Strange and Bizarre Acts



I’ve often wondered when people do strange and bizarre things, why I seem to be the one and only person who ends up witnessing them.

I truly think I must be a “bizarre magnet” that says… "Please feel free to act as strange as you wish because I’m unshakable.”

I’ve see a plethora of bizarre things in my life, but what I witnessed on the train coming back from NYC Saturday evening was a 10 on the Richter scale of bizarreness. And after viewing what I witnessed, I now know that if I should die tomorrow…I have lived a full and rich life.

First of all, my train trip back from NYC was horrendous. I unfortunately ended up taking a seat in a car that was filled with children who had obviously been downing heavy amounts of sugary, caffeinated soft drinks all afternoon. For an hour and a half, I had the immense pleasure of listening to a car filled with SCREAMING banshee-children. The train was filled to capacity, so I had nowhere else to move. And by the time I got to New Jersey for my transfer, every single nerve in my body was twitching and quivering.

As soon as the train pulled into the station I RAN to catch my connection and found a nice quiet car occupied with only a few people. So I took a seat, closed my eyes and decided to take a nap for an hour.

That is…

…until the car began to fill with the SAME screaming children from the other train.

SHIT….THEY WERE FOLLOWING ME!!!

So, I grabbed my backpack and walked three cars ahead, where I found a totally unoccupied one.

And after I took a seat, I began to silently pray, “Please God, I ask only one thing from you right now. No SCREAMING children in this car…PLEASE!”

And He answered my prayer.

However….He substituted the children for something completely different.

After about five minutes of sitting there in silent bliss, I noticed a nice, normal-looking gentleman walk into the car and take a seat on the opposite side, about four rows ahead of me.

He seemed quiet and harmless enough.

Well…

…about two minutes later, I began to hear the sound of dripping water. The dripping water then turned into the sound of running water. Then the running water turned into the sound of gushing water.

And I’m thinking to myself, “Where the HELL is that water-sound coming from?”

So I peeked my head around the side of the seat in front of me to see if I could notice anything unusual, and do you know what I saw?

I saw the nice, normal-looking gentleman who was sitting four rows ahead of me PEEING over the front of his seat.

That’s right.

And has I brought my head down a little lower, so I could get a better look under his seat….I saw both his hairy legs spread wide apart, as a waterfall of urine cascaded between his ugly flip-flops.

This guy must have had a bladder the size of a horse because the amount of water on the floor resembled Lake Michigan.

I kid you not.

I honestly didn’t think it was possible for a human being to void that much urine.

Now, here’s the best part of this story….

After he was finished, he waggled his penis to make sure it was nice and dry before he threw it back into his shorts. Then he stood up…IN HIS OWN URINE…and walked out of his seat, down the water-soaked isle, and into another car.

And here’s an even better part of this story…

As the train began to move forward; out of the station, all his urine began rolling down the isle…

…towards ME.







Moral of this story: Be very specific when praying to God - because He has a wicked sense of humor.

40 comments

  1. Joan

    You killed me with laughter on this one. I so want to move where there are trains now.

    First those shit hole kids. Why oh why Joan deary, didn't you threaten them like the Wicked Witch of the East.

    "I'm going to get you my pretty"

    I would have then whipped out my garter belt and started snapping it like there was no tomorrow. The would I'm sure have gotten the hint to STFU. If you would have done this you would have made Gypsy Rose Lee proud of you.

    "Let me do a few tricks,
    Some old and then some new tricks;
    I'm very versatile;
    And if you're real good,
    I'll make you feel good,
    I want your spirit to climb;
    So let me entertain you,
    We'll have a real good time,
    Yes sir!
    We'll have... A real good time!"

    Whew...had to dig deep for that one

    Now on to your Penis friend.

    Joan Joan Joan Joan

    Have you never heard of the Lorraine Bobbit syndrome. You should have kicked up your heels, dug that machete out of your knapsack and spout out:

    "Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
    And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
    Nothin' seems to fit
    Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'"

    All the while keeping that damn machete going back and forth.

    You could have then spun on your pumps back to your seat and then enjoyed the ride home, as I'm sure he would have run outta there like there was a fire attached to his ass, better yet, his penis was on fire.

