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Have you ever experienced a temperamental vending machine that REFUSES to accept your paper currency?

This happens to me more than I care to say…

The other day when I was trying to add money to my laundry debt card, the stupid-ass machine kept spitting my dollar bills back out. I tried again and again, but to no avail. Each time I inserted a bill…out it spit!

It looked as though the damn machine was sticking it’s tongue out at me and saying, “No, sorry…I hate that one…try another…”

I then tried inserting the bills from the opposite end…NO!

I then tried flattening out (nice and neat) all four corners of the bills, thinking maybe that was the problem…NO!

I flipped the bills over (bottoms up) and then tried inserting them that way, but that was a MAJOR…NO! NO!

(ok…what next?)

I then decided to go back to my apartment and see if I had a five dollar bill that I could use instead.

I found one.

So back I went to the blasted machine and proceeded to insert it.

However…OUT it spit…

I tried it again.

OUT it spit…

I did this several times before I finally noticed a little window on the front of the machine that said, WILL NOT ACCEPT NEW CURRENCY.

And when I looked down at my hand…I saw that it was one of the new five dollar bills that had just been printed.

I thought to myself, "Oh…really?"

So then I tried taking both my FISTS and SLAMMING them five times on the FRIGGIN’ machine and screamed…NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

(it didn’t change anything…but I sure as hell felt better)

"Ok…deep cleansing breath, Ron…now, let it go…"


  1. I can not remember the last time I put money in a vending machine...
    but I laughed my ass off trying to imagine you using ninja moves on a cranky machine.

  2. Okay, Ron. I was totally prepared to comment on your post, but then.....I scrolled all the way to the bottom of your blog and holy crap?? Is that you???
    Somehow, I had you pictured in my head with orange hair and a really big nose!!!
    I am overjoyed to have a face to put to the personality. If that is in fact you.

    So anyways, about the vending machines. Yeah they suck don't they?? Sorry that was lame. I lost my train of thought.

  3. OH vending machines are INSANE. I swear they do have a mind of their own.

    Sometimes it's the opposite as your experience in that you actually get the money to load and then get nothing in return. I've lost a few bucks that way. Or you don't get change part back.

    When we went to the casinos on Mother's Day I was trying to put a dollar in the penny machine as I figured that would give me lots of spins.... NO...the machine only took $5 and UP.
    So I'm thinking a few bucks would give me lots of turns but that was a ridiculous thought because to cover all possible angles it cost something like 1.80 per spin and that goes real FAST. LOL

  4. Afternoon Lady Sorrow~ don't know what your missing!!!!

    I swear, ever since they've added the paper currency to the vending machines, it's been a royal pain in the ass-ith!

    Mother of takes you five hours to make a purchase!!!

    The WORST ones are at the post office!!!!

    Oy Vey!@!?

    Anyway...thanks for listening to my felt good!

    Deep breaths...deep breaths...let go...let go, Ron...

    Thanks for stopping by, dearest Sorrow!

    Happy Holiday!

  5. Howdy Nicole~

    Yes, my friend...that's black and white flesh!!!

    You're the first one to notice. I added it three days ago.

    ( orange hair and really big nose)

    tee, hee!

    A guy at work took this picture of me, a few weeks ago. So I asked him to email it to me, so I could see about the possiblities of adding it here. I had to reduce the size, because it was WAY to big. I don't want to change my I just added an "About Me" section, using the text page element.

    Anyway...I decided it was time to add my "mug." I actually DO have a photo of me on this blog. If you go to my archives, you'll find a post, DEER ME...that's me too!

    YES...and about vending machines...I have HORRIBLE karma with them!!

    Thanks for stopping by, my friend! I hope your having a GREAT holiday!

  6. Greetings Crystal Chick~

    YES!!! I've had those blasted machines do the SAME to me!! OMG...I can't stand it!!! And it only seems to happen when I use paper currency.

    OH...OH...and about the slot machines! When I went to Alantic City last year and visited the casinos...I was SHOCKED to see that they had added the dollar bill currenct to them. When I lived out in Tahoe that one summer (way back in 1977) you could ONLY use coins. And you also had to use the handle bar to spin! NOW, it's all computerized!?!!?

    I use to LOVE using the handle!!

    I watched my brother place a $100.00 bill in one of those machines...and lose it in 5 minutes!


    Thanks for dropping by today, M! And I hope you and your family are having a wonderful holiday!!!

  7. HE HAS A FACE!!!

    Thanks Nicole for pointing that out, and thank you Ron for posting you picture. Isn't it funny how we have mental images developed for people before we see what they really look like?

    Anyway, I now have a mental image of you kicking the everloving crap out of that wreched vending machine. I wonder how long it will be before they don't take currency at all? (not that they do now).

    Good seeing ya my friend.

  8. Howdy Mr. Jeff~


    I know what you mean about having a mental picture of what someone will look like...and MY mental pictures of poeple are ALWAYS wrong!!!

    If I think someone has blonde hair...they will have brown. If I imagine them short...they'll be tall.

    Isn't that weird? I shared with face has always been on this blog...but it was WAY before I met you guys. The post is in Decembers archives and the post title is: Oh, Deer.

    (if you dare)

    Thanks for stopping by, buddy. I hope you had a wonderful relaxing holiday. The weather here today, was I was out all day. I'm going to go kick a vending machine...bye!



    Thanks for stopping by for a LONG laugh!


  11. Helllllloooo, handsome! ;)

    Not only vending machines are picky about paper money, the slots at the casino in New Orleans wouldn't take the new fives either!

    I HATE the ones at the post office because they give you those damn dollar coins as change. Grrrr....

    Hope you had a good weekend, Ron!

