Wanting and Needing



As most of you already know, last week I shared my first meme, Peeling Away My Nine Layers.

One of the questions asked, was, “Goal you'd like to achieve?”

And my answer was, “To always know the difference between wanting and needing.”

Today I would like to share a little more about my feelings on the differences, and what wanting and needing has taught me when it comes to happiness.

First, let me say that my eyes are sometimes bigger than my needs.

What I often see as a need, is usually nothing more than a needless want.

Much too often in the past I idealized about what I believed would make me happier instead of enjoying what I had and only needed, right then and there.

Most of the things I thought I wanted came attached to a scenario in my head about how I believed that want would make me FEEL. And to be perfectly honest with you, nine times out of ten when I got what I wanted, the feeling was never what I thought it would be. And that’s not a negative thing, because if I had never wanted, I would have never discovered what it was that I really needed.

So, I believe there is great value in wanting.

Six years ago when I went through financial bankruptcy, was also when I began to learn about wanting and needing.

At the time I had nothing of any tangible value, and yet, it was also a time in my life that enabled me to notice how very little I needed to make me happy.

I saw things differently.

And although going through bankruptcy was one of the most stressful times in my life, it ended up being one hell of a great teacher.

Because it taught me to live simply with the basics.

It taught me to stop chasing my tail.

It taught me to enjoy and appreciate my life where it is today, because my life will always give me what I need without ever having to want it.

And yet….

I still want.

But there’s a difference now….

If by chance my wants don‘t ever manifest…I know there's a damn good reason.

I didn’t need it.





Have a faaabulous weekend everyone!

28 comments

  1. Joan:

    Very little you need? OMG

    You must, I just insist you must listen to every damn word of this song, dedicated to you to pull you up and make you see you need tons:

    "Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me
    I think theyre o.k.
    If they dont give me proper credit
    I just walk away

    They can beg and they can plead
    But they cant see the light, thats right
    cause the boy with the cold hard cash
    Is always mister right, cause we are

    Chorus:

    Living in a material world
    And I am a material girl
    You know that we are living in a material world
    And I am a material girl

    Some boys romance, some boys slow dance
    Thats all right with me
    If they cant raise my interest then i
    Have to let them be

    Some boys try and some boys lie but
    I dont let them play
    Only boys who save their pennies
    Make my rainy day, cause they are

    (chorus)

    Living in a material world [material]
    Living in a material world
    (repeat)

    Boys may come and boys may go
    And thats all right you see
    Experience has made me rich
    And now theyre after me, cause everybodys

    (chorus)

    A material, a material, a material, a material world

    Living in a material world [material]
    Living in a material world"

    Not don't get me wrong *puffs long and hard on the ciggy

    you should keep stuff like this to yourself, honey. You have an image to uphold. Standards to be met. Goals to achieve.

    But I digress...*puffs again and thinks...why they hell should I digress

    Oh never mind. I'm happy for ya.

    "Swing low, sweet chariot,
    Comin' for to carry me home;
    Swing low, sweet chariot,
    Comin' for to carry me home"

    Ethel

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  2. Shit Mildred:

    Cher here

    I forgot to tell yea *takes another drag

    There's something for ya on my blog.

    Oh my oh my oh my

    Cher

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  3. You have a TAIL? Aroooooooooooooo!!

    I'm glad you learned from the bankrupcy; Stupid Loser didn't.

    Anyway, of course I know the difference between wants and needs. I WANTED Solstice but didn't get one. Heheeeee. But...hey if this new opportunity works out very well, who knows! I have an extra parking stall that's empty right now. Never say never!
    Wheeeeee Topless LOL

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  4. Hello Ron,

    You won't have a hard time to believe me when I say the adversity is a toughener.
    I believe that we learn more when we fail or have difficulties, than when things are going nicely.

    I think it's hard to seperate between want & need. Perhaps what seperates them is need being something PRACTICAL.Esp material things are needs ( housing,clothing,food, etc)

    But, I haven't really thought about it more !

    I don't think that there's anything to be ashamed at in having to declare bankruptcy. You needed to begin again with a clean slate, and clear off the past.

    Thanks for giving us some food for thought and sharing with us again.

    Have a great weekend & remember that I love ya mucho XXXX

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  5. great post ron and so true. i realized this want and need thing, again, when i thought about financing - not even fully buying outright - a car. i wanted and i still do WANT a different car, but i don't NEED another car. i had fixed what needed to be repaired on my car and i'm done. wants are nice though, 6 speed, v6 nice, but so is being debt free. my needs will always be taken care of, my wants will have to wait until they become needs. thanks ron!

