When Things Go Wrong Onstage!*?!



One of the main reasons why actors enjoy performing onstage is because it’s LIVE.

Performing onstage is like jumping out of a plane and then praying to god almighty that your parachute opens, so you land safely.

It can be one of the most invigorating and euphoric, yet vulnerable and scary feelings in the world because no matter how well you plan your jump…there IS the possibility that your parachute will either not open or perhaps get tangled when you pull the ripcord; causing something to go wrong onstage.

And when that happens…

….you just wanna SHIT your pants.

Throughout my career as an actor, I’ve had many things go wrong.

Today, I thought I’d share two of the times when Ron took a BOWEL MOVEMENT onstage.

Let’s see…..

There was the time when in the middle of singing a song, I totally blank out and forgot the words. And it’s one thing to forget your words when you’re performing in a non-musical because you have the liberty to pause and THINK for a few seconds. However, when you’re performing in a musical, the music just keeps going. Therefore, you have the choice to either STOP singing, which creates a VOID of awkward silence, or you can do what I did, which was to quickly starting singing the first words that came into my head..…

“Itchy-bitchy, doobie-doobie, da-da, ma, la la!”….. and then I got back on track.

(I swear to god)

It was like I had suddenly experienced Tourette’s syndrome for five bars of music.

The actor who I was singing with just stood there looking at me like he had just witnessed a poltergeist.

And after the song was over and the stage lights went to black, the two of us RAN offstage into the wings and BURST into laughter.

And the first thing that came out his mouth was, “What the HELL happened to you, Ron? I thought I was going to lose it out there.”

Still laughing I said, “I had a brain FART, that‘s what the HELL happened!”

And of course, the entire cast heard my fart in their dressing rooms over the stage monitors.

Oooo…..and there was also the time while I was performing in the musical Cabaret and had totally forgotten that I had another stage entrance within the same scene and was already starting to change into another costume for the following scene. But by the time I remembered, it was too late. So, rather than miss my entrance…I ran onstage wearing two DIFFERENT costumes.

And when everyone onstage saw my bipolar attire, their faces registered only one expression…

"WTF?”

Well….such is the zany life of a stage actor.

When everything goes well….it’s GRAND.

However, when something goes wrong….it’s kinda shitty.


Have a faaaabulous weekend everyone!


X

32 comments

  1. How funny! But you're a true professional-the show MUST go on. Bravo!!

    Have a great weekend!

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  2. What you have outlined are the reasons I never wanted to be an actress! I did some acting at school but I was always terrified I would forget my lines, though I never did. :0

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  3. “Itchy-bitchy, doobie-doobie, da-da, ma, la la!”…..

    ROFLMAO

    Ohmy.....
    I'da loved to be present for that one. *laughinglaughinglaughing!!*

    I'm gonna be singin' that one all day long.....LOL

    “Itchy-bitchy, doobie-doobie, da-da, ma, la la!”….. ROFL!!!!!!

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  4. I had a similar thing happen at my last horse show. In dressage, we have to perfom "tests" a preset series of movements. I had done this test at least a hundred times and all of a sudden I forgot whether or not I was supposed to turn right or left after halting in the ring. Luckily, someone told me right before I went in and it all came back to me. Visions of Alzheimer's danced before my eyes. I remembered the test but the horse decided to spook and take off with me half way through. Got to love performing with kids and animals.

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  5. Ron, you crack me up! Apparently, you are able to improvise even if it is slightly off center.

    Those other actors are probably still telling "Ron" stories and laughing like lunatics.

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  6. Oh, Ron. You just HAD to end the post with a big 'ole pile of poop?
    And you further felt the need to animate said poop, so we'd know it was fresh poop and thereby come one step closer to feeling like we were really and truly onstage with you..?(and...RELEASE.)
    Isn't it wonderful that it didn't take months of therapy before you could look back at your "brain fart" and smile? It only took till the end of the scene!

    And the "itchy-itchy, doobie-doobie" is CLASSIC!

    The REAL question is: Was this a musical comedy?!?

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  7. Only YOU can make me feel that same crush, that same rush of the lower intestines....fantastic post. Now, if you'll excuse me for a moment while I freshen up....

    EFH

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  8. Hiya Chrissy!

    In the words of Bugs Bunny...

    "On with the show...this is it!"

    HA!

    Thanks for stopping by, Chrissy!

    Have a great weekend!

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  9. Good Morning Akelamalu!

    OMG...and this is only TWO of the things that have happened to me onstage!?!

    I could write a BOOK.

    Oy Vey!

    Thanks for dropping by, m'dear!

    Enjoy your weekend!

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  10. Howdy Mel!

    It's the itchy-bitchy that FREAKED me out!

    I actually have a video tape of that show, but FORTUNATELY it wasn't that particular performance.