    Aloha Joan

    Ethel

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  2. Oh I thought this was going to be about Muffie's Choo-Choo train.
    (I can picture Thom-Ethel chuckling, while he reads this and sings another song)
    Anyways, reminds me of when me & Loser went to Las Wages. We got on a bus in Lake Mead area because I wanted to see Petsmart/Petco/Joann, all in the same area, Rainbow Blvd, because at the time we didn't have any of those stores. So along the way back to the hotels, this scruffy looking older white dude gets on the bus and sees his scruffy older friend in the back. They start a yelling conversation back and forth across the bus. Me and this Mexican lady were trying so hard not to laugh, and we had teary eyes. Well dude pulls out a joint or something and the bus driver goes GET THAT SHIT OFF MY BUS! Goes in the back, takes it from dude and throws it out the door. If I remember the dude stayed on until later when he got loud again and the bus driver told him to get out. He dropped a brown bag in the aisle, and the pink liquid came rolling down the grooved mat toward everyone.
    At this point me and Mexican lady couldn't control the laughter anymore.
    No point in the story, just funny.

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  3. Greetings from Lake Michigan!

    Ron, I don't know how all this happens to you, I'm just glad it does.

    I mean, if it didn't, what the hell would I do for a laugh when I can't sleep at 3am? :)

    As always, thank you for putting a smile on my face.

    Have a beautiful Monday, Handsome.

    xoxo
    ~vk~

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  4. How do you do this? How do you do this! Both write such gripping stories, as well as experience such HORRENDOUS conditions? Unbelievable. Both the event and the post!

    Best to you.

    EFH

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  5. you're the best, ron. always a great story. i'm so glad i found your blog. it's always a treat coming here.

    and whoa, whoa, whoa, i'm in NJ too neighbor.

    what a story! are you KIDDING ME! peeing right there in the train car. OMW. i would have recorded it. sometimes i'm driving and i see crazy people doing stuff, not only do i want their picture, i record them secretly one time. you should have seen the last woman i saw with her knee high red boots working the corner.

    ...and the pee was rolling toward you. oh man too funny, but not. thanks ron.

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  6. OMG Ron, I'm sorry for your train ride from hell but I did get a really good laugh. LOL

    It's also pretty neat that I'm able to comment alot here about common stories to your topics....
    Years ago... when my son was very young, my hubs and I went to a reunion party for some friends of his. My sister stayed overnight to watch her nephew because we'd be fairly late getting in. We also had one of the friends staying over too so he wouldn't have to drive all the way back home. We got back first, my sister was on a blow up mattress on the floor in the living room sleeping. We went to bed. Our friend was dropped off later.

    The next morning my sister says to us.....'whatever you do, DON'T blame the DOG'.... and we were like... what??? She pointed to the corner of our living room so we investigate and find that the whole area is WET. The rug, a cover on a table, probably part of the couch.... a huge WET STAIN.
    We're like... WTF???
    Here, our friend came in totally loaded after the party and thought the bathroom and toilet were in our living room. My sister is hearing those sounds you described and wondered where the water is coming from and then realizes... OH SHIT, he's peeing.... LOL Of course she kept very still and quiet and said NOTHING.
    We did tell our friend many years later I seem to remember but how embarrassing for us ALL. And how disgusting because me and hubby had to clean it all up while the drunk slept. LOL

    Ya know.... I seem to remember having a party in our apartment one time many many years ago where we found wetness on the couch the next day and wondering if one of our overnight guests peed themselves. LOL They were doing beer bongs so it is a good possibility.
    Now, we're old and cranky and tend to not like anyone pissing on our furniture. hehe


    Hey, I don't remember if I told you but I've started Reflexology sessions with a woman I know from our astrology club. She's been doing it for YEARS!!! I've had 2 treatments and am going again today. It'll be hard to lay on my back this time with the tat still healing but it's only for an hour.


    Hope your next train ride is more peaceful!!!
    Have a wonderful week! :)

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  7. OMG!! That's disgusting! You should have had him arrested.

    Yep, be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. I hope you were wearing rain boots or something. Ewwww..

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  8. Oh Ethel....

    I had to read your comment THREE times to make sure I didn't miss a single HYSTERICAL word!

    Bwhahahahahahahahaha!

    Well...as far as the kids go, I blame it on the parents, NOT the kids. The parents sat there and said NOTHING to quiet them down. I was so mad, that I couldn't even open my mouth in fear that VENOM would spew, so I just tried to ignore it....NOT!!!

    Yes, I have heard of the Lorraine Bobbit syndrome, which I SHOULD HAVE done, but I swear to God...I was so shocked at what this guy was doing, I just sat there taking it all in because I wanted to get EVERY SINGLE detail for this post.

    So, in a way...I should have thanked him for this post!!!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    I LOVED your Gypsy Rose Lee song, buddy! I'm sitting here singing it along with you and taking off my clothes!

    bwhahahahahaha!

