Monday, October 12, 2009

Male Adjustment

Even as a male, I often wonder why many men feel it’s male protocol to adjust themselves in public.

And I’m not talking about the occasional adjustment, I’m talking about those men who habitually do it 24/7 and 365 days out of the year.

You know the ones I’m talking about….

You’ll often see them walking through the mall resembling an infomercial for terminal jock-itch.

I can honestly say in my 54 years, I have never reached down and grabbed my genitalia; readjusting it in public view.

And please don’t say “That’s because you probably don’t have much down there to adjust.”

Because I do…it’s just that I have it neatly tucked in my briefs; not flapping around like an elephant trunk in either boxer shorts, or worse….commando.

And if on the rare occasion I do need to adjust myself I will either go to the restroom, or if a restroom isn’t handy I’ll find a secluded corner somewhere and do it in private - not in front of someone’s grandmother at Starbucks.

Not too long ago while I was sitting in the bookstore, I noticed a gentleman walking down the main book isle adjusting himself.

No….let me take that back.

He wasn’t merely adjusting himself, he was GROPING himself like a horny little chimpanzee in a zoo cage. In the short time it took him to walk down the isle, I watched as he groped himself as least THREE times.

And that’s not the worse part.

After he selected a book off the shelf and began skimming through it, he kept reaching down every so often and patting his crotch. Patting it as if it were his pet dog, like to say “Good boy…good boy.”

I wanted to scream, “JESUS CHRIST…WHY DON’T YOU TELL IT TO ROLL OVER AND PLAY DEAD!”

I’ve often wondered if some men habitually touch themselves because they fear that one day it may fall off. And perhaps they’re just checking to see if it’s still attached.

Well….for whatever reason, I think it looks barbaric.

Look, I enjoy my boy toy just as much as the next guy, but for heaven sake dudes, STOP PLAYING WITH IT IN PUBLIC.

And go buy yourself a nice pair of supportive underwear that will keep it in place.

Like this well-hung gentleman…..