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A few nights ago, I was watching an episode of Sex and the City on DVD and found myself inspired by one of the questions that Carrie Bradshaw typed on her Mac laptop….

And it’s true, it is easier to see someone else more clearly than we do ourselves.

I remember many years ago when one of my friends described me as someone who was INTENSE.

And I was shocked! Me? Intense?

For some reason I never really saw myself that way, therefore retaliated intensively, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN INTENSE? I’M NOT INTENSE!!!!”

Years later, I began to see that he was right, I am intense. But for some reason back then, I associated the word intense only with something negative. I now realize that intense can also mean passionate, which I am.

But why is it that we can see others more clearly than we do ourselves?

I think the answer is because we’re standing too close; unable to look above and see ourselves from a birds eye view. We’re so busy trying to be ourselves, that we can’t always see objectively.

I use to always pride myself on being able to see myself crystal clear, but discovered that it was a false pride because the view I have of myself is often times clouded by judgment and comparison.

I remember a time when someone referred to me as attractive. Well, you could have knocked me over the head with a rubber mallet because I never thought of myself as being attractive. So the first thing out of my mouth was, “Attractive? Compared to who?"

And even now, at this stage of my life, I am still bowled over when someone will reveal something to me about myself that I’ve never noticed.

Now I’m not saying that I have to agree with everything everyone says, but it does give me the chance to see myself in a different light.

This also pertains to making choices about things. I have a few friends, who if I’m having a difficult time making a decision about something, will ask for their advice.

I think it’s important to stay open to how people who we respect view us.

Because they might just see something we don’t.




Have wonderful weekend everyone!

X

39 comments:

  1. 'why is it that we can see others more clearly than we do ourselves?'

    I think it gets easier as people get older. Mostly, we think we do know ourselves so further scrutiny isn't warranted. It's only when someone points something out that we stop to think.

    'I remember a time when someone referred to me as attractive. Well, you could have knocked me over the head with a rubber mallet because I never thought of myself as being attractive'

    I've been down that road, Ron. Attractiveness comes in many forms. How about the times when someone says of another ... 'what on earth does she see in him?' He (or she) must have something going for him, don't you think?

    Thoroughly enjoyed this thought provoking post. Have a happy weekend, and don't forget to look in the mirror occasionally to see what others see x

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  2. You are correct in everything you've said.......it's funny that it doesn't matter if a person has high self-esteem or low self-esteem, they still have trouble seeing themselves.

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  3. Hey there Bijoux~

    ".......it's funny that it doesn't matter if a person has high self-esteem or low self-esteem, they still have trouble seeing themselves."

    EXCELLENT point! It's not the level of self-esteem we each have, but rather our inability to see ourselves that allows us to SEE ourselves.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing on this post, my friend!

    Have an awesome weekend.....X

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  4. Oh, such a great post, Ron. So often we think these terrible things about ourselves that just aren't true. I still have trouble accepting compliments from people; I'll argue if someone says something nice to me--what the hell??! And you make an excellent point about staying open to people we RESPECT--and who respect us, not the losers who want to tear us down. Thanks so much for posting this, buddy, and have a great weekend!!

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  5. Good morning Valerie!

    "I think it gets easier as people get older. Mostly, we think we do know ourselves so further scrutiny isn't warranted. It's only when someone points something out that we stop to think."

    Yes! Yes! Yes! You're absolutely right! We DO think we know ourselves so futher scrutiny IS'NT warrented. Great point!

    " Attractiveness comes in many forms. How about the times when someone says of another ... 'what on earth does she see in him?' He (or she) must have something going for him, don't you think?"

    Yup...because it's all in how we SEE their attractiveness.

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by and sharing on this post, dear lady. You've given great food for thought. Or rather, great SIGHT for thought - HA!

    Have a glorious weekend, Valerie!

    X

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  6. Hey there Rob~

    "So often we think these terrible things about ourselves that just aren't true. I still have trouble accepting compliments from people; I'll argue if someone says something nice to me--what the hell??! "

    Meeeeee too! And it's funny because whenever I hear someone else say that after I compliment THEM, I think, "What the HELL is the matter with them. Why can't they see it???" Yet, I do the same thing - HA!

