Rent-a-Baby

Like raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens….babies are one of my favorite things!

Wouldn’t be great if there was such a thing as a baby rental service for people like me, who loves babies, but are totally self-involved with their own lives, and much too idealistic about what it would be like to actually raise a child, but who would enjoy hanging out with a baby occasionally?

I mean, think about it…

Say my “paternal instincts” kick in one day, and I suddenly get the urge to have a baby for the weekend….

I could go to the baby-rental store (called, “Babe’s to Go”) and place an order.

All the babies would be on hangers, and suspended on one of those rotating racks.

(similar to a dry cleaner)

The sales associate would press a button, and all the baby samples would slowly spin around so I could view the collection.

I would have my choice of age, gender, and nationality.

There would be a flat fee for this service, which would include things, such as: the baby’s clothing, and diapers. The renter would need to supply things, such as: the high-chair, playpen, bed, and food.

And there could even be a “late charge” added in case I kept the baby an extra day, or forgot to return it.

And then, after I brought the baby back, it would be washed, re-dressed, and then re-hung on a hanger; available for another rental.

(kind of like a tuxedo)

I think it’s a FABULOUS idea…don’t you?

aaah, yea…I told you I was much too idealistic.

(and also a tad insane)

37 comments

  1. Hi, I just wandered into your blog via Dooce...I told my husband the next time I start talking about having another baby to bring me home a puppy instead. I do know there is a shelter in our area where people can volunteer to rock babies who were born addicted to drugs. I wonder if they have one of those in your area...

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  2. Hi Kathy~

    Welcome!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment. That's so nice of you!

    HA!

    You made me laugh, because my mother use to say the same to my father!!!!

    And it's funny that you mentioned about volunteering to rock the little precious babies who were born addicted to drugs. I had a very good friend of mine who was a nurse at a neo-natal hospital in Florida, who suggested the SAME THING to me. I DID investigate it, but unfortunately (or rather fortunately) they had so MANY people volunteering, that they stop taking applications.

    But your suggestion has got me thinking about investigating here, in Philly again.

    Thanks for that!

    Please stop by anytime. It was a pleasure talking to you!

    Hey...and isn't DOOCE the BEST????

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  3. ROFLMAO!!!!!!!! *wipes tears* Oh seriously Ronnie... you are too good to be true!!! I Luv ya to death!!!!

    This post is PRICELESS!!!

    When I have a baby... I'll be happy to give it to you on weekends while I go out and get shitfaced! :-P *GiGGLeS*

    Luv it! Luv it! Luv it! xx

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  4. Oy geeze.....I'm reminded of that silly crying baby that the kiddos drag back from school once a year to get a 'taste' of parenting. Yaknow---the guess-why-baby-is-crying-and-meet-its-need-or-it-keeps-cryin'-until-you-do baby?

    What a cruel trick to play on the grownups....LOL


    Volunteer.
    That's always an awesome thing!

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  5. When my daughter's preemie was born I seem to remember chatting (me, chat??) with one or two... okay.. ALL of the nurses and they said that volunteers didn't do baby rocking anymore. I think at first it was hard to coordinate schedules, etc. but then later because of privacy and safety issues it just wasn't done. Atleast in that hospital.

    My hubby would have loved to have another baby but we got Ollie, you know, the meditating Vizsla. And he really is like a baby some days. THEN our daughter had her baby. Yay! I'm a Mimi! And then we rescued a puppy. So I was off the hook after all that. Thank Goddess too because I really didn't want another child of my own. I mean, if it 'happened' I would have been okay with it and I actually started thinking of names just in case. One for a girl was 'Genevieve Valentine'. Poor little thing would have had to learn to shake her ta-ta's really early on with a name like that. I have NO idea what I was thinking. But a favorite Aunt's name was Genevieve. I am sure hub would have overruled me on the middle name. LOL

    As it certainly seems that there are alot of part-time parents out there who do not get that it was supposed to be a full-time gig.... it really would
    be wonderful if people who have a little time and all that love to give could offer some assistance to them. There are just too many little ones around who will never feel that they are loved and special.

