Dying With Regrets


Just to give you a heads up, I will periodically be posting updates concerning my mother.

Since this is a personal blog, I would like to document some of what my mother, brother and I are walking through, as a way of sharing this experience with not only myself to go back and reread someday, but for you guys as well.

I understand that illness and death makes some people feel uncomfortable to talk about, but I myself have never been uncomfortable about these things because I know they’re inevitable to life. I would rather talk about it and feel the emotions that go with it, than wait until I’m either seriously ill or dying, and then be afraid.

To walk through the experience with someone who is ill and has limited time on this earth is truly an amazing experience, because it teaches you how to live life.

Death is actually a form of birth.

______________

Last week was very difficult for my mother because she was physically and emotionally exhausted. There were a few days, where she could barely muster the energy to talk with me on the phone. At first, we thought she was close to death.

But after a few nights of good sleep, she bounced back like a tennis ball. Her strength was regained and her energy restored. With cancer, there are highs and lows which are to be expected.

One evening, she and I had a very long conversation about dying with regrets.

My mother’s main concern and regret, as I’m sure it is with any parent, is that she was a GOOD mother; giving her children all that was needed.

For some reason, my mother felt as though she could have given her children more because of the choices she made as a parent. She feels as though she should have been more authoritative with my father when it came to making choices in raising us. However, my father had blinders on when it came to facing things. If something made him uneasy, he ignored it by thinking the problem would fix itself. My father was a good man in so many ways, but he didn’t like feeling uncomfortable or being confrontational. So if my mother voiced her opinion and brought a problem to his attention, he ignored it.

Therefore, I said to my mother, “You did everything you could, but if Dad wasn’t going to stand beside you in your choices, then there was nothing that could have been done other than voicing your own opinion. And you tried.”

She wept.

In fact, my mother wept a lot that night we talked on the phone.

And then she apologized to me for crying and for expressing her emotions because she didn’t want to bring me down; making me depressed.

And that’s when I gently, but firming said what I needed to say.

I said....

First, please don’t ever apologize to me for crying or expressing your emotions because it doesn’t bring me down or make me feel depressed at all. In fact, it’s just the opposite. I’m glad you’re letting everything go and getting it off your chest. I would rather you say everything now than leave this earth with regrets concerning your care as my mother.

Second, I need you to listen to me and hear what I’m saying in every fiber of your being.

You are the BEST mother I could ever have.

Not only did you give me everything I needed on a physical level like food, clothing, shelter and an education, but you also gave me everything I needed to be the person I am today. You had the keen sense to know that I was a child who had to learn everything on my own through trial and error – I needed to learn it through experience.

You supported me in anything I ever wanted to do in my life with total encouragement.

You gave me the freedom to spread my wings and fly in the direction I wanted to go, and never held me back.

Yet, you were there whenever I needed your unconditional love, to guide me with words of wisdom through the rough times.

Every choice you and Dad made, whether you feel it was wrong, was not a WRONG choice. Because in the larger scheme of things, every choice you made was the one you were supposed to make, so that I would LEARN something. There is no such thing as a wrong choice, there’s only the choice. And then it’s up to me what I do with it.

Please know that I wouldn’t change a single thing about my childhood because whenever I look back…I only see how much you and Dad loved me.

So I beg of you, don’t regret anything, okay?

She said, “Thank you, Ronnie.”

And I said, "And thank you."

Yes, illness and death are not always comfortable to experience. But if we embrace them and talk openly about it, we will discover a healing.


62 comments

  1. Oh my goodness, Ronnie, this is a wonderful post!! And a healing post too. Thank YOU so much for sharing your thoughts and those of your mom with us. I so wish I had had that opportunity with my own mom. We were not told of her Alzheimer's until it was much too late to ask the questions we would have liked the answers to. Regrets. Yes, that is one of mine. Hope you and your brother are doing well and that your mom is feeling much better this week. It is a tough road. Hang in there my friend...and know that we are all here to support you in any way that we can. Hugs to you!! xo Jeanne

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Ronnie,
    Bless you, my dear friend, for sharing this very poignant conversation
    (((((((((((Ronnie & Mom))))))))))))))))))
    What a most wonderful Mother you have to think about the life and love that she shared with you. We can only do so much humanly possible during a lifetime. How our loved ones respond back to our opinions,feelings and hopes is not always on par. The truth is the love has always been there for you and always be there. That is the only thing that should ever count.
    You are a very fortunate man, Ronnie.
    Wishing you as always, all the best.
    With tons of love
    xoxox