    "And you make an excellent point about staying open to people we RESPECT--and who respect us, not the losers who want to tear us down. "

    EXACTLY! It's considering the 'source.'

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and feelings on this post! Muchly appreciated.

    Have a GREAT weekend, buddy! And if you ever seen Carrie Bradshaw walking down 5th Avenue, please tell her I said THANKS for her inspiring question - HA!

    God, how I MISS that show!

    X

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  7. When you said you were described as intense, my first thought was a positive one. Intense is good! It's passionate, man! Embrace your intensity!!!

    And I can't say I was surprised either, after the now-infamous Starbucks incident...

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  8. Howdy Mark~

    "When you said you were described as intense, my first thought was a positive one. Intense is good! It's passionate, man! Embrace your intensity!!!"

    You're absolutely correct. Intense is good....it's PASSION, man!

    "And I can't say I was surprised either, after the now-infamous Starbucks incident..."

    Tee, hee....yeah, aren't I INTENSE?

    (oh, sorry....I mean, PASSIONATE?)

    Thanks so much for stopping by, buddy. Have a faaaaabulous weekend!

    X

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  9. Well, being a big SATC fan I loved this post, Ron!

    In fact, I remember the episode where Carrie asked this question. I think it was called, The Real Me?"

    "I think the answer is because we’re standing too close; unable to look above and see ourselves from a birds eye view. We’re so busy trying to be ourselves, that we can’t always see objectively."

    You're right. As much as I think I can see myself clearly, I know I can't. I too have a few good friends I respect, who I will ask their opinion on certain things. Often their view point is spot on!

    Have a nice weekend, Ron/Carrie!

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  10. Hola Denise~

    Thank you. Oh boy, don't you LOVE SATC?

    "In fact, I remember the episode where Carrie asked this question. I think it was called, The Real Me?""

    A+.....you GO, girl! You're correct! I just recently bought a few episodes on DVD and THAT was one of them. I truly want to purchase the WHOLE 6 season collection. I may give that to myself as a Christmas present this year. Along with a Barbie doll - HA!

    Thanks so much for stopping by! Have a grrrrreat weekend!

    X

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  11. I think you are so right on this one. What's that old saying? You can't see the forest for the trees? We get overwhelmed when examining ourselves. I think we tend to either be overly critical of ourselves or way too lenient. I think we also tend to look at other more objectively than we look at ourselves. Great post my dear friend. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

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  12. Ron, you passionate bugger, you hit the nail on the head once again!

    “Now I’m not saying that I have to agree with everything everyone says, but it does give me the chance to see myself in a different light.”

    I feel the same way. If someone tells me something about myself, I give it some thought because why would they take the time to tell me? I know I don’t take the time to tell someone something unless it’s true or I think it’s going to be beneficial.


    I can tell you in all honesty, I get the best compliments/constructive criticism from my kids. I’ve always been very honest with them and they in turn haven’t held back with me. Now there have been times when I didn’t like what they had to say, but it helped me to see that I needed to make some changes. What’s great though, is I can do the same with them.

    It’s good to give and receive. Whether it’s complimentary or unflattering and yes you’re absolutely correct, we need to respect the people we’re experiencing these exchanges with. It’s too bad more people aren’t receptive to this.

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  13. Great post. It's difficult to see ourselves as other percieve us. Sometimes, it's simply denial.

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  14. Hey there SuziCate~

    "It's difficult to see ourselves as other percieve us. Sometimes, it's simply denial."

    I thoroughly agree! Sometimes, it's simply denial.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and adding your inspiration to this post, my friend. Muchly appreciated!

    Have a wonderful weekend.....X

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  15. Hiya Peg~

    "What's that old saying? You can't see the forest for the trees?"

    LOVE that saying!

    " I think we tend to either be overly critical of ourselves or way too lenient. I think we also tend to look at other more objectively than we look at ourselves."

