Ladies And Gentlemen, This Is Your Captain Speaking


I wish you could have been with me two weeks ago, flying to and from Florida.

Do you remember me sharing about the wonderful flying experience I had when I visited my family back in July? Well, it was the complete opposite this time.

Both flights were HELL.

The only positive thing about it was that I survived to tell this story.

The Trip There:

Holiday Travel and Delays


I totally forgot that I would be flying four days before Thanksgiving and that flights were going to be PACKED to capacity; not only because of the holiday, but also because EVERYONE flies to Florida during the fall and winter months. That means everything takes more time. Which means possible delays.

Not only was our flight 35 minutes late departing the gate, but we also had to wait on the runway for an additional 20 minutes because our plane was 15 in line to take off.

Body Odor


I had a stinky suspicion that this flight was going to be bad, when I took my seat and began to smell a STRONG and OFFENSIVE body odor coming from the man sitting in front of me. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the man who took the seat directly next to mine REEKED of Ralph Lauren’s Polo Green Cologne. It was like he drank it for breakfast. I felt like I was trapped between a garbage dumpster and a throwback from the ‘80s disco era.

Screaming Children


As you know, I adore children. That is, children who are heavily sedated with a XANAX and an APPLE MARTINI before they fly. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be trapped inside a long, narrow tube for 2 ½ hours with children screaming while flying over the Atlantic?

SCREAM!...pause...SCREAM!...pause...SCREAM!

I was half tempted to stand up and yell, “ATTENTION, PARENTS….PLEASE PLACE YOUR SCREAMINGLY ADORABLE CHILDREN IN THE OVERHEAD COMPARTMENTS!!!”

Turbulence


About an hour into the flight our plane went through some VERY turbulent air flow. And the next we heard was, *DING* “Ladies and gentleman, this is your captain speaking. I just turned on the seat belt sign because for the next 20 minutes or so, this is as good as it's going to get. Please don’t use the restrooms at this time. Thank you.”

So of course, I began to FREAK OUT. The palms of my hands began to sweat profusely, causing the keyboard on my laptop to look as though someone had thrown a bucket of water on it. I was playing Solitaire at the time, trying to concentrate on the game rather than the wings being ripped off the plane and plunging to my death.

Between the turbulence, the screaming children, and the body odor, I thought I was going to lose it.

The next thing we heard over the intercom was, *DING* “Ladies and gentleman, the captain has requested that the flight attendants take a seat and buckle up. Therefore, we will resume serving refreshments just as soon as the captain gives us the OK.”

(have you ever noticed whenever you hear *DING* on a plane, it's usually bad news?)

The next 20 minutes was like riding on Space Mountain in Disneyworld.

Then, suddenly the turbulence stopped.

*DING* “Ladies and gentleman, this is your captain speaking. We seemed to have moved through the turbulence, but I ask that you keep your seat belts on for the remainder of the flight. Thank you.”

About 40 minutes later, the plane began its initial descent into the West Palm Beach airport.

I was never so happy to touch the ground and get the hell off a plane in all my life.

The Trip Back:

Well, it was the same experience flying back to Philly.

Delays, a packed flight, screaming children and turbulence.

However, there was one bright spot….

….no body odor.


Have faaaaaaaabulous weekend everyone!
X

69 comments

  1. Hi everyone!

    I've got a very early morning at work today (Christmas in retail), therefore I will be responding to comments and visiting your fabulous blogs later in the evening.

    Thank you for your patience and understanding.

    Enjoy your weekend....X

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  2. Oh boy, been there and done that, all except the body odour! Turbulence is dire, and after my experience NO WAY would I undo the seat belt. Hated it 100%. And did you notice how nonchalant the captain seemed when he announced 'belt up' or was that just my captain? As for screaming kids, I would have been demented if I'd experienced that on a flight. Anyway, we're both still around to tell the tale so thank the good Lord for that, eh? Hope you have a wonderful weekend even though you do have extra work at this time of year.

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  3. Stinky suspicion? You crack me up, Ron! That sounds like the flight from hell. And I HATE that RL cologne. What an assault on the senses. The only thing worse would have been someone changing a diaper near you. Glad you made it back safely.....next time, it sounds like I need to pray harder for you! LOL

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  4. Dianne WilsonDecember 07, 2012

    Holy Crackers!!
    what a nightmare
    screaming children don't bother me
    but turbulence and body odor is too much
    you should create a fragrance for flying called turbulence
    I love 'put your screaming children in the overhead compartments'
    priceless
    and the photos you found!! perfect
    love ya

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  5. Oh god, you had me laughing out loud. I mean, it really isn't funny, but it is! And I've had the same experience many times. In fact, for several years I traveled a lot out of the Philly airport when based in West Chester, PA. That was long ago and it wasn't any fun then, either.



