Inner Prejudice And The Mirror


I’ve never been one to avoid examining and discussing topics that are taboo.

In fact, I like lifting up rocks; exposing things that remain hidden. Because even though they may be hidden, the tension of these things is still so evident. So why not just bring them out and look at them?

Last week I had a very open and honest conversation with two black women on the topic of prejudice; specifically inner prejudice. And what I mean by inner prejudice is a prejudice from the same race, gender, sexual orientation, etc.

It was interesting to hear how both these women said that a great percentage of the prejudice they've experienced was from within the black community - such as dating or marrying outside their own race, or darker blacks having a prejudice towards lighter blacks.

And after they shared this, I had to admit that I know many people in the white community who hold the same inner prejudice towards other whites who date or marrying outside their own race.

I was also reminded of how a dear friend of mine who is Spanish shared with me several times, that the gist of prejudice she experienced was from within the Spanish community - such as Cubans are a higher class of Spanish than Puerto Ricans.

And being someone who has many female friends, I've had women tell me that they have experienced a great deal of prejudice from other women.

This got me thinking and feeling about inner prejudice.

I have to say, that as a gay man, I too have experienced a hefty amount of prejudice from other gays; mainly other gay men. And yet, upon having their prejudice directed at me, I immediately copped a prejudice attitude back. So really, I was just as guilty of it as they were.

For those of you who are not gay, allow me to share some of the inner sub-divisional prejudices within the gay community, which I have personally witnessed.

Money and Youth:

Some gay people believe that having money puts them on a higher level of equality; making them more acceptable to the world. Therefore, they disassociate themselves from gay people of a lesser class status. Also, youthfulness and appearance are a big thing within much of the gay community. And more so with gay men, than gay women.

Acting Straight:

Some gay people feel that if they're more straight-acting, they will be more accepted. Meaning that more feminine gay men or more masculine lesbians are an example of what society thinks is stereo-typical, so they don’t choose to associate with other gays unless they are straightish-acting.

Division Between Gay Men and Women:

I have also witnessed a prejudice within homosexual men and lesbians. I can’t tell you how many times in the past I’ve gone into a gay bar or nightclub that was predominantly filled with gay men, where the doorman acted so totally rude if I happened to come in with a woman who was a lesbian. And I’ve experienced this the other way around as well.

So you see, there are inner prejudices within the gay community as well.

But if you closely examine what I just shared, these are some of the same inner prejudices that straights, whites, blacks, men and women, and all cultures have to contend with in their own communities because the prejudice comes from how we all appear to the world.

Now here is where I believe this inner prejudice might stem from.

I think people feel an inner prejudice towards each other because of what society tells us.

Straight is more acceptable than gay; youth is more attractive than age; money means power and acceptance; interracial dating and marriages should not be, because each race should stick with their own. And the list goes on and on.

Therefore, when we look at an interracial couple, or a feminine gay man, or someone youthful versus older, I think we actually feel the prejudice that society has imposed as being unacceptable, and then we judge it and ourselves as well.

And perhaps this is not just the reason for inner prejudice, but prejudice in general.

Yes, society is not easy on any of us, regardless of whether we’re straight or gay, black or white, male or female, tall or short, or thin or heavy. But by buying into and accepting what society tells us, we walk around as mirrors…

…reflecting it back and forth to each other.


57 comments

  1. Ron, what an awesome post! And this is what I meant when I said to you several months ago how I love how you say what you mean, directly and strongly, yet you say it intelligently and consciously.

    What you shared about the gay community is correct because I've witnessed the some of the same things you mentioned. And you know I never thought of it as being the result of how we're looked upon by society, then we judge it within others AND ourselves, like a mirror. But you would think that minorities wouldn't react this way to one another because we know what's it's like to be prejudiced upon.

    I really liked the two photos you used for this post, Ron! Purrrfect!

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  2. Herman TurnipJune 24, 2013

    Wow. Great post, Ron! You've detailed some wonderful insight that I just never thought about before. Being your average, straight, white male, I hold no grudge or prejudice towards anybody, and I think that gets me though life just fine 99% of the time. Being almost completely isolated from prejudice you've really given me some food for thought on the subject. I have friends of all shades and nationalities. It's a close circle, to be sure, but we've never discussed this topic before. Honestly, I'd feel a bit weird bringing it up, but now that you've mentioned it I'd be interested to hear what their viewpoints on the matter are...

