Giving My First Injection


No, this post title is not referring to the first time I had sexual intercourse…sorry.

This post is about the first time I had to give a needle injection to a real patient.

I’ve had several different occupations in my lifetime, and one of them happened to be a certified medical assistant.

Yes…you heard right.

A certified medical assistant.

WTF was I thinking???

To be perfectly honest with you, the only reason I decided to go to school was because I had a secret fantasy about the possibility of meeting a handsome doctor, falling in love, adopting a cat together…and living happily ever after in a beautiful stucco home with a swimming pool, off Las Olas Blvd. in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Well…can I tell you something?

That fantasy remained a fantasy, because it NEVER happened.

But I’ll tell you what DID happen. I discovered that I hated being in the medical profession, because I hated sick people, coughing and sneezing in my face.

So after my medical assistant internship was over…I quit.

(it was the shortest occupation I’ve ever had)

But let me share something that happened to me during my internship…

I was given a position at a walk-in medical clinic in Hollywood, Florida.

As an M.A., my job was to take the patients initial stats, draw blood, take x-rays, and also give injections. And I’ll never forget the first time I had to give an injection into a patients’ buttocks. I was scared to death, because you have to make sure that you don’t inject the needle anywhere close to the base of the spine. In school, they teach you how to divide the buttocks into four imaginary sections, so that you have a safety guideline. But I was so nervous, I couldn’t remember where the hell the imaginary sections were.

My first-time patient, was a woman who had come into the clinic with a horrible flu. The poor woman was so sick, that the doctor ordered a penicillin shot.

So there I am, with this woman’s bare ass draped over the examination table, staring me straight in the face, and all I could think about was the imaginary buttocks guideline. I was almost half tempted to ask her if she wouldn’t mind if I took out a Sharpie and drew the imaginary guideline on her ass, so I wouldn’t accidentally paralyze her.

I felt like I was playing a game of darts and was trying for a bulls-eye.

So I nervously grabbed the fleshiest part of her tush with one hand; taking careful aim with the other, and then quickly injected the needle.

After she left the clinic, all I kept thinking to myself was, “OMG…I hope she doesn’t wake up dead tomorrow.”

When I got to work the next day, the first thing I did was call her on the phone to see if she was still alive. And when she answered the phone I said, “Hello…this is Ron at the medical clinic following up to see how you’re doing.”

She said, “Fine…I’m starting to feel better, thank you.”

And as I hung up the phone I let out a sign of relief....

“Oh, thank god….but I still think I need more practice”













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20 comments

  1. Hi Ron,
    I can always count on Ron to give me a laugh to begin the day !
    This was HILARIOUS and of course, true life.
    Poor fellow; I can just see you trying the figure out where to "pin the donkey" !!
    Do you think that the lady would have enjoyed your artistic touch with your Sharpie markings ?!

    Getting serious, working in medical is not for everyone. You have to be cut out for this type of work.But, it's one of your life experiences & darn funny too !

    Big hugs to ya XXXXX

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  2. The smartest thing you ever did was give up that dream of being with a doctor. They are all nuts.

    I'm glad your patient survived your first injection! You've got to figure the butt is the best place for those inexperienced, right?

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  3. I don't mind needles. Though there are some who are more practiced at it than others -- I'd love if they found me every time. However, they do not and icky stuff happens.

    I've yet to be paralyzed by a shot in the arse, thankfully.
    But next time I get graced with that experience I WILL hand over the Sharpie in my purse and tell 'em to 'have at it'. ;-)

    Yep......there's a Sharpie in my purse. LOL Doesn't everyone carry a Sharpie?

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  4. Bonjour Barbara!

    OMG, that's hysterical..."Pin the Donkey!!"

    Cause that's what it was like!!!

    *the only thing missing was the blindfold!

    Yes, Barb...working in medical is definately not for everyone. And brother...did I find "that" out! And true...it was a life experience that at least gave me something to BLOG about, right?