    Thanks for you very nice comments! Have a great weekend! It's overcast in Ocala this morning but should be in the high 70s which is nice.

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  6. Oh, my God, Ron, what a horrible experience!! This post is a great advertisement for Amtrack! I thank God for Xanax because it usually numbs me out to all the inflight insanity. Glad you're back on terra firma, buddy--the more firma, the less terror!! Take care and have great weekend!

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  7. I am most struck by the fact that you recognize the specific cologne!


    I enjoy flying less and less all the time, and crowded flights are the worst. I din't take my own kids on an airplane until the youngest was 6 - an age where he was easily able to behave himself. It makes me a little crazy when parents let their kids kick the back of my seat or hang over the seat in front of me, staring. The screaming I can tolerate if I think it's because the kids' ears hurt, but not general tantruming.


    And oh my God - why don't people bathe before they get on a plane?

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  8. Flying can have some memorable moments. I just love it when the captain announces that you cannot use the restrooms due to turbulence. It is because of that f---king turbulence your kidneys feel like Naigra Falls in the first place. It is just after the captain speaks that you have the wicked urge to pee as if you were an opened fire hydrant.
    Next the guy with BO I know how that is there is nothing you can do but hold your breath. Then when you have to breathe in the stench is 12 times greater because you need so much air.
    Polo, Paco Raban, Jade East, Old English sounds like a high school reunion.
    Now as for screaming kids ~ since you have to pee anyway just turn around and Piss on the parents maybe they will take the hint to stuff a sock, or better still, the smelly guys shirt into the kids mouth.
    Then when the light says GO PEE, walk up to the first class flight attendant and grab 7 shooters and get your self happy and all of the other shit will have no effect on you.
    You are now traveling at 600 mph at 35000 feet and who gives a damn.


    Somewhere over the rainbow.

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  9. I'm so not a fan of flying...upside is the speed in which we get places. Perhaps we should consider broom travel. lol!

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  10. "...I adore children. That is, children who are heavily sedated with a XANAX and an APPLE MARTINI before they fly."

    ROFLOL! Except it's totally NOT funny! Last year, my son and I flew out to San Diego, then to Seattle and BOTH times we had to deal with screaming kids. Then on the way home from Seattle! I wanted to SCREAM!

    Seriously, I love kids, BUT I don't think they should be allowed to fly. Their ears are popping! They are in pain, so of course they are gonna cry! And make the rest of us miserable while we're all packed like sardines in a can.

    And what the hell is it with people and their aftershave and cologne? It gets up my nose and I can't breathe! Do they really think they smell NICE? My GAWD! I want to shake them! I tell my sons all the time not to use too much because they smell like French whores. I wish more moms told their kids the truth.

    Ron, I hate to fly, too. And I think I told you, I watch the flight attendants, so when they sit down and buckle up, I about pass out! That's why I take a couple Klonopin before I fly...oh and I drink Kahula in my coffee. By the time I'm in the air, I'm ready for a nap. I pass out, but I'm a bit relaxed.

    I'm SO glad you are okay. Too bad we can't start our own airlines.

    Soaring Slumber Inc

    Our motto: Unconsciousness is the only way to fly!



    Have a great rest of the week! It's raining here today. Yuk. I'd rather have snow.


    ((YOU))

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  11. I feel you pain buddy. I had a similar experience years ago on a flight from San Francisco to D.C. I refer to it to this day as the Romper Room flight. There were at least a half dozen small children crying, screaming or whining at any given time. I remember some of them going up and down the isles like chimpanzees on speed and I kept asking myself where the parents were? , but they just seemed to sit there in some sort of oblivious trance.


    Thank God for in flight booze!!!

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  12. oh. my. gawd.


    this is all of my worst nightmares about flying in ONE trip...well two since you had to come back home. take train maybe would have been good idea.


    firstly claustrophobia because you had to wait on the tarmack..you can't get out you know? that freaks me out. not being in it as long as it's moving FORWARD but sitting for who knows how long is just plain torture...


    the BO'd...why do people, woe to seat partners.. anyway. you don't mention if you were squished...probably got lost in the wafting BO. my son in singapore goes to india often on busyness :) and he said, first they all take off their shoes-strangely enough- it seems we all have differing ideals and my son is a bit of a clean freak germaphobe so these flights make him crazy. kinda makes me smile for some reason... :)


    the little dings...yes.
    i am not afraid to fly-tho i was afraid long ago-but turbulence makes everybody a bit skitterish.... like you are in a can, as you mention, and it's bucking around like a kite in a tornado with people on top of it and you are hanging on and why? what's to stop you from falling off if it tips over and drops you. well, you went, you did, you returned...maybe you won't fly again or take two x. and call me in the middle of the flight...no don't, you will cause it to crash....cackles. xoxoxo

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  13. ...lol...Oh dear, you poor, poor man! I couldn't of sat thru that, I think I would've just bailed. No parachute. Seriously. ;o)

    ...I thought for certain that after, "Please don’t use the restrooms at this time. Thank you.”, that you were gonna say, "So of course, I had to PEE."...ha,ha,ha. :o)

    ...Well, at least you survived and you're back home safe and sound. And now you know to pack a surgical mask for your next flight.