    Thanks for stopping by, Ethel!

    You KILL me!

    Aloha,
    Joan Crawford-Bobbit

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  9. Aloha Debi!

    OMG...you're much too funny, because if you look at Thom's/Ethel's comment, you will see that he DID sing not one, but TWO songs today!!!!

    That was a VERY funny story you shared. Holy shit...I can't believe that dude had the GUTS to light up a JOINT on the bus!?!!?

    This is WHY I truly love to ride public transportation. YES...it's very bizarre at times, but the shit you see it AMAZING!! I think deep down inside I'm BIZARRE!

    I'm curious...what was the "pink liquid" that was in the bag? Pepto-Bismol???

    Thanks for sharing your bizarre story on this post, Deb!

    LOVED it!

    Enjoy your day!

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  10. Afternoon Vixen Kitten!

    Hey...I thought of YOU when I decided to say Lake Michigan!!

    And as I was googling for photos I don't think I realized just how BIG and beautiful it is!!

    WOW!!!!

    Anyway, dear one...so glad you had a giggle. I always tell people that the stuff that happens in REAL life, is soooo much more interesting than anything FICTION you could possibly think of.

    I'm an observer of life, so maybe that's why all this BIZARRE shit happens to me.

    HA!

    As always....thank you for stopping by today. I so love having you here.

    Wishing you a beautiful day, beautiful!

    XOXO

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  11. Helloooo Expat!

    It's funny you asked that, because as I shared with Vixen Kitten in my comment to her....

    ....I'm an observer of life, so I think in a way I must DRAW these bizarre experiences to me in order to write about them.

    For some reason, if there's a bizarre person on the city streets, I'm the one they come up to and act BIZZARE.

    Honestly though...I LOVE it.

    I enjoy living on the razors edge of sanity.

    HAHAHAAHAHAHA!

    Thanks for dropping by, Expat!

    Always a pleasure sharing with ya!

    Have a great day!

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  12. Hiya Valerie!

    You are so sweet, dear lady.

    Thank you for your kind words.

    And I'm SOOOOOOOO glad I found your blog too. I always look forward to your posts. You're such a CLEVER writer!

    I actually thought of you and Crystal Chick while I was in Trenton on Saturday. I know that the two of you are my Jersey neighbors and thought that perhaps I'd spot you at the train station - HA!

    Don't you LOVE all the bizarre stuff you see in everyday life?

    Hey...that's a great idea about recording people. I never thought of that. Nowadays with cell phone video, you can capture everything.

    *Drats...too bad I don't have a cell phone!#?!

    This is why I enjoy city life because it seems to magnify strangeness.

    OMG...you see the stuff you can witness in NYC. I LOVE that city!!!

    As always, I thank you for dropping by, Val!

    Enjoy your day, neighbor!

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  13. Are you kidding? Someone actually did that?????? How gross. Did you report him?

    I guess after all the screaming kids on the train there's no point in asking if you want to come to Southport with MWM and I on Thursday when we take the grandkids out for the day? ;)

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  14. Howdy Crystal Chick!

    OMG...that's disgusting but also HYSTERICAL!!!!

    I've heard of other people sharing similar stories of drunk friends, so inebriated that they peed the bed!

    And pee-pee is the hardest odor to get out of any material. Cat pee-pee is the worst!

    Hey listen, I think I'd be cranky and tend to not like anyone pissing on my furniture, either.

    HA!

    OMG...I'm so happy to here about your Reflexology sessions. Woo- woo! Aren't they great? PLEASE keep me posted about how you're doing with them because I'm curious to hear if you're finding them effective. It's great that you're having THREE. It takes three to begin seeing good results.

    You GO, girl!!!!

    And again...I LOVE your new TAT!

    Have a great day neighbor!

    Thanks for stopping by!

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  15. Hiya Chrissy!

    OMG...I wish you could have been there with me to see this happen.

    On one hand, it was totally disgusting, but on the other hand I was enthralled!!

    HA!

    If I'd of had a cell phone, I should have called 911!

    "Pee-pee emergency"

    bwhahahahaahaha!

    Thanks for stopping by, Chrissy!

    Give Bern a smooch for me!

    Woof!

    Have a great day!

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  16. Afternoon Akelamalu!

    No...I really should have reported him, but instead, I just moved to a seat further back on the train.

    Tee, hee!

    I LOVE kids, really I do. I blame their behavor on the parents.