    Yup....you hit the nail on the head! Which goes back to your saying, You can't see the forest for the trees."

    Thanks oodles for stopping by and sharing your insight on this post. Muchly appreciated!

    Have a wonderful weekend, dear friend.....X

    P.S. Hope you're feeling better! (((( Peg ))))

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  16. Helloooooooo Pamela~

    "If someone tells me something about myself, I give it some thought because why would they take the time to tell me? I know I don’t take the time to tell someone something unless it’s true or I think it’s going to be beneficial."

    Exactly. And I think we know who we can trust to give us their honest view point. Yet, on the other hand, I've had complete strangers, who upon meeting me for the first time ALSO giving me some KEEN insight.

    "I can tell you in all honesty, I get the best compliments/constructive criticism from my kids. I’ve always been very honest with them and they in turn haven’t held back with me."

    And THAT'S why I enjoy hanging out with kids. Their perception of things is PURE. They don't filter things - they just SAY it. Kids to me, are the greatest teachers.

    "It’s good to give and receive. Whether it’s complimentary or unflattering and yes you’re absolutely correct, we need to respect the people we’re experiencing these exchanges with. It’s too bad more people aren’t receptive to this."

    Amen!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your insight on this post, my friend! I always enjoy your view points (on this blog and YOURS).

    Have a super weekend.....X

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  17. Hi, Ron!

    I'm running behind today, but here I am :)

    I just LOVE Sex and the City! Carrie Bradshaw comes up with the most intriguing questions, doesn't she? They make one step back and take a look at the bigger picture.

    There is another level to this as well. It depends on who is seeing us. Our close friends will certainly see us differently than someone who doesn't like us. That is because our friends tend to ignore or overlook our negative traits while someone who never liked us to begin will zone right in on those things. Is anyone really getting a clear picture?

    I think everyone has their own way of seeing any given person. No two people, not even my close friends, will see me the exact same way. One may say that I'm stubborn, and another may say that I stand firm on what I believe. Is one right and the other wrong?

    I'm not so sure that we see others more clearly than we do ourselves. I think that all of us have skewed opinions.

    Hope you have a marvelous weekend, Ron!

    XOXO

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  18. Yes, it is strange. Do you also find it strange if someone says "Oh, this person looks just like you!" etc? Someone told me I looked just like someone she saw on a Youtube clip. I was entirely bemused. There's apparently someone who looks just like me in Oxford, so much that my mother and sister thought it WAS me! I'm a bit scared in case she's some evil old hag :) But it is also nice when they spot good things that we have perhaps not really noticed in ourselves

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  19. Hey there MYFWBS~

    "I just LOVE Sex and the City! Carrie Bradshaw comes up with the most intriguing questions, doesn't she? They make one step back and take a look at the bigger picture."

    I had a feeling you LOVED Sex and the City too!!! Wasn't it a faaaaaaabulous show? It was one of a kind! I miss it so much. Thank god for DVD's so we can watch it over and over again, right?

    LOVED your comment and insight!

    "There is another level to this as well. It depends on who is seeing us. Our close friends will certainly see us differently than someone who doesn't like us. That is because our friends tend to ignore or overlook our negative traits while someone who never liked us to begin will zone right in on those things. Is anyone really getting a clear picture?"

    Excellent point! And I LOVE your question..."Is anyone really getting a clear picture?"

    "I'm not so sure that we see others more clearly than we do ourselves. I think that all of us have skewed opinions."

    That very well may be TRUE!!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts on this post, girl! Thoroughly enjoyed it!

    Have a maaaaavelous weekend!

    XOXO

    P.S. and congrats again on getting your article published. I'm so happy for you!

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  20. Greetings Jenny~

    "Do you also find it strange if someone says "Oh, this person looks just like you!" etc?"

    Yes, I do. In fact, several customers who have come into my store have told me I remind them of a certain talk show host here in Philly. I've yet to see a photo of him, so I can't tell if they're right!?

    "There's apparently someone who looks just like me in Oxford, so much that my mother and sister thought it WAS me! I'm a bit scared in case she's some evil old hag :)"

    OMG...how funny! And I'm sure she's NOT some evil old hag :)

    "But it is also nice when they spot good things that we have perhaps not really noticed in ourselves."

