Farewell Dear Alarm Clock

Well….a terrible tragedy has fallen upon me.

My faithful and loyal alarm clock of 16 years… died of heart failure.

I desperately tried doing some CPR, but had no success. I watched, as it’s red digital glow gradually got weaker and weaker until it flatlined and then went black.

And you have no idea how upsetting this was to me.

At first, I couldn’t even throw it away. I kept it on my nightstand for a two days thinking that maybe it would suddenly resurrect from the dead.

You see, this clock had been specifically handpicked for it’s alarm sound.

Now you may find this a little OCD, but I probably spent close to an hour going through every single clock in Radio Shack, testing the alarms until I found the perfect sound that would not wake me up by suddenly JARRING me out of a morning sleep.

I’m one of those people who is not fond of A.M., so I need to greet the world very gently when I first wake up. And gently to me is not being awaken by a clock alarm that sounds as if my head is stuck inside Big Ben GONGING nine times over London Bridge.

Nor is it fun to be awaken by an offensive clock alarm that sounds like an army drill sergeant screaming….“GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED, PRIVATE…MOVE IT…MOVE IT!!!”

I mean have you ever heard some of the heinous sounds that come out of certain alarm clocks?

When I was a kid, I had one of those deafening wind-up clocks that not only TICKED like a time bomb, but every time the alarm went off…it sounded like a catholic school fire drill.

I’m a very light sleeper with sensitive ears, so all I require is a cotton ball hitting the floor to wake me up.

The clock that passed away had the perfect alarm sound. It was a very low and gentle beeping noise that woke me up calmly and peacefully.

It was such a dear, sweet friend, who I will miss more than Sex and the City.

However, I finally concluded that it was time to come of out mourning and purchase a new one. So, one day while I was in Rite Aid I noticed that they were having a sale on alarm clocks. Now the only drawback was that I was unable to test the alarm sounds because they were prepackaged. But I decided to take a chance on one of them; praying that the alarm sound would be something I could deal with.

And guess what?

I fuckin' HATE it!




Ka-Boom!

37 comments

  1. My deepest condolences, Sir Ron.
    I don't use those things because I don't trust the occasional nano-second power glitch that will cause the microwave clock and it to flash and need to be reset. If it happens at night, forget about waking up at 7am (see, I too, curse the mornings!)
    My cel is my alarm clock now. On really bad mornings, it gets thrown across the room sometimes but it still works! Ah, gotta love a basic tiny no frills cheap Motorola...takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!

    ReplyDelete
  2. what's up mr. funny man. i know how you feel about clocks waking you up and scaring the poop out of you. now i wake up to guitar strums, but before that i had beeps, but not the loud, cheap beeps, but the soft kind.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hate being woken up by jarring noise too Ron, so I have a Lumie Sunrise Alarm Clock which simulates sunrise starting half an hour before the actual alarm goes off. In the five years I've had it the alarm has only gone off twice as the gentle sunrise wakes me up. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, you poor thing......

    And may your clock rest peacefully in alarm clock heaven. It served you well....

    I have a progressive 'beeping' alarm...starts out low and gets a bit more insistant--though I rarely hear the darn thing, truth be told.
    Gosh. I can't remember the last time it actually went off....

    It's that darn internal alarm. Or--that blessed internal alarm. I guess it all depends on how you look at it.

    How do you feel about another wander around Radio Shack? :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Aloha Debi!

    Thanks for your condolences.

    ...Motorola...takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!....

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    It's funny you mentioned using your cell as your alarm clock, because my boss does the same thing!! In fact, when my clock died I just so happen to mention it to her while we were talking on the phone, and she "Just use your cell, Ron!"...and then quickly added, "Oh, that's right, you don't have one!!!"

    She think's I'm insane for not having a cell phone - HA!

    Thanks for dropping by, Deb!

    Hope you're having a great day!

    Love to you and Mama!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hiya Valerie!

    OMG...guitar strums!? Now THAT I would love!

    Isn't it awful to be awaken by some LOUD and HIDEOUS alarm sound??

    Yeah, you said it perfectly...it scares the POOP of a ya!

    HA!

    Always great seeing ya, Val!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Happy Wednesday to ya!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Good moring Akelamalu!

    OMG!!!!!

    That clock sounds WONDERFUL!!!!!

    I wonder if I can get that here in the States? I'll google it later today and see if it's available.

    Thanks so much for sharing that!!!

