Pillow Talk

After reading this post you’re probably going to think something like, “Ron, not only are you OCD, anal retentive, and neurotic, but you’re also crazy as a chimpanzee.

And you’ll be right.

I wish I was one of those lucky people who could fall asleep either sitting in a chair at the airport, or standing up in a corner somewhere, but I’m not.

I should probably start by tell you that I’m not a person who is thrilled at the fact that I have to end my day by doing something called SLEEP.

I mean how inconvenient.

For most of my adult life, I’ve been able to function well on only 5-6 hours of sleep. Anything more than that is too much. I’ve never suffered from bouts of insomnia because I have no problem falling sleeping, it’s just that in order for me to sleep, things have to be a certain way.

First of all, I MUST sleep in my own bed to sleep well. Whenever I visit someone and spend the night, I might as well just stay up because I can’t sleep.

If I’m on a vacation and sleeping in a hotel room, it takes me a few nights to get use to my surroundings before I can actually sleep fully, and by that time it’s time to go home.

I sleep best in the Fall and Winter when the temperatures are low. Summertime is always a challenge, because heat makes me very restless.

I am also a pillow addict. I need FOUR pillows to sleep properly.

I need one to lay my head on, one to sandwich my head between the one I’m laying on, and the other two on either side of my body so I can wrap my legs around them when I sleep on my sides.

I like feeling cocooned in pillows.

I also need to have the room pitch black and quiet.

Living in a city for the past 8 years has been somewhat of a sleep challenge. I’ve gotten into the habit of using one of those Sharper Image sound machines that blocks out external noise.

You know the machines I’m talking about? Those little contraptions that play various sounds, such as a babbling brook, the ocean surf, rain, and a summer night, which sounds like crickets and owls, cricketing and hooting in a forest.

I ask you. Who the hell could sleep with all that forest racket?

The sound I personally listen to is called white noise. It’s a low, consistent noise. Much like the sound of window air-conditioning unit.

My brother gave me the machine for Christmas about 10 years ago, and when I first got it I had no idea what I was ever going to use it for. Years later, when I moved back to a city, I pulled it out of a storage box and have used it ever since.

So, THANK YOU, TOM! Because of you, I can SLEEP!

Anyway, those are my crazy sleeping habits.

So, remember something….

If you ever invite me over to your house to spend the night.

Don’t invite me.

I’ll be crazy.

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