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Thank for dropping by today, dear lady!

    Big hugs back at ya!

    XXXXX

    P.S. Hi to Didier!

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  5. Morn'in Lady Nitebyrd!

    oooh...but do you know what's funny about that dream? YEARS and YEARS later, after I had moved to Orlando, I actually did date a doctor, for like 10 minutes, because every single time we went out for dinner, his damn BEEPER went off!

    Yes I agree...if you're going to give your first injection, the butt is the best place for those inexperienced!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks for stopping by, Sis!

    Always a HOOT!

    Happy Wednesday to ya!

    X

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  6. Howdy Dear Mel!

    OMG...my mother has the same thing happen to her! They can NEVER find her veins, so they end up poking her over and over again. Poor thing, she feels like a pin cushion!

    I actually enjoyed drawing blood. When they first teach you how to do it, you have to practice on a plastic arm that has water in the veins - it's kind of CREEPY!

    I'm glad I had my brief stint in the medical field, because I did learn stuff, but I knew it wasn't something I wanted to do as a long time career.

    However...I did find another use for a SHARPIE!

    HAAHAHAHHAHA!

    Mucho grassy for stopping by today, Mel!

    Happy Wednesday!

    X

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  7. I saw the needle and thought OMG
    I am not reading this post!
    nothing with needles
    ever
    ~shudder~
    I adore you, but needles
    ~shudder~
    ug

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  8. I love reading about your various occupations Ron but this one was the best!

    I'm trying to play catchup after my week away in Spain. :)

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  9. I guess the moral of this deliciously hysterical post is to have a fat ass??? I had no idea about the staying away from the spine area when you get the almighty shot in the butt, OMG! next time, I'll draw my own quadrants for the injector, just in case it's YOU! that's better than the fat ass, in my not so humble opinion....

    ronnie, you are better than antidepressants, I swear....ummm, in case I forgot to post a thought on your new "look"(since my mini-breakdown), firstly, I love the pink and blue theme but what's wrong with pink print? I have pink print and does this mean that my lovely readers are secretly puking every time they come on my blog??? do tell, please, next time you visit, like NOW! love the look and the side bar thingies...still wish you'd post more on your other fascinating blogs about make up, skin care, reflexology, etc. You have so much knowledge in that crazy head of yours...maybe you could say when you add something so I don't have to look each time to see if you have added a post? or put a follower thingy up on them? just a few suggestions for those of us who also love those blogs...darling, I love you xoxoxox

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  10. Aw, you could sharpie-tattoo my big fat ass
    (it's a wall-mural-sized canvas, you know, and I have several pretty colored sharpies...you could draw a world map or something, complete with all continents, mountains, oceans! Heck, why stop there? You could do the whole solar system too.
    When done at the ass, flip me over, much to your artistic delight, there's a big BELLY CANVAS too!
    (because I know after done with that you will still have your creativity juices flowing so you will need to make MORE art!)
    P.S.: you could inject-teehee-me anytime too. I would enjoy it! ;) We both would.
    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

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  11. I LOVE YOU Lady Sorrow!!!

    OMG...your comment made me HOWL!!

    Thats A-OK my friend, I totally understand, no worries.

    I know several people who feel the same way about needles!!!

    But I do thank you for stopping by!!!

    It ALWAYS such a treat seeing ya!

    Happy Wednesday!!!!

    XXXXXXXXXXXXX

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  12. YAHOOOOOO Akelamalu!!!!

    YOU'RE BACK!!!!!!!!!

    I stopped by your blog last night just to see if you had returned!!

    I can't WAIT to hear all about your trip and see the photos!!!

    Thanks SO MUCH for stopping by and glad you enjoyed the post!!!

    Welcome back!!!!


    XXXXX

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  13. When the doctor wants to give me shot...I grab hold of his "nuts" as my hostage and I say....NICE AND EASY WITH THAT NEEDLE MISTER!

    i love that word 'nuts'...tee hee.