    ...Have a fabu' weekend too!


    ...Sending you warm thoughts, a comforting prayer and a big hug to boot! (((you)))


    ...Blessings. :o)

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  14. Oy vey. I totally feel your pain. I've been on flights EXACTLY like that, which is WHY I hate traveling! Glad you're home safe & sound. XOXOX

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  15. geeze louise, ron. your flights were less than ideal. i HATE screaming kids, i don't hate them, but i hate their parents, yeah that's what i meant to say. they know they can't control the kid at home, why take them out in the public, huh?

    my big fear is when i do go to the movies a snot nosed kid kicking the back of my chair. i wish i had a big no. 1 foam finger/hand to slap the popcorn out their mouth.

    i haven't flown in a while, hopefully next year and hope it's not as bad. glad you survived. i always clap when we land because i'm grateful for my life.

    hey i'm glad you made it there and back. flying still boggles my mind.

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  16. Another reason I love road trips more so than flying when time allows.


    The last flight we took Cindy took too long to get up her nerve and get up to use the restroom, just about the time the door closed there was that "Ding" telling everyone to fasten their seat belts as we were arriving at our destination, just as the planes nose lifted as we began our landing, the bathroom door opened and here comes Cindy running downhill at full speed, unable to stop mind you.


    The large man sitting across the aisle stood up and blocked her right into her seat, had he not I think she would have ran right through the tail section, needless to say on the return trip home she held it until we were back on the ground :)

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  17. Hey there Secret Agent Woman~

    "I am most struck by the fact that you recognize the specific cologne!"

    I've been in the cosmetic/fragrance industry for the past 27 years, so it's easy for me to recognize almost any fragrance - especially RALPH LAUREN POLO GREEN.

    "I enjoy flying less and less all the time, and crowded flights are the worst."

    Meeeeeeeee too! I remember when flying was pure enjoyment, However, now it's like taking a trip on a BUS - HA!

    "The screaming I can tolerate if I think it's because the kids' ears hurt, but not general tantruming."

    Agreed! However, the kids on this flight were screaming BEFORE the plane even took off.

    "And oh my God - why don't people bathe before they get on a plane?"



    THANK YOU! The odor that came from this man was HORRIBLE!


    Thanks for stopping by, my friend. Have an awesome weekend!

    X

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  18. Hiya Suzi~

    You're so right, my friend. The upside is the speed in which we get places. God, I remember when flying felt like a luxury - REAL food and silverware, drinks, clean bathrooms, and well-manicured flight attendants.

    "Perhaps we should consider broom travel. lol!"



    Bwhahahahahahaha! HILARIOUS!


    Thanks for stopping by, Suzi! Have a terrific weekend!

    X

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  19. Hey there Valerie~

    "Turbulence is dire, and after my experience NO WAY would I undo the seat belt. Hated it 100%."


    Isn't is HORRIBLE???

    I've experienced turbulence before, but this was like a roller coaster ride!!!

    "And did you notice how nonchalant the captain seemed when he announced 'belt up' or was that just my captain?"

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You are sooooooooo right, they're always so nonchalant about it. I guess it's because they're used to it!?!

    "As for screaming kids, I would have been demented if I'd experienced that on a flight."

    As you know, I adore children, but OMG....these kids were way out of control. And the worst part was that when we hit the turbulence, they screamed even louder, which made me MORE scared.



    Thanks for stopping by, dear lady. Have a wonderful weekend!


    X

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  20. Hey there Bijoux~

    "That sounds like the flight from hell. And I HATE that RL cologne. What an assault on the senses."

    THANK YOU! That is one man's cologne I can't stand. ESPECIALLY when someone puts on a TON of it.

    "The only thing worse would have been someone changing a diaper near you."



    Bwhahahahahhaha! OMG...that would have been the WORST! Can you imagine????


    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend! Have a terrific weekend!

    X

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  21. Hey there Lady Dianne~

    After having such a wonderful flying experience the last time, this was like something out of the movie, "The Out Of Towners." Everything that could have gone wrong, went WRONG. It was a nightmare!

    "you should create a fragrance for flying called turbulence."



    Bwhahahahahahhaahaha! BRILLIANT suggestion!


    Thanks so much for stopping by, dear lady.


    Wishing you a terrific weekend!


    Much X to you and the gang!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hey there Lowell~

    "Oh god, you had me laughing out loud. I mean, it really isn't funny, but it is!"

    You gotta find the humor, right?

