If you've been reading my blog for some time now, you know three things about me.
1. I love dry sarcasm
2. I exaggerate
3. I have a harmless dirty mind
Some of my favorite comedians deliver(ed) their humor with a dry sarcasm. People like: Bill Murray, Bea Arthur, George Carlin, Woody Allen, and Ellen DeGeneres.
I also like to exaggerate. And to me exaggeration is not telling a lie. I think of it as taking a big box of crayons and creatively COLORING the truth.
And yes, I have a harmless dirty mind and can't resist sharing a bit of dirt from time to time on my blog.
So, today I would like to share some sarcasm, exaggeration, and dirty stuff. But don't worry it's not X-rated dirty stuff, no, it's more like FX-rated.
Funny X-rated dirty stuff.
Enjoy...
Wishing you a sarcastic, exaggerated, and dirty weekend everyone!
X
The stool sample made me laugh, Ron, and the apology is ace. Absolutely must remember that 'cos I'm sure I can use it when I'm next interrupted!
ReplyDeleteWeekend is upon us. Hope yours is a good one. I had great plans until a district nurse rang to say she couldn't see Joe today but will come tomorrow... bang goes our Saturday lunch out.
I would love to use that interruption apology some time.
ReplyDeleteThe bready slippers first made me laugh and then made me think I'd kind of like a pair. I think they'd be toasty. (hee hee)
Oh! Someone shares my contempt for bucket lists. How good! Sometimes I think most of the world is on a quest to complete their bucket lists so they can happily die. I want so much to ask these people, "Why bother with the list? Just go ahead and kick the fucking bucket!"
ReplyDeleteAll of your FX-rated (memes?) - I've been meaning to Google...
Anyway it's all good stuff.
Have a good one!
"A harmless dirty mind?!?" The nuns in Catholic school would say there's no such thing, Ron--which is why I love this post so much! I especially like the last one about the fucket list!
ReplyDeleteThe karma one is a gem and I have a long list for that one as well! Keep it up with your dirty mind--oops, that's dirty, isn't it?--and the dry sarcasm and the exaggerations! We're all very excited about your existence!
Have a great weekend, buddy!
Ron, these are hysterical! My favorites are the banana, condom, and the last one about the bucket list.
ReplyDeleteI love dry sarcasm too, which is why I love Ellen DeGeneres. I also loved Bea Arthur. She was my favorite on the Golden Girls. No one could deliver dry sarcasm like she could.
Thank you for the morning laughs, Ron. You never fail to entertain!
Have a wonderful weekend x
Gooooood morning Valerie!
ReplyDeleteMe too! When I spotted the 'stool sample' I HOWLED! And the 'apology' did it to me as well - HA!
" I had great plans until a district nurse rang to say she couldn't see Joe today but will come tomorrow... bang goes our Saturday lunch out."
Oh drats, sorry to hear about that. Don't you hate it when you have plans and then they get banged?
Hope you and Joe can figure something out and maybe switch your lunch to Sunday?
X to you and Joe!
I wonder if faking a climax could be considered "sarcagasm".
ReplyDelete"I would love to use that interruption apology some time."
ReplyDeleteOMG...me too! I saw that one online and laughed!!!
"The bready slippers first made me laugh and then made me think I'd kind of like a pair. I think they'd be toasty. (hee hee)"
HAHAHHAHAHAHA! Toasty indeed! Aren't those slippers clever?
Thanks so much for stopping by, girl. Have an AWESOME weekend!
X
Hey there David!
ReplyDelete"Oh! Someone shares my contempt for bucket lists. How good!"
I've never had a bucket list and NEVER will. I've often wondered where this "bucket list" thing ever started!?!
" I want so much to ask these people, "Why bother with the list? Just go ahead and kick the fucking bucket!"
Bwhahahahhahaha! David, that CRACKED ME UP!!!!
"All of your FX-rated (memes?)"
No, I found them online while Googling images of sarcastic sayings.
Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy. Have an awesome weekend!
X
Hey there Rob!
ReplyDelete""A harmless dirty mind?!?" The nuns in Catholic school would say there's no such thing, Ron."
Bwhahahahahhaha! Ain't that the truth! There is no such thing as a harmless dirty mind, according to Catholic school. A dirt mind is a MORTAL sin because even the THOUGHT of it makes it a sin, right? HA!
When I spotted the one about the 'bucket list' I died laughing!
Much thanks for stopping by, buddy. Have a grrrrrreat weekend!
X
Hola Denise!
ReplyDeleteThe one about the condom made me HOWL out loud! OMG...it's HILARIOUS, isn't it?
"I love dry sarcasm too, which is why I love Ellen DeGeneres."
