a long time ago.

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  22. I gotta agree with you on the last one but I'd like to see him OUT of the "Hello! Kitty" undies. :D

    You forgot the Hello! Kitty vibrator, one of which I own, thanks to Babeland. I have to say it's cute and quite a conversation piece.

    I'll send you my idea of Hello! Kitty when I get home.

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  23. Yikes! I finally had to fast-forward through all the rants and curses about the merchandise. I'm sorry you've been through "HelloKittyHell", Ron. If I could only take away your pain somehow...

    But wait! Then I had to wade through all the "Helllooooo, Baby!" rants from the last example.

    Which....by the way....was completely and totally delicious. But what guy...with that kind of...hardware is going to be caught dead in a Hello Kitty design? I mean, besides the model who got paid $200 for that shot?

    I'll give him $210...and he can wear ANYTHING he wants....!

    xoxo Thanks for spreading the loooove, Ron!

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  24. Oh no no no.

    *shudder*

    That, sir, was cruel and unusal punishment!

    You're forgiven of course.
    (But don't do it again......LOLOL)

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  25. When you & Linda start the biz for doggies instead of hello doggies it should be "What's Up, Doggies".
    I also prefer Hello Kitty's opposite who I believe is named Badz Maru & looks like a little, mean penguin sort of creature.

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  26. Hiya Jen!

    Hello Kitty should have gone to that big cattery up in the sky a long time ago.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

    You said it, my friend!

    And you're right, I would only buy the underwear if that guy came with them!!

    The item that cracks me up the most is the sewing machine! WTF? I wonder if it MEOWS as you sew?

    HA!

    Thanks for stopping by, Jen!

    Hope you had a great day!

    MEOW!

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  27. Hey Nitebyrd!

    Oh, me too!!!!

    He looks like he's got a NICE package!

    MEOOOOW!

    Hey, I don't know if you read Lora's comment, but she too mentioned the Hello Kitty vibrator!

    oooo...I bet it purrrr's when you use it!

    HAHAHHAHAHAHAA!

    Always great sharing with ya, Sis!

    Great minds think alike, don't they?

    Enjoy your evening!

    X ya!

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  28. Hello Dear Kathryn!

    Let me tell ya, it was worth surfing through all those HORRIBLE Hello Kitty images to finally find that guy wearing the underwear!!

    And paaaleeese...you'd have to have "hardware" like that in order for the underwear to look THAT good!

    He could wear "Fruit of the Looms" and I'd still say...MEOOOW!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks for dropping by, my wonderfully wild friend!

    Hope you had a FAB day!

    xoxoxox

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  29. Howdy Mel!

    Tee, hee!

    I know, sorry for putting you guys through such Hello Kitty Hell punishment. It was totally cruel of me.

    But I promise...

    ...this is the LAST time I will ever have Hello Kitty on this blog again!

    Goodbye, Hello Kitty!

    Thanks for stopping by, dear lady!

    Hope you had a great day!

    OMG...it's almost HALLOWEEN!!!!

    Yipeee!

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  30. Hellooooo Colette!

    "What's Up, Doggies".

    Yes...THAT IS BRILLIANT!!!!

    Thanks for name! And if we DO go into business...you'll get a big percentage of all sales$$$

    We'll be rich!

    I'm not familar with the character Badz Maru, but I'll google it later this evening. And if he's a penquin I know I'll LOVE him - penguins are one of my favorite little creatures.

    March of the Penguins!

    Always a delight to see ya here, Colette!

    Thank you for sharing!

    Have a wonderful evening, dearest lady!

    X

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  31. oh
    here's me
    with a bad back
    trying to laugh and not moan at the same time...
    I need to buy a pair of those for my son,
    ~evil snicker~
    and make sure they are folded neatly on his bed when the new girl friend comes to visit..
    ~cackle~

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  32. Helloooo Lady Sorrow~

    Great to see ya!

    and make sure they are folded neatly on his bed when the new girl friend comes to visit..

    Oh...you are TOO funny!

    You'll have to stand outside his bedroom door and listen to see if you hear any MEOW sounds coming from his girlfriend!

    Bwhahahahahahahaha!

    So sorry to hear about your bad back, my friend :(

    But, I promise to send you some Reiki tonight, ok?

    {{{{{ Sorrow }}}}}}

    Thanks for dropping by for a some Hello Kitty Satire.

