Monday, May 24, 2010

The Ring

After my birth mother passed away, my father eventually had her diamond wedding ring made into a pinkie ring for himself.

He worn the ring until he passed away at the age of 73.

And it was then that my stepmother passed it on to me.

A few months after my fathers death, I took the ring and had it reset so I could wear it on my ring finger. And I remember the day I went to the jewelers to pick it up after the setting was complete.

As I took it out of the box, I was overcome with emotion. I don’t think I ever really noticed how beautiful the diamond was because of the previous way it had been set. I decided to have it bezel set in a plain gold band, which somehow made the diamond appear more brilliant.

It sparkled and glistened with it’s many facets, almost as if the stone was happily smiling at me.

I immediately felt the presence of my mother saying, “Now it’s yours.”

I worn the ring consistently, until one day I noticed that the diamond was loose. So I immediately took it off and placed it safely back into the box, and had every intention of having the diamond tightened. However, for some strange reason I never did.

So, there it sat in the box for several years.

In 2001 I moved back to Philadelphia, and through a series of life-altering financial events I had to file bankruptcy.

Prior to that, I barely had enough money to eat, because I was using every single penny I made to pay for my rent, utilities, and phone. If it weren't for the assistance of my friends, I would have never been able to make it.

At first, I hadn’t shared my financial status with my family because I didn’t want to worry them. I guess I kept thinking that somehow my situation would improve, but it only got worse.

I remember one night sitting on my apartment floor, blanking staring at the TV screen while watching a movie thinking to myself, “ How the hell am I ever going to pay for my rent next week?"

And no sooner had I thought that, did I begin to focus on a scene in the movie I was watching, in which a women was going through the same thing I was experiencing. She desperately tried to figure out how she was going to pay for her mortgage that month because she had no funds in her checking or savings account.

Suddenly, she remembered a diamond necklace that was given to her by her ex-husband. She took the necklace out of a box in her closet, and made the choice to take it to a jewelry shop that bought diamonds.

She cashed it in and was able to make her mortgage payment.

It was then that I remember my mothers’ diamond.

I took it out of the box and looked at it, and thought, “Can I really do this?”

For days, I agonized about what to do because the ring held such a strong connection between my mother and I.

Was it wrong for me to take something that originally belonged to her and sell it for rent?

One night after not being able to sleep, I took the ring in my hand and closed my eyes, and just came right out and asked her.

I said, “I’m sorry for even thinking this, truly I am, but I’m scared and I don’t know what else to do. Please tell me what to do. Please.”

And this is what I felt…

“I am your mother and you are my son. If I can help you right now, then this is what I want for you. Sell it, and never look back. Because this was the purpose of my ring.”

So I did.

And as I left the jewelers that following afternoon, I had no regrets. No feelings of remorse, or even sadness.

I only felt her love.









*This post was inspired by my dear friend, Peg. Thank you, Peg!