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  6. What a wonderful post! You said everything so beautifully. I have been thinking a lot recently about that whole notion of wanting versus needing. I really don't need much to make me happy. But, I have to remind myself of that constantly. We are always giving up on what we have in search of something we don't thinking it will be better. It almost never is. Thank you for reminding me to be so very grateful today of everything I have.

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  7. I so needed to read this. Thanks for sharing, Ron.

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  8. Dearest Ron: It is always enlightening to read others' commentary in those nine layers. Especially when there is scar tissue underneath. Your account is both enlightening and encouraging to me.

    Best to you, my friend!

    EFH

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  9. Bonjour Barbara!

    Yes...I have a long German Shepard tail. You should see it, it's faaaabulous!!!!

    hahahahahahahahaha!

    Bankrupcy taught me sooooo much, Deb. I learned a lot, so it ended up being a very positive thing on so many levels.

    ...I have an extra parking stall that's empty right now. Never say never!...

    See!!!....it did work out!

    Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!!

    Thanks for stopping by, Topless Deb!

    Have awesome an weekend, my friend!

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  10. Bonjour Barbara!

    You said it...

    ....adversity is a toughener.

    And for me, not only a toughener, but also a softener. It can be very humbling.

    Absolutely...it IS hard to separate the differences between want and need. I STILL struggle. But it amazes me what I think I need, but really don't. Sometimes it's simply about having the basics and being happy with that.

    There was a time when I was VERY ashamed at having to declare bankruptcy, but I eventually realized (as you shared) it was a means to a clean slate and begin again.

    Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and feelings on this post, my Philly friend.

    You're the BEST!

    Have a grrrrreat weekend!

    I love ya mucho too!

    XXXXXXXXX

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  11. Hiya Valerie!

    Thank you for sharing this....

    ....my needs will always be taken care of, my wants will have to wait until they become needs....

    That's exactly I how feel for me, Val.

    And it's ironic you mentioned about wanting a new car, but not really needing one, because I was the same way when I was living in Florida and had a car. I wanted a another car SOOOOO bad, so instead of doing what you did, I bought a new/used car anyway and let me tell you...the car ended up being a total LEMON and I ended up having to put in so much money (out of my own pocket) because what needed fixing wasn't covered under the warrenty.

    OY VEY!@#

    Oh, well...I learned.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this post, Val!

    Enjoyed!

    Have a MARVI weekend!!!

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  12. Hi Jen!

    ...I really don't need much to make me happy...

    I found that out about myself too, Jen.

    But like you, I too have to remind myself of that constantly.

    I don't think wanting is a negative thing, however, for me...it's about feeling the want before I go for it and asking myself, "WHY do I want it?"

    ...We are always giving up on what we have in search of something we don't thinking it will be better...

    Exactly.

    Much thanks for sharing on this post, Jen.

    You've added much!

    Have a great weekend.

    OMG...we finally got a cool break in the humidity here in Philly. Yeeepppeee!

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  13. Hiya Funny Girl

    You're welcome, my friend!

    Thank you for dropping by!

    Have a SUPER-DUPER weekend!

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  14. Howdy Expat!

    I'm so glad I decided to do the Nine Layers Meme, because it really gave me a lot of things to think about and reflect on.

    As always, thank for stopping by today, Sir!

    Enjoy your weekend!

    The BEST to you, too!

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  15. Hi LindsaY!

    Great seeing ya, again!

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Have a great weekend!

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  16. Aloha Ethel/Material Girl...

    ...you should keep stuff like this to yourself, honey. You have an image to uphold. Standards to be met. Goals to achieve...

    Really?

    Joan

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  17. Great philosophy Ron, sorry you had to learn it the hard way though m'deario. x

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  18. Wonderful post today Ron!
    Very fitting for a situation I've been going thru.

    Back in April when I got attuned to Reiki my Master had a requirement. That in order to take her Level II class you had to commit to doing one hour self-practice sessions for 21 days consecutively. If you missed a day you had to start again. If you only did a half hour, obviously that would be just good Reiki for that time but didn't meet her requirement.
    The first few weeks I wondered if I'd ever feel ready to start. A couple months went by. I had to think alot about this. I know it started off as something that I wanted. I mean, those Level II attunements and the symbols... OH YES, I do WANT them. But now today, the day that I have completed my 21 days and started to think about the process I do realize the Universe helped me continue on (even on days that it was really hard) because it's something that I absolutely NEED.
    I haven't even talked to my Master about any of this yet. She doesn't live close by and we haven't been in touch that much. But I do feel that I was brought to her for a reason and even if for some different reason I don't end up continuing on with her specifically I know that I wasn't alone thru the process.