    So YES...if I were in Southport I would LOVE to go with you and MWM and the grandkids - I'd bet it would be FUN!!!!

    It's so GREAT to have you back blogging again, m'dear.

    You were so missed!

    Enjoy your day!

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  17. Ron-Joan,
    He didn't light it. He was showing it off to his friend. I think what came out of the bag was some kind of home made cocktail. Probably some red wine, but mixed with something else because of it's light pink, diluted color. Sure stunk up the bus, whatever it was.

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  18. I love how you build the suspense!!

    I must be jaded from years of the NYC subway because I was thinking to myself - the guy either took a dump or started masterbating - both have happened to me on the #6 train back when I worked the night shift across the street from Bloomies

    fucking upper east side - what a hell hole ;)

    actually the screaming kids bothers me way more than pissing man
    I don't get how people don't teach their kids how to behave in public
    maybe that's why they grow up to piss on trains?

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  19. Hi Deb!

    Oh, ok....I thought the guy actually LIT it up on the bus!!!!

    However, I wouldn't have mind.

    I love the smell of GRASS!

    tee, hee!

    *aren't I wicked?

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  20. Hi Dianne!

    OMG... I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!

    ...fucking upper east side - what a hell hole ;)...

    ...maybe that's why they grow up to piss on trains?...

    bwhahahahahaha!

    YOU CRACK ME UP!!

    You know, it's funny...I think the five years that I spent living in NYC jaded me too.

    The subways in NYC are the BEST place to get the SHOCK kicked out of you.

    I LOVE that city!

    Thanks for stopping by, dear lady!

    You always brighten my day!

    X ya!

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  21. You have to be kidding...Who the eff does shit like this?

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  22. Hiya Funny Girl!

    STRANGE and BIZARRE people do!!!

    HA!

    Thanks for stopping by, FG.

    Hope you had a great day!

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  23. OOOOOOMYYYYYYGAAAAWD!!!!!
    I can barely believe what I just read and the visual it left me, well, thank you from the very deepest bottom [er, place] in my heart for it! why in the hell would anybody do that, in full view of other people and then get up and leave his peepee behind him for the rest to enjoy, sending a wave of it down the aisle, no less????...that is about the most disgusting thing I have ever read in blogland!...I know people do this all the time but I didn't know people were so unkind as to just flip it out and let it fly, so to speak...you must have just about peed all over yourself from the shock of one of your kind doing such an evil thing right in front of you and God and everybody....glad those kids weren't around but that sure would have shut them up for a few minutes...can you imagine the screaming and giggling that would have then ensued after witnessing such a thing as that?? you should count your lucky stars, if you have any [which I am seriously wondering], that those kids weren't anywhere nearby...you would be deaf and insane now instead of reading this! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!

    *grins*
    love and kisses, ronnie, bet you went right out and bought yourself new shoes AND socks just to be safe and all...I know I would!
    xoxoxoxo

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  24. Hi Linda!

    bwhahahahahhahahahaha!

    OMG...your comment made me laugh my ass off.

    I know...

    ...for some reason I end up witnessing the most freakish things!!

    And just to tell you how SICK I am, the whole time this was happening, all I kept thinking was, "I can't WAIT to get home and write all this down for a BLOG POST!!!

    Aren't we bloggers DESPERATE???

    Listen, I've seen ALL KINDS of bizarre things in my 53 years, but this one took the PRIZE!

    Thanks for stopping by, dearest Linda!

    And after reading this, I hope you'll be able to sleep tonight without having nightmares!!!

    Love ya!

    xoxoxoxoxoxo

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  25. Ronnie,
    Yes, dear my, why is the Universe picking you ?
    And in the best possible choices !!

    That last one would have sent running out of that car, but not before saying what a sicko he is for doing that.
    That is totally gross...

    As for the screaming kids,not much to be done there. Even if I believe that some kids have bad behavoir , you can't say it to the parents. Some will get all huffy and insulting ( bad example to the kids).
    Oh the torture...
    Feeling very much like Joan at times like these :!

    Just curious about the train lines... These are the suburban NJ-PA lines & not Amtrack?

    Have a great day & big Hugs XXXX to ya & Love city !

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  26. Oh yeah.....definitely be careful whatcha ask for. *laughing*

    I will say--cuz I can be a bit self centered--better thee than me. *laughing*

    OMG.... I'm suddenly glad to be in an itty bitty town with no public transportation (unless you count the hay wagons, maybe?)

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  27. Bonjour Barbara!

    You said it, my friend!