    Thank god!

    Always great seeing ya, Mel!

    Have a great weekend!

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  11. Hey Jen!

    OMG...isn't it the PITTS when that happens???

    And it's just as you shared...

    ....you performed it at least a hundred times before, but for some reason...you're mind just goes BLANK?!?!?

    Yeah, EXACTLY...I've performed in shows with kids before and OMG...ANYTHING can happen!!!

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story, Jen.

    Enjoyed it!

    Have a great weekend!

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  12. Hiya Nitebyrd!

    Well...

    ...I don't know how WELL I improvise, but it certainly was interesting (off-center).

    HAHAHHAHHA!

    Thanks for dropping by, Sis!

    Enjoy your weekend!

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  13. Hellooooo Kathryn!

    Yes...it was a musical comedy, thank GOD!

    Because if it hadn't been...it certainly turned into one at that moment!

    Last night while I was searching the web for photos for this post, I googled pile of shit...and when I saw the little animated graphic...I just DIED!

    Isn't it adorable??

    Always great seeing ya, K!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Enjoy your weekend!

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  14. Howdy Expat!

    ...Now, if you'll excuse me for a moment while I freshen up....

    bwhahahahahahaha!

    OMG....that was GREAT!!!

    Thanks for the laugh, bud!

    Have a great weekend and thanks for stopping by!

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  15. My gawd... it's like there was a scratch and sniff attached to that graphic. I could almost smell the darn thing all hot and stinky wafting at me from the computer screen. Eeeewwww.

    Well, as funny as that part of your performance probaby was... it still shows your skill as an actor to just be able to improvise something and not just stand there frozen. Bravo!


    Weren't you the Emcee in Cabaret? What different clothes did you have on? Was it so obviously the audience noticed too??

    Happy weekend! Hubs has some time off... yay... so we may do the Ren Fair, or maybe something in the Philly as alot of people will be at the shore for one last hoorah.

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  16. that is awesome... the only acting i've ever done is Improv so I couldn't mess up :)

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  17. I left something for you on my page!

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  18. Howdy Crystal Chick!

    ... could almost smell the darn thing all hot and stinky wafting at me from the computer screen. Eeeewwww...

    Bwhhahahahahahahaha!

    You are TOOOO funny!

    Gee...I don't know if it's "scratch and sniff" but you can certainly try it - HA!

    Isn't it cute??

    Well...I don't know how SKILLED I was improving what I sang?!?! But it certaining made for a memorable moment in my career!!!

    Yes...you're right, I WAS the Emcee. I had SO MANY quick costume changes in that show, that I actually had to write them down on a list that I taped to my makeup mirror in the dressing room so I wouldn't forget "which change came where." On that particular evening, I had already changed half my costume from the prior scene to half the costume from the next scene. And when I finally realized I had to go back onstage to finish the scene, it was too late to change back, so I just walked onstage wearing BOTH!

    It was a scene in the Kit Kat Club in Act 1.

    I don't whether the audience knew, but the people onstage DID!

    Oh, how FUN!!! The weekend off with HUBS!!! Yes...I'm going to love this weekend because the city will be nice and quiet as most people will be getting their last weekend in at the beach!!

    YAY!!! Fall is coming!

    Whatever you decided to do this weekend, I hope you guys have a great time!!!

    Thanks for stopping by, neighbor!

    Always great seeing ya!

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  19. Greetings Mr. Glob!

    Welcome!

    Nice to meet ya!

    Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment.

    So you've done IMPROV???

    Oh man, I am SOOO jealous because I totally SUCK at improv - and that's the truth!

    It's takes a special talent to be able think on your feet like that, so I really admire you!

    Thanks again for dropping by!

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  20. Hi again Mr. Glob!

    Just spotted your second comment.

    oooo...I love suprises!

    Is it an Academy Award?

    HA!

    I'll stop by your place in a few.

    Thanks.

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  21. Itchy-bitchy doobie-doobie....LMAO...YOU crack me up! And Cabaret is one of my all time favorite musicals. Money, Money, Money. I thinnk I'll paint my nails green, but Don't Tell Mama!

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  22. Hi Funny Girl!

    Yeah...

    Wasn't that a LOVELY thing to sing?

    Let me tell ya, I NEVER lived it down in theater community!!!

    ooooo...don't you LOVE Cabaret???

    And you must know the broadway show very well, because "Don't Tell Mama" is not in the movie version. Only REAL theater lovers know that!

    You Go, girl! You KNOW your stuff!

    Thanks for stopping by, FG!

    Always enjoyed!

    Have a GREAT weekend, Sally!

    HA!