    But didn't you say you are a Libra? How would you ever decide? LOL
    The rack would be rotating and you'de say, oooh, that darling little girl in the pink dress... NO, wait, that little guy dressed in a tuxedo, UH..hmm, maybe those twins who just flew past? LOL

    Thanks for the giggle.
    The visuals I'm getting from this post are giving me the perfect start to my day! :)

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  6. hey Ron, I have a couple of kids that you can rent for cheap. Anytime!!! Heck I might even be willing to pay you to get them out of a my hair for a weekend.
    They are not babies though. And they are not all cuddley and sweet. The scream a lot and wipe boogers on people.
    Seriously though, I have been spending a lot of time snuggling with my little nephew (my sister is having marital problems and the big sister has to step in and help right?). OMG, I just love snuggling with him....until he starts crying. Or until he poops. And then I am ready to give him back to her.
    I seriously think that I might shoot myself or my husband if I ever found out I was pregnant again. Good thing that BB gun cannot do too much damage. And good thing that I am fixed.
    Have a great day Ron!!

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  7. Morning, Ron ~ I love Dooce, too.

    When my children were younger, I thought about this "Rent-A-Kid" thing. I figured if I lent my kids out for a couple days we could bring the population explosion to a screeching halt.

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  8. Morning VBF~

    Ok, it's a DEAL...I'll sit for your baby on the weekends!!!!

    Hey, that gives me a GREAT idea...maybe I could start a "nanny service"...and go international!

    What a freaking great idea!

    I'll call it, "Ronnie-Nan."

    (sounds like #4 on a Chinese Restaurant menu)

    Tee, hee!

    Thanks for you wild and wonderful presence today, VBF...you ALWAYS make me GIGGLE!

    Have a swell day!

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  9. Morning Miss Nitebyrd~

    OMG...and you probably could have made some GREAT $money$ doing that too!!!

    (it would have helped pay for their piano lessons)

    HA!!!

    God love ya, woman!

    Always a HOOT...when you fly by!

    Enjoy your Wednesday, dear lady!

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  10. G' Mornin' Mel~

    Tee, hee!

    That WOULD be a cruel trick to play on the grown-ups!!

    "Just when you thought it was over...."

    WHAAAAA!@?@?#!

    I believe you're right, dear Mel....volunteer! I'm SO glad Kathy stopped by and mentioned that to me.

    (it's a SIGN!!!!)

    Hey...how was your early morn'in view today?

    Hope you enjoyed!!!

    P.S. "I" was still asleep!?

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  11. Morning Nicole~

    Hey...I have a GREAT idea...

    Do you think you could turn your childern FLAT...and then mail them to me???

    You could FEDEX them overnight, on a Friday...and I'll send them back to you on Monday morning!!!!

    I'll take them to the Liberty Bell, City Hall, and a Duck Boat Ride...we'd have a BLAST!

    Hey...think about it!

    (just remember to tell me what they like to eat...cheese steak's right?)

    Thanks for stopping by this morning, Nicole!!!!

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  12. Good Morning CrystalChick~

    Oh...your sense of humor is WONDERFUL!!

    I laughed my tush off when you mentioned the name 'Genevieve Valentine' and what she'd have to do!!!

    That was GREAT!!!

    And you are SOOOOO correct in asking me (as a Libra), "How could you ever decide on a baby??" That made me LAUGH too!!!

    I think I'd have to limit myself to seeing just 4 babies. 2 girls and 2 boys.

    (and then have my "Tarot Cards" there to help me)

    Tee, hee!

    I don't know if you ever knew this, but I'm actually a Reiki, Reflexology, and Aromatherapy Practitioner (part-time). If you ever feel like it..check out my other blog on the sidebar here. Anyway, I have this wonderful feeling that I will one day be working and sharing this work with children!!!

    And once again...it's great seeing ya, Mary. It's always so much fun!

    Hope you have a FABULOSO Wednesday!

