I Woke Up Laughing



Yesterday morning, I woke up laughing while dreaming of something that happened back in 1976, when I was in my early twenties.

Have you ever done something devilishly delightful in your life that later came back to bite you in the ass?

Yeah….isn’t that fun?

It’s called KARMA.

While living in NYC, I had a studio apartment on the upper east side that faced a courtyard garden. It was on the third floor of a four story walk-up. Below me lived an elderly Russian woman, who other than this incident that I’m about to share with you, never said so much as two words to one another in the three years I lived there.

Sometime during the third year of residing in this building, my partner and I adopted a cat. Neither of us having ever had a cat before, were somewhat unaware of the whole “litter box involvement” of keeping it clean. Being in our twenties, we didn’t care if the poop piled up for two days because we were both too busy trying to become famous actors on Broadway.

Most of the time we would do the normal thing, by sifting the poop out of the litter box and either flushed it down the toilet or disposed of it in the trash. However, sometimes I would sift it and simply throw it out one of our windows because I figured it would just land in the garden below, becoming fertilizer for the grass.

(I thought I was doing my part in recycling)

Yet, what I hadn’t remembered was that the woman who lived below us had a small terrace that extended out from her back door, which meant that all the poop I was throwing out the window was actually landing on her terrace floor. God only knows what she must have been thinking everytime she saw little tootsie rolls cascading from the heavens.

I don’t know how long it took her to finally catch on that it was me throwing cat feces out my window, but one day my partner and I heard a loud BANGING at our apartment door. And when I opened it, guess what I saw?

I saw an angry little Russian woman, holding a folded piece of The New York Times. And when she opened the newspaper, I saw all the poop I had thrown out the window that morning.

She said, “Excuse me, but does this belong to you?”

I stood there with my mouth wide open; turning a bright color of NEON red.

She then said, “Yes, I thought so. And if I ever see any SHIT on my terrace again, I will contact the property manager.” And then proceeded to take the newspaper and SHOVED it in my hands.

I closed the door and turned to look at my partner, saying, “Oooops!” Then the two of us laughed until we thought we were going to die.

So, remember something everyone….

Don’t EVER throw cat poop out your windows. Because trust me, it will only come back from whence it came.



54 comments

  1. I'm crying laughing. If that is not a New York story than NY has no stories. Throwing cat shit or for that matter any shit out the window must be done with great panache. I hope you remembered that.
    Hell, you could have used the joy of it to practice method acting. Anyway, at least it was the Times and not the Post.

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  2. How funny Ron that we just went through something similar here at my house recently. my hubby was quietly sweeping the dog's poop (I have two german shepards) under our fence into the neighbor's yard (it was easier than scooping and carrying it to the trash all the way across the yard.) The husband of the neighbor asked my husband if the gardners were sweeping the poo under the fence and of course my husband said yes. My neighbor said his wife was complaining of the smell. Two big dogs make lots of poop but Tim, like you, thought he was just "fertilizing" the neighbor's yard. Anyhow...now he schleps the poops to the trash. But it was a good thing while it lasted! I hope it was not too hot where you are. we had lovely weather here and went to an amazing art festival...but I guess I should just e-mail all this stuff. Hope you are great!!!

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  3. Hahaha! That's made me laugh so much!

    The only similar story I have is that I used to live on the third floor of an apartment block. The building is very old so the floors are solid and it was good at keeping noise out.

    Anyway - one night (to celebrate some decorating we'd done) we had some friends over. Well, 4 bottles of wine later and several bad renditions of Kate Bush's 'running up that hill' on singstar we all went to bed.

    At 8am the next day our neighbour banged on the front door to give us back 3 cigarette butts we'd thrown down into her garden and a cork from one of the wine bottles which we had been trying to throw at each other between windows.

    She also added that they heard all the singing and could we try to not sing the slow numbers! We all died of embarrassment (and severe hangovers).

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  4. So now that my keyboard is covered in coffee...

    I sat here thinking of all the sayings that involve flying feces, until I finally hit the best one for the situation - it is *really* too bad she didn't have an electric fan running on her terrace for it to land on the day she called you out.