I LOVE Ellen!!!! Sometimes I will go over to her website and watch videos of her interviewing people or giving a speech at certain events and LAUGH! Her sense of humor is brilliant because of the way she delivers it.
Yup...I agree....Bea Arthur ROCKED!
Thanks a bunch for stopping by, girl. Have a wonderful weekend too!
X
"I wonder if faking a climax could be considered "sarcagasm".
ReplyDeleteBwhahahhahahahahahahaha!
Dale, that was brilliantly HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*thunderous applause*
Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy. Have a super weekend!
x
{Bowing, holding a rose between teeth}
ReplyDelete"Thank you, thank you..."
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!
ReplyDeleteDale, you crack me up, man!!!!!
But seriously, that was BRILLIANT!
"Camouflage condoms: They'll never see you cumming"
ReplyDeleteROFLMAO
I loved the one's about karma and bucket list too.
George Carlin: sarcasm at its best!
Great post, dude! And keep that sarcasm, exaggeration and dirty mind coming. Or rather, cumming.
Hiya Matt!
ReplyDeleteThe condom one made me do that too! Isn't it hysterical???
"George Carlin: sarcasm at its best!"
I agree!!!!!!!
"And keep that sarcasm, exaggeration and dirty mind coming. Or rather, cumming."
Bwhahahahhahaha!
Much thanks for stopping by, buddy. Have a most excellent weekend!
X
Love the "middle of my sentence" one. Nothing bugs me more than a person who interrupts! I do love dry sarcasm myself, though. Happy Friday, my friend - hope your weekend is faaaaaabulous!
ReplyDelete"Nothing bugs me more than a person who interrupts!"
ReplyDeleteMark, I used to work with a guy who did that whenever you had conversation with him. It's like he never stopped to listen to what you were saying, so the whole time you were talking to him it was sentences overlapping each other.
" I do love dry sarcasm myself, though."
Which is why I love your sense of humor!
Thanks for stopping by, buddy. Have a faaaaaaaabulous weekend!
X to you and Tara!
Ron, I love your take on exaggeration! When I was a younger, my parents referred to me as their 'exaggerating child' because I would always dramatize a situation, making it much more 'colorful.' And I still do that.
ReplyDeleteThese are all so funny, but the camouflage condom, the I'm sorry, and the bucket list are my favs!
I don't know many people who enjoy Woody Allen like I do, so it's great to read that someone else enjoys his humor too.
These crack me up! Love the stool sample, so funny!
ReplyDelete" When I was a younger, my parents referred to me as their 'exaggerating child' because I would always dramatize a situation, making it much more 'colorful.' And I still do that."
ReplyDeleteHA! Robert, it's so IRONIC you said that because my mother used to refer to me as her "DRAMATIC son" because I exaggerated too!!!!!
And still DO!
Don't ya just LOVE the condom one? OMG...I laughed my butt off when I saw that one online!
"I don't know many people who enjoy Woody Allen like I do, so it's great to read that someone else enjoys his humor too."
People here LOVE Woody Allen or can't stand him. My brother and I are both HUGE fans of his humor. And being someone who loves the city of NY, I adore Woody Allen because he is SO NY!
Much thanks for stopping by, bud. Have a fantabulous weekend!
X
Hey there Suzi!
ReplyDeleteGlad you had a giggle, my friend. I had SO MUCH fun putting this post together!
Isn't the stool sample PRICELESS?
Have a faaaaaaaabulous weekend and thank you for stopping by!
X
LOL, I love these! I've always thought sarcasm should have it's own font. I'm a firm believe that when life gives you lemons, trade them in for limes and make mojitos. :-) I liked George Carlin in his younger years; thought he was hysterically funny. I saw a live show the year before he died and thought, "what an sad, sad little man with so much built up bitterness and hostility." His caustic remarks in the guise of humor was very disheartening. He was not funny to me anymore.
ReplyDelete" I've always thought sarcasm should have it's own font."
ReplyDeleteHA! Lisa, I LOVE that! And you're right...sarcasm should have its own font!
"I'm a firm believe that when life gives you lemons, trade them in for limes and make mojitos."
Bwhahahhahahaha!
When I was looking for stuff online for this post, I came across so many different versions of "when life gives you lemons" but never saw that one. It's great!
And I agree with you about George Carlin in his later years. There is a fine line between sarcasm done with bitterness and sarcasm done with irony and humor.
Much thanks for stopping by, my friend. Have a glorious weekend! We supposed to get some really nice spring-like weather this weekend.
X
Ron, Woody Allen is the bomb! I love so many of his films, but "Hannah and her Sisters" is up there with my top five!