    And thanks for stopping by, m'dear!

    Have a GRANDE' day!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hiya Mel!

    Thank you dear friend! And you're so right...it did served me well!

    I was trying to figure out how long I had it and I think it may have even been longer than 16 years!

    YES...I totally know what you mean about the "internal alarm" because when the clock first died, I was so worried that I wasn't going to get up in time for work the next day, but guess what? I DID!

    Radio Shack is definitely in my plans...yup!

    Thanks for stopping by today, dear lady!

    HAPPY WEDNESDAY to ya!

    {{{{{{ Mel }}}}}}}

    ReplyDelete
  9. http://jdorganizer.blogspot.com/2007/12/7-alarm-clocks-for-gentler-wake-up-call.html

    That link is for a blog I found while searching some products for you.
    Now... for the bad news....
    the Zen alarm clock is about $119. plus shipping.
    The Peaceful Progression one is
    $70. plus shipping.

    But you know... if how you start your day is important... it might be worth the investment. And you are sensitive to things, so don't use something that you absolutely hate. Even if you don't have the money now... save... and get something really worth it. OR...
    with your Libran birthday coming up this Fall maybe there is someone (Mom, brother?) who would like to get one for you as a gift??

    My sleep is so interrupted so often that I am beside myself sometimes trying to figure out what I can do. And I usually do hear my hubs getting ready for work and the dogs are stirring so I'm not completely at ease in the mornings like I should be especially if I haven't slept well. I think this part of our lives is important and I know sleep, and how better to start the day has been on my mind alot.

    You should try and find something really wonderful that would wake you up in a blissful state. I think you deserve it. I think you would really end up loving it if you got one that was special.

    Have a great day... sleep well... and wake up even better tomorrow!!!
    Or...uh... well... whenever you get the alarm issue resolved.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hellooooo Crystal Chick!

    OMG...THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!

    You are such a sweetheart for taking the time to search that for me!!!!

    And do you know what's ironic? I think I remember seeing one of those clocks advertized in Massage and Bodywork Magazine a while back.

    I will definitely check out the link you left me later this evening. I'll be curious to see if it's the same one I'm thinking about.

    And you're right, it's IS worth the investment because sleep is so important. I realized that when selecting the perfect bed mattress. Oh boy...a mattress is so important!

    I'm a pretty good sleeper and will usually sleep right through the night, however, how my alarm clock sounds in the morning really sets the tone for the day. And the one I currently have SUCKS. Luckily, I've been getting up BEFORE the alarm goes off.

    So again...THANK YOU!!!!

    I'll let you know if I decide to get one!

    Hope you're having a great day, neighbor!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thom...

    Apparently, you have chosen to ignore my comment to you on my Zoe Post, but I suggest you go back and reread it because I meant what I said.

    Please realize that all the comments you have been leaving here since then, have been deleted without ever being read. And should you decide to start sending me emails, they will be blocked.

    I will reitorate, Thom.

    You are no longer welcomed here.

    And this will be my last communication with you.

    Ciao

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ouch! I would hate to wake up to that sound! My dogs are my alarm clock...whenever they think I should get up, they give me a bunch of kisses all over my fact until I get out of bed.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi Funny Girl!

    OMG...how CUTE!

    That's actually the BEST alarm clock because it's so filled with LOVE!!!

    Which reminds me of when Jerry and Zoe would sit on my bed in the morning and just STARE at me until I woke up.

    There's nothing quite like a cat stare to wake you up in the morning!

    HAHHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks for stopping by, FG!

    Enjoy your evening!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Also good for calculator, world time zone, adding notes, calendar...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi Debi!

    Will they do the laundry and go grocery shopping for me, too?

    HAHAHAHAHA!!!

    I guy I work with has a Blackberry and I'm AMAZED at all the stuff he can do with it. It's like having a computer at your fingertips!

    AMAZING!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I like the new layout, the post is wider, more room for your brilliance

    would you like me to call ya each morning
    I could sing
    or whisper sweet nothings

    ReplyDelete
  17. You have my COMPLETE and total sympathy.
    I used to have an alarm that woke me with either the sounds of the sea, the sounds of birds or the annoying radio.
    I still mourn that clock.
    now it's the beep beep.. that makes me want to "accidently"
    smash it to bits with my fist repeatedly.
    but I refrain
    as i need to get up and get the kids going for school.
    and it's the only thing that saves me from the sound of my son's alarm..
    it's a radio.
    set to bluegrass...
    I swear
    seriously
    bluegrass...
    ~gag~

    ReplyDelete
  18. Sorry you hate your new alarm clock but c'mon, you did get it at Rite Aid.