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  3. Howdy Herman~

    ".Being your average, straight, white male, I hold no grudge or prejudice towards anybody, and I think that gets me though life just fine 99% of the time. I have friends of all shades and nationalities."

    That's AWESOME. We all should have that healthy outlook, and the world would be so much nicer - accepting both our similarities AND differences; regardless of how society sees us.

    " Honestly, I'd feel a bit weird bringing it up, but now that you've mentioned it I'd be interested to hear what their viewpoints on the matter are..."

    The reason this topic came up with these two ladies was because of an incident that had happened. And then from there we got on the discussion of inner prejudice. I actually enjoy talking openly about things such as this because I like to understand the WHY. Our conversation was actually very enlightening.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy, and welcome home!

    Have a terrific week!

    X to you, Karin, and Mr. Tyler!

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  4. Bonjour Barb!

    LOVED your thoughtful and insightful comment!

    "I have a harder time putting this into context, possibly because I always have been living in societies where everyone is so different. My view of the worls started off "mixed" as they said and I grew up with the most diverse and multi-ethnic peoples that you can imagine in the USA- in Hawaii."

    Yes, and I think that's one of the awesome things about the USA - our potpourri of ethnic peoples. We don't have ONE single culture or race here. It's a blend. And yet, much of society seems to want to sub-divisionalize.

    I think you hit it...

    "Any type of racism is just fear and ignorance in disguise... It is sad that this type of feature is "cultivated" in families and societies through their belief systems, just like the flip side of the coin, love and acceptance."

    Yes, you're right, it is cultivated in families and societies through their belief systems and prejudices. Which then causes many of us to keep perpetuating it. I think it's important to remain part of society and our families, but at the same time...have our own individual beliefs.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing on this topic, my friend! I appreciate that. Have a super week!

    X to you and D!

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  5. I agree with you. I also thinks it stems from our own feelings of self worth or lack thereof. People with very low self-esteem hate on just about anybody no matter the reason. If we're all being honest we've probably had to deal with this inside and outside ourselves. As soon as we can fully accept ourselves will we be able to accept others. I like to think.

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  6. Hiya Jen!

    "I also thinks it stems from our own feelings of self worth or lack thereof. People with very low self-esteem hate on just about anybody no matter the reason."

    You are sooooooo right, my friend!

    "If we're all being honest we've probably had to deal with this inside and outside ourselves."

    Thank. You. Myself included.

    "As soon as we can fully accept ourselves will we be able to accept others. I like to think."



    Exactly. Like a mirror.


    Thanks so much for stopping by, girl. Hope you're having a FABU week!


    X

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  7. Debbie...I LOVE your analogy.

    "You know, even animals could be accused of prejudice -- I mean, unless they've been socialized, dogs and rabbits don't exactly get along!"

    That is so true! Brilliant observation!

    And yet, isn't it funny how a dog and a cat will sometimes get along better than two cats? Cat's can be very territorial with each other. So yes, they have inner prejudices as well, I guess.

    "Perhaps when confronted with unfamiliar circumstances, people just naturally gravitate toward that which is familiar (read: SAME). It's more challenging to feel comfortable in a group when you're "odd man out,"...."

    Exactly.

    "All that said, it's sad that we focus on differences rather than trying to search for similarities."

    Yes, it is. And not only in search for similarities, but also celebrating each others differences as well. Because differences are what make life so interesting. Through differences, we learn from each other.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, dear lady. Hope you're having a great week!

    X

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  8. Ron, I just stopped by on my lunch break at work to read through these comments. I loved reading what everyone else shared. Some really great points and observations!

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  9. Hey again, Robert!


    Yes, for me, reading and responding to everyone's comments is the best part about blogging. And I agree...some awesome points and observations!

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  10. People are often so afraid to look at something and examine it (like they're afraid). I would rather talk about it, than pretend it doesn't exist. Plus, we learn something by investigating and staying open to what people experience.



    This is so true, isn't it? If we could all practice just a little communication skill, the world would be such a better place. Peace might actually have a chance!


    It's been RAINING here! Crazy... I almost want it to heat up. My roses are growing but with mold not flowers...sigh. The weather, an endless topic... :)


    much love, my dear... xox

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  11. Hellooooooo again Linda!

    "If we could all practice just a little communication skill, the world would be such a better place. Peace might actually have a chance!"

    Exactly! And I think by avoiding talking opening about something, only makes it more it more uncomfortable to deal with.

    Yes, it's been RAINING here as well, my friend. We've been getting tremendous storms in the afternoon. Although here it is VERY hot and humid. I would love a bit more cool weather.