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  23. Oh MY!! I just LOVE LOVE LOVE that stinky doggy poo at the bottom of the post... It's fuming, too!! SOooo cool... I'm going to use it to do a post about stinky doggy poo on the streets of Antony and Paris...
    But, first... I must photograph some of the real stuff to put in my post... It's like a flu virus... It's just EVERYWHERE, RON!! RUN!

    Oh... sorry, I diverge! I used to act when I was younger and though I had never forgotten the few spoken lines I had... I can ONLY imagine the things that go wrong on stage... I mean, after all, it's LIVE!! I got a good chuckle in over your escapades.. so thanks for sharing and bringing us S*M*I*L*E*S and laughs... I can just hear you singing those words, and the guy with you on stage thinking you were nuts, and then the both of you cracking up backstage!
    Did the cast REALLY hear you fart through the speakers or was that just a symbolic reference to your brain fart? Not really sure if it was the real McCoy or not, but I HAVE heart people fart in yoga class during certain poses!!!

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  24. Bonjour Leesa!

    SOOOOO glad you loved the steaming POO!

    Isn't it CUTE?

    It would be PERFECT for your post on doggy poo on the streets of Paris! I can't wait to READ it!! If you just click on the photo, it should take you to the Flickr page where I found it and give you the link.

    No I didn't really fart, it was my "brain fart" that I was referring to. Although, I HAVE farted on stage before. Silent but DEADLY!

    hahhahahahahaha!

    OMG...YES! I've heard people fart in yoga class too. And also during a reflexology session!

    tee, hee!

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by today, Leesa!

    ALWAYS great seeing ya, my friend!

    XOXOXOXOX

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  25. here I am, late as ever but here anyway...and really must say your choice of blog decor leaves something to the imagination, well, not really, leaves NOthing to the imagination, as in that little pile of poo...ugh...

    totally distracted me from my laughter over how you handle what, to me, would be an absolute nightmare....well, just being ON stage is one of my worst fears but forgetting words, songs or having on the wrong clothes? it's like a bad dream where you are naked and everyone is crowded into the same restaurant booth with you! you handled it with such dignity and grace, you are such a master of all things decorum in my book! *grins*

    why don't you post a little one of those players so we can hear you belt out some broadway tunes? or "money money money money" from caberet, wouldn't that be fun? you could do some tap too...

    well, it would be for us anyway, me anyway... :)
    xoxoxoxo

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  26. Helloooo Linda!

    You are NEVER late, my friend...

    ...you're always on time!!!

    tee, hee...isn't that pile of POO the cutest???

    It IS a nightmare when you forget your words, songs, dance steps as if you're in a bad dream where you are naked and everyone is crowded into the same restaurant booth with you!!!

    Hey listen, that's a great idea you had about posting something from one of my shows! I have to figure out how to burn one of the DVD's and make a video to post it here. Now you got me thinking!!!

    Thanks for stopping by this evening, dear lady!

    It's always such a joy to see that you've commented.

    Hope you're having a great weekend and a Happy Labor day! I can't believe it's the end of the summer....YAY!

    Love ya!

    xoxoxoxoxo

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  27. Aha...like when you have a jump and in the dance routine and your partners not there to catch you...

    You leap...*THUMP*

    when in doubt, Mother advised...'FAINT.' It's the Southern way. hehehe.

    I liked your lyrics better...hehehehe.

    And something else mother used to say...SHIT HAPPENS.

    fab post Ron. :)
    ciao.

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  28. Dear Miss Jones...

    GREAT SEEING YA, GIRL!!!!

    Hey...if ANYONE understands what I'm talking about here...it's YOU!!!

    I know that you know what I mean when you shit your pants!

    And it goes so perfectly with what your mother used to say....

    ...SHIT HAPPENS!!!

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks for stopping by, Miss J!

    Hope you're having a FAB weekend and a FAB Labor Day!

    Ciao bella
    X

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  29. So funny! Would love to have seen both these!!

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  30. Hellooooo Casdok!!!!

    What a WONDERFUL surprise!!!!

    Yeah, I wish I would have had both these moments immortalized on VIDEO!!!

    HA!

    Thanks for stopping by, dear lady!

    Sending a hug and much love to you and C!

    {{{{{ Casdok + C }}}}}}
    X

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  31. okay, I'm starting to feel like you might get creeped out by me for commenting on everything I read (I just found your blog via Mr.Glob) but I have severe stage fright in certain situations so I'm signing myself up for an improv class in a first attempt to get over it. Of all the things I considered going wrong, this wasn't one of them.

    But now I'm quite sure that it will.

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  32. Hi Lora!

    Hey, listen...you're not creeping me out at all, it's been fun reading all your wonderful comments!

    I'm glad you dropped by.

    That's WONDERFUL idea about taking the improve class! It's a great way to confront stage fright. I myself, for as long as I was a stage actor, STILL get stage fright every time my feet hit the stage.

    Let me know how the class goes!!

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