    "In fact, for several years I traveled a lot out of the Philly airport when based in West Chester, PA. That was long ago and it wasn't any fun then, either."



    Philadelphia airport is a mess. It's so confusing and unorganized. I've heard more travelers say that when they arrived in the Philadelphia airport, it's total chaos. And they're right.


    Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy. Have a great weekend and enjoy that awesome 70's temp. While I was in Florida over a week ago, the weather was so beautiful. That's one of the things I liked about living in Florida - the wintertime is PERFECT.


    X

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  23. Hey there Rob~

    "This post is a great advertisement for Amtrack!"

    HAHHAHAHAHAHA! You're right, buddy!

    "I thank God for Xanax because it usually numbs me out to all the inflight insanity."

    I know more people who say the same thing. They love XANAX when they fly!

    " Glad you're back on terra firma, buddy--the more firma, the less terror!!"



    TOTALLY agree!


    Thanks so much for stopping and have a GRRRRRREAT weekend!


    X

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  24. Hey there Jeff~

    "I refer to it to this day as the Romper Room flight. There were at least a half dozen small children crying, screaming or whining at any given time. I remember some of them going up and down the isles like chimpanzees on speed....."


    HAHAHAHHAHAHA! HILARIOUS! Romper Room flight!!!!!!


    And that's exactly what it felt like on this flight.


    I suddenly had a great idea while on this plane. I think children should fly all together on a plane behind the parents - separately. And then they can all meet up when they get to their destination.


    Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy! Have a grrrrrrrrrrrrreat weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    X

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  25. Hey there Jimmy~

    "Another reason I love road trips more so than flying when time allows."

    HA! You know, I'm beginning to think the same thing!

    "just as the planes nose lifted as we began our landing, the bathroom door opened and here comes Cindy running downhill at full speed, unable to stop mind you."

    Bwhahahahahahahahahahaha! OMG...I would have KILLED to see that!!!!!!!!!! HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!

    "The large man sitting across the aisle stood up and blocked her right into her seat, had he not I think she would have ran right through the tail section."


    Bwhahahahahahahahahaha! OMG...I'm DYING laughing!!!!!


    You should POST about that on your blog, Jimmy, because it's FLAWLESS!


    Thanks for so much for stopping by and making me laugh after a LONG and CHALLENGING day at work!


    Have a super weekend, buddy!


    X to you and Miss Cindy!

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  26. Hey there V Girl~

    "geeze louise, ron. your flights were less than ideal."

    I could tell even before I got on the plane that this flight was going to be HELL because everything that could go wrong, went wrong. Even my airport shuttle to the airport was late.

    " i HATE screaming kids, i don't hate them, but i hate their parents, yeah that's what i meant to say. they know they can't control the kid at home, why take them out in the public, huh?"

    I understand that sometimes kids can get grumpy like us adults, but when it happens on a plane for 2 1/2 hours, it really starts to get on your nerves. Between the turbulence and the screaming, I felt like was in horror movie!

    "my big fear is when i do go to the movies a snot nosed kid kicking the back of my chair. i wish i had a big no. 1 foam finger/hand to slap the popcorn out their mouth."

    HAHAHHAHAHA! Funny you mentioned that because the kid sitting behind me on the plane kept KICKING the back of my seat the whole way to Florida!

    "hey i'm glad you made it there and back. flying still boggles my mind."



    Thank you. And yes, flying still boggles my mind too. And I can't allow myself to think about that on board because it freaks me out if I start thinking, "How is this HEAVY plane up in the air?!?!?"


    Thanks for stopping by, girl! Have an awesome weekend!


    X

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  27. Hey there Dear TJ~

    ", I think I would've just bailed. No parachute. Seriously. ;o)"

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I swear to god, I was thinking the SAME THING!!!

    "..I thought for certain that after, "Please don’t use the restrooms at this time. Thank you.”, that you were gonna say, "So of course, I had to PEE."...ha,ha,ha. :o)"

    Luckily, I had just used the restroom right BEFORE the pilot made the announcement - WHEW!

    "...Well, at least you survived and you're back home safe and sound. And now you know to pack a surgical mask for your next flight."

    HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! You said it! The next time I fly, I'll pack surgical mask for sure!

    "..Sending you warm thoughts, a comforting prayer and a big hug to boot!"



    Aw....THANK YOU!


    ((((((( You )))))))


    Always a joy to see your comments, dear lady. Have a lovely weekend!


    X ya!

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  28. Hellooooooooooooo there Linda!

    "take train maybe would have been good idea."

    Funny you mentioned that because while we were going through the turbulence I thought to myself, "Shit...I'm taking the TRAIN back to Philly!"

    "firstly claustrophobia because you had to wait on the tarmack..you can't get out you know? that freaks me out. not being in it as long as it's moving FORWARD but sitting for who knows how long is just plain torture.."