ReplyDeleteI sooooo agree, Robert, "Hannah and her Sisters" is fantabulous! When I was still living in Florida and acting, I actually did a scene from that movie with a friend of mine for a scene competition and we WON.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I love the movie "Mighty Aphrodite." Mira Sorvino was BRILLIANT!!!!!
These are hysterical! That's so TRUE about bananas! You have to add popsicles, too. Especially bomb pops. LOL!
ReplyDelete"That's so TRUE about bananas!"
ReplyDeleteI know, isn't it the TRUTH? Anytime I eat a banana in public usually break off pieces and stick them into my mouth, because the other way looks OBSCENE - HA!
"You have to add popsicles, too. Especially bomb pops. LOL!"
Bwhahahahahhaha! HILARIOUS! And true!
Have a super weekend, girl, and thanks for stopping by!
X
OMG...the last one is the best! Because yeah, that would be a realllly long list! I LOVE Ellen and Stephen Colbert.
ReplyDeleteYes Ron, "Mighty Aphrodite" is another one of my top five. Mira Sorvino won an Oscar for that performance and deserved it!
ReplyDeleteYes, she sure did, Robert! And I don't care how many times I watch that movie, she makes me laugh and laugh and laugh. She's both funny and sweet.
ReplyDelete"OMG...the last one is the best! Because yeah, that would be a realllly long list!"
ReplyDeleteHA! Yes...I totally agree with you, Bijoux!
And I also agree with you about Stephen Colbert!!!!!!
Thanks for stopping, my friend, and have a SUPER weekend!
X
I totally agree with Bijoux...the last is the BEST!! You are awesome my friend!! Sometime when you get a minute...check out my Pinterest board called Humor...there are some things on there that I KNOW would totally crack you up!! Happy Weekend my friend!! xo
ReplyDeleteI agree with all of the above and the stool sample really made me chuckle. Truth + colour + exaggeration makes a story more entertaining.
ReplyDeleteHey there Jeanne!
ReplyDeleteHA! Isn't the last one, HYSTERICAL? I couldn't resist sharing it!
Yes, I will definitely check out your "Humor" Pinterest board sometime this weekend. Can't wait!
Have a super weekend, my friend!
X to you and the girlz!
Hey there Babs!
ReplyDeleteThe stool sample made me chuckle as well because it's so hilariously clever!
"Truth + colour + exaggeration makes a story more entertaining."
I totally agree! Adding a touch of exaggeration makes a story so much more fun and enjoyable to read!
Thanks for stopping by, my friend. Have a super-duper weekend!
X to you and Mo!
LOL...oh I loved all of these Ron, expecially the Loafers and the Karma one. Thanks for bringing a LOL to my day, it's another grey and dreary one outside my window, I needed a laugh this morning, big time!
ReplyDeleteHappy Weekend and Hugs, G
Hellooooo Geraldine!
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Don't ya LOVE the Loafers and the Karma???? I just had to used them when I spotted them online - I thought they were FLAWLESS!
" it's another grey and dreary one outside my window."
OMG...sorry to hear about that. Today it was gorgeous here - sunny, mid-50's and perfect! I'm hoping tomorrow is the same because I have off, so I would like to get out there and enjoy it.
Have a great rest of your weekend, my friend!
X
Ron, Ellen has a website with videos? I had no idea.
ReplyDeleteYes! And here's the link. Enjoy!!!!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ellentv.com/
I've no idea who originated the concept but it got popular after that movie - "The Bucket List" - I think was the name of it, was released.
ReplyDeleteThe idea was to have no regrets when you are dying. I guess like never having jumped out of a plane. Actually I think that could be solved pretty easily. If someone is laying there dying and going on about how they never jumped out of a plane - well, just take them up and throw their ass out.
I think over Wal-Mart parking lot would be a good place. That way there would be an audience and people would point and say things like, "what the fuck?"
And little kids could come by later and poke their bloody and broken bodies with sticks and stuff...
Sorry I've been listening to a podcast of Roger Maron and got a little nuts.
"I've no idea who originated the concept but it got popular after that movie - "The Bucket List" - I think was the name of it, was released."
ReplyDeleteYes David, I did see that movie. I was probably several years ago, though.
"Actually I think that could be solved pretty easily. If someone is laying there dying and going on about how they never jumped out of a plane - well, just take them up and throw their ass out. I think over Wal-Mart parking lot would be a good place. That way there would be an audience and people would point and say things like, "what the fuck?""
Bwhhahahahahahaha! OMG...I BUSTED out laughing when I read that. You are a RIOT!!!
And apologies needed, I love it!