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  5. I love karma. What goes around comes around. The lessons we learn in our twenties. I was such an idiot. I did stupid things that now I look back on and say, "What was I thinking?"
    Thanks for sharing that one. I have such a great visual in my head of the poop flying.

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  6. Oh Ron you naughty man you!! LOL

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  7. Ron, that actually is an excellent life lesson - Never throw shit around because you just might get it thrown right back at you! OMG! You are just too funny!

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  8. Good Morning Grandmother Crone~

    "Throwing cat shit or for that matter any shit out the window must be done with great panache. I hope you remembered that."

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....yes, I certainly have. And I think that was my mistake, being in my early twenties, I didn't do it with great PANACHE!

    LOVE that word!!!!

    "Anyway, at least it was the Times and not the Post."

    Bwhahhahahahahahahahahaha!!! OMG....that's HYSTERICAL!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, dear lady!

    Always such a delight!

    Happy Monday....X

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  9. Good Morning Susie~

    OMG...how FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    "but Tim, like you, thought he was just "fertilizing" the neighbor's yard."

    Yes, it's our way of going GREEN!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    And I cannot believe you have German Shepards because growing up as a kid, we ALWAYS had shepards in our family. LOVE those dogs! Smart, sweet, and VERY protective.

    So glad to hear you and your hubby had an amazing time at the art festival. I'm so jealous that your weather has been beautiful because it's been hotter than hell here. However, yesterday we got some rain and it seemed to cool things down a bit. I am so looking forward to Fall.

    Thank you for stopping by, my friend!

    ALWAYS enjoy our chats!

    Happy Monday!

    X

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  10. Good Morning Pixie~

    Always so great to see you!

    "At 8am the next day our neighbour banged on the front door to give us back 3 cigarette butts we'd thrown down into her garden and a cork from one of the wine bottles which we had been trying to throw at each other between windows."

    OMG...isn't it the worst feeling to be BUSTED??? But at least you had an excuse...you had been drinking. I did this cold sober.

    "She also added that they heard all the singing and could we try to not sing the slow numbers! We all died of embarrassment (and severe hangovers).

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...how funny!

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story, Pixie! It was so enjoyed!

    Hope you're having a wonderful summer!

    Happy Monday!

    X

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  11. Good Morning Lolli~

    " it is *really* too bad she didn't have an electric fan running on her terrace for it to land on the day she called you out."

    Bwhahahahahhahahahahahahaha.....OMG, that's BRILLIANT! BAM...right back at me!

    That's truly flying feces!

    Thank you so much for stopping by, Lolli!

    And thanks for the GREAT laugh!

    Happy Monday....X

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  12. Good Morning Jen~

    " I was such an idiot. I did stupid things that now I look back on and say, "What was I thinking?"

    Oh, me too, my friend! I can tell you stories that would make your hair stand on end!

    That was before I knew what karma was - HA!

    Thanks for stopping by, Jen! Always a pleasure to see ya!

    Hope you're having a COOL Monday!

    X

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  13. Good Morning Akelamalu~

    "Oh Ron you naughty man you!!"

    tee, hee, hee!

    Wasn't I WICKED?

    Thank you for stopping by, m'dear!

    Happy Monday to you.....X

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  14. Good Morning Nitebyrd~

    " Never throw shit around because you just might get it thrown right back at you!"

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....OMG, that's FLAWLESS!!!

    And listen, I have a great idea. I think you should create a t-shirt for your Esty Shop with that saying emblazed on the front, with a graphic of a little pile of shit. I bet you'd sell millions.

    I'd definately buy it!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Sis!

    YOU CRACK ME UP!!!!!

    Have a great Monday!

    X ya!

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  15. No freaking way! What the f*** were y'all thinking? Oh yeah, you were twenty-something, that's right. Didn't exactly cross your mind at the time....this is totally hysterical.

    Happy Monday to you too. AND btw, wedding pics finally arrived. Love them.

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  16. Hey Diane~

    "No freaking way! What the f*** were y'all thinking?"

    HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHA....I know, weren't we two naughty twentysomething boys???

    I'll tell ya though, karma payback is the pitts. It's embarrassing!