    Yes, you're right, it is. Because sometimes we can't see those good things either.

    Thank you for stopping by, dear lady. Always delight to see you here!

    Have a glorious weekend.....X

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  21. You're right of course, we never see ourselves as others see us. :)

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  22. Good morning Akelamalu~

    Yes, isn't that something? :)

    Thanks so much for stopping by, m'dear. Hope you had a faaaaaaabulous birthday and enjoyed your day out with MWM!

    Have a great rest of your weekend....X

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  23. the quest of the day, in fact the quest of each day becomes to discover who we are and fully become that person. Noticing the fears that act as a barricade to developing into the best version of the individual for which I'm striving. Yes, the process of living, it does require some awareness. I think maybe what happens is that we have so many images of ourselves, that we forget to replace the old ones with the current version (or better yet, the target image). Consequently older images get trapped in the forefront of our minds, contributing to that clouded vision you mentioned.

    Great thoughts for the day! And I agree with what Val says below in her comment, about perspective getting better as we get older. That lens of perspective is longer. And frankly, we've learned a few lessons.

    One of the gifts of age. For which I am grateful :)

    sending love. Hopefully we're going to see Breaking Dawn this weekend - went to see J Edgar last night and have tons of gratitude for the way that gay men and women can fully exist in love relationships today, compared with decades ago. Almost broke my heart.

    xoxo, diane

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  24. Hello there Diane~

    I love, love, love your comment! So exquisitely expressed!

    "I think maybe what happens is that we have so many images of ourselves, that we forget to replace the old ones with the current version (or better yet, the target image). Consequently older images get trapped in the forefront of our minds, contributing to that clouded vision you mentioned."

    Brilliant insight, my friend! And I believe you're right!

    " And I agree with what Val says below in her comment, about perspective getting better as we get older. That lens of perspective is longer. And frankly, we've learned a few lessons.

    One of the gifts of age. For which I am grateful"

    A-men! Spot on! Truly...one of the gifts of age!

    And thank you for mentioning the two films. I'm dying to see J Edgar - I heard Leonardo does an amazing job!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing on this post, Diane. I really appreciated your thoughts and feelings.

    Have a great rest of your weekend!

    Much X to you and Cristybella!

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  25. ...I dunno Ron, do we ever see ourselves clearly? I mean, I look back 10 years ago and how I thought I saw myself back then and it is nothing like how I see myself today. I'm almost certain that it'll change again in the future. And I tend to be hard on myself anyway so how can I trust myself on how I think of me? Clear as mud, right? *giggle*

    ...And when it comes to a tough decision I basically rely on moi. If someone has a dominant personality then they can sway my decision and I don't like that about myself.

    ...And yes, most certainly, you are attractive. Both inside and out. ;o) I once was described as, "easy on the eyes". Seriously. *giggle*snort*

    ...Btw, "thank you" for your sweet, sweet comment. I went back this morning and read what I wrote and read your comment and it just broke my heart all over again, and then I cried and cried. I decided that that is not what I want my blog to be. I know there is all kinds of sadness in life and I decided that I didn't want to come across that post in the future and remember all the sadness, I want to remember sweet Maggy as I knew her and as I loved her. So I deleted that post this morning. I still have your comment and will keep it to reread as I get thru this trying time. But again, thank you dear friend for being there. It means more than you know. (((hug)))

    ...Have a most spectacular weekend!

    ...Blessings :o)

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  26. Hello there TJ~

    "...I dunno Ron, do we ever see ourselves clearly?"

    No, I don't think we do. And for the brilliant reason you shared....

    " I mean, I look back 10 years ago and how I thought I saw myself back then and it is nothing like how I see myself today. I'm almost certain that it'll change again in the future."

    Exactly! We're forever changing. And if we're 'being' ourselves, how can we ever notice ourselves. We can't.

    "And I tend to be hard on myself anyway so how can I trust myself on how I think of me? Clear as mud, right? "

    Right! And I'm the SAME way!

