Relationships....Straight or Gay



I haven't ever really shared much about my relationships with men on this blog, because there's not a whole hell of a lot to share.

I've been single for most of my life and don't date much.

I've had one committed five year relationship with a man who is now married.

Last week a good blogger friend of mine, Chrissy, shared a humorous and charming post about a female friend of hers who once dated men, but was currently in a happy relationship with a women.

Chrissy warm-heartily said, "Maybe I should think about switching teams, if it's that easy."

And I shared with her in my comment, "Trust me...it's not any easier."

Her post has caused me to want to share my own personal views on the similarities of relationships - straight or gay.

Most things that straight couples contend with when it comes to "relationships" are pretty much the same things that gay couples contend with.

Straight couples experience opposite sex challenges, while gay couples experience same sex challenges.

With straight couples it's..."Well, that's because you're a MAN or that's because you're a WOMAN."

With gay couples it's..."Well, that's because I see MYSELF in you."

And yet truthfully, both couples experience these same two things....in the reflection of self.

And here's something interesting...

...I once had someone ask me, "So...in a gay relationship, who is the man and who is the woman?"

(meaning...who is aggressive and who is passive)

And I responded, "Well...let me ask you something. Who wears the pants and who wears the dress in your relationship?"

Because in any relationship (straight or gay) it's not always the man wearing the pants and the woman wearing the dress. Not all men are aggressive and not all women are passive. Certain men may be more passive, while certain women may be more aggressive. And if that works in a relationship...then so be it.

So being male or female, doesn't mean the man or woman will take on the stereo-typical caveman/cavewoman roles in their relationships, whether straight or gay.

It totally depends on the individuals.

And as far as the sexual part of a relationship goes, I can only speak as a gay man, but there's also similarities.

Sometimes gay couples will be ideally matched in the "sex-department" and other times one will have more of a sex drive, while the other one is, "Oh...but we just had sex two weeks ago, I can't get it up this soon. Besides, I have a headache."

So you see...when it comes to relationships (man-woman, man-man, woman-woman) it's identical.

Two people....sharing, laughing, crying, fighting, supporting; working to accept one another and then bending and conforming.

Sometimes it's a perfect match.

And other times it's a challenge.

But as far as I can tell, all relationships seem to come down to the same thing...

A committed bond to take it as far as it will go.





Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

X

35 comments

  1. Silly me. I came here looking for the Master Bates post. :)

    Wubs ya, Captain Caveman!

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  2. Gosh, I'm famous now! Thanks for the nod.

    I love the ship. And, yes, that graphic alone sums up my dating life. Very insighful post.

    So, if I'm reading between the lines correctly, you're saying that YOU AND I should be in a relationship, right? We seem more compatible than anyone I've met in the last year!

    Have a good weekend, Ron!

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  3. Friendships qualify too. Relationships in general are tough no matter what. If it were easy there wouldn't be so many broken hearted people.

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  4. Thanks for the insight and clarification into a gay relationships Ron. I think it matters not what one's gender is as long as you are happy together. :)

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  5. Coming from someone who has had committed relationships with both, this post is dead on. And no, I never switched teams, I just knew at around age 12 that both could give me that same "weak in the knees" feeling.

    For me, life is too short to eliminate half of all the potential partners out there. Love, joy, laughter, frustration, sadness is all the same when two people open their hearts and their lives up to each other. Sharing live is just that, no matter what the sex is of the person you share it with.

    I hope your weekend is filled with love and laughter.

    xoxo
    ~vk~

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  6. Yes, I think you are right that we're in relationships for the same reasons and experience similar things.

    Have you been trying to find a partner or are you just content with your life the way it is?
    I have a friend who has been single just about all of her life, never had children, and isn't really interested in getting together with anyone. She'll be 70next year. It just works for her that way. And another girlfriend of mine is dating, but has gone long stretches without anyone significant and doesn't mind that either. I think she would like to be with someone on a steadier basis sometimes, but weeding thru all the crap is hard. She knows herself really well and doesn't care to compromise too much on what's important.

    Have a sweet weekend!!

    I'm taking my Reiki I class tonight and tomorrow. Soooo excited!

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  7. Aloha Debi!

    I know...I'm sorry...

    ...but I think I'll save that post for another day!!!


    Can't give away TOO much information in one week, ya know?

    Heart attacks!!!

    hahahhahahhhahaha!

    Anyhoo, my friend...thanks a bunch for stopping by. And listen, I'll be checking emails as soon as I finish with comments here, ok?

