Wednesday, October 12, 2022

We Are Never Alone

This is a repost from 2010. And the reason I'm reposting it is that I think the topic ties in well with my previous post, in which I mentioned taking solo nature retreats. 

And as you will see, this particular retreat was one that had a very powerful effect on me.  

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How I discovered this retreat -

Back in 2004, I did something that was very unusual for me. I abruptly quit my job and took part of the money I had in my savings account and lived for three months without working. Until that point, I hadn’t taken a vacation in over ten years. All I ever did was work. So, I gave my two-week notice, and then a week later I went on a 7-day solo retreat in the Pocono Mountains.

Ironically enough, just before I moved back to Philadelphia from Florida, I was in a Barnes & Noble one afternoon and saw a photograph of a yoga and meditation retreat center in the Pocono Mountains in a yoga book, and was immediately drawn to it. In fact, I sensed that one day I would go there when I moved back east, but then forgot about it when I got here. 

That is, until I met someone in Philly who told me she had attended a retreat in the Pocono Mountains and how much she benefited from spending a week there the previous summer. And when she told me the name of the center, I instantly recalled the photograph I had seen in Barnes & Noble and realized it was the same place I felt drawn to.

So after I quit my job, I booked a reservation for seven days in January 2004. And it couldn't have been a more ideal time because I love winter and I love snow.

The retreat center offers various programs you can take; however I booked a single reservation without a program because I wanted the freedom to not follow a program. I'm one of those people who also doesn't like to take guided tours when I travel. I prefer investigating things on my own. And at my own pace. 

The Himalayan Institute - (I found this photo online. All others are mine)

Why the retreat -

I knew I was at a point in my life where I needed time alone to clear my mind, reassess my life, and reconnect to what I believe is a Higher Power.

I felt lost and confused. This was also at a time, right after I had gone through a very rough three years upon moving back to Philadelphia in 2001. Everything that could have gone bad during that time went bad. There has never been a time in my life where I felt more helpless and scared than during those three years. My life totally fell apart. It felt as if I was suspended over a dark abyss; not knowing if I'd fall.  

During that week at the retreat, I had no phone, computer, or television. I took only one music CD and my portable player, a journal, and my film camera. I awoke every morning at whatever time, ate breakfast, took three-hour walks in the snowy mountains and saw countless deer, wrote in my journal, and allowed myself to be totally immersed in nature. At night I would eat dinner, take a shower, write in my journal, listen to music, and went to bed at whatever time. 

The first morning I awoke, I walked to the top of a steep hill that overlooked the mountains. I sat on the bench that you see in the photograph above and sobbed uncontrollably as I decompressed from all the tension I had been holding onto. I remember it being so cold that my tears froze to my face. But I didn't care because I could literally feel the earth healing me.  

At first, it felt foreign living my days without a set schedule because I was so used to working. However, by the third day, I had grown accustomed to it. I took each day and each moment as they came. 

About the silence - 

What truly amazed me about spending a week in silence was that there was no silence. And what I mean by that is that within the silence, I could finally hear the voice of a Higher Power. So for seven days, I just listened without ever speaking. 

It would take me much too long to share all the incredible things I experienced and learned while I was there. But I must highlight one experience that made me realize we are never alone. We are always held, cared for, and guided throughout our lives. 

This experience also reaffirmed my belief in angels. 

On the last day of my retreat, I took one final walk to the place where I had gone on my first day. I went to the top of the hill and sat on the bench overlooking the snowy mountains. 

I wanted to express my gratitude for the time I had spent there. I silently thanked the sky, the air, the trees, the snow, and the mountains. 

And finally, I thanked the Higher Power for guiding me through this experience. 

Then, as I got up to leave, I heard a voice that said, “Take out your camera, point it there and take a picture.” 

So I did. 

Then I heard the voice say again, “Now take another picture.” 

So I did. 

Afterward, I turned around and began walking back to the retreat house, when I heard the voice say one last time, “Point your camera in that direction and take a picture.” 

So I did. 

When I got back to the city, I immediately had my rolls of film developed. The next day I picked them up and then sat on my apartment floor; reliving my retreat. And to be honest with you, I totally forgot about taking those three pictures because at that time I didn't understand why I took them. 

Now I do. 

(this is the order in which they were taken)

*Photo 1: First, notice my footprints in the snow. Then, notice the orange swirl of light above them...

*Photo 2: Notice the pinkish purple square of light above my footprints in this photograph from the same angle...

*Photo 3: Now, notice how the two colors came together in this photograph as I walked back to the retreat house...

Initially, when I first looked at these photos, I thought, “Well, perhaps the colors where formed from the glare of the sun on the camera lens.”

And perhaps they were.

But then I thought, “Even if they were, what if they were made that way on purpose?”

I believe we are never alone…

And I also believe...

"When you think your life is falling apart,
it's actually falling together in disguise"

Have terrific rest of your week, everyone!

💗