    It's not always easy to see the difference between wanting and needing and you are absolutely right that there is value in wanting. It shows you things. Sometimes you get the feeling you're on the right path and other times it shows you how you're getting off of it.

    Well... anyhoo... fabulous post!
    I don't NEED to ramble on anymore. LOL
    And I don't necessarily NEED a soy cocoa today... so I might switch to CHAI latte and see how that feels. ;)
    Have a great weekend.

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  19. Afternoon Akelamalu!

    I've always been one to learn things the hard way.

    "Walking through the fire."

    My mother says I'm thick headed.

    And she's right!

    But so long as I LEARN.

    Thanks for stopping by, m'dear!

    Have a great weekend!
    X

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  20. OMG Ethel!

    I just noticed your second comment!!

    Thanks...I'll be by later tonight to check it out!!

    Joan

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  21. Hellooooo Crystal Chick!!!

    WOW WHEE...GREAT comment to add to this post!!!

    You explained wanting and needing so wonderfully.

    Because YES...when I want something and it also happenes to be something that I NEED, I will be given it. It just happens.

    When it came to Reiki for me, I also wanted it, but I knew deep down inside it was also something that I needed. I ended up having the money I needed for the attunements and was drawn to the perfect teacher. I didn't continue with my first teacher for my second level, because something told me that I needed someone different. So, when I was ready for Level II the right teacher came along!

    Wanting has taught me so much about needing. So yes, there is value in it!

    Thanks SOOOO much for sharing on this post, M!

    Your comment reaffirmed my feelings.

    Have a SUPER weekend, neighbor!

    Isn't this cooler weather GREAT??

    P.S. enjoy your CHAI latte!!!

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  22. Beautifully put! I think that why I'm in a such a de-cluttering phase in my house. I look around at all this STUFF and I don't really NEED half of it. I put stuff on the treelawn last night and gave away some stuff on Freecycle today and I feel lighter already!

    Have a great weekend!

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  23. Ah, you learn well, Grasshopper......

    There's many more lessons, I know.
    The trick (for me) is to unclench the fist that I'm waving around and remain with hands open to receive.

    I hear tell when the student is ready, the teacher appears....

    <-- going to get tablet, pencil and ........eraser

    (cuz I know I'll have growth opportunities in the growth opportunities.....)

    (((((((( Ron ))))))))

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  24. Howdy Chrissy!

    Thank you.

    Hey...I was wondering how your week off has been going!!

    Great to hear your cleaning and clearning project is going so well!

    Doesn't it feel FAAAABULOUS to weed out stuff? You're right...it DOES make you feel lighter!!!

    Thanks for stopping by, my friend!

    Wishing you and Bern a wonderful weekend!

    X and woof's!

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  25. Hiya Mel

    Oh...you're so cute!

    grasshopper!

    I remember that show so well!!!

    Ain't it the TRUTH, though? Growth opportunities within growth opportunities. The learning never stops.

    *which is a GOOD thing.

    (I think)

    HAHAHAAHAHHAHA!

    Thanks for sharing on this post, dear lady!

    And know you understand.

    Enjoy your weekend!

    {{{{{Mel}}}}}}
    X

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  26. hi ron, this is a great post, one of your best and gets me a little closer to that big heart of yours....you speak volumes here about the difference between want and need and today, it's sometimes so damned hard to figure out the difference between the two without really stopping and thinking, two things most people in the "wanting" mode hate to do, me included...but i have found that if i can sit tight for awhile, wait out the wanting stuff that 95% of the time, i never needed OR WANTED whatever in the first place....you have no idea how enlightening and FREEING it was for me to see that for myself, without someone trying to tell me about it...i am almost to where I believe you can't tell someone about it...they won't get it til they live it.

    so bravo to you, dear man, for telling the truth about this...it's very important and needs to be said often and even more often...

    hoping you're having a good one, dear friend!
    xoxo

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  27. Helloooooo Linda!

    THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this post!

    There are two things you shared that are so enlightening...

    ....i have found that if i can sit tight for awhile, wait out the wanting stuff that 95% of the time, i never needed OR WANTED whatever in the first place...

    BINGO!...me too.

    ...I believe you can't tell someone about it...they won't get it til they live it.

    EXACTLY!...because that's what I had to do to understand it - LIVE it.

    Thanks again for sharing on this post, dear lady!

    You've added SO MUCH!

    Hope you're having a good one too, my friend!

    {{{{{{{Linda}}}}}}}}
    XOXO

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