Friday, June 26, 2009

Camel Spitting

Good News!

If you’re a human camel, you’ll find that one of the most beneficial “perks” to living in a city is the fact that you can openly and freely spit wherever the hell you want and no one seems to bat an eyelash.

For someone like me however, I find it disgustingly repulsive, barbaric, horrendous, and nauseating.

Not to mention…totally unsanitary.

It's like watching a National Geographic film on the day in the life of a Neanderthal man.

You have no idea how much fun it is to walk the city pavements while having to play “hop-scotch” between the wads of mucous membranes.

My poor Payless shoes cringe every time they hit the sidewalks.

I’ve actually trained myself to walk a straight line; keeping my eyes on the sidewalk for spit-watch.

And it’s not only the men who practice this tribal ritual.

I’ve seen quite a few "delicate lady-camels" spitting while walking down the street. I once saw a woman on the opposite side of the street spit a stream so long…it would have made a camel severely envious. I actually did a double take because I could not believe my eyes.

(I kid you not)

In a one block radius, I once counted nine droppings of phlegm hacks.

It was hideous!

“Excuse me cave people, but have you ever heard of something called a Kleenex?”

I mean even my cat would have the common courtesy to find a secluded corner to spit out a fur ball.

Maybe this putrid act is actually a part of human nature and I somehow have a missing chromosome.

But quite frankly, I don’t get it.

Why would anyone with a functioning brain, think they had the right to freely share their body fluids on a city sidewalk?

Honestly…it totally puzzles me.

Maybe I should start volunteering on my days off by standing on the street corners; handing out complimentary tissues.

Or better yet…

…maybe I should start knitting some cute and festive camel spit-guards…

Wishing you a spit-fire weekend everyone!