    THANK YOU! That's how I felt....CLAUSTROPHOBIC, sitting there on the tarmack. And between that and the screaming children, I thought I was going to jump out of my skin.

    "you don't mention if you were squished..."

    Yes, as a matter of fact, I did feel squished. And that's coming from a person who is rather small in stature. I swear to god, I think plane seats have SHRUNK over the years to CRAM more people into the plane.

    "first they all take off their shoes-strangely enough- it seems we all have differing ideals and my son is a bit of a clean freak germaphobe so these flights make him crazy. kinda makes me smile for some reason... :)"

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, how funny! I experienced the same thing when I flew to Japan. The first thing the Japanese travelers do is take off their shoes, which is the worst thing you can do because your feel swell and then you can't get your shoes back on.

    "but turbulence makes everybody a bit skitterish.... like you are in a can, as you mention, and it's bucking around like a kite in a tornado with people on top of it and you are hanging on and why? what's to stop you from falling off if it tips over and drops you."

    Yes, that's exactly what it feels like!!! I can take moderate turbulence, but the turbulence we incurred on this flight was severe. SCARED the crap out of me. But I will fly again because I hate being afraid of something.

    " call me in the middle of the flight...no don't, you will cause it to crash....cackles."



    HAHAHAHAHAHA! No, I won't call you, I promise!


    Thanks a bunch for stopping by, dear friend. Have a marvelous weekend!


    (((((((((((( You ))))))))))))))


    xoxoxoxoxoxox

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  29. Hey there Meleah~

    "I totally feel your pain. I've been on flights EXACTLY like that, which is WHY I hate traveling!"



    Oy vey...isn't it the PITS? And after my last 'positive' flying experience, this experience was such a let down. I can't imagine what it's like for people who have to travel a lot for work. I don't know how they do it?!


    Air travel used to be such a wonderful experience. However, now it's like taking a BUS.


    Thanks for stopping by, girl! Have a terrific weekend!


    X

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  30. Helloooooooooooo Pam!

    "Last year, my son and I flew out to San Diego, then to Seattle and BOTH times we had to deal with screaming kids. Then on the way home from Seattle! I wanted to SCREAM!"

    Meeeeeeeeeeeeee too! I was never so happy to get off a plane in all my life!

    "BUT I don't think they should be allowed to fly. Their ears are popping! They are in pain, so of course they are gonna cry! And make the rest of us miserable while we're all packed like sardines in a can."

    But the thing of it is was that these kids were screaming BEFORE the plane even took off - HA!

    And speaking of ears popping, mine usually don't bother me. But for some reason, my ears were KILLING me while landing in West Palm Beach. In fact, it took the whole rest of the day for my ears to go back to normal. I actually couldn't hear properly, for hours.

    "I tell my sons all the time not to use too much because they smell like French whores. I wish more moms told their kids the truth."

    HA! Good for you, Pam! Men usually put on WAY too much cologne rather than women. My mother used to complain to my father all the time that he wore WAY TOO MUCH cologne!

    "Too bad we can't start our own airlines.

    Soaring Slumber Inc

    Our motto: Unconsciousness is the only way to fly!"



    Bwhahahhahahaha! Pam, that's a BRILLIANT idea!!!! CRACKED ME UP!


    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Hope all is well and that you have a terrific weekend!


    (((( You ))))


    X


    P.S. Yes, it rained here today too. I would MUCH rather have snow.

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  31. Hey there Mr. Dave~

    " I just love it when the captain announces that you cannot use the restrooms due to turbulence. It is because of that f---king turbulence your kidneys feel like Naigra Falls in the first place. It is just after the captain speaks that you have the wicked urge to pee as if you were an opened fire hydrant."

    Bwhahahahahahahaha! Dave you KILL ME! And it's so true! The second the captain speaks, you immediately have to use the bathroom. Luckily for me, I had just used the bathroom before he made the announcement - WHEW!

    "Polo, Paco Raban, Jade East, Old English sounds like a high school reunion."


    Thank you! I agree!

    " since you have to pee anyway just turn around and Piss on the parents maybe they will take the hint to stuff a sock, or better still, the smelly guys shirt into the kids mouth.Then when the light says GO PEE, walk up to the first class flight attendant and grab 7 shooters and get your self happy and all of the other shit will have no effect on you.
    You are now traveling at 600 mph at 35000 feet and who gives a damn."



    Bwhahahahahahahaha! OMG...I have tears rolling down my face reading that! You are a RIOT, man!!!


    Always fabulous to read your comments, buddy. Thanks for the great laughs after a LONG and CHALLENGING day at work.


    Have a super weekend!

    X

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  32. If you take the Xanax and appletini's prior to flying, it helps with the screaming children and turbulence. It won't do a thing for the BO and cologne, though.



