A Haircut and a B.J.

Upon graduating cosmetology school, my first job was working at a Regis hairstyling salon in a local mall.

There are two advantages to beginning your hair career in a mall salon. One, is that you can immediately start practicing your new found skills, and two, you can build a clientele rather quickly because of mall traffic.

Starting off as a licensed cosmetologist is sort of like jumping into the deep end of a swimming pool without your water wings - you only just begin to learn, through trial and error.

Most cosmetologists will tell you that it takes a good solid year to build your confidence in the art of hair.

Part of my job at Regis involved apprenticing along side of a senior hair stylist, doing things such as: shampooing his clients, rinsing perms and color, prepping his clients for haircuts, refilling shampoo and conditioner bottles, and doing his dirty towel laundry. Basically, it was being a SLAVE to an arrogant diva hairstylist, who was under the delusion that he could SHIT Haagen-Dazs ice cream with chocolate sprinkles on top.

(good heavens....did I just say that?)

Also, I was required to answers the phones and make appointments in between doing my own walk-in clients.

I remember an incident that happened while covering the appointment desk one morning, in which I embarrassingly not only put both my feet in my mouth, but also both hands. I guess I had either drank a little too much coffee that morning or had been preoccupied thinking about the adult film (Dick the Plumber) that I had watched the night before, but this is how it went....

Rrrrrrring.....

"Hi, thank you for calling Regis. This is Ron, how can I help you?"

She said, "Hi, yes...I've never been there before, but I would like to see if I could make an appointment today to get my hair cut and blown dry."

"Sure...any particular time you're looking at?"

"Anytime after 3:00 would be good."

"Ok...how about 3:30?"

"3:30 would be perfect."

"Great...your name please...?"

"Mary Smith."

"Phone number?"

"It's...555-5252."

"Ok, Mary...just to let you know that I'm scheduling your appointment with me today."

"Wonderful Ron, I look forward to meeting you...thank you, bye!"

"Wait! Wait! Wait!...let me just confirm this to make sure we both have the appointment time correct."

"Ok, sure"

"Alright...I have Mary Smith at 555-5252, at 3:30...for a haircut and a blow job."

*pause*

"um...no...just a haircut will be fine...I won't be needing a blow job."



34 comments

  1. omg Ron that was funny

    its a good thing you were on the phone so she could see you go red.

    there have been times I have wanted a blow dry but all I could mange in my mind was the words 'blow job' I just couldn't summons the word 'dry' to mind so I try to avoid saying anything when that happens.

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  2. OMG!! I can't stop laughing!!!

    That's hysterical! Thank you. What a great way to start my day. :-)

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  3. *laughing laughing laughing!!!!!*

    I might haffta steal that line about Haagen Dazs-- shhhhhhh..LOL

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  4. OMG, that is just toooooo funny!!!

    Hey, it's a good thing you didn't work for Tabitha Coffey!! Talk about Diva. Well, she's pretty tough but has quite a career so I guess she CAN be. Have you ever seen that show, Salon Takeover?

    If I was the 'Mary' that came in for my appt. with you.... when it was all finished I would have said something like ... 'you didn't give me that blowjob you mentioned, so make sure you take it off the bill' ... LOL

    Have a marvey fab week neighbor.

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  5. Oh, man! Did you REALLY say that on the phone? Your cosmetology career either died at that moment, or TOOK OFF! Great post!

    EFH

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  6. Oh Boy did you put your foot in it! LOL

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  7. OMG I have tears in my eyes! I can always count on you to put a smile on my face first thing in the morning!

    I would have been much more brazen than Ms. Smith and held you to what you scheduled me for! *wink*

    Have a beautiful day, Ron.

    xoxo
    ~vk~

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  8. Dear Ron: You have been tagged. Please visit my blog.

    Best,

    ExpatFromHell

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  9. lol, did the client ever show up? I know I would have hesitated to come :P

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  10. Aloha Debi!

    Oh yes I DID!!!

    Scouts Honor!

    Thanks for stopping by Deb!

    Have an awesomes Monday!!

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  11. Mornin'Lady in Red!

    The funny about this...is that SHE was the one who LAUGHED first!

    She was such a good sport about it!

    After I said it...I wanted to DIE!

    But it was TOO late!?#!?

    Everytime I have to say "blow dry" I ALWAYS think about this time!!!

    GREAT seeing ya, Lady!

    Thank you for stopping by!

    Have WONDERFUL day!

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  12. Mornin' Chrissy!

    Last night before I published this post, I went online and googled "blow job" and when the banana photo came up I thought..."Thank you God!"

    Have an AWESOME day, sweet lady!

    Thanks for dropping by!

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  13. Howdy Mel!

    Go for it!!!!

    Back in the 70's the guy that use to be my partner would always use the phrase....

    ..."Shit Carvel Ice Cream"

    But since it's now 2009, I thought "Haagen-Dazs" would be more appropriate.

    tee, hee!

    Have a FAB day, dear Mel!

    Thank you for dropping by!

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  14. Hellooooo Crystal Chick!

    bwhahahahahahaha!

    OMG...that would have been a FAAABULOUS come-back line for her to have said to me!!!

    BRAVA M!