    Thanks for stopping back!

    (((((( You ))))))

    X

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  12. Jay of The Depp EffectJune 27, 2013

    Oh gosh, I used to be horribly prejudiced when I was younger. Not against black people or gay people or any of the usual things, but against types of people that I considered to be 'not my type' - by which I mean people who didn't have the same dress code, go to the same places of entertainment, laugh as much as me, do the same things, etc. Part of it was fear, but I guess this is what you're talking about.

    I was very judgmental in many ways in those days. Time and maturity have worked wonders for me, and I've learned that we must be open to what an individual is really like, without pre-judging them on what we think they're like because of their outside package. We miss out on so much if we do, and we can make others uncomfortable and even miserable.



    I do think we are all prejudiced to some degree, and I have to be bold here and say that to some extent prejudice is a good thing for society. We cannot tolerate criminal behaviour, for instance, and so we really need to be prejudiced against it so we can recognise and deal with it. However, most prejudice is not 'good' useful prejudice but the unhelpful, damaging kind. We need to be able to discriminate between the two.

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  13. Hellooooooooooo Jay!

    Loved your comment because you shared MUCH truth and honesty.

    "Not against black people or gay people or any of the usual things, but against types of people that I considered to be 'not my type' - by which I mean people who didn't have the same dress code, go to the same places of entertainment, laugh as much as me, do the same things, etc."

    Me as well. That's where my prejudice was. I could be very judgmental towards "not my type of person." And you shared, time and maturity have worked wonders for me as well. I think the more I embraced and accepted myself, I in turn, accepted others.

    "I do think we are all prejudiced to some degree, and I have to be bold here and say that to some extent prejudice is a good thing for society. We cannot tolerate criminal behaviour, for instance, and so we really need to be prejudiced against it so we can recognise and deal with it."

    I totally agree! And as you so brilliantly said, we need to be able to discriminate between the two. I think there is a difference between being prejudice and knowing whats right and wrong. And things such as criminal behavior or child or animal abuse is NOT right.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Hope you're having a wonderful week!

    X

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  14. Maybe shouldn't barge in here but had to say how sad I felt when I read this... how true this is that it is always the differences we speak to and rarely our similarities in that we are all human beings with a heart. Blessings~~

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  15. Ron, I think you've addressed an interesting topic. You know, even animals could be accused of prejudice -- I mean, unless they've been socialized, dogs and rabbits don't exactly get along!


    Perhaps when confronted with unfamiliar circumstances, people just naturally gravitate toward that which is familiar (read: SAME). It's more challenging to feel comfortable in a group when you're "odd man out," so to speak (like when I go into a place where everybody has dark hair and they all stare at my blonde self, ha!)


    All that said, it's sad that we focus on differences rather than trying to search for similarities.

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  16. Hey there Ronnie,
    It's nice to be back! I had the time to read this very significant and deep post yesterday. But, had to postpone commenting until I had time.
    It's true that most of us associate racism between groups that are different instead of within a group. I have a harder time putting this into context, possibly because I always have been living in societies where everyone is so different. My view of the worls started off "mixed" as they said and I grew up with the most diverse and multi-ethnic peoples that you can imagine in the USA- in Hawaii. So the pure "groups" do exist but they are in the minority over there!
    Any type of racism is just fear and ignorance in disguise... It is sad that this type of feature is "cultivated" in families and societies through their belief systems, just like the flip side of the coin, love and acceptance.
    See you this week! :)
    XOX

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  17. Hey ho Robert!

    Thank you :) After I spoke with these two ladies, I felt like I wanted to say something concerning my thoughts and feelings on this topic. This topic of inner prejudice has always puzzled me, but after pondering it for a week, it became clear to me.

    "But you would think that minorities wouldn't react this way to one another because we know what's it's like to be prejudiced upon."



    Exactly. But it's like the mirror, what we see reflected back at us is what we're told is unacceptable, therefore it's like judging it within ourselves.


    I had no idea what two photos I wanted to use for this post, but when I saw these online, I thought they really depicted what I was sharing. Aren't the kitties CUTE?


    Thanks for stopping by, buddy. Always enjoyed. Have a supa' week!


    X

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  18. THANK YOU!!!! Back in the days 5"-7" was NOT considered short for a man. Both my grandfather AND father were about the same height as well.

    HA! You're right...what's happening to people? Both men AND women are now so much TALLER.