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thankyou for sharing such an emotional time with us Ron. I think it's so important for parents, who are at the end of their life, to know that they did a good job (or not in some cases) so they can learn from 'this life'. My brothers and I spent the last week of my Dad's life holding his hand and the last thing I ever said to him was "You are the best Dad in the world and I love you" and I'm so glad I told him that before he passed. I feel for you Ron, it's a difficult time but your beliefs will get you through. I'm thinking of you my friend. xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. wow ron, very touching post and i can identify with parts of this post being a parent myself. death is so unnatural to me, but we all have to face it every day as we never know what the next few seconds will bring. i am comforted to know it's the opposite of life and the person is sleeping while feeling no pain and sometimes that's a blessing even if a painful pill to swallow.

    "my mother felt as though she could have giving her children more because of the choices she made as a parent"



    TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. we always feel like we can do more, but often times if a parent is trying to be a loving and good parent, then it's a little more than what a child needs even if they don't have as much as others. there are kids who seem to have "everything" and are no more appreciative or better off than those who don't so i try not to beat myself up too much if i come up short sometimes.


    hugs to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have learned a lot by reading your post. I don't have a mother or father but I do have regrets. Maybe I should write about them someday. Your mother is a lovely, warm hearted person and I am so pleased you had this important conversation with her. But you know what I see most? I see strength and I see love... both so profound that I want to cry.


    Have a peaceful week.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Just getting to know you on your blog and hearing about your relationship with her has shown us all what a great mom you have! I'm glad that you are able to have some really good conversations with her and that you both are not afraid to speak so bluntly. XO

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dianne WilsonNovember 12, 2012

    she contributed so so much to supporting the person who could write like this
    that is a major accomplishment
    a blessing for her and you
    and for all of us who know you
    hugs Mom
    and Ronnie too

    ReplyDelete
  8. I just want to hug you both.

    I'm glad you and your mom are having the conversations--for her and for you. There's a letting go process that happens bit by bit when we're afforded the luxury of getting to walk through this with people we love. I've lost parents suddenly, I've lost them with a bit of time. I prefer the time...despite the uncomfortability....I consider it a gift.

    Cancer's like that. It takes from you piece by piece. Sometimes quickly, sometimes not. You have to grab every moment for what it's worth. And it sounds like you both doing that....with a great abundance of love.

    I just wanna hug you both.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, goodness, Ron, this is such a beautiful post. I'm reading it at work now and as soon I'm done with this comment, I'm going to make a mad dash to the men's room and wipe my eyes.

    You make so many excellent points here: "To walk through the experience with someone who is ill and has limited time on this earth, is truly an amazing experience because it teaches you how to live life."
    And...

    "Yes, illness and death are not always comfortable to experience. But if we embrace them and talk openly about it, we will discover a healing."
    I cannot thank you enough for sharing this painful experience with us. After reading about what a wonderful lady your mom is, one of my regrets is not having the chance to meet her in person! But I already know she is a terrific mom--you are living proof of that.
    I'm sending my prayers and best wishes to your family. Take care of yourself, buddy, much love to your mom, and remember I'm always here for you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ron,
    I sit reading this blog for the third time. I have tears running down my face. It is so beautiful and so profound. You have gotten in touch of that inner knowing that life is a treasure and how one lives it is just the way they are suppose to live.
    You have a wonderful teacher in you mother and she has an energy that reaches out from the words you write that enfolds us all in a love that that is comforting and divine. She may have a limit in terms of time here on this plane; but we all do. I admire the love you share with your mother and the gratitude that you display the light that shines from your heart has illuminated all of those who choose to accept it.
    I offer you and your mother and your brother an outreach of love and I would like to thank you for letting us into your soul and the private space that is yours.
    I bend low in respect and send love to all of you.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Good morning Jeanne~

    " I so wish I had had that opportunity with my own mom. We were not told of her Alzheimer's until it was much too late to ask the questions we would have liked the answers to.


    I know Alzheimer's well because my grandfather (my mother's father) had that as well. But I think on some level they "know" whatever it is you're feeling (such as the love you feel for them), so be at peace, dear lady. And have no regrets.


    (((((( You )))))


    Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your supportive words. Muchly appreciated!


    Have a great week!