    Anyway...i said. I'll let these guys go after the shot and for your sake I'd pray it doesn't hurt me...Then I give a good squeese just to show I mean business.

    funny...he's only given me one shot since I've been his patient.

    Oh and it doesn't work with female nurses.

    sweetie...you have to come to the West Coast Hollywood to find that dream doctor. Woo hoo.

    Ciao honey...love your post.

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  14. Good Evening Linda!

    So VUNDERBAR seeing ya!!!!!

    OMG...your comment was a HOOT!!

    I don't think it would have mattered if this woman had had an ass the size of Kansas, I still would have been a nervous wreck! I'm just so glad it all worked out for the best!!!!

    Thank you for your sweet comment about my new blog digs - so glad you like it! I was ready for some color!

    As far as pink print goes...

    ...it's different on your blog, because you have a blue background page, so the pink print is blended into the blue, however, pink print on a white background is a totally different story (and so is red). It's VERY hard on the eyes. I use to have a BLACK blog (if you can believe that) and I too used various color print, but on a white page...simple black print is easiest to read.

    To be honest, I haven't had the time lately to write on my other blog. This blog takes up a HUGE amount of time for me and right now, I want to focus my energy here. But my plan is to add the additional links to the navigation bar, so I can start fusing my blog interests together, and at the same time keeping the topics separate, so that people will have a choice as to what they wish to read.

    This is something that I've been thinking about doing for some time now, but I have to just see how it goes and where this takes me.

    If you want to find out when I post on the other blog, all you have to do is just add that blog to your google reader and it will let you know when I post there.

    Anyway, my dear friend....thank you for stopping by today!!!!

    I always enjoy are shares!!!

    Love to you!!

    XXXXXXX

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  15. OMG...Debi...your comments alway make me piss my pants!

    "Heck, why stop there? You could do the whole solar system too."

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

    You're hysterical, girl!

    Listen...I'm sure your high-knee is NOT big. It amazes me how many people think they have big butts!?!?

    I have the opposite problem, though. I have a small butt. And I actually had this woman at work tell me (in front of EVERYONE, SEVERAL TIMES) that I had the smallest, most non-existent ass she had every seen. And do you know what finally I told her?

    I said, "I'll tell you what. Why don't you give me about 20 inches off of YOUR ASS, and then we'll both look good!"

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

    Ronnie can be very wicked when he's had enough.

    Thanks for stopping by, Deb!

    You always make my day!!!!!

    Have a great evening!

    X

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  16. Dearest Miss Jones...you FREAKING KILL ME!!!!

    Hey...it's funny you mentioned the word NUTS, because we have a speciality nut store, here in Philly called...

    "Nuts to You"

    And everytime I walk by the store I think, "How nice...a place where they sell testicles!"

    HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

    Hey, listen...the next time I have to get a needle, I'll try your technique.

    "Effective and quite FUN"

    tee, hee!

    Thanks for stopping by this evening, my friend!

    You always add Sparkle!

    Ciao bella

    X

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  17. Oh HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    You go tell off that beeyotch! :D

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  18. Aloha Debi!

    Oh yea, and I totally forgot to add...

    She was SUCH a beeyotch!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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  19. You gave good laugh to me today. I am still here in the Philippines and i am still waiting for my papers going to the States. I was planning to take up Medical Assistant there but because of your post, i think i am not going to continue my plans...hahaha. Thanks for sharing your experience as Med. Asst.

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  20. Greetings Katherine

    Welcome...thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment. It's nice meeting you.

    OMG...your comment made me giggle!

    Hey listen, please don't let this post scare you off from becoming a medical assitant, because it's really a great job, I just found out that it wasn't for me. I was actually thinking of going on to become a Physicians Asstant, but became a Hairstylist instead.

    WTF??!?!?

    HAHAHAAHAHAHHA!

    Please stop by anytime, you're always welcomed here!

    Have a wonderful day!

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