    XO

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  33. hahaha, Ron! I am rollinggggggg!
    I think Elle Woods would shudder!

    My niece loved everything Hello Kitty, but she's now into Sugar Skulls! You see what Hello Kitty can do? The pendulum always swings! :))

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  34. Good Morning Petra~

    Yeah...

    I think I got a little carried away with this post, don't ya think??

    Tee, hee, hee, hee!

    Gosh, so far The Hello Kitty Police Department has not shown up...but, you never know...today might be the day.

    My niece loved everything Hello Kitty, but she's now into Sugar Skulls!

    I've never heard of Sugar Skulls, I'll have to google that today.

    Anyhoo....thanks a bunch for dropping by this morning, Petra - always a pleasure!

    Have a wonderful day!

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  35. LOL Ron!! MEOW!

    I remember countless hours straightening out the damn HK display case in between visits from the vendor... ARG!! Too much crap!

    :)

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  36. Helloooooo Kate!

    OMG...I was just thinking about you yesterday and here you are!!

    Yipee!

    It's so great to see ya, my friend!

    I remember countless hours straightening out the damn HK display case in between visits from the vendor.

    Holy cow...you too worked around Hello Kitty????

    I think you said it perfectly....

    ...too much crap!

    MEOW!

    Thanks for stopping by, Kate!

    Hope you're enjoy Fall in your beautiful part of the world!

    X

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  37. OMG. This is utterly ridiculous! Totally out of control. I want the toaster.

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  38. Hiya Kathy!

    Isn't it INSANE???

    Hey listen, I'll buy the toaster for you if buy me the sewing machine, ok?

    We can have a party at my house while eating toast and jam and make Hello Kitty dresses!

    Bwhahhaaahhahaha!

    Thanks for stopping by, Kathy!

    Always great seeing ya!

    Enjoy your evening!

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  39. Anyone else think that sewing machine looks like a skinned Hello Kitty robot?

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  40. Greetings TattyTiara!

    Anyone else think that sewing machine looks like a skinned Hello Kitty robot?

    Bwhahahhhahahahaha!

    OMG...that is HYSTERICAL!!!

    And you're so right, it does!

    Thanks for sharing on this post!

    Nice to meet you. Please stop by anytime.

    Enjoy your evening!

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  41. Hey listen, I forgot to tell ya...that last photo is a "scratch and sniff", so have fun!

    BWAAAHAHAHAHAAAA.... Oh thank you Ron, I SO needed this belly laugh.

    Now my monitor has smudges all over it from S&S'ing. Small price to pay, it was worth it! ;o)

    Have a fantastic day my friend!
    ~Penny

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  42. Hi Penny!

    ooooo....and doesn't he smell HEAVENLY???

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    So glad you enjoyed him!

    I did too!

    X

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  43. The 3 year old daughter just got her first HK purse. Fortunately, she has not become a brand junkie yet.

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  44. Greetings Slamdunk!

    Welcome! Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing a comment.

    Nice to meet you!

    Hey, you better keep a close watch on the 3 year old because I heard that HK junkism starts with a purse and then gradually moves into shoes, dresses, socks, carpet, drapes, furniture...

    HA!

    Please stop by anytime. You're always welcome here.

    Enjoy your day!

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  45. Ooo Oooo!! I LOVE EEEEEE Hello Kitty.. Guess I'm still a young girl at heart! I really liked ALL of the things you showed but esp. the studded computer and the studs in underwear!! YUM YUM-- HELLLO KITTY... PURRRR PURRRR!!!

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  46. Helloooooo Leesa Kitty!!!

    Don't you LOVE the underwear???

    I wonder if the stud comes with them?

    Bwhahahahahhhaahha!

    Listen, if I someone buys me the laptop computer for Christmas, I'll mail it to you. But you've got to promise me if you ever find the sewing machine in France, you'll swap me for it, ok?

    Thanks for stopping by Leesa!

    ALWAYS so great seeing ya, my friend!

    MEOW,

    Mr. Kitty

    xoxoxo

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  47. I really like when people are expressing their opinion and thought. So I like the way you are writing

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  48. Hello Anonymous!

    Thank you!

    So glad you enjoyed.

    And thank you for stopping by.

    Enjoy your evening!

    ReplyDelete