    I have one with an alarm and a radio alarm setting. I've started waking up to classical musical and it's wonderful! You hear it in your dreams first. And if by chance, I sleep through a Strauss waltz, I set the second alarm to scare the hell out of me.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Howdy Dianne!

    Oh...would you, PLEASE?????

    I'll pay you a million dollars if you do that! You can be my personal "whisper sweet nothings alarm."

    HA!

    Hey, thanks for mentioning my blog. I was up til 3AM customizing it - I thought I would loose my mind! I decided that because I will be adding guest interviews and posts, I wanted the main area to be wider and the main focus. I had the 3 column for a year, so it was time for a change.

    Thanks for dropping by, my wonderful alarm clock!

    I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED your post today and was telling my mom all about it when we spoke earlier.

    X ya!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hellooooo Lady Sorrow!

    OMG...I was so suprised and delighted see your comment - I thought you had already gone.

    OK...Bluegrass?

    I don't know about that. I think I would almost rather have the alarm I have - HA!

    *only joking.

    I actually like a little country now and then.

    YEEEEHAW!!!

    oooo...your alarm clock with the nature sounds sounded heavenly! I actually use a sound machine with those type sounds on it, the nights when the street noise here in Philly is ungodly.

    (which is most nights)

    Thanks so much for stopping by this evening, dear Sorrow!

    Have a wonderful break and I'll miss ya!

    {{{{{ Sorrow }}}}}}
    X

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hiya Chrissy~

    EXACTLY!

    What the hell did I expect from RITE AID???

    PAAALEESE...it's my own damn fault.

    oooo...now, classical music I would love to wake up to. But just to let you know how CHEAP this thing is...it doesn't even have a radio with it. It's small and LOUD!

    Always great seeing ya, girl!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    ReplyDelete
  22. hello dear ronnie, I so sympathize with you, being just the same way with the light sleeping, alarm clock ticking and sound phobic persuasion too[loved the cotton ball allusion]...you know what I did eventually? well, excepting get a husband who wakes me up with my cuppa each morning, I finally broke down and bought a bose. Now, before you start screaming at me, they were not as horribly expensive then [at LEAST 10!!! years ago now and still going strong, knock wood--OMG, where's some wood!!] sigh...just a bit superstitious ...

    but, they are the best in more ways than my sub zero fridge, and that's saying lots...they have a terrific sounding little stereo built in that sounds like you have real speakers sitting around in that ugly way they do, they are not ugly but simply designed so they sort of disappear, they have an alarm that gets louder slooooowly and only goes as loudly as you set it or you can set it to music, a cd, have a back up of 2 alarms, where one is music and if that doesn't do the trick, then #2 comes on at your designated time and goes off however you set it to go off...

    they are fantastic and it's rare for me to rave about anything electronic, excepting my subzero and my bosch washer and dryer but OTHERWISE never do I post a thing about them, right??????? sooooooo, don't you have store credit or maybe you can buy one on time or, do what I did, go to a bose outlet--they must have them in that hell-hole of heat you live in somewhere--go to one where they sell the stuff that are markdowns or seconds and buy a , can't think of what it's called when they take one in that broke and put a whole new set of innards in [why can't we do that, please tell me?] and then sell it much more reasonably...that's what I did and still....no, not more wood.... you get the idea, right?!

    phew, I am tired now but must at least comment on this other interesting post you have here with the ketchup, which I hate, btw ;)

    kisses dear and sweet dreams!
    XO

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hellooooo Linda!

    OMG...I think that was the LONGEST comment I've ever gotten!!!

    And I LOVED it!!!!

    You deserve a comment award!

    No shit? You bought a BOSE????

    OMG...I've seen those alarm clocks at other people's homes and what amazes me about BOSE in general, is that they're SO small, yet the sound that comes out of them is pure HEAVEN. How do they do it??

    And hey...if it's lasted you 10 YEARS so far, it was well worth any price!

    Yes and your right, I could actually try too see if they sell them at those outlet places we have here in Philly on Market Street.

    Crystal Chick also gave me a website I that I need to check out later on ZEN clocks.

    Gosh....I've gotten so many good alarm clock tips on this post!

