There's Nothing Like a Joan Crawford Slap




Do you know what I miss?

I miss those delightfully campy slap-across-the-face-moments they use to have in all the old movies.

Remember those?

Nowadays in movies you very rarely see someone getting slapped, because heaven forbid, that would be considered terribly abusive and offensive; causing the movie to have an R-rating.

Nowadays in movies you blatantly see someone take a machete and CHOP someone else's head off, and then kick it down a flight of stairs; causing the movie to merely have a G-rating.

Sorry, but give me a SLAP over a CHOP any day!

*oh btw, do any of you remember when there was such a thing as an M-rating? For Mature Audiences.

Back during the golden age of MGM, Paramount, and Columbia., someone ALWAYS got slapped across the face.

A movie wasn’t a movie, until you heard that SLAP.

Scene: (interior of a restaurant) Martin and Sylvia having dinner.

Sylvia: You seem distant this evening, Martin. In fact, you’ve seemed distant and cold for the past few weeks.

Martin: (flustered) Oh, do I?

Sylvia: Yes, as if your mind is preoccupied. Is there something wrong?

Martin: (sheepishly) Well, I don’t know how to tell you this Sylvia, but I’ve been having an affair with another woman.

Sylvia: (dropping her knife and fork) WHAT????

Martin: Yes, it’s true. But, that’s not the worst part.

Sylvia: What do you mean, the WORST part??

Martin: Well, you see, I’ve been having the affair with your twin sister, Mary.

Sylvia: (mouth dropping open) Oh….how DARE you! And how DARE, Mary! That contemptible little WITCH!

Martin: I’m sorry, but we’ve been in love with each other for the past year.

Sylvia: FOR THE PAST YEAR????

Martin: Yes, and we plan on getting married.

Sylvia: (quickly getting up from the table; grabbing her mink coat and cigarette case) Well…I hope you’ll be VERY happy with one another. And I’d like to give you an early wedding present. Would you care to see it?

Martin: What do mean an early wedding present?

Sylvia: THIS! (taking her right and hand bringing down across his face) SLAP!!!!!

Martin: OUCH!…that hurt!

Sylvia: I’m GLAD you no-good, two-timing CAD!

(Sylvia storms out of the restaurant)

The camera slowly zooms into Martins swollen cheek.

*Slowly fade to black.

To me, one of the best slappers back then, was Joan Crawford. She could deliver a slap better than any dame in the movie industry.

Here is one of my favorite ‘slap moments’ in the film, Queen Bee.

And please watch it a few times, cause it's freakin' hysterical.

You GO, Joan…..



44 comments

  1. wow, i never knew that movies in the older days must have a slap (or two?). unfortunately i never get to catch any of those movies. but the conversation you written out, i can already see the picture in my head. they always have this elegant kinda feel to it, no matter what they were doing or talking about, or even the slapping! i'm amazed, i don't know why, but the atmosphere is just there!

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  2. Ouch! I felt that. You're right, Ron, we can now watch unbelievable horror but no slaps.

    I can't remember when film ratings changed, you knew where you were with them though. These days I see U films that should definitely be classed as A. No wonder we have a lot of precocious kids around. I don't watch the big screen anymore, it's been ages since I happily sat in the back row, but I do buy the occasional DVD - there's no slapping on those either. Have a stupendous day.

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  3. Oh yes, bring back the slap! ;)

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  4. After reading this post ... I now realize that there are a lot less slaps in Hollywood & Television.

    Indian Movies and TV dramas are still loaded with slaps.
    Well, 99.99% of film they produce in my opinion is in the Romance & Relationships genre.

    That's why I've become a fan of the classics and movies made upto the 1970s

    Indian Movies were still produced in B/W well into the 60s and even in the early 70s.

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  5. Never saw Queen Bee, but remember Mommy Dearest -"NO Wire Hangers!!!!"

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  6. Ah yes, a good old fashioned SLAP! Man, I miss those days. No one handed out a slap better than Joan!

    And I toad-ily remember M-ratings "For Mature Audiences" - what ever happened to that?

