Male Adjustment


Even as a male, I often wonder why many men feel it’s male protocol to adjust themselves in public.

And I’m not talking about the occasional adjustment, I’m talking about those men who habitually do it 24/7 and 365 days out of the year.

You know the ones I’m talking about….

You’ll often see them walking through the mall resembling an infomercial for terminal jock-itch.

I can honestly say in my 54 years, I have never reached down and grabbed my genitalia; readjusting it in public view.

And please don’t say “That’s because you probably don’t have much down there to adjust.”

Because I do…it’s just that I have it neatly tucked in my briefs; not flapping around like an elephant trunk in either boxer shorts, or worse….commando.

And if on the rare occasion I do need to adjust myself I will either go to the restroom, or if a restroom isn’t handy I’ll find a secluded corner somewhere and do it in private - not in front of someone’s grandmother at Starbucks.

Not too long ago while I was sitting in the bookstore, I noticed a gentleman walking down the main book isle adjusting himself.

No….let me take that back.

He wasn’t merely adjusting himself, he was GROPING himself like a horny little chimpanzee in a zoo cage. In the short time it took him to walk down the isle, I watched as he groped himself as least THREE times.

And that’s not the worse part.

After he selected a book off the shelf and began skimming through it, he kept reaching down every so often and patting his crotch. Patting it as if it were his pet dog, like to say “Good boy…good boy.”

I wanted to scream, “JESUS CHRIST…WHY DON’T YOU TELL IT TO ROLL OVER AND PLAY DEAD!”

I’ve often wondered if some men habitually touch themselves because they fear that one day it may fall off. And perhaps they’re just checking to see if it’s still attached.

Well….for whatever reason, I think it looks barbaric.

Look, I enjoy my boy toy just as much as the next guy, but for heaven sake dudes, STOP PLAYING WITH IT IN PUBLIC.

And go buy yourself a nice pair of supportive underwear that will keep it in place.

Like this well-hung gentleman…..



48 comments

  1. Hey Ron,

    I think it's a tic... so some men just do it by habit. As a women, I know that I often have to adjust my panties in the rear-- which is why I hate wearing panties... and try to avoid the kind that "ride up!"
    Maybe that's something totally different that the ball adjusting... But, I do think it's kinda weird to see a man "adjusting" himself in public.. Like I'm a voyeur or a peeper! But, talk about where I live-- where MEN do ALLLLL sorts of weird stuff-- like spit on the street, blow their nose stuff out of their nose onto the street and PEEEEEEEEE in public and sometimes in very obvious view of EVERYONE!!!
    Thanks for this funny post!!
    I hope you have a TERRIFIC week...
    Take care,
    Leesa

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  2. OMG! I can't stop laughing. Thank you, I needed that this morning!

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  3. This may sound totally disgusting but as a woman sometimes I secretly long for something down there to grab onto. I just want to know what it feels like! Mine is disconnected, ha ha and TMI I know but its early Monday morning and I'm not quite awake. I'm sure I'll dread saying that later after my eyes have opened. Thanks for the help with my title.

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  4. You are too funny as usual! That last picture just made me spit up my morning coffee. You don't usually see women fondling their breasts in public. I do have to say there have been a few occasions when the girls have needed adjusting but like you I try to do it with some sort of privacy. Groping oneself in public is akin to flossing or trimming nails in front of others; never to be done with an audience.

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  5. *covering eyes*

    ACK!!

    Sheeeeeeeeeshhhhhhhhhh.

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  6. Oh my. Can a man have a Camel Toe? Um, based on that last photo, I'm going with yes.

    As a chick, I just don't get it. I don't understand why it even needs to be adjusted. Does it hurt? Is it uncomfortable? Can you shake your booty a tad, hands free, to loosen it up?

    I don't get it and after reading this, I'm extra glad I'm a chick.

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  7. Hi Ronnie,

    Now how is it that you run into the "poster boys" of all types?? I guess so you can "vent it" to the world ! It must be your mission, dude :)
    OMG... I haven't had the "pleasure"(hehe) to witness that.
    There's a time & place for everything, but for crying out loud, not then & there !!

    You take care & don't let the turkeys get you down.
    XXXOOO

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  8. Bonjour Leesa!

    You may be right, my friend!

    I've often had women tell me that many women do the same thing with their bra straps. But somehow to me, male adjustment looks totally ANIMALIST.

    OMG...yes, here in Philly I see a all sorts of weird stuff on the streets too (like...PEEEING in allyways).

    Oh well...such is city life.

    But it makes for great blog topics, doesn't it?

    HAHAHAHHAHA!

    Always great seeing ya, Leesa!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Have a TERRIFIC week too!!!!