    Sorry the flights sucked but you got here and home safely - that's what counts!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hey there Lady Nitebyrd~

    "If you take the Xanax and appletini's prior to flying, it helps with the screaming children and turbulence. It won't do a thing for the BO and cologne, though."

    HA! Yes, I think you're absolutely right!

    " but you got here and home safely - that's what counts! Right, bro?"



    Right, Sis! I there and here safely. Yaaaaaaaaaay!


    Have a FABU weekend!


    X

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  34. Ron, I know this experience must have been hell, but the way you wrote it made me laugh so hard. Especially the part about the screaming children!

    Being someone who flies a lot for work, I experience stuff like this much of the time. So that whenever I get a smooth and easy flight I'm so grateful. Flying used to be such a wonderful experience, but unfortunately it's turned into a crowded, noisy and smelly cattle car ride.

    Glad you survived to tell this story because I enjoyed it.

    Have a wonderful weekend, Ron.

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  35. Hola Denise~

    It's so ironic because the whole time I was experiencing this I was thinking to myself, "Remember all the details because you can BLOG about this later."

    Always in the back of a bloggers mind is a post - HA!

    OMG...I don't know HOW you fly all the time for work because it would drive me crazy.

    "Flying used to be such a wonderful experience, but unfortunately it's turned into a crowded, noisy and smelly cattle car ride."

    AMEN! A cattle car ride indeed! Do you remember when you were served a FULL meal with REAL silverware??? GONE are those days.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, girl. Have a maaaavelous weekend!

    X

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  36. Quite the experiences you had there, Ron. I guess next time you'll probably drive to Florida, or take a submarine or something.


    You're right about the *ding.* The *ding* is never a good thing. If you hear the *ding,* you just know it's going to be followed by something bad, like "we're all out of peanuts."


    Have a joyeux weekend!

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  37. It really IS like taking the bus. Blech!

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  38. Howdy Mark!

    " I guess next time you'll probably drive to Florida, or take a submarine or something."

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You said it, bud! A submarine sounds GREAT!

    " If you hear the *ding,* you just know it's going to be followed by something bad, like "we're all out of peanuts."

    CRACKED ME UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    No, I do think I will fly again, but not for A WHILE.

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by, Mark!

    Wishing you and Tara a joyeux weekend too!

    X to you both!

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  39. Good morning Ronnie,

    OMG; you really had not been spoiled this time. I have had those, too. There is no easy philosophy for those moments while you live them.
    Two hours and a half probably felt so long at the time... But, you made it.
    You are a survivor, buddy. Each of us has the capacity to hold on in those tight times.Let each of us never forget it!!
    Wishing you a good weekend among the holiday shoppers and have fun with them if you can!
    xox

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  40. Dear Ron,



    I have a suggestion as to how to avoid crowded airports and frightening airplane rides in the future: Move to Florida! Heh, heh.


    Thanx for your kind comment today and I wish you a great weekend, too!

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  41. .......wow.......


    I'm very proud of you!


    When I think of all the self-appointed vigilante solutions that ran through my busy brain when I was reading about this one.......-- *laughing* I'm very VERY proud.


    JUST sayin'...


    OMG.
    You poor thing.

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  42. Hey there Lowell~

    "I have a suggestion as to how to avoid crowded airports and frightening airplane rides in the future: Move to Florida! Heh, heh."



    HAHAHAHAHHAAHA! Funny you mentioned that because several Florida friends and family members have suggested the same thing. Move back to Florida!


    Thanks for stopping back, Lowell!

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  43. Bonjour Barb~

    "You are a survivor, buddy. Each of us has the capacity to hold on in those tight times.Let each of us never forget it!!"

    You said it, my friend! And in the words of Gloria Gaynor....

    "I Will Survive!"

    "Wishing you a good weekend among the holiday shoppers and have fun with them if you can!"



    Thank you! And YOU have a good weekend too!


    (((( You ))))


    XOX


    P.S. The real insanity of the holiday shoppers will probably start in about another week. So far, it's been OK. Only a few NUTS - HA!

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  44. Goooooooooood morning Mel~

    "When I think of all the self-appointed vigilante solutions that ran through my busy brain when I was reading about this one.......-- *laughing* I'm very VERY proud."



    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Trust me, it took all the strength I had to keep it together!


    But hey, I made it. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!


    Thanks so much for stopping by, dear lady! Have a glorious weekend!


    X ya!

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  45. welcome home, glad you're intact! public transportation is very....well, public, isn't it? smells drive me crazy on flights, particularly food smells. uhg!

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  46. Oh, you poor thing! I've never had a hellish experience on a flight or in an airport, except if you include the time in Vegas when we were about to take off, but the pilot slammed on the brakes at the last second because another plane entered the runway in front of us. We aborted the takeoff and then had to wait half an hour until the tires cooled down. Did you know that? That wheels on a plane get so hot from braking that it's not safe to take off til they cool? OMFG. And if you count the time I got felt up at security on my way to savannah. But other than that, no hell of the order you experienced. I would love it if the rule was to stow screaming children in the overhead compartments (just kidding, people who are parents, please don't hate on me).

    ps. I loved the video you made to memorialize your mother. It was beautiful, Ron. Glad you're home safe and sound. And not smelling anymore from ambient stink.