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  7. Good Morning Levian~

    Yeah, MANY of the old genre films had slaps. And it's funny, because you really notice them back then. It's only NOW that I noticed they're not in the films of today.

    I miss those good-old SLAPS - HA!

    "they always have this elegant kinda feel to it, no matter what they were doing or talking about, or even the slapping! i'm amazed, i don't know why, but the atmosphere is just there!"

    I know what you mean, they did. It was an overall atmosphere. I also think that because they were shot in black and white, it added an elegance. I LOVE B&W films.

    Always so great seeing you, Levian! Much thanks for stopping by! Hope you're having a wonderful week!

    X

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  8. Good Morning Valerie~

    "Ouch! I felt that. You're right, Ron, we can now watch unbelievable horror but no slaps."

    HA! I know, last night I watched it THREE times in a row and LAUGHED my butt off -SLAP, SLAP, SLAP!

    You're right, we have TONS of horror and violence in so many movies nowadays, but no slaps - HA!

    "These days I see U films that should definitely be classed as A."

    That's so interesting, because you must have a different rating in the UK. Ours are G, GP, and R.

    "I don't watch the big screen anymore, it's been ages since I happily sat in the back row, but I do buy the occasional DVD - there's no slapping on those either. "

    Mean neither. I very rarely go to the movies. One, it's getting too expensive. Two, I'd rather wait to see them on DVD while sitting in my own home, confortable.

    Thank you for stopping by this morning, dear lady! Hope you're enjoying a beautiful week!

    X

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  9. Good Morning Akelamalu~

    "Oh yes, bring back the slap."

    Yup...bring back the slap. They're was such elegance to them, wasn't there? HA!

    Thank you for stopping by, m'dear! Happy Tuesday!

    X

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  10. Howdy Jaffer~

    "After reading this post ... I now realize that there are a lot less slaps in Hollywood & Television."

    Isn't that the truth?

    "Indian Movies and TV dramas are still loaded with slaps.
    Well, 99.99% of film they produce in my opinion is in the Romance & Relationships genre."

    I LOVE Indian movies! "Bend It Like Beckham" is one of my favs! The thing I especially enjoy about Indian films is the HUMOR. They're very, very funny! Also, they have a great storyline, mixed with drama, depth, and a touch of humor.

    "That's why I've become a fan of the classics and movies made upto the 1970s."

    Me too! Give me the classics. And give me black and white!

    Always such a pleasure sharing with you, Jaffer! Much thanks for stopping by today. Hope you're having a great week!

    X

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  11. Good Morning SuziCate~

    I saw Queen Bee many years ago and loved it! I'm a huge Crawford fan, but it wasn't until I got older, did I begin to watch a lot of her 'not as well known films."

    " Mommy Dearest -"NO Wire Hangers!!!!"

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I have that film, and will watch it several times a year. The actress who played the 'older' Christine (Diana Scarwid), I went to acting school with.

    Thank you for stopping by, Suzi! Always great to see you.

    Have a super week!

    X

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  12. Good Morning Meleah~

    " No one handed out a slap better than Joan!"

    You said it! She had slapping down to an art - HA!

    "And I toad-ily remember M-ratings "For Mature Audiences" - what ever happened to that?"

    Oh goodie, you remember! I have no idea what happen to the M-rating!? I think they decided that PG was was equal to M, so they did away with it.

    Thank you for stopping by, girl! Hope you're having a faaaaaaaaabulous week!

    X

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  13. ooh that's harsh. that looked like a real honest to goodness smack across the face. Joan scares me. If you knew that was coming, how could you NOT flinch?? That's what I want to know.

    I think slapping in the pictures (of the genteel sort) faded from favor just like the Danny Thomas spit-take. Haven't seen that in a while, either.

    It would be so fun to assemble a Top 10 list - BEST SLAPS ever. Surely Melanie's "birthin" scene in Gone with the Wind would make it? I'll have to put on my thinking cap to see if I can remember any other celebrated slaps. Three Stoges notwithstanding, of course.

    Great post!

    xoxo

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  14. Forget about Hollywood. I now want to bring back the slap to everyday life.

    I don't like what you made for dinner. SLAP.