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  9. Good Morning Chrissy!

    So glad you had a laugh, girl!

    When I found that last picture on the Internet I LAUGHED too!

    I wonder who he is?

    Have a great day!

    Thanks for stopping by!

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  10. Hi Brndoutw8tress!

    I secretly long for something down there to grab onto. I just want to know what it feels like!

    Hey, listen...I had a very good friend in Florida who use to wonder the same thing. In fact, she would often have dreams about having one - honest!

    I guess it's called "Penis Envy"

    Bwhahahahahaha!

    Don't get me wrong, it's fun having one, but I only play with it at home, not in public.

    Tee, hee!

    You're welcome. I'm so glad you were able to understand the instructions I left on your comment. I'll stop by later to check it out.

    Have great day!

    Thanks for stopping by!

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  11. Hiya Jen!

    Groping oneself in public is akin to flossing or trimming nails in front of others; never to be done with an audience...

    EXACTLY!

    Yes, I totally understand the need for adjustment (male or female), but it's like you shared....do it with some sort of privacy.

    Always great seeing ya, Jen!

    Thank you for dropping by!

    Have a great Monday!

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  12. Hiya Mel!

    Hope that last photo didn't scare ya too much.

    Sort of a pre-halloween scare!

    BOO!

    HA!

    Have a great day, dear lady!

    Thank you for stopping by!

    P.S. Only two more weeks til the BIG DAY!!!

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  13. Morning Cardiogirl!

    OMG...you're not going to believe this, but while I was searching for photos online for this post, I saw SEVERAL entitled "Male Camel Toe." So...yes, it is possible.

    I honestly have no idea why some guys habitually do this because once I tuck mine in...it doesn't move all day. I think it may have to do with wearing loose fitting underwear.

    Thanks for dropping by!

    Always so great seeing ya!

    Have a great Monday!

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  14. Bonjour Barbara!

    If there's something strange to see, I ALWAYS seem to be the one and only person to SEE it!

    If there's a strange person on the city streets, I ALWAYS seem to be the one and only person they come up to and start talking!

    So, yes....I think it must be mission.

    HA!

    But hey...that's why I started VENT - to blog about it.

    So I guess I should say, "Thank you STRANGE people."

    Tee, hee!

    Thanks for stopping by, my Philly friend!

    Have an awesome Monday!

    xoxoxox

    P.S. we're starting to get some really cold fall weather - yipee!

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  15. It's a disgusting habit - and that's exactly what it is a habit with some men. When I first started work the boss was a slimy git who used to sit adjusting his tackle with his hands DOWN his pants!

    Glad to hear you don't do it Ron and if MWM even thought about doing it in public I'd chop it off!

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  16. Hi Akelamalu!

    When I first started work the boss was a slimy git who used to sit adjusting his tackle with his hands DOWN his pants!

    Bwhahahahahaha!

    OMG...that was HYSTERICAL!!!

    That's what I think too...it's merely a habit some men.

    and if MWM even thought about doing it in public I'd chop it off!

    hahahahahahaha!

    You GO, girl!

    Thanks for sharing, m'dear!

    Loved it!

    Enjoy your day!

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  17. So I am thinking that guy has a serious case of the STDs..... and needs to go to the InstaCare Fast...... I am a touch grossed out. MEN.

    At least he wasn't digging for gold in his butt then smelling his hands.... I will take the crotch over that any day.....


    xoxoxo
    Leah

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  18. Hey La La La Leah!

    At least he wasn't digging for gold in his butt then smelling his hands.... I will take the crotch over that any day.....

    Bwhahahahahahaha!

    Too funny!

    I'd have to agree with you on that!

    OMG...your STD comment made me HOWL!

    Thanks for the great laugh, Leah!

    Enjoy your day!

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  19. Maybe he thinks it's a lucky charm, like a rabbit's foot... although.. if your foot ends up on a chain, how lucky was it in the first place?

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  20. I have one thing to say.

    THANK YOU!

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  21. Oh dear me.....You are a neffing riot! Can't stop laughing!

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  22. Hello Twin Anndi!

    Maybe he thinks it's a lucky charm, like a rabbit's foot...

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    THAT WAS BRILLIANT!!

    Leave it to you!!

    Thanks, my witty friend!

    Always enjoyed!

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  23. Helloooo Isabella!

    You're welcome!

    Thank you for stopping by!

    Enjoy your evening!

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  24. Hiya Funny Girl!

    I just couldn't help myself.

    tee, hee!

    Thank you for stopping by, my friend!

    Hope you had a GREAT day!

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  25. I have no words. I just want to take a sharp stick and poke that little visual you left us with right out of my eyes!