    Have a GRRRRRRRREAT weekend!

    Sincerely,
    The Caveman
    X

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  8. Goooood Mornin' Chrissy!Hey...I can't thank you enough for giving me inspiration for this post. Ever since I read your great post last week, I've been thinking about this, so I wanted to share my thoughts.

    Isn't the ship graphic cool? I was struggling, searching for a neutral relationship image online last night and suddenly found this one - I think it was meant to be!

    OMG...you're a riot!! I know...it's sounds totally compatable. I mean we're WEIRD and we love BLACK JELLY BEANS! Now, let's go to William-Sonoma and register for china and silverware, ok?

    HAHAHAAHAHAHAHHA!

    Thanks SOOOO much for dropping by, dear lady!

    ALWAYS so great sharing our crazy thoughts!

    Have an awesome Friday!

    X

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  9. Hi Jen!

    Welcome!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing a comment - nice to meet you!

    YES!...I TOTALLY agree.

    Friendships qualify too. I think any relationship can be challenging, ya know? In fact, I've learned a great deal from my friendships - even the ones I have though blogging!

    Stop by anytime, Jen!

    You're always welcomed here!

    Enjoy your day!
    X

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  10. Afternoon Akelamalu!

    You're welcome!

    And you said it perfectly...

    ...I think it matters not what one's gender is as long as you are happy together.YUP!

    Thanks for sharing, dear lady!

    Have an awesome weekend!

    X

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  11. Helloooo Vixen Kitten!You ROCK, girl!

    I couldn't have said it any better...

    .... Love, joy, laughter, frustration, sadness is all the same when two people open their hearts and their lives up to each other. Sharing live is just that, no matter what the sex is of the person you share it with.

    I remember something that Marilyn Monroe was quoted as saying in one of her biographies...

    ...I can honestly appreciate and enjoy the beauty of BOTH sexes.

    Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this post, VK!

    It's a pleasure having you here.

    Enjoy your day and weekend!

    X

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  12. Hellooooooo Crystal Chick!

    You're so right...it's all the same. A relationship is a relationship...

    Yes...honestly, I really enjoy being single, but if someone were to come into my life that I feel was meant to be, I would definitely go with it. Since I've been single for so long, I know that it would be an adjustment, but it would also be a time of growth.

    I've always believed for my own life, that partnership will present itself to me without ever looking for it. It will just come.

    But for now, I really enjoy my life exactly the way it is.

    OMG!!! I'm so damn EXCITED to hear about your Reiki attunements tonight!! When you have the time, and feel like it...drop me an email and let me know how it went, ok?

    Enjoy M....you're gonna LOVE it!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    X

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  13. Hi Ron,
    I always think that it doesn't matter if one is hetero,gay or bi, the thing that is common is the LOVE you share with your partner .
    And in between all the living together day to day and making it work !

    It's funny; I have a lot respect for my friends, so I would have never thought to bring all this up if we were together .

    You are an authentic and honest friend, and I'm probably not alone to say that I love you for that.

    Big hugs & thanks for pooping by on my blog, amigo.
    (((((ron ))))

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  14. Bonjour Barbara!

    That's it!

    ...the thing that is common is the LOVE you share with your partner .
    And in between all the living together day to day and making it work!

    Love is Love.

    And thank you so much for your loving friendship, Barb! It's been such a hightlight to have met you and Didier through our blogs.

    Thanks for your sweet words, my Philly friend!

    Have a great weekend!

    OMG...the weather here is so BEAUTIFUL. It's PERFECT! I was out this afternoon enjoying it, because I have to work this weekend.

    Take care Barb!

    X

    P.S. I hope my POOP didn't stink!
    tee, hee!

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  15. Great posting.what matters most is the happiness that a relationship brings.no matter if it between straits,Gays,orlesbians we are all human beings looking for happiness.
    That's my story and I'm sticking to it!Mike G.said that!

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  16. I agree regardless of what type of relationship it is, its is a relationship and like anything else it takes work. I am so sorry to hear about your recent one. Like the old adage there are other fish in the sea.

    I never realized that there were same sex couple was until I was 7 years old. "Uncle" Gilbert and "Uncle" Bob were friends of my grandmother. They threw my christening party and hosted events on my behalf. One day I asked them while viewing their Victorian house. Where does Uncle Bob sleep, in this bed. And where does Uncle Gilbert sleep, in this bed. Which was the same one.

    I didn't think twice about it. I must admit that Uncle Gilbert was like Jack (from Will and Grace) and Bob was like Will.

