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This is one of those irritating life experiences, that feels as those someone just took a hot curling iron and inserted it into my rectum….

I’m sure this happens to everyone, and I’m sure it irritates you as much as it does me, so let me just vent for all of us, but please feel free to personally vent within your comment.

Tell me something…

Why is it that about 98% of all mall food court tables WIGGLE?

Do you know what I mean by wiggling?

It’s when you sit down and place your elbows on the table; it suddenly shifts from side to side like a see-saw.

So then what do you do?

You usually pick up your food tray and move to another table, only to find that THAT table wiggles. Then you pick up your food tray again, and move to another table; finding that THAT table wiggles.

So round and round you go through the food court, getting more and more pissed off, because your lunch hour is being eaten away by playing merry-go-round-musical-tables.

And then what most of us end up doing, is taking either a folded paper napkin or two sweet & low packets and SHOVING them under one of the table legs to help balance it, whereupon, your food tray sides off the table and comes crashing onto the floor.

End. Of. Lunch.

When this happens to me…

…it makes me want to SCREAM like a caveman and PULL MY HAIR OUT!


  1. That's when I like to go up to the counter and ask for the manager. When the pock faced little douche bag shows up, I'll take him by the ear over to the table and tell him to lean on one side of the table until I'm finished eating. I also tell him if he moves or causes the table to wiggle in an manner at all, I'll give him a swift kick in the balls.

    I'm usually escorted out of the mall by security shortly after finishing a meal.

  2. Ronnie dearest, the wig isn't too bad, kinda Cher, but that dress just doesn't do anything for your sexy body! ;) wink

    and me thinks me has spotted a pengie in the background :)

  3. Am totaly with you on this one!

    Great pic!

  4. I believe it's a conspiracy between the vendors, the mall and the manufacturers.
    Food sales and rent and ...... more wiggly, wobbly tables.

    Which reminds me--I need to move some of my stock.

    BTW, I try to hold it in place by using my foot.
    Works GREAT.....unless you forget that's the foot's function.

    And speaking of mall food courts...really--is it too much to ask that folks clean up after themselves?
    Just sayin'....

  5. Hi Ron,
    I have had that too, and it is irritating ! Either I put my foot down (if it was something that I can step on) to stop the wobbling a bit or I do the napkin thing.

    I'll confess that we had a wobbly table in a retaurant once. We called the waitir and he... stuffed napkins under the table leg.
    Just like at food court !
    Wishing you a good Monday and see ya real soon !

  6. I don't like this new look on you at ALL. Blue really isn't your color. And you need a serious haircut. As your friend, I can tell you that, right?? hehe

    I absolutely know what you mean as everywhere I go it seems to be the same way. I have wedged stacks of napkins under the base of a table before too. LOL And in Barnes, there are definitely a few wobbly ones there and it freaks me out because I just think... OH GAWD, if my hot cocoa goes flipping off the table and all over the person at the next table I'm going to CRY.

    Hey, atleast you can GET a seat at the Food Court. Not too long ago remember how frustrating it was to have to wander around....looking.... hoping!!! And then you'de see a person who was ALMOST finished their lunch and just sort of hover... coveting their glorious seat without looking TOOOO obvious. And it's almost like that person KNEW you were there so they'de take a little longer. Eating just a bit slower. Maybe making a call or fixing makeup. Arrrggghhhhhh.
    So they FINALLY get up to leave and 3 people all rush towards the one little empty space in the whole Mall.

    Are you freaking loving this snow storm or what???? Our last big hoorah of the year maybe. Enjoy.
    Have a fabulous week. :)

  7. I know what you mean. You think with the amount of money they malls have and the price of the food court, they would pay to have level tables.

  8. Howdy Mr. Jeff! KILL ME, MAN!!!!!

    WAY TO GO!!!!!

    Isn't this table wiggling thing ANNOYING? It makes me go INSANE!*?!

    I'll tell ya what, the next time you're in Philly, I'll take you to lunch, because I actually want to watch you do this!

    I think I could learn something from you!


    Thanks for stopping by, bud!

    Totally enjoyed your coment!

    Have a great day!

  9. Aloha Debi!

    OMG...I probably should have explained this hideous photo at the end of the post!


    This was taken backstage, in my dressing room, between shows when I was performing in Japan. And that lovely blue thing I'm wearing is actually a one piece slip-on lounging short set. I had to crop the photo, because it was too big for this post.

    Right before this photo was taken, one of the female cast memebers and I, decided to be funny, and SWITCHED costumes. She put on my costume and I put on hers!! Which is WHY I still have the wig and red lipstick on!!!!

    OMG...I should actually post the photo that was taken of us, because it's hysterical!!!

    No, it's not a PENGIE you spotted, but a PARROT! It was my prop in the show. It had batteries inside and when you switched it on, the parrot would move his mouth and was so FUNNY! I carried him onstage during the show!

    Thanks for stopping by, Debi!