    Thank you for the laugh, handsome!

    xoxo
    ~vk~

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  26. Oh, Ron! Nothing is off-limits with you! I LOVE THAT!!!

    And oh, my....look at his....package. It's so neat...and orderly....and adjusted.

    Ron? This this photo YOU???

    I'd read on a blog somewhere that guys that go commando or w/boxers sometimes have issues with the...(ahem) sidecars getting stuck to their thighs, or possibly getting them wedged/pinched as they amble along.

    Of course, I've no idea if any of this is true. We'll have to take a survey and see if ANY guy ever adjusts himself if he's wearing briefs. I'm thinking, why would he?

    I'd ask da boys...but then they'll need a year of therapy to recover. It's just not worth it.
    Great post, as always sweetie!
    xoxo

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  27. Hello Beautiful Vixen Kitten!

    I just want to take a sharp stick and poke that little visual you left us with right out of my eyes!

    Bwhhahahahahaahha!

    OMG...that made me HOWL!

    I know...isn't that photo disturbing?

    Sorry, dear one, but I just couldn't resist using it after I saw it on line. Have two glasses of wine, and I'm sure it'll make you forget.

    Thanks for stopping by, VK!

    Always a wonderful treat!

    xoxoxoxo

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  28. Hello Dearest Kathryn!

    NO...nothing is OFF-LIMITS with me.

    OMG...when I think of all the things I've posted about in my archives, I wonder one day if it'll ever come back and haunt me when I apply for a job?!?!

    Nooooo...dear heavens that's not a picture of me. I found it on the web. And whoever he is...god love him!

    I could never go commando or even wear boxers. I need to be tucked in securely - HA!

    I had a friend who NEVER wore underwear and I don't know how he did it. eeewwwwww!

    Hey you just gave me a great idea for adding a poll to my sidebar; asking my readers "What Kind of Underwear Do You Wear?"

    Anyway, you wild woman...thanks a bunch for stopping by this evening!

    Always a DELIGHT!

    oxoxxoxoxo

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  29. this makes me think of those men who sit on the subway with their legs spread so wide you would think they were birthing a baby whale

    I have always been moved to ask "are you balls so huge that you can't close your legs, they do have medication for that"

    as for the gropers I think they're at least one notch up from the ass scratchers

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  30. OMG...Dianne...I LOVE YOU!!!

    "are you balls so huge that you can't close your legs, they do have medication for that".

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    And do know something? I DO remember seeing those men on a NYC subway! However, I don't see them in Philly because no one here has any BALLS!

    Bwhhaahahahahahaha!

    Thanks for the wonderful laugh, dear lady!

    You ROCK!

    X ya!

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  31. ron, you are a freaking hoot! i am glad that i don't have one of those things, well i'm not carrying one around. geeze louise. men and their equipment.

    i'll save my comment for my private thoughts.

    i hate men that feel the need to spit. WTH.

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  32. Oh, YES, Please! A poll, Ron!
    Boxers or briefs? Tucked in securely or swinging free in da breeze? Inquiring readers just gotta know!
    Love ya!
    xo

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  33. hahaha! I'm trying to catch my breath! Hilarious!

    The pic is the icing on the cake to an already hysterical personal expose of the crotch grab!

    You've helped make my day, Ron! Perhaps I can return the favor with one of my pet female peeves! The low rise jeans! Or is it just making you salivate? ;)

    Have a wonderful day! :))

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  34. Good Morning Valerie!

    geeze louise. men and their equipment...

    It's like having an extra LEG!

    Bwhhahahahaahaa!

    OMG...and I hear ya with the spitting. I see it all the time in the city. Yesterday, I actually saw a man BLOW HIS NOSE without using a tissue - he just BLEW IT!

    *I hope you were eating your breakfast as you read this.

    HA!

    Thanks for stopping by, Val!

    Have a GREAT day!

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  35. Mornin' Kathryn!

    YES! Great idea!

    And then I can rename this blog...

    ...The National Inquire.

    HAHAAHAHAHAHHA!

    Have a great day, my friend!

    XOXO

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  36. Hello Petra!

    Glad you had giggle, my friend!

    I was feeling a bit WILD with this post, can you tell?

    HA!

    Hey, I think your idea for a pet peeve post about low rise jeans is GREAT! In fact, you just gave me another idea for a post about those guys who wear their jeans hanging SO LOW, you can see their underwear. It almost looks at though their jeans are going fall right off their butt!

    What is it with fashion, today?!?!

    ICK!

    Always so nice seeing ya here, Petra!

    Thank you for stopping by and enjoy your day!