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  13. Reiki, Reflexology and Aromatherapy, oooh, how delightful!! I'm not certified in any of them but love it all. I'm running low on pads for the car diffuser and how can I deal with NJ traffic without some heavenly assistance? I had ylang ylang in there for awhile, now I'm into peppermint for whatever reason. I've got bottles and bottles to choose from so I let my senses tell me which one I need unless I'm trying to do something in particular. I had a bad blister not too long ago and hubby gave me some anti-biotic ointment. I tried it. But what ended up working was simple tea tree and lavender. :)

    Tarot!! Which deck/s do you have??
    I must get myself right over to that other blog of yours so I don't miss anything. I'm sure it's as yummy as this one!
    Peace, Mary

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  14. p.s. I was just over at 'my other blog' and remembered stopping there a day or two ago but not realizing it was you I didn't stay to read anything. Tsk tsk on me as it's terrific. The solar plexus point information... wonderful! While I do enjoy hubby rubbing my feet with scented lotions I haven't done a hot foot bath in soooo long. I guess because I normally like full body baths that I guess I don't think to just give my feet one. I shall remedy this soon! I am sure I could use some boost to my energy level, especially with the craft season coming up and spending long days standing at my tables and to relieve stress after a hard, hot day.
    Thanks! M

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  15. one thought comes to mind

    'The sales associate would press a button, and all the baby samples would slowly spin around so I could view the collection' ......
    and each in turn empty the contents of their stomach all over the potential renter.

    ewwww no thanks

    I love my babies to bits but I am not the slightest bit maternal and absolutely hate it when a new mother brings her baby tot he ofice for everyone to drool over....I will be the one firmly glued to my desk manning the phones whilst everyone else goes gaga

    babies have their place ........away from me!!

    god help the little ones that get me for a granny

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  16. Hmmm...may be a new business venture for you! We could all invest in it..I will have to be a silent investor though. hee, hee.
    I love babies too..but they SCARE me! They are soooo fragile. Give me a three year old and up!

    I am Nanna to my grandchildren, but they know I am not the baking cookies type Nanna. I told them we'll buy the cookies at the bakery so we can paint or go outside explore the world! Especially at night with flash lights!

    My daughter would have gladly let you have her two for the weekend!

    God love you Ron..you are such a sweet soul!

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  17. I think there is a service like this but it's called...being an uncle (or aunt). Take the baby for a few hours, return it. :o)

    This only works, ovbiously, if you have siblings...or a good friend...with a baby.

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  18. Hello CrystalChick~

    oooh....ooooh....I am SO GLAD to hear that you're into this stuff too!!!

    And thanks for visiting the other blog. I left it there so that people can use it when they GOOGLE for information. I posted for a year and then decided to stop for awhile (my brain dried up). I may get back to it, if I feel inspired. I hope people use it as a reference blog.

    Hey, listen, you don't have to be certified to receive any of the many benefits of these modalities. There are so many wonderful books at there, with great information, that can help you and your family. And I think it's SUPER that you're at least open to this...and willing to try it. I find it ALL to be extremely helpful in my own life....in so many ways!

    They essential oils that you mentioned here are all ones that I have in my home kit, for myself. I'm a peppermint FREAK and use it alot in the summer. It's a great COOLER and ENERGIZER. And Tea Tree is an oil that I'm NEVER without. It's excellent for so many things...lavender too!!!

    I was actually kidding about the Tarot cards...but I've had many friends who have given me readings and they were very helpful and accurate. So, I'm definately open to it!

    WOW....this is SOOO freaking cool to meet some one who uses these tools!

    We're like kindered blogging spirits!!!!

    So happy we've met. And as always...I thank you for sharing!!!

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  19. Evening Lady~

    You CRACK me up!!!!!

    Hey...I never thought of the babies upchucking...eeewww!

    I DO idealize about what it would be like to have a baby, and I've heard it said by SOOOOO many parents, that it's rewarding...but extremely challenging at times.

    I know that having a baby totally rearranges a couples life, and that it must take a while to adjust to it.

    But whenever I see a little baby...my heart just swells!