I'm with you though. I don't like the whole idea of making a list of things you want to do before you DIE. I would rather make a list of things I want to do WHILE I'M LIVING.
Like a "Life List."
Thanks so much for stopping back and giving me a GREAT laugh, buddy!
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
*batting eyes* Dunno why I liked the karma one so much.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the chuckles. I shared them with the King of Sarcasm. Ya know, the lover of all things Monty Python.
The one who didn't get the karma one.
*rolling eyes* Totally lost all humour in the translation. And he says he speaks English....ppfffttt!!
"*batting eyes* Dunno why I liked the karma one so much."
ReplyDeleteMel, isn't the Karma one STELLAR? Yup...I laughed at that one too!
"The one who didn't get the karma one. *rolling eyes* Totally lost all humour in the translation. And he says he speaks English....ppfffttt!!"
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, how FUNNY!!!!
And he speaks English?!? ppffftt!
Much thanks for stopping by, dear lady. Hope you're having a FABU weekend!
(((((((((( You ))))))))))
X
Kelvin is worried about me because I'm sitting here silent while my shoulders are shaking! He's watching a show, so I was trying to keep from chortling out loud, but I have to let it out & now he annoyed because I wasn't choking or strangling to death!
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh how funny, Benze!
ReplyDeleteBut hey, I did the same thing when I found these online. There are a few of these that REALLY make me chortle!
Much thanks for stopping by, my friend. Hope your Sunday was super. The weather has been gorgeous here the past couple of days, so I went outside today and enjoy it.
X
" If I had to go through life without sarcasm I think I'd just be a crumpled up pile of goo. It's really interesting when you encounter someone that doesn't get sarcasm. Always leaves me thinking, "Ya poor bastard."
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU, Jeff....and AMEN!!! And like you, I find it utterly interesting when you encounter people who don't GET sarcasm?!? To me, it's the most hysterical form of humor!
"I don't know where you found all these little gems, but there are some great ones in there!"
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!
And thank you for those because you know how much I love to use them, therefore, it's nice to have supply in case I run out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
" saw the sun today and the temps reached the 60's. Jeffy is smiling!"
Oh how faaaaabulous! And it was same here. Yesterday and today it was stunning! In fact, I was outside almost all day, enjoying it!
Much thanks for stopping by, buddy. Have a super week!
X
hahaha, ron those were great and we are so much alike. i am all three of those things.
ReplyDeleteI know, and that's why I ADORE you, Val!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhich reminds me, we have to make plans for another trip to NYC sometime this Spring!
Hope your weekend was awesome! Wasn't the weather beeeeeeeautiful? I was outside all day, enjoying it :)
X
I gotta say Ronnie, we have the exact same sense of humor! All of those that you shared had me laughing out loud! My fav has to be the Karma one though. My list for Karma must be a mile long now! Thanks for the laugh friend :)
ReplyDelete"I gotta say Ronnie, we have the exact same sense of humor!"
ReplyDeleteYup...that's why you and I 'clicked' as blogging buddies, Shae!
" My fav has to be the Karma one though. My list for Karma must be a mile long now!"
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Isn't the Karma one FLAWLESS? That's one of my favs, along with the Fucket List and the condom - HA!
Thanks so much for stopping by, girl. Have a fantabulous week!
X
Heh...love the stool sample! And those loafers must feel exquisite on the feet, especially if just out of the oven. I mean, if clothes feel amazing when you put them on just out of the dryer, imagine how comfortable freshly-baked loafers must feel ;-)
ReplyDeleteAnd this post reminded me of one of my favorite mathematical equations: Tragedy + Time = Comedy
Hey Herman!
ReplyDeleteIsn't the stool sample HILARIOUS??? OMG...when I spotted online, I busted out laughing!
"And those loafers must feel exquisite on the feet, especially if just out of the oven. I mean, if clothes feel amazing when you put them on just out of the dryer, imagine how comfortable freshly-baked loafers must feel ;-)"
Yes! And especially on a cold, cold, winter day!
"And this post reminded me of one of my favorite mathematical equations: Tragedy + Time = Comedy
LOVED that, man!!!! And how true!
Much thanks for stopping by, buddy!
X to you, Karin, and Mr. Tyler!
Ron, thank you!
ReplyDeleteYou are soooo welcome!
ReplyDeleteGrinning big time! Love the loafers. Perfect combination of naughty and funny. :)
ReplyDeleteHiya Jayne!
ReplyDeleteHA! Aren't the loafers priceless? When I saw them online I just HAD to included them in this post.
Much thanks for stopping by, my friend. Have a smashingly FABULOUS week!