    OMG, so glad you mentioned the wedding pics because I'll be sure to stop by today to see them. I saw that you had posted a few days ago, but whenever I logged in, I didn't see the post that was on my reader. Anyway, I try again today.

    Thanks for stopping by, Diane!

    Happy Monday to you!

    X

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  17. Now, that is the best laugh I have had all day!

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  18. Helloooooooooooooo SuzieCate~

    So glad you had a giggle!

    Thanks for stopping by, dear lady!

    Happy Monday...X

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  19. What a wonderful funny story. You must have wanted to die when she gave you all that stuff back. I would have been stammering and trying to come up with some story to hide my guilt. That was a great tale.
    This only proves one thing to me:
    Russians know thier shit !
    back to the litter box for me.
    Mr. Scoop Away

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  20. Howdy Mr. Dave/Scoop Away~

    "You must have wanted to die when she gave you all that stuff back. I would have been stammering and trying to come up with some story to hide my guilt."

    Yes, I DID want to die, because as soon as I saw all the shit...there was no hiding my guilt. I didn't have to say a thing, she saw it in my face. For me, that was the most hysterical part of this story - my GUILT. HA!

    "This only proves one thing to me:
    Russians know thier shit !"

    Bwhahahahahaahahahhahahaha....you ain't kidding!

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by, my friend!

    AAAAAAAAAALWAYS enjoyed!

    Happy Monday....X

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  21. You STOLE my kitty picture! (just kidding)
    I actually was going to use it on my site and the capture that came with it read "The cat that saw you naked"...I LOVE that cat!

    Your story is as usual hysterical all the same. I can just imagine how long the poor Russian woman endured the 'poop from heavens' before she finally had enough. Thank goodness it was only CAT poop you decided to fertilize the lawns with...lol

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  22. Good Evening FGTE~

    OMG...what a GREAT caption for the kitty picture. How CLEVER of you! I can't wait to read your post. Isn't his/her face PRECIOUS? When I saw it, it totally expressed what I was feeling.

    Oh, I know...that poor Russian women probably thought the god's were shitting on her. HA!

    "Thank goodness it was only CAT poop you decided to fertilize the lawns with...'

    Bwhahahahahahahahahahaha! You said it, girl!

    As always, it's so nice to see you. Thank you for stopping by.

    Hope you had a great Monday....X

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  23. that is too freaking funny. i would have loved to seen that old lady from the moment she knocked on your door until she shoved the poop back to you folded in the NY Times. hahahhahaha. i bet you were scared of her too. she sounds like she would kick your *** if you crossed her twice. i like that.

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  24. Hey Ron,

    This is so funny, wonder how many of us have been in similar situations? do I see hands raising all over the place--yes I do Ha Ha

    “Excuse me, but does this belong to you?” would have been funny if you had enough composure to have looked and then said..Nope it don't look like mine :^)

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  25. Hiya Val!

    You've added your avatar. YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

    OMG...you should have seen my face when she appeared at the door. I don't think I've ever looked that scared and embarrassed before in my life!

    " she sounds like she would kick your *** if you crossed her twice. i like that."

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA....yeah, she WOULD!!

    Thanks for stopping by, girl!

    Hope you had a super day......X

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  26. Howdy Jimmy!

    "Excuse me, but does this belong to you?” would have been funny if you had enough composure to have looked and then said..Nope it don't look like mine."

    Bwhahahahahahahahah....OMG, I so wish I had thought to say that. That's BRILLIANT, man! I was so shocked and embarrassed that I could only stand there SPEECHLESS.

    And it served me right. Guilty as charged!

    Thanks for stopping by, buddy! Always a HOOT!

    Hope you had a great Monday.....X

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  27. I would like to be able to take credit for the above caption I spoke of earlier but it wasn't mine, it was just the one that came with the picture. Just thought I would clear that up so that the proper people get the credit (cause that's the honest type of gal I am)...

    You are now in my links on my blogs-hold on to your hat...hahahahahahahaha...(you'll be fine, trust me)- I may be teeny tiny now but just you wait... "I am going to be a STAR" !!!!

    Have a wonderful evening everyone!

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  28. Ahahahahah! Ahahahahahah! Ahahahahahahah!