    I turned off the DVR for Desparate Housewives so that I could watch The Golf Channel. SLAP.

    Can you do laundry soon, cause I'm out of socks. SLAP SLAP.

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  15. Wow.

    I'm suppose to admit I remember the 'M' rating? NOwayisthathappening, mister!

    :-/

    Nor do I remember slapping or Joan Crawford.
    NOR am I turning the television on in the middle of the afternoon to view Terminator...terminating.

    Himself would say "show me breasts any time of the day--save the violence for latenight". *laughing* He's soooooooooo helpful like that.

    And HE remembers Joan Crawford and slapping.

    <-- younger than him

    :-/

    (have I ever mentioned that I have a lying problem that STILL hasn't gone away?)

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  16. Hi Diane~

    "that looked like a real honest to goodness smack across the face. Joan scares me. If you knew that was coming, how could you NOT flinch?? That's what I want to know."

    OMG, that's exactly what I was thinking!!!!! I watched this clip over and over; trying to see if I could notice the other actress 'anticipating' the slap, but I couldn't. But, if you look real close at Joan's face, you can see her'anticipation' of the delivery!

    Yes! As a kid, Joan scared the CRAP out of me!!!

    "It would be so fun to assemble a Top 10 list - BEST SLAPS ever."

    Funny you mentioned that because if you go onto You Tube, you'll find a clip of the all the famous slaps in movies. It's faaaaabulous! I totally forgot about the slap that Scarlett gives Prissy during the 'birthin' scene in Gone With The Wind!

    Thanks s much for stopping by, Diane! Hope you had a terrific Tuesday!

    X to you and C!

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  17. Hey Tracy~

    "Forget about Hollywood. I now want to bring back the slap to everyday life.

    I don't like what you made for dinner. SLAP."

    HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! BRAVA! And I totally agree! You have no idea how many times while I'm at work, I fantasize about hauling off and slapping a customer!!!!

    Oh....what a FABULOUS feeling that would be!

    SLAP!!!!!!!!

    Bwhahahahaahahahahahaha!

    Always great to see ya, my friend! Hope all is well.

    ((((( Tracy ))))))

    Have a great rest of your week!

    X

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  18. Hiya Mel~

    "Wow.

    I'm suppose to admit I remember the 'M' rating? NOwayisthathappening, mister!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! So you DO remember?

    "Himself would say "show me breasts any time of the day--save the violence for latenight". *laughing* He's soooooooooo helpful like that."

    Bwhahahahahahaha! That's HYSTERICAL!!!!!

    "(have I ever mentioned that I have a lying problem that STILL hasn't gone away?)"

    Bwhahahahahahahaha! Oh, I LOVE YOU, MEL!!!!!

    Thanks oodles for stopping by and for sharing a great laugh!

    Have a great rest of your week!

    X

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  19. OMG!! her freaking head flaps away ;)

    I love what I call sexy violence
    a perfect example is Cagney smashing the grapefruit into the blonde's face

    BTW - LOVE the Golden Girls condom scene on your sidebar
    classic

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  20. Hi Lady Dianne~

    "OMG!! her freaking head flaps away ;)"

    Bwhahahahahahahaha! I know...don't you LOVE it??? And the look on Crawford's face as she slaps her is FAAAAAABULOUS!

    "I love what I call sexy violence
    a perfect example is Cagney smashing the grapefruit into the blonde's face."

    Yes! Yes! Yes! I remember that scene! And LOVE how you call is sexy violence. That's brilliant!

    "BTW - LOVE the Golden Girls condom scene on your sidebar
    classic"

    Isn't that scene hysterical? I spent over an hour on You Tube last night, trying to decide which one to use - they were ALL so great! Don't ya miss that show?

    Thanks sooooooooooo much for stopping by, dear lady! You always make me smile!

    Hope you had a great day!

    X to you and da' gang!

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  21. You get some pretty honest to goodness emotion in that brief little moment.
    SLAP!

    ohhh, she meant that. and ewwww it wasn't good. Definitely wouldn't want to mess with her.

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  22. Hellooooo Katherine~

    "You get some pretty honest to goodness emotion in that brief little moment.
    SLAP!"