    "My great niece is 17, almost 6 foot and wears an 8 (10.5 US) shoe!"



    WOW!!! I wear only 71/2 or 8 in a shoe and they're so hard to find because they only make a few pairs - the rest are 10's and up!

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  19. Helloooooooo Mr. Dave!

    LOVED every word of your comment!!!!

    "We always have to be something that others have depicted or how we believe we should be. When we are in love with ourselves and we do not care who and what is being said then we stop all the noises in our head."

    You're so right, buddy, because when we know, accept and love what we are we don't care who and what is being said about us. Nor do we judge others.

    "We always have to be something that others have depicted or how we believe we should be. When we are in love with ourselves and we do not care who and what is being said then we stop all the noises in our head."



    A-MEN!


    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing on this post, Dave! Hope you're enjoying a wonderful summer! Have a great week!


    X

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  20. 5' 7" was not considered short for a man a few years back. What is happening to people? We're breeding giants now. My great niece is 17, almost 6 foot and wears an 8 (10.5 US) shoe!

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  21. Hiya Babs!

    "I was actually told by a client that I should be grateful he gave me his account because I was a woman and a short woman at that. He said that nobody else would have entertained me. I held his account for 21 years, yet he always held prejudice opinions of me."

    OMG?!?!?! Yes, isn't something how especially 'women' still have those things to contend with in the workplace? I hear that from MANY females and I know it's true.

    And it's ironic you mentioned the workplace because I've had many customers (both men and women) look at me surprised when they see a MAN selling cosmetics and fragrances. I've actually had customers ask to see a female sales associate instead of me. They'll say, "You're man, what could YOU possibly know about cosmetics and fragrances?"

    I just LAUGH!!!!

    And yes, I'm short too, so I've heard that as well. But it's funny because even though I'm short (5'-7"), I've never SEEN myself as short. But I've had several people point that out to me, "God...I could never date a short man."

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Babs! Have a wonderful week!

    X to you and Mo!

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  22. I can verify that Ron. I have experienced a lot of prejudice in my life, for a number of reasons, but none more pronounced that in my working life.

    I am female a minus
    I am short a minus
    I refuse to use my sexuality as a bargaining tool a minus


    These are just a few of the prejudices I came across, many times, as a graphic designer. It was worse in the eighties and nineties. I was actually told by a client that I should be grateful he gave me his account because I was a woman and a short woman at that. He said that nobody else would have entertained me. I held his account for 21 years, yet he always held prejudice opinions of me.
    I think things are improved regarding being a female graphic designer, but being short is still a real drawback in any workplace.

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  23. A very provocative post my dear man. We are prejudged and we prejudge because we do not let ourselves just be us. We always have to be something that others have depicted or how we believe we should be. When we are in love with ourselves and we do not care who and what is being said then we stop all the noises in our head. This is not an easy task. It is hard to let go of all those images and ideas that have been crammed into our minds. Yes, it is hard to look at the eyes of the person you see in the mirror when you look at yourself. Just look deep and long into the glass of that mirror and feel love for the person in the mirror. Then fill your heart with that love and all other things start to fade. And when you give away that love with no expectations that is when the miracles start.
    I too have had may prejudices in my life. I was prejudice and I was predjudiced against. Now I know that these thoughts are not me and they are only words that define the other person as being a bigot.

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  24. Hellooooooooooooo Mark~

    Thank you :)

    "Maybe I had blinders on, but I never saw them; I always felt like the two of us were accepted wherever we went...but maybe I was just naive."

    I think because you're such an OPEN and COOL person, that it probably didn't even dawn on you that there would BE a prejudice. It's the same in a lot of Italian families as well. They hope and wish that whoever their children date or marry will be Italian. But the thing about it is that they seem to forget that LOVE has more to do with it than a nationality. You can't help who you love.

    "And may I add, let's all stop the prejudice and end the hate. Peace and love, baby! And acceptance. That's what it's all about!"



    Amen and thanks, Mark! Have a faaaaaaabulous week, bud!


    X to you and Tara!

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  25. Mark PetruskaJuly 07, 2013

    Interesting, provocative, well thought out post! I was married to a Hispanic woman for 14 years, and she was always talking about perceived prejudices. Maybe I had blinders on, but I never saw them; I always felt like the two of us were accepted wherever we went...but maybe I was just naive. I know that within her family, there was some initial prejudice toward me, so I have no doubt those attitudes do exist and prevail in many cultures.