    I LOVE them.

    This is why I make a GREAT uncle!

    tee, hee!

    Uncle Ron!

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  20. Howdy Rhea~

    You said it, girl....UNCLE RON!!!!

    (and it's the TRUTH...you can always give them back, after a few hours)

    It's soooo weird, because even though I'm the one who would never actually have a child...children seem to always want to sit in my lap.

    Kind of like a cat, ya know?? A cat will ALWAYS go to the one person who seems "not interested."

    Tee, hee!

    And it's funny, because I LOVE both of them....

    Babies.....and cats!

    GREAT seeing ya today, Rhea. Thanks for sharing!

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  21. Good Evening Dearest Gypsy-Heart~

    And thank you for an investment in my new business venture.

    (or should I say FANTASY!?!?!?)

    Tee, hee...

    I'm so SURE your granchildren LOVE spending time with you! They learn things that only YOU can show them...and how WONDERFUL the many things you share with them! I wonder if any of them will develop a love for art?

    You're planting "little seeds" in their HEARTS!

    ooh..ooh..flash lights at night...is'nt that the FUNNEST thing???

    And even though I LOVE babies and children...I KNOW myself all to well......

    It's best if I RENT!!!!

    GOD LOVE YA, WOMAN!!!

    And thank you for comming by, this evening...

    tis' ALWAYS a joy!

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  22. They could even have a 'rent to own' option, don't ya think?

    OK, maybe not.

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  23. Howdy Misty~

    OH MY GOD...that's freaking BRILLIANT!!!!

    What a FABULOUS option!!

    Now why the hell didn't I think of that???

    Thanks for your visit, kind lady...your comment was a HOOT!

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  24. I think all the various models need to be named. A couple that come to mind:

    Baby Up Chuck

    Diarreha Debbie

    Bowel Movement Benny

    Baby Powder Becky

    Screaming Shirley

    Sir Poops Alot (for royalty)

    Peekaboo Peet

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  25. OOOOOOOH Mr. Jeff....you freak me the hell out, with how freaking HYSTERICAL you are, man!

    My favorite????

    Sir Poops Alot!!!!

    (I'm crying HERE!)

    I can never thank you enough, for adding your brilliant "touches" to these posts!

    BRAVO...Sir Jeff!

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  26. Hey Ron = thanks for your visit to Captured By Gravity!
    I think Babies R Us rentals is a great idea - you're right, sometimes I just want to take a toddler to the zoo, or get a little girl and plait her hair - but don't want the responsibility of vaccinations, endless midnight feedings, and worrying about which preschool to apply to -- and now that my sister has moved my nephews all the way to Australia (!) I need me a baby fix once in a while!

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  27. Hey Mo!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment!

    SEE!!!!

    I'm not the ONLY who has this "paternal instinct" periodically, surge through my veins!!!

    (plait her hair...that's hysterical!)

    WOW..Australia??? That IS a long way!

    Oh, well...eucalyptus and kiwala bears!

    Love em!

    Enjoy your day!

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  28. Have you ever thought of becoming a nursery nurse? :)

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  29. That is an awesome idea. There are some people who would abuse this service just like Blockbuster -- you know, like returning the baby late and not "rewinding it" and then not paying the late fee.

    oooooh and I shudder to think of some of the people who would rent a baby...yikes. Besides you I mean.

    -- Jonny's Mommy

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  30. I had to come see what made VBF all gooey. And man this is a great post. You'd also need a grandparent option so when my mom looks at me with that "so where are some more grandkids for me?" I can hand over a business card.

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  31. Hi! I came across you via Mary Crystalchick from NJ USA. I'm in London though...

    Yeah rent-a-kid. Could be highly entertaining...

    ... hey! I was reading in the paper only today about a thing called a ... o man let me dredge this name up from the back of my skull... something like a reborn baby... t's a doll that looks just like a baby and American women spend 3 weeks making them then sell them on ebay to desperate people who walk them around in prams and soak up the compliments of passers-by then go home sobbing over their fertility problems...