    OMG, yes....Joan was letting that emotion FLY!!!!!

    I definitely wouldn't want to mess with her either.

    Especially with a wire hanger.

    Bwhahahahahaahahahaha!

    Always fab to see ya, Katherine! Hope you're having a wonderful week!

    X

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  23. If you drag the slider back and forth you can see Joan Crawford grimace as she slaps her - like she really meant it ;)

    Oh, I so wish movies nowadays were more like the old movies. I hate all this graphic violence, and have stopped watching them at all now. I miss a good movie, but hate all this violence, for violence sake.

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  24. Good Morning Babs~

    "If you drag the slider back and forth you can see Joan Crawford grimace as she slaps her - like she really meant it."

    Bwhahahahahaahahahaha! OMG, I tried it and you're right!!!!

    She was probably thinking of her daughter Christina at the time - HA!

    "Oh, I so wish movies nowadays were more like the old movies. I hate all this graphic violence, and have stopped watching them at all now. I miss a good movie, but hate all this violence, for violence sake."

    I agree with you 100%! Give me a good movie, with a good plot, and a SLAP...and I'm happy!!!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Babs! Always great to see you. Hope you're having a wonderful week!

    X

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  25. I tried to leave you a message yesterday but was on my cell phone and it wouldn't let me. I guess I need to b*tch slap my phone for that one... Give it a good ole' Joan Crawford backhand!

    You are so right in that Joan Crawford was the best at that. Loved her!

    Hope you have a great week and don't let anyone slap you silly!

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  26. Hola Peg~

    "I tried to leave you a message yesterday but was on my cell phone and it wouldn't let me. I guess I need to b*tch slap my phone for that one... Give it a good ole' Joan Crawford backhand!"

    Bwhahahahahahahaahha! Tooooo funny!

    That's okay, my friend....ANYtime you stop by is wonderful!

    Wasn't Joan the the QUEEN of the bitch slap???

    Slap!!!!!!

    LOVE her!

    Thanks for stopping by! Hope you're having a FABU week!

    X

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  27. Wow that slap looked pretty legit! Go Joan! Thanks for sharing that it absolutely made my day :)

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  28. I guess we can describe you as being "slaphappy", then!

    And I agree, there's something much more direct and intimate about a slap across the face as opposed to a beheading.

    Rambo, take note...

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  29. Greetings ~

    Welcome! Thanks for stopping by, nice to meet you!

    Yup...that slap DID look pretty legit. I think she had a lot of 'home' practice - HAHAHAHAHHA!

    Stop by anytime. You're always welcomed!

    Enjoy your day!

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  30. Howdy Mark~

    "I guess we can describe you as being "slaphappy", then!"

    You said it, bud! Oh, you have no idea how many times I think about giving 'certain' customers at work a good-old fashioned Joan slap - HA!

    Thanks for stopping by, Mark! Hope you're having a faaaaaaabulous week!

    Sincerely,

    Joan

    X

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  31. LMAO! I could watch that all day. And every time, I go "OH!" on contact.

    My next favorite is the ensuing shuddering sob by the recipient. Thanks. I needed this today!

    xoxo

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  32. Hiya Chrissy~

    "My next favorite is the ensuing shuddering sob by the recipient."

    Yes! Yes! Yes! I actually think that's my favorite part. The shuddering sob, PLUS the way she grabs her face.

    Bwhahahaahahahahhahahaha!

    It's sooooooooo campy!

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by, girl! Always GRAND seeing ya!

    I sent you some Reiki yesterday. I hope you felt it.

    ((((( Chrissy )))))

    xoxo

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  33. She could slap me any time! Loved her in Mildred Pierce.

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  34. You could just look at Joan and KNOW she'd rather slap the shit out of you more than anything else on earth. She was the Queen!

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  35. Greetings Nick~

    "She could slap me any time!"

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    OMG, didn't you just LOVE her in Mildred Pierce? It's truly one of my favorites. I also loved her in the movie The Women.

    Thanks for stopping by, Nick! Always nice to see you! Hope you're having a super week!

    X

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  36. Good Morning Nitebyrd~

    "You could just look at Joan and KNOW she'd rather slap the shit out of you more than anything else on earth. She was the Queen!"