    Thanks for sharing, Ron. And may I add, let's all stop the prejudice and end the hate. Peace and love, baby! And acceptance. That's what it's all about!

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  26. Hey there Lisa!

    "Well, didn't you unleash a firestorm!"

    Ha! I've been wanting to share a post on this topic for a while now. So after talking with these two ladies, I decide to do so because I could see that we ALL in one way or another experience the same inner prejudice at times.

    Yes, and I agree wholeheartedly with Suzi's comment as well.

    "We're all a mass of insecurities which lead us to put others down in order to feel better about ourselves. I struggle with judgementalism from time to time and try to quickly change my attitude direction when I recognize it."

    Good for you, girl! I can catch myself at times as well. As I shared, I was just as guilty of copping an attitude back, as much as they were.



    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing on this topic, Lisa! Have a grrrrrrrreat week!

    X

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  27. Yes, it is. And it really doesn't do anything to bring people together; celebrating our differences.


    Thanks for stopping by, girl! Have a most excellent week! Hope you're feeling well.


    ((((((((((( You ))))))))))))))


    X

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  28. Hiya Matt!

    Thank you :) I sat down at my computer a few days ago and it all sorta flowed out of me. I've been wanting to share something on this topic for a long time, so after talking with these two ladies, I it all came together to share it now.

    " I am of Latin descent, and the inner prejudice is evident among the varying Spanish cultures, one thinking they're better or more PURE than the others. And I don't understand what the big deal is because the difference is what makes us all unique. We can be of varying descents, but they all make up the whole."

    Yes, and it's the same within the Italian culture as well. I remember my one grandmother's being very snobby towards Italians that were from different parts of Italy. And what's hysterical is that she wasn't even BORN in Italy, she was an American-Italian.

    "In an ideal world, our differences would be a celebrating."



    Amen! And our differences SHOULD be a celebration."


    Thanks so much for stopping by, bud. Have a fantabulous week!


    X

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  29. Well, didn't you unleash a firestorm! Like Suzie, I think prejudice stems a lot of different reasons....one of which is insecurity. We're all a mass of insecurities which lead us to put others down in order to feel better about ourselves. I struggle with judgementalism from time to time and try to quickly change my attitude direction when I recognize it. I worked at Offutt AFB a long time ago and saw many inter-racial couples; so that's not uncommon in my mind. I try and remember that we are all God's creatures and to prejudicially judge one is akin to judging God Himself.

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  30. Hellooooooooooo Linda!

    After my conversation with these two ladies, it stuck in my head, so I needed to share it. I've always wanted to post on this topic, but never did so until now. I could see the similarities of inner prejudice that we ALL have to contend with. It's really Universal.

    "being a white middle aged woman, I too have experienced my share but it is in mental illness that it's mind-blowing! I mean, can we just grow up?"



    THANK YOU!!!!! People are often so afraid to look at something and examine it (like they're afraid). I would rather talk about it, than pretend it doesn't exist. Plus, we learn something by investigating and staying open to what people experience.


    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Hope you're enjoying your summer. OMG...it's a HOT one here today!


    Have a super week!


    xoxoxo

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  31. Prejudice - in any form - is just horrible. The end.

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  32. "But by buying into and accepting what society tells us, we walk around as mirrors… …reflecting it back and forth to each other."

    Love your analogy to it being a mirror, Ron! This post was very well-said. And what you shared I think is true, we feel the standards and prejudices that society imposes as being unacceptable, and then we judge what we see, both outwardly and inwardly. I am of Latin descent, and the inner prejudice is evident among the varying Spanish cultures, one thinking they're better or more PURE than the others. And I don't understand what the big deal is because the difference is what makes us all unique. We can be of varying descents, but they all make up the whole. In an ideal world, our differences would be a celebration.

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  33. hi Ron, this is an important message and when written from your perspective, is vital to say. your words are powerful given your experience. being a white middle aged woman, I too have experienced my share but it is in mental illness that it's mind-blowing! I mean, can we just grow up? oh well.. thank you for speaking on a subject that can be touchy. I'm sure you opened some hearts. xox

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  34. Hey there Suzi~

    "It is interesting how those like us (and unlike) sabotage us for our minor differences. It is often out of fear or jealousy."

    AMEN and THANK YOU!!!!!! You nailed it!

    "I told her once how pretty she was and she shared with me how her so called friends made her feel badly about her eyes saying she couldn't possibly be "one of them" with her "green" eyes. I was floored!"



