Okay, I just could not allow this opportunity to go by without sharing it.
Plus, I haven’t written a post about sexy spam email in way over a year.
But I'm just warning you....cover your ears because this is gonna be a DIRTY post.
As most of you already know, email spam runs rampant on the Internet. Most of the time it's automatically placed in my spam box and I just delete it without ever opening them.
However, last Friday afternoon I couldn’t resist opening one that caught my eye, in which the subject box said, “Hi handsome!” Because I thought that maybe Daniel Craig was finally emailing me to ask if I wanted to go out on a date.
WRONG. No such luck.
Much to my surprise it was from a funny, cute chick in some faraway country, who calls herself Olivia, and who asked me to “go somewhere” and “visit her life.”
Here it is:
Hi handsome! ;)
If you looking forward about spending great time in a company of funny, cute chick then I'm waiting for u!
I really liked ur photo shots and that's why decided to send this mail! I'm sure that you wouldn't stay disappointed after staring at mine too.
So, I wait for you to answer this message and who knows we will go somewhere, drink some vodka, talk about different subjects and who knows I gonna invite you to visit my life! ;)
First of all, do you just love the way she talks?
“If YOU looking forward ABOUT spending great time IN A COMPANY of …”
“SO I WAIT FOR YOU to answer this message and who knows WE GO SOMEWHERE…”
“...who knows I GONNA INVITE YOU TO VISIT MY LIFE…”
God love her!
Now, here is my response to Olivia:
Thank you for your email, inviting me to spend great time in your company and visit your life. However, unless you’re looking for a man to style your hair and makeup, and perhaps help you select a fabulous cocktail dress, with a color coordinated purse and a pair Jimmy Choo shoes, you’re sending your emails to the wrong man because I’m GAY.
Gay meaning, I’m a homosexual. Homosexual meaning, I’m a man who would date someone with the name Woodrow, but sometimes goes by the name Woody.
Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?
I like WOOD.
Listen, I’m curious to know where you found my photo shot’s because I don’t remember posing for any photos lately. Yet, you’re more than welcome to send me a photo of you, so that after I’m done staring at it I can run it down to a gentlemen's club called, Delilah's, because I'm almost certain they would love to see a funny, cute chick for themselves.
And they would probably even pay you for a "happy ending."
Oh, and I also need to tell you that I don’t drink vodka, only red wine. Sorry.
You truly seem like a very lovely lady. Yet, I apologize to inform you that I don’t see us going anywhere together.
That is unless it’s shopping at Saks Fifth Avenue. And then going for manicures and pedicures afterwards.
But hey, I would like to invite you and your emails to go somewhere together...