Monday, September 09, 2019

No Matter How Many Years Pass, 9/11 Still Affects Me To My Core

Even though 18 years have passed, 9/11 still rocks me to my core.

I can't tell you how many documentaries I've watched about the events that took place that day in which I will sit there and cry from the depths of my soul for all those people who lost their lives on that day. And not only at The World Trade Center, but also the Pentagon and those onboard Flight 93 that went down in Shanksville, PA. 

However, I think because I have such a strong and loving bond with New York City, I feel the most emotional whenever I'm there at the 9/11 Memorial.

As September 11 approaches, I always feel my heart reaching out to the family members and friends of those who died that day in an effort to take away their pain. I can't even begin to imagine how they felt, and still feel 18 years later. But I'm absolutely sure that their loss and pain returns as if it were yesterday.

I also believe that even for those of us who were not directed affected by 9/11, we were, because we're all interconnected. We share the loss. And we share the pain.    

Today, I would like to share a post that I published on this blog almost 10 years ago. Some of my longtime readers may have already read it. But this is the post I always go back and read each year at this time because it was the one and only time I had been to the top of The World Trade Center.

And sadly, my last.

The photographs you'll see in the post were taken on that day. I took the first one of the Twin Towers from a ferry boat. The second photo of my ex-boss and I on the observation deck was taken by one of her family members.

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Memories of The World Trade Center

Sunday night I decided to take down a box of loose old photographs that were on the top shelf of my closet and try to organize them in some way.

So, here I sat on my apartment floor with years and years worth of memories lying all around me; having flashbacks.

I found several photos that I had completely forgotten about when I first moved back to Philadelphia in 2001 and had met up with my ex-boss from Florida in Manhattan for the day. She was there visiting with some family members, but wanted to do some sightseeing with me because she knew I had once lived there and was familiar with the city.

What I’m about to share with you is unreal, yet very real. I should start by telling you that I am extremely sensitive to energy. I have always been able to sense energy on a deep level; therefore if something is happening or is about to happen, while many people may not necessarily feel it, I often do.

I moved to New York City in 1974, a year after The World Trade Center opened. But because I’m not too terribly fond of heights, I never visited the towers during the five years I lived there. So, needless to say, I was a little apprehensive when my ex-boss suddenly suggested that we all go to the top for a glorious view of Manhattan.

Amazingly enough, once I got up there I was not as frightened as I thought I would be. In fact, when we got outside on the observation deck we both started laughing because she was the one who began freaking out about the height, and yet, I on the other hand felt surprisingly okay.

Between seeing the various exhibitions and walking outside on the deck, we were there for about 40 minutes.

Now, here is the unreal, yet real part….

As we were waiting to get on an elevator to go back down, I suddenly felt myself begin to panic. I had no rational idea why I was feeling this way, but I could sense some sort of horrendous pandemonium going on around me, when in fact, everything around me at that moment was calm and peaceful.

It felt as if I was experiencing two different things simultaneously.

I could see that everything was obviously perfectly fine, but I could also feel (sense) something else happening at the same time.

When I closed my eyes, I could hear and see the shadows of people in chaos. It was like watching a movie on a huge planetarium screen that surrounded me.

I turned to my ex-boss and said, “Can I ask you something? Do you feel this building vibrating and shaking?”

She said, “No.”

I said, “Well, I do.”

Now, I realize that the Twin Towers were constructed to sway with the wind for flexibility, but this was not just a swaying I was feeling, it was a definite vibration and shaking.

I started to sweat profusely and felt like I was going to faint.

She looked at me and said, “Are you alright, Ron? You’re as white as a ghost.”

Because her two young nephew’s were standing close by, I didn't want to frighten them by making a big deal about how I was feeling, so I quietly said to her, “Just get me the hell out of here because I feel like I’m going to flip out.”

As soon as the elevator doors opened I ran in and started to quietly mumble, “Ok everyone…hurry, hurry, get in, hurry, let's go, move.” When the elevator eventually reached the lobby floor, I felt my entire body sigh with relief and couldn't get out of the elevator fast enough.

And I can remember this now as if it occurred yesterday. As we walked through the exit doors, something made me turn around and look straight up at the towers.

And when I did, I had the most unsettling feeling.

This experience happened to me in late July of 2001.

A month and a half later, the attacks happened.

It was not until almost a year later, did I even recall having this experience.

And wondered…...

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Remembering those lost...

...with love.

*Above photo: Robert Peraza, who lost his son Robert David Peraza, pauses at his son's name at the North Pool of the 9/11 Memorial at the site of the World Trade Center.