    Hey...and we got a TON of snow last night, and it's STILL snowing. I can't wait to go out later and play in it!

    Happy Monday!


  10. Helloooooo Casdok!


    Isn't this "table thing" the WORST??

    I actually had this happen to me recently, so I had to VENT about it!


    Thanks for stopping by, dear lady!

    Hope all is going well for you and C!

    Please know that I'm always sending you "good energy" and "love"!

    Happy Monday!


  11. Good Mornin' Dear Mel!

    OMG...I do the same thing with my FOOT, but like you shared, I always forget that my foot is there, so mid-way through my lunch, my beverage comes flying up and hitting me in the face!

    oooh...ooooh and THANK YOU for mentioning about people NOT cleaning up after themselves! That's so TRUE! Trying to find a clean table is almost impossible during the lunch hour crowd.

    The nerve of these people! They're like ANIMALS!

    And I think you may be right, Mel...wiggly tables are a conspiracy!


    Thanks for stopping by today, dear lady!

    Happy Monday to ya!


  12. Bonjour Barbara!

    Oh that's funny, because Mel just mentioned doing the "foot thing" on the leg of the table, and I told her that I too do that sometimes!

    And YES...not only has this happened to me in food courts, but also in restaurants.

    I mean, don't these people who manage the restaurants ever check these things???

    GEEESH!#!? least this gave me something to BLOG about, right?


    Thanks for dropping by today, Barb!

    We've had a TON of snowfall here in Philly. And it's still coming down! YEPEEEE!

    Happy Monday to ya!


  13. Hiya Crystal Chick!

    I hair definately needs to be cut and I think I would look so much better in something with a paisley print, don't you?


    GOD...I look like a neanderthal man, don't I?

    If you read my response to Debi you'll discover where this hideous photo came from.

    Scary shit!

    OMG...yes, since you and I are such bookstore addicts, I agree...the tables in Barnes and Noble and Border's are BIG TIME wiggliers! And you're right, it is dangerous, because of the hot beverages most people are drinking. It always freaks me out watching someone on a laptop setting their drink down next to it. I mean, one spill...and the computer is SHOT!

    OMG, M!!!! Can you beleive all the snow we're getting?? It's been snowing since last night and hasn't stopped! I'm getting ready to go outside and take a walk through the park. March can be a VERY snowy month here. And I've actually seen it snow in April too!

    Thanks for dropping by, M!

    Have an awesome Monday!!!


  14. Afternoon Grumpy!

    My sentiments EXACTLY!!

    I mean, come on...I think for the price of an average lunch it must be around $8.00, and if you times that by 100 people, they get $800.00 a day.

    I think that's more than enough money to have level tables, don't you?


    Oh it's fun to bitch, isn't it?

    Thanks for stopping by Grumpy!

    Always great seeing ya.

    Have an awesome Monday!!!


  15. Those wobbly tables are so annoying but what are worse are supermarket trollies that just won't go the way you want! Arrrggghhhhhh!

  16. Hellooo Akelamalu!

    YES! YES! YES!

    I agree with you on that!!!

    Don't ya just love when the wheels won't turn and you're PUSHING and PUSHING the cart down the isle and it's SQUEEKING real LOUD and the cart is leaving SKID marks down the isle?

    OY VEY!

    Thanks for stopping by, dear lady!

    Wishing you a HAPPY MONDAY!


  17. The food court tables I can understand, a little. I get psycho when I'm in a restaurant and they wiggle like they're in the middle of an earthquake.

    Maybe I could borrow your wig and outfit the next time it happens? LOL

  18. Hi Nitebyrd!

    oy chee mamba!

    YES! does feel like an earthquake.

    Either that, or like you're on a cruise ship, and it just hit some rough seas!!!

    Yes, you can borrow my outfit anytime. I have three of these outfits for work!


    Great seeing ya, Sis!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Enjoy your evening!


  19. guess what ronnie? I don't eat in food courts!, by not eating in those garbage pits, I avoid these little irritations and loss of my lunch(one way or the other)!

    now about this picture and your outfit....well, it's horrid and the hair is outrageous but what I was fascinated by was what's in this that little stuffed thingy? pray tell, what is that? ;)

    love you. xoxox

  20.'re a RIOT!

    Your comment made me HOWL!!!

    I know...isn't my outfit like something out of the movie Night of the Living Dead?

    I'm a FREAK!


    If you go back to the comment I left for Debi, it'll give you the answer to your question.

    Thanks for stopping by this evening, dear lady!

    ALWAYS such a treat talking with ya!

    Have a wonderful evening!