    X to you and the girlz!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Bonjour Barb~

    "The truth is the love has always been there for you and always be there. That is the only thing that should ever count."



    Exactly. And that's all that matters. That we know in our heart of hearts, that we were loved.


    I feel so blessed to still have time to have these conversations with my mother, so that nothing can go unsaid.


    Thank you so much for stopping by and for your loving support, my friend. Thank you!


    (((((( You ))))))


    Have a wonderful week!


    X to you and D!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Good morning Pearl~

    "I think it's so important for parents, who are at the end of their life, to know that they did a good job (or not in some cases) so they can learn from 'this life'."

    I sooooooooooo agree! I feel so blessed to still have time to have these conversations with my mother, so that nothing can go unsaid.

    "My brothers and I spent the last week of my Dad's life holding his hand and the last thing I ever said to him was "You are the best Dad in the world and I love you" and I'm so glad I told him that before he passed."



    ((((( You )))))


    It was the same with my own father. I had nine days to sit and talk with him before he passed. And not only is it important for them, but for the loved ones as well.


    Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your loving support. Thank you!


    Have a wonderful week, m'dear!
    X

    ReplyDelete
  14. Good morning V Girl~

    "i am comforted to know it's the opposite of life and the person is sleeping while feeling no pain and sometimes that's a blessing even if a painful pill to swallow."

    Amen. "the person is sleeping."

    "then it's a little more than what a child needs even if they don't have as much as others. there are kids who seem to have "everything" and are no more appreciative or better off than those who don't so i try not to beat myself up too much if i come up short sometimes."



    Beautifully stated, girl. And through getting to know you these past several years, I KNOW you're an awesome mom!


    Thank you so much for stopping by and for your support and hugs.


    ((((( You )))))


    Have a terrific week......X

    ReplyDelete
  15. Ron, i cannot adequately express how terribly sorry I am that your family is facing this hardship just now. It sounds as if these tender conversations you and your mommy are sharing are cleansing with the kind of fundamental honesty that only words conveyed with love can offer. Expressing the way in which you value another human is a wonderful way to validate their life. We all want to know that we have made a difference and have left gentle fingerprint impressions on the lives of those we have loved. I am humbly grateful that you are able to share this highly personal and emotional moment. i send a heart full of love to you, your mommy and brother. xo

    ReplyDelete
  16. Good morning Valerie~


    First, thank you so much for your beautiful words, dear lady. Thank you!


    (((((( You )))))


    I find (for me anyway) that if I write everything I'm feeling as I go through a challenging experience (even if I do it just for me), it helps to free space within my mind and heart, allowing me to see things clearer.


    I think we all at one time or another have felt regret. But I've come understand that every choice that we, or someone who is close to us makes, is an opportunity to learn from. We can't always be sure of our choices when we make them, but we can learn from them. So really, there is no need for regret.


    Thank you so much for stopping by, dear lady. Your support and love is muchly appreciated!


    Have a glorious week...X

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hey there Bijoux~


    Thank you.


    (((((( You )))))


    Luckily, my mother is one to speak openly about how she feels, so it makes it easy for her and I to move through things. She's a hit-it-head- on kinda gal!


    Thank you for your support, my friend!


    Have a super week.....X

    ReplyDelete
  18. ((((( Lady Dianne))))


    *smiling*


    Thank you, dearest lady. Thank you!


    Have a wonderful week!


    X and hugs to you, Hope, Siren and Isadora!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hiya Mel~

    "There's a letting go process that happens bit by bit when we're afforded the luxury of getting to walk through this with people we love. I've lost parents suddenly, I've lost them with a bit of time. I prefer the time...despite the uncomfortability....I consider it a gift."

    I do too. I consider it a MAJOR gift because we can have closure.

    "Cancer's like that. It takes from you piece by piece. Sometimes quickly, sometimes not. You have to grab every moment for what it's worth."



    A-men! It really teaches you to live in the moment, doesn't it?


    Thanks oodles for stopping by and for your support, words, hugs, and love. Muchly appreciated, dear lady!


    ((((((( You )))))))


    X

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hey there Rob~

    It was very therapeutic for me to write this post because I was able to embrace all the emotions I was feeling, and then release them. It's taking one step at a time; having faith; then trusting.

    "After reading about what a wonderful lady your mom is, one of my regrets is not having the chance to meet her in person! But I already know she is a terrific mom--you are living proof of that."



