My inspiration for this post came from my dear, longtime blogging friend, Debbie @ Musings by an ND Domer's Mom, who is not only a gifted...
Ok…I have a confession to make.
I lied.
I really wasn’t working last week.
What I actually did was have my body surgically augmented.
Yes, that’s right…I had cosmetic surgery done from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.
I know I’ve said that I would NEVER have cosmetic surgery, but a few months ago I won the Pennsylvania State Lottery for seven million dollars. So after I donated six million to my favorite charity, I thought to myself….
“Oh what the hell, Ron…take the remaining million and just do it”
I also thought that once the cosmetic surgery had been completed, I could confidently pursue my life-long dream of touring the world as a professional 53 year old male stripper and then gradually accumulate another seven million dollars in g-string tips.
So last Tuesday I flew to an exclusive cosmetic surgery hospital in Macon, Georgia (where Cher goes) and had myself nipped and tucked, and lifted and lipo-sucked. I also had chest implants and a ten inch penis enhancement.
I informed the doctor that whatever he did, I wanted my body to look completely natural.
He guaranteed that I would be pleased with the results or he would give me a complete refund plus a gift certificate to Pizza Hut.
The entire surgical procedure took only 20 minutes. And it was amazing, because the doctor only used a simple pair of scissors, a desk stapler, a vacuum cleaner, two water balloons, and a hot glue gun.
Last Thursday afternoon after the bandages and staples were removed, I was finally able to look at myself in a full length mirror to see the results.
OMG….I was ECSTATIC!
I thought I had died and been reborn again, Tom Ford.
And I really didn’t care that I no longer looked like myself because I was now a hot beefcake.
When I got back to Philly the first thing I did was have my hair colored and my body tan-sprayed. Saturday afternoon I had some professional photos taken so I could start promoting my new career.
So here you go, folks…
I proudly introduce the new ME….
*This photo is actually a scratch and sniff. So if you gently scratch your computer monitor over my hairy pecks and then sniff your finger...you'll discover what 100% fake beef smells like.
Bon appetit!
.jpg)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)