    Yes, and I've heard the same thing as well. Personally, I love seeing mixed races and cultures together. I truly love the beauty in BLENDING.


    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Have a lovely week!


    X

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  35. Hey there Dale!

    "My only "prejudice" would be against anyone who does anything bad that affects me personally. If I don't like someone, I'll still try and see their point of view, but equally, a good friend can still act like a dick and incur my anger."

    AMEN! And the same with me.

    "Makes no difference to me if you're Black, White, gay, straight, (or even American) if you're a dick, you're a dick."



    HAHAHHAHAHAHA! LOVED that! And you're sooooooo right!


    Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy. Have a terrific week!


    X

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  36. Hola Denise~

    "Women can be very judgmental towards each other. And I think a lot of it has to do with the prejudices that society places upon us, so we just mirror it back and forth to each other."

    Exactly! The 'standards' that society places on women is reflected back and forth - thus creating an inner prejudice.

    "But what's really interesting is that my gay male friends are some of my most supportive and loyal friends. I can talk about anything with them and they don't judge me."



    Yes, other women have shared the same thing. Many gay men are supportive of women because I think they see the prejudice that women have against them, so they can identify.


    Thanks so much for stopping by, girl. Have wonderful week!


    X

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  37. Hey there Rob!

    " I think that prejudice--and I've been guilty of it myself--stems in part from a need to feel superior. We think we need some kind of edge over other people, some way to step out from the crowd."

    You are sooooooo right!!!! And yes, I've been guilty of that as well.

    "But prejudice is a lie, a toxic con job that just makes us miserable and makes the world a more hostile place. We have more in common with each other than we realize--let's celebrate that, instead of building walls around ourselves."

    *applause*

    I agree! We DO have more in common with each other than we realize. And I also think that our 'differences' are also something to celebrate as well. I just recently read part of a book entitled, "The Beauty Of Different" AWESOME book!



    Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy. Have a most excellent week!


    X

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  38. It is interesting how those like us (and unlike) sabotage us for our minor differences. It is often out of fear or jealousy. I had a friend in school who was a beautiful black girl. He skin was slightly lighter than some of the other girls and she had the most gorgeous green eyes I'd ever seen. I told her once how pretty she was and she shared with me how her so called friends made her feel badly about her eyes saying she couldn't possibly be "one of them" with her "green" eyes. I was floored!

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  39. Hey there V Girl!

    "i know some black people have issues with other blacks dating outside our race, but i personally do not care."

    Me neither. I could care less. And I think what people seem to forget is LOVE. Love knows no color or gender. Love is love.

    " i think a lot of black women hate to see black men with white women, especially if that black man is rich."

    Yes! That's another thing that these two black women shared with me as well.

    " i personally prefer a yummy black man, but if i were to stumble upon a yummy white, mexican, spanish man, so be it."

    Agreed! I would have NO resistance or reservation about dating a black, Spanish or Mexican man as well.

    "believe me when i tell you i don't care what color a person is, what shade they are, their sexual orientation and i don't care to hang around people who have constant issues over these hangups."



    (((((( You ))))))


    Me too!


    Thanks so much for stopping by, girl. Have a most excellent week!


    X

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  40. Hey there Secret Agent Woman~

    "he has very dark skin and talked about the bias toward lighter-skinned blacks. If you think about it, most most black models and so on are light-skinned."

    It's funny you mentioned that because one of black cosmetic lines that is sold in the store in which I work, consciously uses both light-skinned and dark-skinned models in their advertising. But you're right, I have seen a lot of print models in magazines who are more on the lighter side. Again, it's what the media and society shows us.

    "And I've definitely seen biases among my gay friends, as I have in any other group. I do agree that it has to do with a reaction to societal prejudices."

    Yes, I think it does.

    "Here's a bias that puzzles me - it seems like (and I could well be wrong about this - maybe I notice it when it's there and don't notice when it's not) that many gay men have a bias toward liking women who are almost caricatures of women - heavily made up, fake boobs, and so on. What's up with that?"



    HA! LOVED that!!! Yes, you're right. And I think that has to do with the fact that many gay men LOVE women and see them as something GRAND. Some gays are bigger than life, so they enjoy seeing women bigger than life, I guess. I think it's all done in more of a celebratory way of women, however extreme it may be.


    Thanks so much for stopping by, girl, and sharing on this post. Have a SUPER week!


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  41. Good morning Bijoux!

    " Why in the world would a gay bar not welcome lesbians? What if you brought a straight woman to a gay bar? And seriously, how would they even know without asking?"