    Thank you for your sweet and kind words, buddy. My mother is a feisty dynamo; topped with compassion, softness and love.


    Thanks so much for stopping by and for your prayers, best wishes, and loyal support!


    ((((( You )))))


    Have a super week!
    X

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hey there Diane~

    " It sounds as if these tender conversations you and your mommy are sharing are cleansing with the kind of fundamental honesty that only words conveyed with love can offer."

    Yes, they are. And I'm soooooooooooo grateful that we still have the time to share these conversations so that nothing can go unsaid - for her and for me.

    "Expressing the way in which you value another human is a wonderful way to validate their life. We all want to know that we have made a difference and have left gentle fingerprint impressions on the lives of those we have loved."

    Beeeeeeeeautifully stated!!

    " I am humbly grateful that you are able to share this highly personal and emotional moment."



    And I am humbly grateful to ALL of you for reading with an open heart.


    Thank you so much for stopping by, sharing your loyal support and love!


    ((((((( You )))))))


    Much X to you and Cristybella!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hello there Mr. Dave~

    "You have gotten in touch of that inner knowing that life is a treasure and how one lives it is just the way they are suppose to live."

    Much of that has to do with Reiki. It has guided me through this whole experience (as well as my whole life); supporting me every step of the way.

    "You have a wonderful teacher in you mother and she has an energy that reaches out from the words you write that enfolds us all in a love that that is comforting and divine."

    Thank you for saying that because I will share it with my mother the next time we speak.

    "I offer you and your mother and your brother an outreach of love and I would like to thank you for letting us into your soul and the private space that is yours."



    Bless you, Dave. And thank YOU.


    Your longstanding and loyal friendship means a lot to me.


    (((((( You ))))))


    Have a great week, buddy!
    X

    ReplyDelete
  23. Ron, I can't thank you enough for sharing this experience with us because as we read your words, we learn. I admire you. As you shared, illness and death are not easy to experience, but if we don't embrace them and talk about it, we will never find a healing.


    Every time you speak of your mother, I can feel the beautiful bond you share. And I'm so glad you have the time to share these conversations with each other because nothing will ever go unsaid.


    Know that I am thinking of your mother, brother and you, sharing the love in my heart. Bless you.


    Have a peaceful week, Ron.
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  24. Strong, beautiful, loving, healing words...bless you for sharing your heart as your mother needed it, probably more than anything else.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Hola Denise~

    Being able to share this experience on my blog has been such a wonderful form of therapy because as I write it out, it's like a release. And I'm so grateful to all you guys for embracing it with such openness.

    "Every time you speak of your mother, I can feel the beautiful bond you share."

    It's ironic because even though my mother and I are not biological, we have always had a very special bond, as if we were blood relatives. So it such goes to show that LOVE is what makes the parent.

    "Know that I am thinking of your mother, brother and you, sharing the love in my heart. Bless you."



    Thank you, girl!


    (((((( You ))))))


    Thank you for stopping by and for your support.


    Have a wonderful week!
    X

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hey there Suzi~


    Thank you, my friend. Thank you SO MUCH for your words!


    ((((( You )))))


    Having these conversations with her has been so helpful for the two of us.


    Thank you for your loyal support, Suzi!


    Have a great week.....X

    ReplyDelete
  27. hard conversations, but oh so necessary Ron. That healing will take everyone a long way as life unfolds my friend

    ReplyDelete
  28. Ron, I'm honored and pleased that you're sharing this experience with us on your blog because people need to talk about things such as illness and death. No, they are not pleasant things to go through, but it's a part of the life process for all us, so we might as well share our experiences with others so we lean how to embrace these things together.


    I believe as you, no choice is the wrong choice. It's just the choice we make and how we use it to learn. Even the best choices are not always smooth and easy.


    I know this is challenging for your mother, brother and you to go through but you're doing it with grace. The best to all of you. And keep on sharing, Ron!

    ReplyDelete
  29. On the last Thanksgiving when my mother could talk (about 1.5 years before she died), we went around the table like many familes do, stating what we were thankful for. When it came to her, we all listened carefully, not knowing if she was going to be able to utter words that we could understand. I asked "mom, what are you thankful for?" and clear as day she said "that my kids are good." All adults at 41, 38, and 28, we knew what she meant...that in her entire life, the the thing that she was most thankful for...and wanted to hear...is that her kids were raised well and she was a good mother. Wonderful post. Made me tear up at work - snif.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Ron, You are a wise man my Friend and I know that your Mom is proud of you. Helping her through this process is not easy I know but necessary, we went through this with Cindy's Mom as you know and Cindy was holding her hand when she left this world.


