Monday, May 04, 2009

A Haircut and a B.J.

Upon graduating cosmetology school, my first job was working at a Regis hairstyling salon in a local mall.

There are two advantages to beginning your hair career in a mall salon. One, is that you can immediately start practicing your new found skills, and two, you can build a clientele rather quickly because of mall traffic.

Starting off as a licensed cosmetologist is sort of like jumping into the deep end of a swimming pool without your water wings - you only just begin to learn, through trial and error.

Most cosmetologists will tell you that it takes a good solid year to build your confidence in the art of hair.

Part of my job at Regis involved apprenticing along side of a senior hair stylist, doing things such as: shampooing his clients, rinsing perms and color, prepping his clients for haircuts, refilling shampoo and conditioner bottles, and doing his dirty towel laundry. Basically, it was being a SLAVE to an arrogant diva hairstylist, who was under the delusion that he could SHIT Haagen-Dazs ice cream with chocolate sprinkles on top.

(good heavens....did I just say that?)

Also, I was required to answers the phones and make appointments in between doing my own walk-in clients.

I remember an incident that happened while covering the appointment desk one morning, in which I embarrassingly not only put both my feet in my mouth, but also both hands. I guess I had either drank a little too much coffee that morning or had been preoccupied thinking about the adult film (Dick the Plumber) that I had watched the night before, but this is how it went....

Rrrrrrring.....

"Hi, thank you for calling Regis. This is Ron, how can I help you?"

She said, "Hi, yes...I've never been there before, but I would like to see if I could make an appointment today to get my hair cut and blown dry."

"Sure...any particular time you're looking at?"

"Anytime after 3:00 would be good."

"Ok...how about 3:30?"

"3:30 would be perfect."

"Great...your name please...?"

"Mary Smith."

"Phone number?"

"It's...555-5252."

"Ok, Mary...just to let you know that I'm scheduling your appointment with me today."

"Wonderful Ron, I look forward to meeting you...thank you, bye!"

"Wait! Wait! Wait!...let me just confirm this to make sure we both have the appointment time correct."

"Ok, sure"

"Alright...I have Mary Smith at 555-5252, at 3:30...for a haircut and a blow job."

*pause*

"um...no...just a haircut will be fine...I won't be needing a blow job."