    This story is SOFA KING funny! However, in HER defense I would have been PISSED too if someone was throwing cat shit on my terrace!

    I love waking up laughing! That's happened to me a few times and its a GREAT way to start a day!

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  29. Hello again FGTE~

    OMG...aren't you an honest gal! However, I still think it would make for a SUPER post on your blog!

    " I may be teeny tiny now but just you wait... "I am going to be a STAR" !!!!"

    No...you ARE a star!!!!

    Have a wonderful evening!

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  30. Hey my Libra friend Meleah~

    "However, in HER defense I would have been PISSED too if someone was throwing cat shit on my terrace!"

    Absolutely. Me too! I deserved to get yelled at!

    Isn't it fun to wake up laughing? It's happened to me a few times. I'm so glad too, because it gave me an idea for a blog post -HA!

    Always so GREAT to see ya, girl!

    MUCHO thanks for stopping by!

    X

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  31. Talk about the shit hitting the fan! Or at least the terrace. That was so funny. I can just see that. I can imagine you laughed about that for years. Thanks so much for that memory.

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  32. You were so ahead of your time. Environmentally conscious before it was cool. Too funny!

    I hope you're getting a cool(er) spell like us. Bern and I are loving it. No A/C tonight. Just open windows and a ceiling fan. I can hardly think over the din of Bernie's contented snoring.

    XOXO

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  33. Hiya Peg~

    "Talk about the shit hitting the fan! Or at least the terrace."

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....tooooooooo FUNNY!!!

    Yup...the shit hit the fan and I was BUSTED!

    Always so vunderbar seeing you, my dear friend!

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by!

    Hope you had a wonderful Monday.....X

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  34. Hola Chrissy~

    "You were so ahead of your time. Environmentally conscious before it was cool."

    Yeah, I was going green while it wasn't even GREEN - HA!

    "Bern and I are loving it. No A/C tonight. Just open windows and a ceiling fan."

    OMG...yes, it's cooler here today too. In fact, it's been pretty decent the past two days. And thank god, because the heat was driving me INSANE!!!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, girl!

    ALWAYS a delight!

    X to you and Bern!

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  35. Heh...Genius! I wish I had that old lady's gumption! Excuse me while I go pet my cat and verify that her litter box is clean...

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  36. Hiya Herman~

    "Heh...Genius! I wish I had that old lady's gumption!"

    HA...I know, me too!

    She was SCARY!

    "Excuse me while I go pet my cat and verify that her litter box is clean..."

    Bwhahahahahahhahahahahahahaha....MEOW!

    Thanks for stopping by, buddy! Always a HOOT!

    Hope you had a great day!

    X

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  37. I laughed and laughed at this, Ron. It's one memory you'll never forget...grins.

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  38. Greetings Valerie~

    Welcome! Thank you for stopping by and sharing a comment. It's nice to meet you!

    Yes, it's definately one memory I'll NEVER forget - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Have a wonderful day!

    X

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  39. I wonder if she went back to her apartment and split a gut over the look on your face. To be a fly on the wall that day! HA! BUSTED!! Funny story Ron.
    Hugs
    Katherine

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  40. Good Evening Katherine~

    "I wonder if she went back to her apartment and split a gut over the look on your face."

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....yeah, I bit she did!!!!

    OMG...and if I had only managed to capture a photo of my face that day, you would have DIED LAUGHING!!!

    BUSTED!!!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, dear lady!

    Always so wonderful to see you commented!

    Hope you had a beautiful day!

    X

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  41. Tossing tootsie rolls... desiring to be an actor... Ron Ron Ron... where do I begin!?

    You are just so... Ron! You made my day again. Now I can go out, head to the hairdresser's - the second time in France - eight years lived, but always managed to get my hair done back home. Your story gave me wings of couarge... I fly!

    Huggedy-hugs dear!

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  42. We need to teach you a thing or two about shit flinging. *shaking head*

    We know how to do that in Iowa...just....not to terraces below us.
    That's shit dropping, if you ask us. Flinging is an artform!
    Yeah, well......that's what we tell people when they complain about the manure smell. LOLOL

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  43. Bonjour Susu~

    "Now I can go out, head to the hairdresser's - the second time in France - eight years lived, but always managed to get my hair done back home. Your story gave me wings of couarge... I fly!"