    Bwhahahahahahhhahaha! You said it! She was the Queen of the Slaps.

    WAAAAAACK!!!!!

    Thanks for stopping by, Sis! Hope you're having a faaaaaaaaaaabulous week!

    X ya!

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  37. ...Oh my goodness, I love it! I remember watching these old movies growing up and that was when they unabashedly slapped, fashionably lit a cig' and kissed with so much passion without even a glimpse of tongue! *sigh* Those were the days my friend... ;o)

    ...You have such good tastes Ron! 'Cept for the Peeps thing...I love Peeps. Yeah, yeah, I was here and read about your dislike for the lil' yellow puffs of marshmallow dreaminess but I didn't have time to comment that morning but since then I haven't stopped thinking about it. I know, you've visited my little place on the web and leave the sweetest comments and I think, "Oh my gosh, this man doesn't like peeps!"...hee,hee,hee ;o) It's okay that you don't like 'em, I still love ya! And once again, thank you for visiting me - it always makes my day! :o)

    ...Blessings...

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  38. Hellooooooooo TJ~

    *applause....applause....applause*

    "I remember watching these old movies growing up and that was when they unabashedly slapped, fashionably lit a cig' and kissed with so much passion without even a glimpse of tongue! *sigh* Those were the days my friend..."

    You said it! And it's funny you mentioned 'lit a cig' because I was talking to someone at work about that and we both said that Bette Davis lit and smoked a cigarette better than anyone on screen. She was always so DRAMATIC about it, inhaling it through her nose - HA!

    And you're right....you NEVER caught even a glimps of a tongue when they kissed back then.

    Ah...the good old days in film!

    "...You have such good tastes Ron! 'Cept for the Peeps thing...I love Peeps."

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hey, I had several people leave comments on that post about how much they too LOVED peeps, so you're not the only one.

    ""Oh my gosh, this man doesn't like peeps!"...hee,hee,hee ;o) It's okay that you don't like 'em, I still love ya!"

    Thank you, dear lady. I guess we can't all love the same things, right?

    I am soooooo glad I found your blog, because for the longest time I kept thinking you didn't have one. You've always been such a loyal commenter on my blog, therefore I wanted to do the same for you. I ADORE your blog!

    Thank so much for stopping by, TJ! Hope you're enjoying a wonderful week!

    Blessings.....X

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  39. VERY funny! My favorite Joan Crawford film is Mildred Pierce, when she gets slap by her daughter:)

    Carmen

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  40. Greetings Carmen~

    Welcome! Thanks for stopping by and sharing a comment. Nice to meet a fellow Crawford film lover!

    "My favorite Joan Crawford film is Mildred Pierce, when she gets slap by her daughter."

    HAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG, I LOOOOOOOVE that scene too! I will sometimes rewind the video and watch it over and over!

    Please stop by anytime. You're always welcomed!

    X

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  41. Ouch! Now that one had to hurt. I don't think there was any acting in that scene. Joan Crawford was a scary woman. I remember as a kid watching all of those old movies on television. I miss that. I keep meaning to rent some good old ones but never get around to doing it.
    Thanks for the great film clip.

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  42. Hey Jen~

    "Ouch! Now that one had to hurt. I don't think there was any acting in that scene."

    HA! No, I don't think there was either!

    "Joan Crawford was a scary woman. I remember as a kid watching all of those old movies on television."

    When I was kid, Joan Crawford scared the living HELL out of me! I think it was the way they always lit her in a scene. Very dark and shadowy!

    Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!

    Thanks for stopping by, Jen! If you ever get the chance, rent Mildred Pierce. It's one of Crawford's best. And it's one of the very few where she wasn't SCARY!

    X

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  43. No wire hangers! Ever!!!

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  44. Greetings Fireblossom~

    Welcome! Thanks so much for stopping. Nice to meet you! I think I've seen you over at Terrible Analogies. Isn't he great?

    "No wire hangers! Ever!!!"

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BEST line ever! It's a classic!

    Please stop by anytime. You're always welcomed here.

    Enjoy your weekend!

    X

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