  21. Oh Ronnie...

    I find out that the city below me is getting a ROSS store.
    Is that not a nice ending to a sucky day or what?
    But is that good or bad? Means I'll be spending more... :O

  22. I love this experience. I take a rubber ball with me to the table and then I place the ball on one end and lean on the table and keep moving the damn thing trying to prevent the ball from falling to the floor. If Iam lucky I can go for about 15 minutes before the ball goes bounding over to others tables. Then I get up, sandwich in hand and retrieve the ball from the old couple next to me and explain what I was doing. They get amused and say they wish they had thought of this and wish they had a rubber ball. That is when I reach into my pocket and produce another ball and proceed to sell it to them for $2.95. The thing only cost me 39 cents. I have made about $2.55. I go back to another table turn it over and unscrew the leveler and start again. By the time lunch is over the whole place is full of idiots trying to keep thier balls on the table and I have made enough to buy dinner.
    See you on the rebound.

  23. Aloha Debi~

    Sorry to hear you had a sucky day!

    I get those too, every so often.

    But, OMG....a ROSS STORE!!! My favorite part of Ross is their house department...I freaking love it! Throw pillows, area rugs, lamp shades, etc...

    Oh, which reminds me, I need to stop by the one near my house sometime this week and pick up some wine glasses. I just broke my last one, while I was washing it. I've been using a regular glass, and somehow it makes the wine taste like shit!

    Hope you're having a better day today, Deb!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Diana Ross


  24.'re a PISSER!!!

    I read your comment three times and HOWLED!

    I'm just imagining the entire food court rolling bright red rubber balls on their tables!!!!!!

    You're BRILLIANT!

    And you better believe I'll be thinking of YOU the next time this happens to me! In fact, you may have just turned me into someone who LOVES wiggly food court tables!

    Thanks for always sharing your wonderful humor, Dave!'re FUNNY!

    Have an awesome day!

    P.S. I'm off to the dollar store, to get some rubber balls!

  25. Um...sweetie...babe. IT's Twuuuuu. Everything yousaid is true.

    YOu know all of them are made in China...UNSTABLE and ON PURPOSE!

    Yep all of those tables...they are in every mall food park in the US of A. And you know the Chinese table makers are in their own lunch room with stable tables giggling away...knowing you are having a hell of of a lunch at the local mall's food park trying to keep your Diet Dr. Pepper from spilling over on your mushroom and olive pizza slice.

    Yep...I don't blame them...the Italians took the credit for inventing spaghetti noddles, you try eating green peas with chop sticks...I'd be in a bad mood too. Oh and then there's Chop Suey...not Chinese at all,it's an American invention and they don't want the credit.

    My god, I'm surprised they didn't make the chairs wackie too...

    So see, we are lucky the chairs are stable.

    Okay I have to go...I'm having lunch at Panda peas please.'s the only place where you can say the tables don't rock...and it's a good thing. :D

    ciao my sweet sweet friend. You rock...but in the good way. :)

  26. ronnie, baby, that pic looks like my wrestler ex-boyfriend in high school. He was undefeated...though I think all of hios matches were forfeits...Once they saw him, they passed out or ran out the back door.

    Yes, he was the wild type.

    ciao honey. xx

  27. Oh....Miss Jones....your comment just made my day!!!!


    And do you want to know something?

    I bet you're absolutely correct about that too! The next time I'm in a food court, I'm going peek under the table top and see where it was made!

    And you ever noticed when you're walking through the food court, how ALL the Chinese restaurant people are always on the isle, offering you their chicken on little tooth picks??

    eeee gads!


    And speaking of chop sticks, when I lived in Japan, it took me the whole two months to learn how to use them. And rice was hard enough to pick up...I can't even imagine PEAS!?!?!?

    OMG...they'd be FLYING all over the place!

    Oh, god...thank you SO MUCH for saying that I look like a wrestler in that photo, because I was thinking about becoming a professional wrestler. Although I think I'd have to shorten my hair a bit, don't you think?

    And I could call myself...

    ...The Lipstick Wrestler


    Thanks for dropping by Miss Jones!

    You ROCK too!

    Hope you had a GRANDE' day!

    Ciao bella


  28. Dear Diana, er..."Miss Ross",
    Thank you, a slightly better day today, though a little bummed (see email) but at least some donkey didn't slam his car door into mine today!

    Upside down, Ron, you turn me inside out and round and round...
    LOL. See? you make my day happy!

  29. Aloha Debi!

    Glad to hear you had a slightly better day!

    Didn't check my emails lately, so I'll check them as soon as I publish my post for tomorrow.

    Ain't no mountain high enough....ain't no valley low enough!


    Just call me...

    ...Miss Ronnie Ross!


  30. OMG! The picture at the end of this post almost made me PEE in my pants!!! When we get a table with the "WTS" Wiggly Table Syndrome, my hubby usually bunches up a wad of napkins and sticks it under the table to hold it steady... Hasn't happened to us in a while... I think Paris café tables are pretty sturdy!!

  31. Bonjour Leesa!

    I hope you don't have nightmares tonight, about a caveman screaming and pulling his hair out!!


    It's such a lovely photo, isn't it?

    I may send it in to VOGUE for their summer edition!

    Glad to hear France is void of all wiggly tables. I'm jealous!

    Thanks for stopping by Leesa!

    Happy Wednesday to ya!