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Having been in retail for the past 26 years, I could probably write at least two books about all the crazy stuff I’ve seen.

And what’s really interesting is that for as many times as I’ve said, “Ok, now I’ve seen it all”, the next day a different customer will come into the store and do or say something more bazaar than the day before, that I no longer bother saying it anymore.

One summer day about three years ago, I watched a customer who was wearing a pink chenille halter top with a matching pair of pink chenille shorts, and pink flip-flops with a sunflower flower on the top, walk up to one of the cosmetic counters and proceed to take a tube of scented body lotion and then carefully slathered her entire carcass from the neck down to her feet. It was like watching someone in their own bathroom performing her nightly ritual before bedtime.

After she completed her moisturizing treatment, she then took the matching bottle of fragrance and sprayed herself from the neck down to her feet; being careful not to miss a single inch. Her entire body was soaked in so much fragrance that it was literally dripping onto the floor.

Now here’s the best part.

She then took it upon herself to take one of the “gift with purchases” off the counter and placed it into her purse and then walked towards the exit door.

I was so grateful that security had been watching her on camera because they stopped her just before she walked out and asked, “Excuse me Miss, but did you purchase something in order to take that item in your purse?”

She said, “What do you mean purchase something?”

“Purchase something. You have to purchase something in order to get that as a free gift. The sign specifically says, Gift with Purchase.

She said, “Oh, I only saw the word gift, so I took it.”

(selective reading, I guess)

So you see, I’ve literally seen it ALL.

That is, until this past Wednesday.

After eating my dinner I suddenly remembered that I was out of deodorant and hair gel, so ran over to Rite Aid about a half an hour before it closed.

And as I’m standing in the deodorant isle, I began to hear what sounded like someone cracking their chewing gum. I really didn’t pay much attention until the cracking got so loud, I turned to give the customer a dirty look.

And guess what I saw?

I saw a young woman standing in front of the nail care display, borrowing a pair of nail clippers….CLIPPING HER NAILS.

I could NOT believe my eyes.

I watched in total horror, as her nail clippings went flying all over the place.


She proceeded to place the used nail clipper BACK INTO the display case.

Oh, but that’s not all.

She also borrowed one of the nail files and proceeded to carefully file down the rough edges, and then placed it BACK INTO the display case.

The word HEATHEN suddenly came to my mind.

My mouth was frozen open so wide I had to use a hammer in order to close it.

After she finished her manicure, she nonchalantly gathered her jacket and purse and walked out of the store; admiring her nails.

I’m assuming she was headed to a party where the guests would be doing shots of cheap whisky and then making fart sounds with their armpits.

Yes.....I’ve seen it ALL.

Have a spectacular weekend everyone!


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