    We knew it was coming and facing it head on really helped, because as you said dying is part of living, and facing the end without turning your head to ignore it sure makes it easier on both the person who is leaving and the people who have to let go.


    We have you all in our Prayers Buddy.

    ReplyDelete
  31. You are dealing with all of this in such a healthy manner. Again, I can't imagine how difficult this all must be especially being so far from her. Stay strong and know that we are all here praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I love that you're sharing this on your blog - it's the stuff of life.


    That was a great gift you gave your mother and one that I know enriches you as well. Regrets are a tough burden. I am a believer in clearing those things up (if possible) while you are alive and I'm glad your Mom is talking about it.


    I worked for a while as the therapist in a terminal illness program at the VA, and regrets were often part of the conversation. But from those talks came growth and redemption and peace, and they were a magical experience for me, too.

    ReplyDelete
  33. *waving*

    Hellooooooooooo Tracy! Great to see ya, girl!

    " I asked "mom, what are you thankful for?" and clear as day she said "that my kids are good." All adults at 41, 38, and 28, we knew what she meant...that in her entire life, the the thing that she was most thankful for...and wanted to hear...is that her kids were raised well and she was a good mother."



    OMG...that brought tears to my eyes. It was so beautiful!


    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing that, Tracy. It really touched me.


    Thank you!


    ((((( You )))))


    Hope you're enjoying this Fall. Have a great week!


    X

    ReplyDelete
  34. Howdy Jimmy~

    "Helping her through this process is not easy I know but necessary, we went through this with Cindy's Mom as you know and Cindy was holding her hand when she left this world."

    Yes, I remember that.

    "We knew it was coming and facing it head on really helped, because as you said dying is part of living, and facing the end without turning your head to ignore it sure makes it easier on both the person who is leaving and the people who have to let go."



    Amen, buddy. Amen.


    And as you shared, it makes it easier on both the person who is leaving and the people who have to let go. Closure.


    Thanks a bunch for stopping by, Jimmy. And thank both you and Cindy for your prayers. Muchly appreciated!


    X to you and Miss Cindy!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Hiya Jen~

    For me, there is no other way to deal with this other than to embrace it. It's sad at times for sure, but talking and feeling it through, really does help to make the transition easier.

    "Again, I can't imagine how difficult this all must be especially being so far from her."



    I'm in constant contact with my mother and brother, getting updates daily. In the meantime, I send LOTS of Reiki to my mother; believing that it helps.


    Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your support and prayers. I really appreciate that, my friend. Have a fab week!


    (((((( You )))))))

    X

    ReplyDelete
  36. Hey there Secret Agent Woman~

    "I love that you're sharing this on your blog - it's the stuff of life."

    Thank you. And yes, I agree...it's the stuff of life, so why not share it?

    " Regrets are a tough burden. I am a believer in clearing those things up (if possible) while you are alive and I'm glad your Mom is talking about it."

    Both she and I felt so much better after our conversation. I'm so glad to have had that moment with her.

    ".....and regrets were often part of the conversation. But from those talks came growth and redemption and peace, and they were a magical experience for me, too."



    Amen.


    Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your supportive, insightful and compassionate words, my friend. Muchly appreciated.


    Have a wonderful week!


    ((((( You )))))


    X

    ReplyDelete
  37. A very touching post and especially poignant at this time in my life. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Hey there Lowell~

    Thank you, buddy.

    I know you're going through the same thing right now, so we're going through this together.

    My thoughts, prayers and support are with you!

    ((((( You ))))

    Thanks so much for stopping by. Have a wonderful week!
    X

    ReplyDelete
  39. Oh Ron. I love you. And your such an amazing son. What a powerful conversation with your mother, it literally brought tears to my eyes.

    Sending good vibes and many prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Thank you, Meleah!

    ((((((( You ))))))

    I know that you understand because you've been through this within the past year with both your grandparents.

    Thank you so much for your good vibes and prayers!

