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According to a google search I did today, BATS have the keenest sense of hearing of any land animal.

So I guess if I was a bat, that would be a wonderful thing.

But I’m not…I’m a human being with a bats' sense of hearing.

My ears are so sensitive, that I can literally hear a cotton ball hit the floor.

Once, I even heard a moth pass gas….pfft!

I often ask myself, “What in tarnation am I doing living in a noise polluted city??”

(I’ll let you know when I come up with an answer)

Let me just explain a little of what I have to endure…

First of all, I live in a high-rise apartment building on the 21st floor. I use to live on the 12th floor, but decided that it would be a much better idea if I got even higher off the ground, so I could have more peace and quiet.

But I forgot something very important…sound travels UP!

(I must have been sleeping in high school during Science class)

Where I live is extremely convenient for city life. I’m close to the subway station, buses, and train station. I’m also within two blocks from work. There is every restaurant, bar, night-club, hospital, and retail store imaginable. I can literally step out my door and walk to wherever I need to go.

This all sounds GREAT doesn’t it?

The key word here is: SOUNDS.

Let’s start with the hospital, which is only two blocks away and has a helicopter landing pad on the roof.

Uh-huh…!

Sometimes at night, I just close my eyes and imagine myself as “Radar” on the TV show MASH.

And when the helicopter’s aren’t landing…the paramedic trucks are flying past my building with their sirens on the highest volume possible. I’ve even been talking to someone on the phone, long distance, and they’ll ask me to turn the television volume down; thinking I'm watching reruns of ER.

Next…we have the hotel across the street, which has a four level parking garage that faces my windows. And when the car alarms go off EVERY night…the sound blends so beautifully with the noise coming from the sirens and helicopters.

(it’s total tranquility)

Next…we have three night clubs that surround my apartment building. And at 2AM when they close, and all the screaming, inebriated drunk people come out on the street…it’s like MUSIC to my ears. One night I got up and looked out the window, because I actually thought there was a riot going on.

Ok, let’s see….what else?

Oh, yea…each year we have the seasonal St. Patrick’s Day Parade, Mummers Day Parade, Jazz Fest, and any other Fest that you can think of, which happens only ONE block away from me and goes on from morning till night.

But my all -time favorite…is a gentleman, who stands on the street corner every evening, and plays the trumpet from early Spring to late Fall. And the worst part, is that his repertoire consists of only two songs.

The Pink Panther theme.

And the theme from Rocky.

Do you have any idea how much I fantasize about taking a SLING SHOT and sending a ROCK headed straight for the BELL of his trumpet and screaming…

“YO’ ADRIAN…SHUT THE HELL UP!”

Now in order to cover up some of this noise when I sleep, I use one of those Sound Machines at night. My brother, in his infinite wisdom bought it for me years ago before I ever moved back into the city. And when he got it for me I thought, “What the heck am I suppose to use this for?”

All I can say is... “Thanks bro!”

And you know…maybe I should try a nice pair of ear muffs…

Have a great weekend, everyone!