    Gay people can usually tell with each other. It's called GAYDAR - HA! And yes, I've gone into gay bars with straight women as well, and experienced the same thing. I remember taking a straight girl friend of mine into a gay nightclub in Fort Lauderdale one time, and the doorman made it VERY difficult for her to get; asking for ID. I finally got so pissed that I said, "Well, if you don't allow her to come in, I'm not coming in as well."

    "One thing I've wondered is about the stereotypical gay man that's portrayed on TV and how the gay community responds to it."

    Some respond negatively; others not. Personally, it doesn't offend me because, quite frankly, some gay men are like that. And if they do it in a lighthearted and endearing way, why not? But I've also seen TV shows and movies in which they don't portray gay men like that. Just like straight people or black people, there are different types of gay people.


    Thanks for stopping by, my friend. Have an excellent week!

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  42. Goooood morning Valerie!

    Thank you :) After I had this discussion with these two ladies, I kept thinking about it and feeling about it. Then later in the week, I shared with them my opinion of what I just shared in this post and they agreed - inner prejudice stems from how the world us, thus we reflect it back to each other.

    " In the past I had some very good gay friends and got on with them all but there was a noticeable hostility between THEM. I could never understand why that was."

    See, you noticed it too! It's like an interplay amongst THEM. And a lot of gays don't want to admit this, but there is prejudice within the gay community.

    " Absolutely. We shouldn't listen to society's words but we do. Are we afraid to branch out in case we are accused of being different?"



    THANK YOU.


    Always a delight to read your comments, dear lady. Thanks for stopping by and have a GRAND week!


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  43. Hey there Shae!

    " I think no matter who we are we all deal with some type of"inner predjudice"

    You are absolutely right! That's why I shared that regardless of who we are (male-female, gay-straight, black-white) we have at one time or another experienced prejudice.

    " Its sad really because people make these rash judgments before really getting to know anyone."

    Yes, they do. And it's often from just appearances and some preconceived society notion of what acceptable.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, girl. Have SUPER week!!!!

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  44. Top post Ron. I for one am as liberal and open minded as I can possibly be. My only "prejudice" would be against anyone who does anything bad that affects me personally. If I don't like someone, I'll still try and see their point of view, but equally, a good friend can still act like a dick and incur my anger.
    Makes no difference to me if you're Black, White, gay, straight, (or even American) if you're a dick, you're a dick.

    Stop the Hate,
    dalecooper57

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  45. Yes, I agree, Pearl! It's like a poison that spreads.

    Thanks for stopping by, m'dear. Have a lovely week!
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  46. Ron, what a wonderful post! And the women who told you that most of the prejudice they have experienced was from other women is true. Women can be very judgmental towards each other. And I think a lot of it has to do with the prejudices that society places upon us, so we just mirror it back and forth to each other. And having a lot of gay male friends, I do see the prejudice you speak off between them. But what's really interesting is that my gay male friends are some of my most supportive and loyal friends. I can talk about anything with them and they don't judge me.



    Thank you for sharing this post, Ron. You express yourself very well.
    Have a wonderful week!

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  47. Rob LenihanJuly 07, 2013

    "But by buying into and accepting what society tells us, we walk around as mirrors… …reflecting it back and forth to each other."

    Fabulous line and a brilliant post, Ron! I think that prejudice--and I've been guilty of it myself--stems in part from a need to feel superior. We think we need some kind of edge over other people, some way to step out from the crowd.

    But prejudice is a lie, a toxic con job that just makes us miserable and makes the world a more hostile place. We have more in common with each other than we realize--let's celebrate that, instead of building walls around ourselves.

    Thanks for posting, Ron, and have a great week!

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  48. "such as dating or marrying outside their own race, or darker blacks having a prejudice towards lighter blacks."

    i know some black people have issues with other blacks dating outside our race, but i personally do not care. i think a lot of black women hate to see black men with white women, especially if that black man is rich. i personally prefer a yummy black man, but if i were to stumble upon a yummy white, mexican, spanish man, so be it.

    believe me when i tell you i don't care what color a person is, what shade they are, their sexual orientation and i don't care to hang around people who have constant issues over these hangups.

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  49. I had a similar conversation with a man I dated for a while about the prejudice within the African-American community - he has very dark skin and talked about the bias toward lighter-skinned blacks. If you think about it, most most black models and so on are light-skinned. And I wonder if Obama would have had a more difficult time getting elected if he wasn't mixed race?