    You GO, girl! And I'm sure you're hair will be FLAWLESS!

    Caution: but beware of falling cat poop!

    Bwhhahahahahahahahahahaha!

    Thank you so much for stopping by this morning, beautiful lady!

    Your comments always put a smile on my face!

    Have a wonderful day!

    (((( Susu ))))
    X

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  44. Good Morning Mel~

    OMG...your comment made me HOWL!!!!!

    "We know how to do that in Iowa...just....not to terraces below us.
    That's shit dropping, if you ask us. Flinging is an artform!"

    Bwhahahahahahahahahahaaha!
    Bwhahahahahaahahahahahaha!

    Yeah, you're right....next time I think I need to get a book on The Art of Shit Flinging!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Thank you sooooooooo much for stopping by this morning and sharing a great laugh!

    You've made my day!

    (((( Mel ))))
    X

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  45. OH what a scream that was to read!!! LOL
    Hey, we live, we learn, right!? But wouldn't it be great though if we could fling a little cat poo now and then?? Of course only at people who really deserve it... like certain butthead relatives. Just sayin'...

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  46. Helloooooooo Crystal Chick~

    "But wouldn't it be great though if we could fling a little cat poo now and then?? Of course only at people who really deserve it... like certain butthead relatives."

    Bwhahahahahahahahahhaha....YES, you said it, M!

    I can think of 2 to 50 relatives that I would LOVE to fling a little cat poo at.

    HHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing a great laugh!

    That was WONDERFUL!

    Have a super day!

    X

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  47. NO WAY! Now I am the one laughing out loud! I LOVE IT! Did you ever see the SNL skit about the "yard a pult?" You needed one that doesn't "under shoot." I love how she said, "Is this YOURS?" You should have looked down, sniffed a minute and then said, "Ummm no, but let me get my cat." Then pick up the cat and act as if the cat is ready to talk to her...

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  48. OK, that?..... was AWESOME! I started laughing when you began throwing it out the window and never stopped.

    Also? Say hi to Junk Drawer and Meleah for me when you see them. Or was that LAST weekend? In which case, did you say hi for me?

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  49. Hellooooooo Katherine~

    "You should have looked down, sniffed a minute and then said, "Ummm no, but let me get my cat."

    Bwhahahahahahahahhahaaha....OMG, I'm getting all these GREAT responses from you guys and gals about what I should have said to her!!!! I'm so mad I didn't think of these funny things to say back!

    No, I never saw the SNL skit you spoke of, but I LOVE SNL!!! Maybe I can find it at the video store on DVD. I'll look for it!

    Thank you soooooo much for stopping by!

    ALWAYS a delight!

    Enjoy your evening!
    X

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  50. Howdy Nanny Goat~

    OMG....I was just thinking of you this evening while checking my google reader, and saw you had posted this week and missed them. I always seem to get a delay in your posts. However, I'll be over sometime tomorrow.

    So glad you had a giggle. Aren't I EVIL?

    *The girls are actually getting together this weekend, but I won't be joining them because I had a freelance job come up and decided to take it.

    Thanks oddles for stopping by, dear lady!

    Always a HOOT!

    Enjoy your evening!

    X

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  51. Your last sentence contains words to live by!!

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  52. Greetings Bossy Betty~

    Welcome! Thank you for stopping by, it's so nice to finally meet you from over at Jimmy's place!

    "Your last sentence contains words to live by!!"

    You said it! And I had to learn it the hard way - HAHAHAHAHA!

    Please stop by anytime, you're always welcomed!

    Enjoy your evening!

    X

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  53. AH HAHAHAHAHA!

    Serves you guys right!

    "Oh, it'll just act as fertilizer!"

    HAHAHAHA!

    I would've loved to have been there when your neighbor returned your cast-off cat poo!

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  54. Hello JD!

    "I would've loved to have been there when your neighbor returned your cast-off cat poo!"

    You should have SEEN my face!

    Serves me right!

    Thanks for stopping by, girl!

    X

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