  12. ROFLMAO!!!!!

    <-- too busy laughing to comment

    *laughing, laughing, LAUGHING!!*

  13. I hate it when a machine keeps spitting your money back at you Grrrrrrrr.

  14. The car wash I love to use won't ever give me change, so I go to another one, get change and go back to the first one. Ugh

  15. Afternoon Nitebyrd~

    YES!!!! The DAMN post office and those DAMN dollar coins!!!

    And then when you go and try to use them somewhere...the cashier will always give you a hard time taking them as payment!!!

    "I'm like...TOO're taking them!"

    And the "thing" about vending machines not accepting newly designed like...why didn't they think of this before they made the machines???

    OY VEY!

    As's GREAT seeing ya, dear lady. It's fun venting with you!


  16. Afternoon Akelamalu~

    I know...ain't it the PITTS?

    Thanks for sharing in my GRRrrrrrrr#!#!#!!?

    And thanks for stopping by today, dear friend!

  17. Afternoon Mel~

    Thanks for dropping by for a vending SLAM and a giggle!!!! felt SOO good!

    And afterwards...I felt very peaceful...

    tee, hee!

  18. Greetings Lisa~

    Welcome...and thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. It's always nice to meet new people!

    Hey...I quickly checked out your blog and saw that you posted something about a theater. The photo was wonderful! I'll be back later, to read more.

    I had to laugh about your experience at the car wash...because that seems like something that would happen to me!

    Again... thank you for stopping by. It was nice meeting you!

  19. ron...hehehe...hahahaha...hehehe. I can just pictureyou doing this. hehehe.

    A bit of trivia...vending machines are responsible for one fatality each year. It is twoo.

    pssst, my friend Lew is a big ex college football player. He shakes those things like a box of Kleenex. When it tries to cheat him of his Snickers candy bare...He shakes it and if your standing behind have your choice of what has fallen. Hey does that machine take coins? :D

    Ron...some days are Mondays...and they suck. Vending machines are the reason why we aren't allowed to carry guns.

    funny post baby...ha!

  20. Ola Miss Jones~

    OH BOY!!! Your friend sounds like the kind of guy I needed to have with me when I encountered this damn vending machine!!!

    And like Lew...I get VERY upset when one of these things tries to cheat me out of my vendor purchase!@#@!

    Hey...and it's funny that you mentioned MONDAY'S...because this happened to me ON A MONDAY!!!!

    Oh well, it's times like this, that I can practice my yoga breathing exercise to let go of STRESS....

    And as you can doesn't work!

    tee, hee!

    Thanks for your "energy" Divine always make me SMILE!

  21. Hey, Ron I am totally stalking your blog. All day, I have been coming back and looking at those 2 pictures of you. I am trying to merge the image that I had created in my head with the real image of you. Ron, you are a great looking guy.
    I am so super surprised to see that you have light eyes (oh and fabulous lashes might I add). I mean, you talk a lot of being Italian so I think I was sort of imagining you looking like the guy who owns the pizza shop down the road from us and yells at his employees in Italian. Is that horrible? I was stereotyping you, wasn't I? I am ashamed of myself...running back to my blog now.

  22. OH make me LAUGH!!!!

    You are SOOOO FUNNY!

    Thank you for your kind words.

    As you read in the comment I left for Jeff...I'm ALWAYS WRONG about how I envision people.

    I can usually get a clear "sense" of the overall person...but the "physical sense" is always off!

    It's funny...because most people picture me WAY different then how I look. Especially when I talk to them on the phone, before I ever meet them. Everyone usually says, "Oh...I pictured you younger...or taller."

    I come from an Italian family that was from the North, so my brothers and sister and I are all light. I got the blue eyes...and my siblings got green. But our hair and skin color is very light.

    Hey, worries about "stereotyping"...I think we ALL do that!!!

    (I know I do)

    Thanks for stopping back again,'s always a pleasure talking to you!

    P.S. oh...and on the weekends, I DO work at a Pizza Joint and scream Italian at all the employees!

    tee, hee!

  23. Hi Ron!

    Been too long. Things never get less busy, they only seem to increase. It must be some evil self-momentum, building, increasing... I digress.

    I laughed at this, long and loud. One day someone will make a vending machine that responds with 'ouch', 'that hurt' and 'please don't kick me'. And we'll all feel a little better about pounding the hell out of them.

    Keep up the great reads, my friend.

  24. Helloooooo Greg!'s so good seeing ya, buddy!

    I've thought about you a billion times and wondered how you've been.

    I'm assuming your BUSY with fabulous stuff, which must include your

    I hope it's selling off Amazon and Lulu like mad!

    And how's the second one coming along?

    I too have been busy with blog stuff and work.

    (holidays in retail...oy vey)

    God...I can't believe summer is already here. Where the hell did winter go?

    I loved your suggestion about vending machines giving a "response" when we kick them!!! It would make for such satisfaction, wouldn't it??

    Thanks for taking the time to stop by today, Greg. It was such a great TREAT!!!

    P.S. The squirrels were so hungry today, that they actually slapped a couple pigeons across the face when they tried grabbing one of their peanuts. was so FUNNY!

    Nasty pigeons!

  25. Hi Ron,

    Yep, continuing onward with the second book and the first is certainly selling. No illusions about a retirement fund, tho. *L*

    Thanks for your contributions to the squirrel community. :D I can just imagine the fuzzers telling the pigeons how it is.

  26. Hayho Greg!

    YEPEEEEE! SO glad to hear the book is SELLING!!!

    clap, clap, clap!!!

    Hey...and you never know about that retirement fund!

    So HAPPY for you, buddy!

    And thanks for stopping by again!