    My Grandmother use to have the best time with them until they moved to Florida. She always wished I would have a Jack in my life.

    Sorry went on a tangent. Oh and switching sides, we are worse buddy! Stay where you are at!!! LOL

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  17. Maintaing a relationship between two people, regardless of gender, is difficult and rewarding. Some work and some don't no matter what both parties do and/or don't do.

    I've watched my niece go through several relationships over the years. What she has dealt with with her girlfriends is basically the same things hetero's deal with.

    You've hit the nail on the head to say that you commit, do the best you can, then see how far it will go. Who knows if love will last a lifetime or only a week, regardless of the object of your desire?

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  18. Hi Mike!

    Thanks so much for sharing on this post, buddy!

    I agree with you completely!

    It's the HAPPINESS that the relationship brings!

    It's a pleasure having your "good energy" here, Mike!

    Enjoy your weekend!

    X

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  19. You're such a sweetheart Domestic Diva!

    Thank you SOOOOOO much for sharing that story about Uncle Gilbert and Uncle Bob!! Will and Jack...how FUNNY! Didn't you just LOVE that show??? It was probably one of the most realistic shows about the wonderful bond gay men and straight women have. When I lived in Florida, I had a female friend who we always referred to one another as Will and Grace. It always made her boyfriend roll his eyes!

    Also...your grandmother sounds like SUCH an awesome lady! Damn...I would love to meet her! I bet she's a HOOT!

    And actually that five year relationship I had was SOME time ago. The last I spoke to him was about 10 years ago and he sounded very happy - so I'm happy for him. He's a nice guy and I we really enjoyed our time together, it was just time to move on.

    Thanks again for sharing yourself on this post, Diva!

    Have a GRRRRREAT weekend, dear lady!

    X

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  20. RIGHT ON Lady Nitebyrd!

    LOVED your comment!

    "A relationship is both difficult AND rewarding."

    And it's so true...some work and some don't work regardless of what both people do and/or don't do.

    You simply take the "ride" and see where he takes you - and you grow and learn.

    LOVE YA, Sis!

    Thanks for sharing on this post!

    Enjoy your weekend!

    Your Bro,
    X

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  21. Thank you!!

    You'll never know how much this post meant.

    We're in a complete role reversal in this house and we're good with it.
    It's pretty amazing to discover who ain't though--'more the pity' as the saying goes. It's good for the two of us and it's based on loving as we've always wanted TO love, yaknow?

    I'm proud for you, sir.
    And I appreciate you just saying what's true for you.

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  22. (and I also must say--I'm relieved for ME....LOL I came wincing, hoping I could handle the Master Bates post with dignity and grace. LOLOL)

    *whewwwww!!!!!*

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  23. Hiya Mel!!!

    OMG...YOUR SECOND COMMENT MADE ME SCREAM WITH LAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!

    Bwhahahhaahahahahhaahhaha!

    You are such funny lady!!

    I know...Miss Debi was actually dissappointed in the non-Master Bates post, and you were RELIEVED! I think that's hysterical!!!

    No...I would never actually post about that.

    (I mean, at least I don't think so)

    tee, hee!

    Anyway, dear lady....

    ....I think it's awesome about you and himself. Like I shared, different things work for different people in relationships, ya know? I knew a couple in Florida who were like you and himself. She was the worker, the doer, the planner. And he enjoyed staying at home taking care of the kids and cleaning house and mowing the lawn...etc.

    That "worked" for them. They had a great marriage and were happy and content.

    Amen!

    Thanks SOOOOO much for stopping by tonight Mel!

    You're such a great Pal!

    Have a great weekend!

    X to you

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  24. Hi Ron!!How have you been? I haven't been visiting blog-land lately cause life is just so darned crazy right now. But I did want to stop by and say hi.
    Now about your post, this was a great one.
    I think that the question, "who is the man and who is the woman" comes from the fact that a lot of times one of the couple is very masculine and the other is very feminine. Opposites do tend to attract right? and you can't get any more opposite than masculine and feminine. There's a gay couple that lives up the street from us. The one lady is soooo masculine and the other lady is very girly. And they are like a mirror of my husband and I. They are hoot!
    It is such a shame though. No one in our neighborhood with talk to them because they are gay. We live in redneck country. Everyone around here is a bunch of jerks. It's too bad because they are such nice people. I love hanging out with them. But anyways, I think you said it all Ron. Male, female, gay or straight, it's all about making a commitment to another person and giving it your best. No relationship is easy, that is for sure.
    I hope you have a great weekend Ron.
    Hugs

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  25. Helloooooooooo Nicole!