    And I've definitely seen biases among my gay friends, as I have in any other group. I do agree that it has to do with a reaction to societal prejudices.


    Here's a bias that puzzles me - it seems like (and I could well be wrong about this - maybe I notice it when it's there and don't notice when it's not) that many gay men have a bias toward liking women who are almost caricatures of women - heavily made up, fake boobs, and so on. What's up with that?

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  50. Wow! Interesting post and topic! I was not aware of the divisions in the gay community. Why in the world would a gay bar not welcome lesbians? What if you brought a straight woman to a gay bar? And seriously, how would they even know without asking?

    One thing I've wondered is about the stereotypical gay man that's portrayed on TV and how the gay community responds to it. I guess if you are like Cameron on Modern Family, you are ok with it.....otherwise, you probably just roll your eyes?

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  51. This is a very intelligent and thought provoking post, Ron. You are so good at making me think.

    'people feel an inner prejudice towards each other because the prejudice comes from how we all appear to the world.'

    I haven't really weighed up the interaction or emotion in people stakes but variable status definitely hits home with me. In the past I had some very good gay friends and got on with them all but there was a noticeable hostility between THEM. I could never understand why that was.

    'people feel an inner prejudice towards each other because of what society tells us.'

    Absolutely. We shouldn't listen to society's words but we do. Are we afraid to branch out in case we are accused of being different?



    Have a grand week, my friend.

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  52. I love this post Ronnie! I think no matter who we are we all deal with some type of"inner predjudice". As a woman I feel all the time that people are constantly judging me because my choice in friends tends to be all male and accordingly I have developed a personality that i is "one of the guys". But because I am not "lady like" with a face full of make up I am looked down on as not as good as the other girls. Its sad really because people make these rash judgements before really getting to know anyone.

    This post is a good reminder to try and stay open minded. Just because someone isn't just like you doesn't mean they aren't worth talking to.

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  53. AkelamaluJuly 07, 2013

    Prejudice is one of humanity's least attractive traits. :(

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  54. So sorry for getting so far behind... I know you're not prejudiced against late commenters though. ha! ;)

    Interesting post. I do agree that part of it is society. Things do seem to be changing though, slowly, but we are accepting more and more differences among ourselves and being okay with that. Celebrating it, even.

    Many years ago, when my husband was young, he did deal with ignorance from kids in school. Being half korean in a predominantly white town was hard at times. But you know, had he stayed in Korea things would have actually been worse. Being half anything in a place where the majority are full something else, especially 50 years ago, was just difficult. He was shunned by his birth mother's father. He wouldn't even recognize him as a grandchild and was never spoken of after he was given up for adoption. The grandmother was never even told there was a child. Sad, really. Even after moving to the states, most of the family stayed within their own community. To this day, a couple of the uncles would never allow their children to marry someone other than a korean. They have since all met Ron after he reunited with his birth mother and they do accept him and have been very nice to him whenever he's visited but I'm sure they still prefer to spend the majority of their time with those of their culture. The children are more open to friendships with others having gone to public schools and some have married outside their race. I imagine that things will be easier with their children. I think you can still keep connection to your own heritage while loving who you love.

    Personally, I don't feel that I have many prejudices. Even though I was raised in a mostly white Irish Catholic type town, my parents just seemed to find one's character the important thing and not color, religion, partner, etc. Even though my father used to use some derogatory remarks at times, overall, he really was a people person and would always try to be helpful to all. My mother, being a nurse, had to treat all her patients the same so if she had any prejudices she kept them in check.



    Oh my, so many more posts to catch up... can't ramble away on this one anymore. LOL


    Great topic though, enjoyed it!

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  55. Hey there Mary!

    "So sorry for getting so far behind... I know you're not prejudiced against late commenters though. ha! ;)"

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! You're right, not prejudice against late commenters at all. So no apologies needed, my friend. In fact, thank you for stopping by!

    OMG...what a sad story about what Ron went through as a child. And yes, back then cultures strongly believed you stayed within your own culture. Thank god, that has changed.

    "Even though I was raised in a mostly white Irish Catholic type town, my parents just seemed to find one's character the important thing and not color, religion, partner, etc."



    That's AWESOME!


    My parents where pretty much the same. And even though my father was 21 years older than my mother, he was pretty open to things. And like your father, he treated everyone kindly and was helpful to ALL.


    My parents may have had certain beliefs about things, but they never put other people for not having the same beliefs.


    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend!


    ((((((( You ))))))))


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