    If you dare say anything to the parents...oooo...watch out!!

    The family sitting across the isle from me was the worst! Both the kids were fighting and screaming at one another, as the mother kept slapping them on the legs telling them to shut up, while the father just slept!!!

    I was LIVID.

    Yes...the two trains I take to NYC are suburban lines. I take Septa to Trenton, then NJ Transit into NYC. I have taken AMTRAK before and it's WONDERFUL, however, very expensive. And since the company pays for my transportation, they like me to take the cheaper route.

    Thanks for stopping by today, my friend!

    Big hugs XXX to you, too!!!

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  28. Hiya Mel!

    Too funny!!!

    Listen, I would have been better off taking a hay wagon than that damn noisy train!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Me too...a bit self-centered.

    Yup!

    Happy Tuesday to ya, dear lady!

    It's always great seeing ya!

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  29. That is an incredibly disturbing story. I don't know what I would have done, laughed or screamed. Maybe both. I think I would have preferred the kids to some nut job peeing on the seats. But, it's close to a toss up.
    Had a great time in your home town this weekend. I love Philadelphia warts and all.

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  30. Hiya Jen!

    OMG...I just finished leaving you a comment on your blog!

    Hey listen, I think I would have prefered the screaming kids too!

    HA!

    So glad you had a GREAT time in are city!!!

    The next time you visit, we will meet up!

    Can't wait!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Jen!

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  31. Yuck. And the worst thing seems to be - he didn't even wash his hands! lol

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  32. You know I would have pissed off at that.

    That guy deserves the asshole of the year award. I do not know where these jerks come from and I do not want to know I just thank God that I was not in the seat he designated as the urinal.

    The guy is a real DICK

    Sorry, but this shit makes me boil.

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  33. Hi Hazel!

    Welcome! Thank you for stopping by and sharing a comment.

    So nice to meet you!

    Your comment made me HOWL because I honestly did even think of that, but you're RIGHT!!!

    HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Please stop by anytime - you're always welcome here!

    Enjoy your evening!

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  34. Oh, Dear Lord! We could never take public transportation together. I used to take the bus to work and a regular rider was a large lady that wore mumus without undergarments. Each time someone pulled the cord for the bus to stop, she'd take out a can of Glade air freshener and spray her pits and her coochie! I cannot smell lilac Glade without thinking about her.

    Another one-time rider spit on me because she thought I was "one of them, out to get her." (I forgot my tin foil hat that day! LOL)

    My daughter got the shock of her life in NYC when a homeless and rather drunk man whipped it out and pee'd right on the street in broad daylight in front of her.

    Separate cars if we ever travel together, bro!

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  35. Howdy Dave!

    Hey, my friend...no need to be sorry for venting, that's why I call this blog VENT!

    HA!

    You GO, boy!

    Yes...he/it was disgusting. And what REALLY annoyed me was that after he was DONE...he just casually walked to another car and left his body fluid there for someone to else to CLEAN UP!!

    The NERVE!

    Thanks for stopping by, Mr. Dave!

    ALWAYS great sharing with ya!

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  36. Howdy Nitebyrd!

    ...Each time someone pulled the cord for the bus to stop, she'd take out a can of Glade air freshener and spray her pits and her coochie!....

    OMG....I CANNOT stop laughing at that!!!

    bwhahahahahhahahahaha!

    That was FLAWLESS!!

    Thank you. Thank you SOOO much for sharing that because I will NEVER be able to see a can of lilac Glade without LAUGHING!

    X ya, Sis!

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  37. Oh you jaded bitches that live in NYC. It's no wonder you are all warped. You are all evil.

    Joan I cannot believe that you just stared to get a god damn post. You slutty little potty mouth you.

    Deb that bastard held out a joint in my bus...

    Clears throat:

    "Bang bang, he shot me down
    Bang bang, I hit the ground
    Bang bang, that awful sound
    Bang bang, my baby shot me down"

    Hell with it.

    And the dude that pissed in the house...pffft...what slobs we all are...oops I think I've done that a time or two...

    OMG it's late

    Ethel

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  38. Aloha Ethel!

    I know....

    ...aren't we "New Yorkers" all such jaded, evil bitches???

    We're HETHENS!

    I know...

    ...I'm like a newspaper reporter. I'll do ANYTHING to get a blog post!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    "My audience comes first."

    Love,
    Joan

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  39. Joan

    Pffft...Media Whore is more like it

    Love

    E

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  40. Ethel..

    SO TRUE!!!!!!

    Sincerely,

    The Queen Bee

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