    (ooer sorry but that probably IS the truth...)

    On another note entirely I just read Kathy's comment at the top. Can you really be a baby rocking volunteer? THAT rocks!

    I KNOW 2 kids who were born heroin-addicted. One is about 14, 15; the other about 12 (though I remember her aged 4 and cannot get through my thick skull how BIG and OLD she's got!)... they SEEM to be OK. We are all just hoping (the mother included) that they WILL grow up to be OK. Their older brother's in the military and doing v well so hopefully they'll all go on to achieve their ambitions.

    PS that's a lovely entertaining picture at the bottom... btw how DID you get a picture at the bottom of your post? Blogger always puts mine at the TOP no matter what permutations of clicking boxes I try...

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  32. Evening Akelamalu~

    GREAT idea, dear lady!!!!

    This way I could tell them nursery rhymes and share Reiki, Reflexology and Aromatherapy with them!!!

    tee-hee!

    Thanks for stopping by, Akelamalu. And for the the GREAT suggestion!!!

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  33. Hey Ron...I came via...vbf. I like your blog.

    Fab post and being a mommy of an almost 11 month old, I just can't get over how much I love being a mommy. I just wished I was home with him and didn't have to work. He walks a tad but loves to be held.

    If you rented a baby...you might not want to give him/her back. When they look at you with those loving eyes and smile...why, I just melt.

    Ciao.

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  34. Howdy Boondock!

    So good seeing ya!

    HAAAAAA! That's too funny. It kind of would be like a Blockbuster rental!! I never thought of that!

    Maybe they would have to leave a credit card number JUST in case! And have a background check, ya know?

    tee, hee!

    Thanks for stopping by for a read, dear lady!!!

    Enjoy your evening!

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  35. Greeting Spiky!

    Thank you very much for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment! I've seen your avatar at various blogs I've visited, so it's nice to finally meet you!

    Oooh, and how wonderful to have an 11 month old!!!! I LOVE that age! And it's so nice to hear that you enjoy being mommy. I know that it must be hard to work and not be at home with the little one!

    (I have feeling that I would be the same way)

    Especially for the first year!

    And you're right...I probably WOULD get so attached to the rental baby...and cry when I had to return it!!

    boo-hoo!

    Thanks again for stopping by, and adding your "mommy-love" to this post!!

    You're always welcome here!

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  36. Greetings Glenwood!

    Welcome to Vent! And thanks ever so much for taking the time to comment!

    First of all....I LOVE your avatar!! It's soooo adorable. Besides babies...I love animals, and hamsters make the most lovable pets! I had MANY as a child.

    Hey...thanks for sharing that VERY interesting information about the woman who makes those dolls. WOW...I could see how it would upset a couple who had fertility challenges.

    And YES...there are certain hospitals here in the US, that ask for volunteers to rock babies who are born with drug addictions. They seem to respond well to loving human touch! I tried at one time to apply, but the amount of people who were doing it was tremendous, so they couldn't accept any more applications. I felt disappointed...but HAPPY that so many people were WANTING to do this. However, this may be time for me to investigate it again.

    And about placing the photo at the bottom. I usually only use 2 photos at the most. But here's what I do....

    Type your post on WORD (not your blog post).

    Then start by adding the bottom photo FIRST (I place mine right)

    Then add the second photo (I add mine left).

    After your done, PASTE your post in the blog post (next to the first photo).

    You should find that the text will postion the photos exactly where then need to be. However, sometimes I have to adjust the bottom photo by bringing it up a little higher.

    Hope this works for you!

    Thanks again for stopping by. It was very nice meeting you!!!!

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  37. Howdy Jen!

    Welcome to Vent!

    And thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. It's nice to meet a good friend of VBF...isn't she the GREATEST???

    Hey...and I never even thought of how GREAT this service would be for grandparents who give their children..."that look."

    Ok, when I get my business cards printed...I send you some to hand out!!!

    Tee, hee!

    Thanks again Jen, for stopping by! Please visit whenever you wish!

    Enjoy your evening!

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