    X ya bunches, girl!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Herman TurnipNovember 12, 2012

    As I type this I'm watching Tyler and mommy playing in the living room, Tyler laughing as mommy does funny things for his benefit. And then I think how difficult it would be leave this all behind. I'm sure you're mother is going through something similar (but I can only hazard a guess, honestly). I'm sure she still sees you as her "little boy", and she's doing the best she can to prepare not only herself, but you as well, for the trials coming up. She sounds like one heck of a woman, and you're lucky to have somebody like that to call "mom".


    We're in your corner, Ron. Please let us know if you need anything from us!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Thank you, Herman!

    Your comment touched me deeply.

    "I'm sure she still sees you as her "little boy", and she's doing the best she can to prepare not only herself, but you as well, for the trials coming up."



    As you know from previous posts, I never got the chance to share this kind of quality time with my birth mother before she passed away, so this has been such a blessing for me. I'm grateful that my stepmother is so open to sharing her thoughts and feelings because it brings closure.


    Thank you so much for stopping by and lending your loyal support. The really means a lot to me.


    Have a super week, buddy!


    X to you, Karin, and Mr. Tyler!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Beautifully put Ron. You said everything you needed to say to your mother. She is lucky to have you as a son and you are lucky to have her as a mother. Wish I had been able to say those things to my father.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Good morning Bill~

    Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words.

    I feel very blessed in having two wonderful mothers, my birth mother and my stepmother.

    "Wish I had been able to say those things to my father."



    I honestly believe on a higher level that your father always knew what you wanted to say him. So be at peace, my friend.


    Thanks for stopping by. Hope you're having a super week!


    X to you and Paul!

    ReplyDelete
  45. I had that type of conversations with my mother also. She needed to say something and it helped me understand something about myself. No matter how short, these conversations are the most meaningful we'll have.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Hey there Babs~

    "I had that type of conversations with my mother also. She needed to say something and it helped me understand something about myself."

    Yes, exactly! Through sharing these conversations, we learn something about ourselves.

    "No matter how short, these conversations are the most meaningful we'll have."

    Amen! And the ones we'll always remember.

    Thank you so much for stopping and sharing on this post, my friend. You've added much!

    ((((( You )))))

    X to you and Mo!

    ReplyDelete
  47. Dammit, Ron. This made me tear up a little. If there is a silver lining to the dying process, it is this: at least your mother is able to come to terms with her life and say those things she wants/needs to get off her chest. It sure beats passing away suddenly and without warning (at least from an emotional standpoint).



    You're a great person, and she is lucky to have had you. In fact, it sounds like you're lucky to have each other.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Hiya Mark~

    "If there is a silver lining to the dying process, it is this: at least your mother is able to come to terms with her life and say those things she wants/needs to get off her chest. It sure beats passing away suddenly and without warning (at least from an emotional standpoint)."



    Perfectly and beautifully stated, buddy! And I feel so blessed to have this time with her to talk about it.


    Thank you so much for stopping by and for your touching words and support. Muchly appreciated!


    Have a faaaaaaaaabulous week!


    X to you and Tara!

    ReplyDelete
  49. This had me catch my breathe. This is extremely touching! I am sorry your family is going through such a rough time. This is such an amazing post though because I think we all feel this way on some level no matter how close to death we are. Regrets are something we should never live our lives with so when it comes close to death we absolutely dont want to have any. You are an amazing son and your mother is lucky to have you by her side!

    ReplyDelete
  50. Hey there Shae~

    " I think we all feel this way on some level no matter how close to death we are. Regrets are something we should never live our lives with so when it comes close to death we absolutely dont want to have any."



    Amen, girl! I'm someone who doesn't really believe in regrets because as long as I learn from any of the choices I make, it's never a mistakes; therefore there is nothing to regret.


    Thank you so much for stopping by and for sharing your insight, support and kind words. Muchly appreciated!


    ((((( You )))))


    Have a super week!
    X

    ReplyDelete
  51. Oh Ron. Reading the title I knew I would be moved to tears. Your mother has said so many things I have FELT. I feel like you and I are in a room alone together and you are telling me these things... I am so glad you are able to talk about life and death, about happiness, sadness, regrets and joys. I learn quite a lot from you. You make me laugh and you make me cry and most of all you make me smile. XXXOOO

    ReplyDelete
  52. Hiya Katherine~


    Thank you, my friend. Thank you so much.


    ((((( You )))))


    Your beautiful and supportive words touched me deeply.


    I feel so fortunate to have a mother who has always been willing to talk about things that might be uncomfortable, but has the courage to talk about them anyway. It's made moving through this experience easier.