X
I rarely buy clothes for myself, usually relying on gifts from other people who know what I will like better than I will. The last shirt that I bought myself, if I am not mistaken, was when I was in New Orleans. I didn't want to leave the city empty-handed, so I bought this short-sleeve button-up thing that looked good in the store and terrible everywhere else. I wore it maybe two or three times before giving it to Goodwill. Of course, this was also one of the last times I saw the last woman I was with, so the shirt, like New Orleans itself, probably has some negative associations that go beyond appearance.
ReplyDeleteI like the looks of your jacket, but I also have a really nice-looking leather jacket that I can't stand the feel of, so I completely understand!
Hey there Nathaniel!
ReplyDelete" Of course, this was also one of the last times I saw the last woman I was with, so the shirt, like New Orleans itself, probably has some negative associations that go beyond appearance."
HA! Loved that! And feel that way about certain songs I heard when I was dating someone, which ended up being a disaster. So every time I hear the song I think of that time!
"I like the looks of your jacket, but I also have a really nice-looking leather jacket that I can't stand the feel of, so I completely understand!"
I've come to the conclusion that the next leather jacket I buy with be a 'soft' leather, even if I have to spend more money to get it.
Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy. Hope all is going well with you. Have super weekend!
X
Stop me if you've heard this one: A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his belt. The bartender asks, "Why do you have a steering wheel on your belt?" And the pirate says, "ARRRRGH! It's drivin' me nuts!"
ReplyDeleteBwhahahahahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteNo, I haven't heard that one, Nathaniel! HILARIOUS!
Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy. Have a super weekend!
X
" Or the low cut top that looked good in front of the mirror at the store but in every day life makes me one loose nip away from jail."
ReplyDeleteBwhahahahahahahaha! Chrissy, that cracked me the hell up!!!
"It would have been even funnier if you had actually given him the jacket!"
I should have, you're right! But the guy was A LOT bigger than me and would have probably ended up looking like a Ken doll black leather jacket on him - HA!
Thanks a bunch for stopping by, girl! Have a fantabulous week!
X
Hey there David!
ReplyDeleteThat first photo I found online. Isn't it hilarious?
I LOVE jeans too! In fact, if I could ONLY wear jeans, I would! But you're right, jeans are not appropriate for all occasions, like a WAKE - tee, hee!
Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy. Have a super week!
X
Well....er... it LOOKS nice. What a shame though. Just shows how little we know when trying on garments int store. My answer to the question 'have you ever' is...' Yes, YES, Y-E-S. In fact I should add the words 'many times'. Do you think they treat things especially to fool the customers? So... what ARE you going to do with it?
ReplyDeleteHope you have a GREAT week x
Me too. I love leather, but limit it to the odd bracelet, shoes and handbags :)
ReplyDeleteUgh. I feel your pain! I have a closet full of "I can't believe I bought this" things. The light blue cardigan that only looked good because I just had a makeover at Sephora and was wearing tons more makeup than I would ever wear. Or the low cut top that looked good in front of the mirror at the store but in every day life makes me one loose nip away from jail.
ReplyDeleteIt would have been even funnier if you had actually given him the jacket! But I know this damn cold weather stopped you. Maybe you should wear it again when it starts to warm up?? LOL.
Hey ho Robert!
ReplyDeleteI decided to add the WD-40 oil can yesterday, just before I published this post because I remembered how in the movie (The Wizard of Oz), the Tin Man would say...."oil can....oil can"...whenever he got rusty and couldn't move.
"I wore it once and never wore it again. I sold it at sidewalk sale for a dollar!"
OMG...how funny! And I'm sure you paid MUCH more for it!
I made that last photo over at Face In Hole by placing my face inside the Tin Man. I love that website because you can make so many great photos there. And for some reason, this photo worked out well because sometimes it's very hard to get your own face inside the picture and make it look real.
Thanks a lot of stopping by, bud. Have a super-duper week!
X
I so agree with you about all three things. If I had to go through life without sarcasm I think I'd just be a crumpled up pile of goo. It's really interesting when you encounter someone that doesn't get sarcasm. Always leaves me thinking, "Ya poor bastard."
ReplyDeleteI don't know where you found all these little gems, but there are some great ones in there!
Oh ya, are you running low on these yet?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thought you could use a fresh supply.
I saw the sun today and the temps reached the 60's. Jeffy is smiling!
"I have a few items of clothing I have bought that have turned out this way! They sit in my closet & never get worn..."
ReplyDeleteI know, isn't that the pits, Benze? I don't usually buy articles of clothing and have this happen (like with this leather jacket). Oh well, live and learn, right?
Thanks for stopping by, my friend. Hope your weekend was awesome!
X