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  37. From "I can't dance":
    Oh and checking everything is in place,
    You never know whos looking on.

    good post - loved it

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  38. Greetings Isleman!

    Thanks for dropping by.

    Nice to meet ya.

    LOVED your comment!!!!

    You never know whos looking on.

    HA!

    Please stop by anytime. Enjoy your day!

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  39. ron, I was reading this going, "gross GROSS GROSS EWWWW! GROSS RON SHUT UP!

    really , I was yet you have made such a good point I hope all your male readers are listening to you...it is even worse, is my opinion, for a woman to have to watch or be sitting in a restaurant or buying food or dogs or whatever and have to watch, it's just plain gross...of course, I just KNEW you didn't do such things, my fastidious, gentlemanly friend!

    sorry this is a bit late, I am very behind on my commenting of late...don't ask...

    xoxoxoxoxo

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  40. Hellooooo Linda!

    EEWWWWWW! GROSS! GROSS! GROSS!

    As you can tell...I agree!

    of course, I just KNEW you didn't do such things, my fastidious, gentlemanly friend!

    NEVER...I'm too much a lady.

    HAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Anway, my dear friend...hope all is well and that you're feeling better!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Love ya!

    xoxoxoxo

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  41. Oh lord,
    see I knew i shouldn't have been drinking my wine and reading here...
    LOL
    does red wine come out of a key board easily?
    geeeez! talk about needing an adjustment.
    I must say every time i see the crotch handle I want to grab my large breasts and act like i am trying to wrangle them back into their saddle. But then i realize that a man who grabs his junk in front of grandma , is sleazy enough to think that i was probably making a pass at his spider monkey dumb ass...

    ~smile~
    thanks for the laughter~~!
    (((HUGS)) you are the best!

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  42. Hello Lady Sorrow!

    OMG....I can't believe you said you were drinking red wine because SO AM I this very minute!!!

    How funny!

    I almost died at your comment...

    a man who grabs his junk in front of grandma , is sleazy enough to think that i was probably making a pass at his spider monkey dumb ass...

    Bwhahahahahahha!

    That was BRILLIANT, dear girl!

    Isn't it disgusting the way they freely GRAB themselves like monkey's???

    Or Neanderthal men!

    Anyway, thank you SO MUCH for stopping by for a read, my friend!

    Always such a special treat to see you.

    Hope all is well!

    Love ya!

    {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

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  43. Ok... I usually read through the comments before I add one but I'm way behind this week and just don't have time. Sorry everyone!

    I have to comment though because I have to say BWAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!! This is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time!

    You know; I am a noticer. I have a keen eye and really pay attention to things around me. I know when a guy is 'sneaking' a look down my shirt, when he's just 'discreetly' adjusted himself, and when people pass 'secret' raunchy glances and expressions to each other in work meetings. (I have dirt on almost everyone I work for. I try to only use my powers for good instead of evil though.)

    It doesn't really bother me, to be honest! I figure, I just noticed something that they had no intention of sharing with me and it indulges my voyeuristic streak.

    But then... I guess I'm a little naughty that way. LOL

    Great post Ron - thanks!

    Penny

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  44. Hi Picture Imperfect!

    it indulges my voyeuristic streak.

    Bwhahahahahahahaha!

    You GO, girl!

    Me too! And I think that's why I end up SEEING all the crazy stuff I see.

    Hey...maybe you and I should write a blog (or a book) using anonymous names about all the RAUNCHY stuff we encounter.

    We can call it....

    ...Anonymously Raunchy!

    I have a feeling it would make the NY Times Best Seller List!

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing on this post, Penny!

    Always great seeing ya!

    Have a great day!

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  45. Anonymously Raunchy...

    hehehehe oh I love it!

    This morning when I was getting out of my car at the office, I saw a wife dropping her husband off at my office building. She said goodbye with her hand down the front of his pants... God love her!

    I just smiled and thought "score!!!" to myself. Add it to the archives. ;) Now I know why that guy is so smiley all the time.

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  46. Hello again Penny!

    OMG....that's HYSTERICAL!

    I bet he had a "rise" of a day!

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

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  47. extra leg and not an extra thumb. okay if you got a leg, then you're bragging, then adjust it. okay. got a thumb, you should be able to manage it. lololo

    not that i know, but there are a lot of men out there with thumbs. lolol

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  48. Hi Valerie!

    not that i know, but there are a lot of men out there with thumbs...

    Bwhahahahahahahahha!

    Bwhahahahahahahahha!

    OMG...that was a RIOT!!

    Yeah, trust me I know...I've dated a few!

    HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

    Thanks for the GREAT laugh, my friend!

    So enjoyed it!

    X

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