    HOLY SHIT...I sware to god...I was just thinking about you today, while I was walking around the city doing stuff and was thinking about emailing you!!!!

    It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO great seeing ya, girl!!!!

    YAHOOOOO!

    I miss you!

    But, hey...I totally understand that life gets busy. Me too...I've been going into NYC the past three weeks with work and having a BLAST. Some great stuff has opened up for me and I'm very excited about it.

    Anyway...GREAT point you made about the masculine/feminine aspects of couples, because that's what I meant with this post. Each couple (straight or gay) has these two qualities in a relationship, but it doesn't necessarily have to BE the man or the women - it can be either. And it can work.

    Your female couple friends sound like so much fun, and I bet they LOVE having you and your hubby as friends, because you guys are so cool!

    Thanks SOOOOO much for stopping by, Nicole!

    You've TOTALLY made my Friday!

    Have a great weekend!

    X to you!

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  26. Hi again Ron,
    It looks like another bit of poop has been flushed down your comment pipes ;)
    It missed that post :<

    See ya !!

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  27. Bonjour again Barbara!

    teehehehehehehehehehe!!!

    So glad you caught the POOP POST!

    Aren't I wicked?????

    X

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  28. All I can say is "EXACTLY!!!!!"ya got that so right!!!

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  29. Hi Lady Sorrow!!!!

    SOOOOOOOO great to see ya!

    All I can say is...

    ...I LOVE YA!!!!!

    Thanks for stopping by, dear friend!

    Hope you're having a wonderful weekend!

    X

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  30. A relationship between two individuals is just that. Two people caring and sharing a life that is suitable for both. If both of the partners wear jock straps SO WHAT? All of us place too much emphasis on labels. I am white, I am black, I am straight, I am gay etc... We are all ONE we are the same we are composed of the exact same material and we breathe the same air. We all laugh and we all cry. So when it comes to putting a label on someone because of a gender choice then it only defines us as someone who needs to label others to survive in this fucked up world. When you go beyond the external make up and see what is in the other person's soul and fall in love with that then you can experince rapture. It is only then when we get a small glimpse of Nirvana.
    Wow did I get up on the soap box.....

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  31. YEEEEEHAWWWW Dave!!!

    You GO boy!

    ...When you go beyond the external make up and see what is in the other person's soul and fall in love with that then you can experince rapture. It is only then when we get a small glimpse of Nirvana....

    Thank you, my friend!

    And thank you for sharing your "soap box"....

    ...enjoyed it!

    Have an awesome Sunday!

    X

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  32. Ain't that just the damnest truth...
    Love your blog. Thanks!
    Nancy

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  33. Hi Nancy!

    Welcome!

    Thanks for stopping and sharing a comment!

    So nice to meet you!

    Hey...this is TOO funny, because I've seen you at Chrissy blog and made a quick stop by YOUR blog a few days ago, but was in a hurry. I'll drop by again within the next few days, ok?

    Anyway...please drop by anytime!

    You're always welcomed!

    X

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  34. Very interesting..including the comments! :)

    I so agree all relationships are about the same issues and all of them are work.
    I confess, I like a spirited relationship..and it is okay if it goes up and down on the "love scale." I'd much rather have that than a boring level one..that is flat lining...which means it's dead. hee, hee You know just existing together..never arguing or doing something crazy together.

    Give me a good hearty "discussion" and someone that makes me laugh any day!!

    You are right if it is to happen it will. This is my third marriage (his fourth)!! Alas, we have been together almost 20 years though..and it just gets better. I tell everyone well at least we weren't quitters! We did not "settle" just because that is what others thought we should do.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this! You know you are loved by all that come here.

    Including me.
    LY!

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  35. Dearest Gypsy-Heart!

    You are such a sweetheart, my friend!

    YES!!!!. ME TOO! Give a "sprited relationship" anytime. Give me humor and hearty discussion all the way!

    GOTTA HAVE LAUGHTER!

    I LOVE your reference to "flat lining" Oh dear, there's nothing worse than that, ey?

    The guy I was in the relationship with that I spoke of on this post, we had a very "sprited relationship" We both knew when we met, that we were meant to be together. It felt almost "spiritual."

    WOW...I had no idea you and your hubby were together for 20 years!!! How wonderful!! So glad you didn't listen to others and just settled! You go, girl!

    Thanks sooooo much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and feelings on this post, dear Gypsy. You've added much!

    And I love ya, too!

    X

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