    No...I've never seen that show. Then of course...I BARELY watch any TV, so I don't even know what's on, but it sound really interesting.

    The guy I apprenticed was SUCH the DIVA - you'd think he invented PERMS!

    ALWAYS great seeing ya, M!

    Have a marvi fab week too!

    Don't you LOVE this sudden change in the weather?? Is it Spring or Fall????

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  15. Hey Expat!

    Yes sir...I truly did!

    And after that...I was known throughout Florida as the B.J. Stylist!

    bwhahahahahahaha!

    GREAT seeing ya, bud!

    Hope you had a wonderful Birthday!

    Enjoy your day!

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  16. Mornin' Akelamalu!

    My FOOT, HANDS, ARMS, and LEGS!

    My faced turned the color of a TOMATO!

    Thank god she had a great sense of humor!

    Thanks for dropping by m' dear!

    Have a great day!

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  17. Hi Vixen Kitten!

    She was SOOO cool about it...

    ...as soon as I said it, she immediately knew how to break the ice and went with it.

    Thank you for dropping by, dear one!

    And a beautiful day to you, too!

    XOXO

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  18. Hello again Expat!

    Thank you so much, budddy...I'll stop by your blog later today to check it out, but I don't participate in tags.

    It's something I've never done since I've been blogging.

    Thanks again, though!

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  19. Helloooo Tellie!

    Yes...she did show up and we both laughed about my B.J. remark.

    I'm so grateful that she was a VERY cool lady and actually enjoyed it!

    Always great seeing ya, Tellie!

    Thanks a bunch for dropping by.

    Enjoy your day!

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  20. The funny thing is, Ron, there are plenty of hair stylists, massage parlors, and nail salons which do offer "advanced" menus to back room customers. Regis, of course, was never one of them, but we can't fault your entrepreneurial spirit in trying to expand the services.

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  21. Hahaha!! Too funny, Ron.

    After a bad haircut experience, I made a comment to my sis while we were in the middle of a department store...

    "It was awful! She didn't even blow me properly."

    I somehow left out the 'dry' part of blow dry. Judging by the looks of 2 customers and a salesperson, I can safely assume they weren't on the same page as I was.

    Cheers,

    - R

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  22. Hey MVD!

    YOU ARE TOOOO FUNNY, MAN!

    Yes...and I think it's what's know as the "advanced happy ending technique."

    bwhahahahahaha!

    Always great seeing ya!

    Enjoy your evening!

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  23. Howdy Roberto!

    See!...what did I tell ya?

    I'm glad to hear that someone else did the same thing!

    The slip-up is easy to do, isn't it?

    Well...at least the 2 customers and the salesperson had something to "invision" for the day!

    hahahahahaha!

    Thanks so much for dropping by, Roberto!

    Cheers!

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  24. Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

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  25. Howdy Mr. Jeff~

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thanks for stopping by, bud!

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  26. Hee hee crazy guy!
    Have a great week, BB

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  27. That was really funny!! How grow from blow jobs to wind bags.

    Have wonderful day


    Mr. Conair

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  28. Bonjour Brigitte!

    Don't I have a dirty mind?

    tee, hee!

    Always so nice seeing ya!

    Have a great week too!
    X

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  29. Hi Mr. Conair!

    tee, hee, hee, hee, hee....


    Thanks for "blowing" by today!

    Have a wonderful day, bud!!!

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  30. Ronnie...hahahaha....hehehehe...hahahaha. Now that is comedy!

    That post rocked. I wish I lived by you...I'd pay you to be my hair consultant. After all after a $400 hair appointment one should at least be offered a blow job as well. hehehe. Ronnie you are the best.
    ***
    I've had people call me at work and I just answered the phone with...hello.

    The caller: "Who is this?

    Me: "ooo, I love games. How many quesses do I get and do you give hints?"

    The caller: "Who the hell is this?"

    I saw she was serious.

    me: "Lady if you don't know who you are why would you expect me to know who you are."

    She cursed me out and hung up on me.

    Me..."Mother?"

    hehehe.

    Ciao sweetie. :D

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  31. Dear Miss Jones!!!!!!

    Woo! Woo! Woo! YOU'RE BACK!!!

    I saw that you had posted on my google reader this morning and was stopping by later this evening to say Hola!!!

    How was your vacation/tour?

    Can't wait to hear.

    OMG...please don't tell me you paid $400.00 for a hair appointment?? Shit...that should have not only come with a "blow job", but complete intercourse too!!

    bwhahahahhaahha!

    I LOVED your answer to the woman on the phone!

    And it's funny, because I answered the phone a few times at work the same way!?!?..."Hello"...thinking I was at home!

    Duh!

    So great to see ya, back Miss J.!

    I'll be dropping by in a little bit!

    Ciao bella

    X

    Respectfully,
    Mr. B.J.

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  32. (good heavens....did I just say that?)-yep, you said that......

    my goodness ronnie, have you ALWAYS been this way????

    what a crack up although i would have hung up... lol ;)
    xoxox

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  33. Hi Linda!

    Yes, my dear...I've always been this way!

    INSANE!!!!

    hahahahahaha!

    Great seeing ya, Linda!

    Thanks for dropping by!

    XO

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