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  47. Hey there Diane!

    Thank you, girl! It's feels so good to BE home!

    " public transportation is very....well, public, isn't it? smells drive me crazy on flights, particularly food smells. uhg!"

    The thing about smells in a confining place (like a plane) is that you can't get away from it - uhg!

    Thanks so much for stopping by. Hope you're having an excellent weekend!

    X to you and Cristybella!

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  48. Hey there Kathy!

    "the time in Vegas when we were about to take off, but the pilot slammed on the brakes at the last second because another plane entered the runway in front of us. We aborted the takeoff and then had to wait half an hour until the tires cooled down. Did you know that? That wheels on a plane get so hot from braking that it's not safe to take off til they cool? OMFG"

    OH. MY. GOD...I would have DIED! How scary that must have been to abort the takeoff after traveling down the runway at such a high speed!! And no...I had no idea about the wheels on a plane!?!!?

    "And if you count the time I got felt up at security on my way to savannah."

    I know exactly what you mean because the security in West Palm Beach was horrible. It was like a GESTAPO! However, the security in Philadelphia was just the opposite - EASY and FAST.

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by, girl! Hope you're having an excellent weekend!


    X


    P.S. thank you for your sweet words about the video, Kathy!


    ((((( You )))))

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  49. "I felt like I was trapped between a garbage dumpster and a throwback from the ‘80s disco era."

    Ron, you crack me up with your way of writing about things. I got a complete visual and olfactory image of what that was like!



    I don't fly very much but I will say the times that I do, it's not always enjoyable. I'm not afraid to fly, it's just that it seem like such a production with the security, delays and feeling crammed into very small seats. I only do it when I want to get somewhere fast or if I need to fly instead of driving.


    God, I miss the old days when flying was fun.

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  50. Hey there Robert~

    "I got a complete visual and olfactory image of what that was like!"

    HA! OMG...it was HORRENDOUS!

    " I'm not afraid to fly, it's just that it seem like such a production with the security, delays and feeling crammed into very small seats. I only do it when I want to get somewhere fast or if I need to fly instead of driving."



    I'm the same way. I remember when flying felt like luxury and was enjoyable. Now, it truly feelings like traveling on a bus. And the thing I REALLY don't like about traveling by plane is that there is no 'assigned seats" anymore. It's first come, first served!


    Give me the old days for sure!


    Always fab seeing ya, buddy. Thanks for stopping by and I hope you're having a great weekend!


    X

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  51. Ron, I have say that the majority of flights I've taken have been pleasant, but I too have had nightmare flights such as this one. Thank god the ones I've taken overseas have been the best ones ever because they were some LONG flights.


    The main thing I dislike about plane travel is how small and close the seats are. If I could afford it, I would travel business or first class because there's a huge difference in seat size.


    And yes, I too have been on flights where the body odor was less than pleasant. P.U.!

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  52. Hiya Matt~

    "Thank god the ones I've taken overseas have been the best ones ever because they were some LONG flights."

    Meeeeee too! I once flew to Japan (27 1/2 hrs.) and it was the BEST flight I ever had. I think the overseas flights are more equipped for comfort because they're so long.

    "The main thing I dislike about plane travel is how small and close the seats are. If I could afford it, I would travel business or first class because there's a huge difference in seat size."



    AMEN! And I'm a fairly small guy yet, even for me the seats seem too small and too close.


    Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy. Hope you had an awesome weekend!

    X

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  53. Herman TurnipDecember 09, 2012

    Heh....yeah, this sounds very similar to most of the flights I've ever been on. There used to be a time when flying was an adventure, and people bathed and wore decent clothes for the trip. But that was long before flying became just a glamorous bus trip, when men wore hats and women wore pearls. You've described yet another prime example of humanity on the decline. 'Tis a shame...

    ReplyDelete
  54. Hey there Herman~

    "There used to be a time when flying was an adventure, and people bathed and wore decent clothes for the trip. But that was long before flying became just a glamorous bus trip, when men wore hats and women wore pearls. You've described yet another prime example of humanity on the decline. 'Tis a shame..."



    Oh man, you said it!


    Before flying became just a glamorous BUS trip!


    'Tis a shame :(


    Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy. Hope you had a wonderful weekend and are feeling better.


    X to you, Karin, and Mr. Tyler!

    ReplyDelete
  55. I'm always worried that I'll be stuck next to someone who smells. That or the person who will not shut up. Flying has become like riding the bus only you can't get out so easily. My friend who just came to visit and left yesterday ended up with a 6 hour delay. I felt horrible. Well, she made it home. Not sure if she'll want to come back anytime soon after that.