    Hope you're having a wonderful week!


    X

    ReplyDelete
  53. How blessed you are to have this time to say all the things you want and need to say to each other. My mom died of cancer when she was 54 and I was only 23. We had just come out of some turbulent years with each other and I was also fortunate to have some time to appreciate her as an adult, though not nearly enough for all the crapped I heaved upon her before. I'm afraid I still have many regrets.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Hey there Jayne~

    Thank you. And yes, I do feel very blessed to have this time with my mother.

    "We had just come out of some turbulent years with each other and I was also fortunate to have some time to appreciate her as an adult, though not nearly enough for all the crapped I heaved upon her before. I'm afraid I still have many regrets."



    I truly believe that on a very deep level, your mother understood how much you truly loved her because it was the same for me and my father. We didn't have as nearly a close relationship as my mother and I have, but within the last 9 days of his life we both bonded in tender silence. There were no words needed because our love spoke between the two of us.


    Thank you so much for stopping my, dear lady. And for sharing your support.


    ((((( You )))))

    X

    ReplyDelete
  55. Beautifully expressed post, Ron. I know this has to be very hard for your mother, brother and you, but as I read your words I can tell that you're all moving through this experience with amazing grace.

    Thank you for having the courage to share this with us.

    Know that you have my prayers and thoughts with you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Hiya Robert~

    I cannot thank you enough for your comment, buddy. I feel so grateful to have all you ladies and gents here; supporting my family and I through your words, prayers and love. It has truly been a HUGE help in moving through this experience.

    THANK YOU!

    Hope you're having a great week and much thanks for stopping by!

    ((((( You )))))

    X

    ReplyDelete
  57. Ron, I had to get a tissue for this post. It pulled at my heart with it's pure and beautiful honesty.

    Your mother is such a treasure. And I know that you do treasure her and that you always will.



    I've thought about my time on earth and hope that I won't have regrets, but I fear that I will. I'm only human. So I understand how your mom feels. I'm glad you were able to tell her that you are happy and that she made the right choices and she can feel at ease during this transition. I think that's important.


    I wish more people weren't afraid to talk about these things. As you said, death is a part of life. And every one of us will experience both. But maybe because death is so permanent and unknown...it makes people afraid.


    I've had discussions with my boys about my death (even though I want to live to be a hundred) because I don't want anything left unsaid or for them not to know what I want when the time comes. Perhaps "their" generation will be more open. Maybe "our" generation gave them that. And we can thank people like your mom for that. Because without people like her, you and I wouldn't be comfortable enough with ourselves to do that!


    Thank you for sharing your experience with us, Ron. It must be very difficult but I'm sure in a way, it's also comforting.


    ((YOU))

    ReplyDelete
  58. Hey there Pam~

    " As you said, death is a part of life. And every one of us will experience both. But maybe because death is so permanent and unknown...it makes people afraid."

    I think you hit the nail on the head, my friend. It makes people afraid because death is so permanent and unknown. Yet, but sharing the process of death with one another (for me anyway), it makes the experience easier to heal through, because we don't feel so alone as we walk through it with one another.

    "Perhaps "their" generation will be more open. Maybe "our" generation gave them that. And we can thank people like your mom for that. Because without people like her, you and I wouldn't be comfortable enough with ourselves to do that!"

    Stunningly stated. And I soooooooo agree!

    "t must be very difficult but I'm sure in a way, it's also comforting."



    Yes, it is comforting to not only talk about it, but to also have wonderful people like you and others here, supporting me through this.


    Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your BEAUTIFUL comment. You're a sweetheart!


    (((((( You )))))))


    Hope you're having a fantabulous week!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  59. This post is so touching, I'm sorry I did not read this earlier as I wasn't feeling well for the past few weeks. I'm glad that your mother had this conversation with you before she passed away. When my father passed away more than ten years ago, I was filled with regret; I wasn't prepared and never expected it.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Hello Abu~


    Sorry to hear you haven't been feeling well. I do I hope you're feeling better.


    I think it's very hard when someone you know dies unexpectedly (especially a family member) because it's so sudden; without having the chance to say goodbye.


    I had the same thing happen to me with my birth mother. She passed away when I was very young and never had the chance to have closure. But I did eventually find peace within myself. It took some time, but I did find peace and closure.


    Thank you for stopping by, Abu.

    ReplyDelete

I moderate all comments before publishing. Thank you for stopping by.