    Anyway, dearest Linda...thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much for stopping by and for your suggestion.

    Hope all is well in your neck of the world and that you're enjoying the remainder of the summer!

    Love ya, dear lady!

    xoxoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  24. Wow !!!!

    Your alarm clock and Ted Kennedy in the same week. This is truly a dark page in history.

    I will send in Mass card your clock and hope you get thru your grief. I can send you some more kleenex if you need it.

    But as the saying goes all time Passes.

    Tommy Timex

    ReplyDelete
  25. OMG...Dave/Tommy Timex!!!!

    You're back???

    YAAAHOOOOOOO!

    Oh boy, I've missed your HUMOR!!!

    Yes...it's been a dark week in history, my friend. But I've decided to move on with the passing of my dear, sweet, loyal alarm clock and investigate some new options left here by my blogging friends.

    Oh...and I almost DIED when you mentioned a MASS CARD! Only a true catholic school boy like you and I would know what that is!!

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Welcome back, Dave! I hope you enjoyed your break and I look forward to reading up on both your blogs!

    Enjoy your day...Tommy!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Ron, any chance you could find a similar model (to the one you loved) on eBay or something? I know it wouldn't be the same, but maybe almost the same...

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hi C.C.~

    Hey, you know what? I never even thought of replacing it with a similar model, so you may have something there!

    I kinda figured that the clock was SO OLD, they probably don't even make it anymore.

    Gosh...I've gotten the BEST ideas from everyone's comments here!

    Ain't bloggin' GRAND?

    Thanks for sharing, bud!

    Hope you're enjoying your day!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Oh my goodness, though I am sorry for your loss, this was a very funny post Ron. I am OCD about many things so I can totally imagine you going around listening to all the alarms. I am an anytime person so alarms don't bother me. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hiya Christa!

    Thanks so much for stopping by.

    Glad you had a giggle!

    Don't you just LOVE being OCD about certain things? I actually think my middle name should been changed to Ron OCD Carnavil.

    HAHAHAAHHA!

    Oh, and I'm SOOOO jealous...I WISH I could be an anytime person, but unfortunately I was born a VAMPIRE!

    Hope you had a great day!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Just found your blog. Very funny!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Hi Anonymous!

    Greetings!

    Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment.

    Nice meeting you!

    Please stop by anytime - you're always welcomed!

    Enjoy your evening!

    ReplyDelete
  32. I spent a fortune on our most recent alarm clock only to find that it creeps, meaning it starts adding minutes to the time over the course of the weeks. It is now 6 minutes fast. Every couple of weeks I need to fix the time. Ugh! My husband keeps getting up earlier and earlier and I just want to sleep that extra five minutes.
    Appreciate the last comment on my blog. As you can tell, I've been a little absent lately.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I had a great alarm clock that I bought at Walgreens for $5 years ago. My son broke it about a year ago and I still cannot find one as good as that cheapie.

    I did buy one at Cracker Barrel that's supposed to chirp like a bird. What it does is SCREEEEEECH like a Banshee on crack! Horrible thing but it get's my ass out of bed!

    I hope you find a good one, bro!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Hi Jen!

    You know what's funny?

    I have a wrist watch that does that SAME THING - except, instead creeping forward, it creeps backwards! And it only does this when I'm wearing it?!?

    Isn't that strange???

    Thanks for stopping by, Jen!

    ALWAYS great seeing ya!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Howdy Nitebyrd!

    OMG...you are tooooo funny!!

    You actually found one at CRACKER BARREL?? I use to LOVE going to that place when I lived in Florida.

    This morning when that FREAKIN' alarm sound went off....I litterally jumped out of bed and thought, "I gotta find another one NOW!"

    HA!

    Thanks for stopping by, Sis!

    Love ya!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Ron,
    I, too, detest the mornings. Alas, some of us are just not morning people. I have two words for you: iPod Home.
    Now, it won't make you any happier having Olivia singing "Have You Never Been Mellow?" at 6am, but it'll bring a teeny-weeny smile to your face...

    ReplyDelete
  37. Hello again Kathryn!

    You are TOOOOOO funny!!

    Gosh, I don't think I've heard Olivia's voice for the past 10 years! "I Honestly Love You" was HUGE when I was in high school. It was the official "prom make-out song."

    HA!

    Yeah...aren't mornings the BEST?

    NOT!

    ReplyDelete