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  56. Hiya Jen~

    "Flying has become like riding the bus only you can't get out so easily."

    HA! You said it, girl!

    And funny you mentioned 'someone who will not shut up' because the person I was sitting next to, coming back from Florida, TALKED the whole way! I finally put my headphones on as sign that I did not want to talk - HA!

    " My friend who just came to visit and left yesterday ended up with a 6 hour delay."

    OMG...6 hours?!?!?! Now I don't feel so bad being delayed only 55 minutes.



    Thanks for stopping by, Jen! Have a super week!


    X

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  57. Holy cow! Cologne makes me sooo sick. I would have been vomiting all over that stinky bastard. Gawd!! Next time order a few bloody Mary's and bring earplugs. :-)

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  58. Angelia SimsDecember 10, 2012

    Holy cow! Cologne makes me sooo sick. I would have been vomiting all over that stinky bastard. Gawd!! Next time order a few bloody Mary's and bring earplugs. :-)

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  59. "I would have been vomiting all over that stinky bastard. Gawd!! Next time order a few bloody Mary's and bring earplugs. :-)"

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG, I love you, Angelia! That was BRILLIANT!

    X

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  60. Just wanted to let you know that I got your email. Thanks, Matt!

    ReplyDelete
  61. Jay of The Depp EffectDecember 13, 2012

    Oh heavens, poor, poor Ron! I so feel for you. I could've stood the screaming children (just!) and the BO, but NOT the man who bathed in cologne. That would have had me called the flight attendant over to re-seat me. Or him. I seem to have got more sensitive to perfumes as I've got older, and these days, if I walk through a trail of that heavy perfume some people like to douse themselves in before they leave the house - or worse yet, follow one around the supermarket, I start to cough uncontrollably. Sit me next to one on the plane and I'd be having a full blown panic attack in case I had a severe allergic reaction half way through the flight!


    Give me turbulence any day!!!

    ReplyDelete
  62. Hiya Jay~

    " I could've stood the screaming children (just!) and the BO, but NOT the man who bathed in cologne. That would have had me called the flight attendant over to re-seat me. Or him."

    OMG, it was horrible...I felt TRAPPED because the plane was FULL to capacity, so there were no other seats available.

    ". I seem to have got more sensitive to perfumes as I've got older, and these days, if I walk through a trail of that heavy perfume some people like to douse themselves in before they leave the house - or worse yet, follow one around the supermarket, I start to cough uncontrollably."



    Yes, I know many people who are the same way. I had a friend in Florida who (as she got older) developed a sensitivity to fragrances, so if she was around anyone who doused themselves, she sneezed uncontrollably.


    I don't mind fragrance, but if someone BATHS in it I do.


    Especially Ralph Lauren's Green Polo for men. P.U.!


    X

    ReplyDelete
  63. Sounds to me like the Universe was conspiring just so you could have a good blog post. The powers that be are cute like that. ;)
    Well, ya made it! Whew! Welcome home. Yeah, I know how late I am getting here to comment.... *sigh*
    So the turbulence part reminded me of our flight down to Cancun. When the flight attendant had to sit and buckle up... oi vey! She rewarded my not freaking out, patience and motion issues with some Bailey's Irish Cream on the rocks ... awesome woman!

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  64. Hey there Mary~

    "The powers that be are cute like that. ;)"

    HA! They sure are. And isn't it funny how when you blog, no matter what's happening to you, you're always thinking..."Gee, I can BLOG about this!"

    "She rewarded my not freaking out, patience and motion issues with some Bailey's Irish Cream on the rocks ... awesome woman!"

    AWESOME woman indeed! Don't ya just hate TURBULENCE??? For me it's not the motion that makes me feel sick. It's the thought that the plane is going to CRASH!!!!!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. And you're never late...you're always on time!

    Have a grrrrrrreat weekend!

    X

    P.S. aren't you lovin' this cooler weather we're having? I heard that next week we might get some snow. YIPEE!

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  65. Ron, bring noseplugs too the next time you go by plane. or by bus. wait.... you can always open the window when traveling by bus. but definitely cannot do the same on the plane ;)

    so noseplugs it is.

    https://dizzywife.wordpress.com/

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  66. Greetings Dizzywife~

    ".... you can always open the window when traveling by bus. but definitely cannot do the same on the plane ;)

    so noseplugs it is."

    HAHAHAHAHA! Brilliant idea! Gotta remember that the next time I fly!

    Thanks for stopping by. Always great seeing your comments!

    Happy New Year to you!

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  67. Sorry you had a horrible flight. I normally love flying but not with all those things stacked against you!

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  68. " I normally love flying but not with all those things stacked against you!"


    You said it, Peg!

    X

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