    "And when it comes to a tough decision I basically rely on moi. If someone has a dominant personality then they can sway my decision and I don't like that about myself."

    I tend to make my choices by relying on moi too, however there are times when I can't see clearly. Therefore, I have a 'few' good friends who I really respect and admire, so I will ask for their view point at times. They have helped me tremendously.

    And you are so welcome, dear lady. I LOVED your most recent post. It touched me very deeply; reminding me of my two feline friends.

    Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your insight on this post. I really enjoyed it!

    Have a great rest of your weekend!

    ((((( TJ ))))))

    X

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  27. I'm pretty sure I don't see my friends 'perfectly'--but because I'm not carrying around their garbage or looking through their glasses, I'm pretty sure I see them differently. Fact is, I know I do.
    Just as I know people in my life see me differently than I see myself.

    I'd say: Mouthy, belligerent, oppositional.
    They'd say playful, compassionate and loving.

    OMG........LOVING?!

    I get queasy just thinking about that.
    Seriously.
    Pride/ego......I deal in that all the time. That and fear. Stupid fear. *sigh* Those are the things that get in the way of me letting me see ME for the ME that I am, today. (followin' along? LOL)
    More reason to surround myself with people who'll tell me the truth and call it on me when they see it. Now, that sounds like a negative thing--but I'm pretty sure you know me better.

    The day that I 'let' myself see me as others see me--ohboy.....I hope I'm comatose and miss the whole works. TOO threatening and makes it real. LOL And I'm told that most folks would WANT to be seen as 'compassionate and loving'. Yeah, well.......that opens up a whole can of worms so I'll pretend that I'm really NOT and let it go at that.

    Yaknow, I think I've watched maybe one and a half episodes of SATC, once upon a time. But it must be an okay thing if you're wanting six seasons worth. HOLY cow.......I have problems sitting still for a half hour sitcom. LOL

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  28. Hey there Mel~

    First, I ALWAYS love your comments, dear lady, because you always share so much. And deeply from your heart. Thank you for that!

    I agree and can SO indentify will all that you shared here (Libra's I guess?).

    "Pride/ego......I deal in that all the time. That and fear. Stupid fear. *sigh* Those are the things that get in the way of me letting me see ME for the ME that I am, today. (followin' along? LOL)"

    Yes, I do follow along because I HEAR ya!

    "More reason to surround myself with people who'll tell me the truth and call it on me when they see it. Now, that sounds like a negative thing--but I'm pretty sure you know me better."

    Nooooooo...not a negative thing AT ALL. In fact, I think it's a very positive thing to be able to have these people in your life, and that you're OPEN to the truth. I think that's freakin' AWESOME!

    So, allow me to share what I see as truth about you, Mel...

    "They'd say playful, compassionate and loving.

    OMG........LOVING?!"

    YES...you ARE loving. And I feel it every single time I stop by your blog.

    LOVE.

    ((((( Mel )))))

    "Yaknow, I think I've watched maybe one and a half episodes of SATC, once upon a time. But it must be an okay thing if you're wanting six seasons worth. HOLY cow.......I have problems sitting still for a half hour sitcom. LOL"

    I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Sex and the City. It's one of those shows that after you watch for a while becomes addictive (well, for me anyway). I love it because it's such an OPEN show. It's bold and brash. And even SHOCKING at times. Oh, but I love it!

    Thanks oodles for stopping by this evening, Mel. Always a JOY.

    Enjoy the rest of your weekend.....X

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  29. I totally agree! I like to think that I've become better at seeing myself but there are times when I'm completely blind. The problem is you need to make sure whoever you are listening to has your best interests at heart. Otherwise, their reflections may just be as false as your own.

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  30. Gooood morning Jen~

    "I like to think that I've become better at seeing myself but there are times when I'm completely blind."

    Yes, the same with me. As much as I 'think' I see myself clearly, there are times when I AM blind. As I've gotten older, I've seen this more clearly - HA!

    "The problem is you need to make sure whoever you are listening to has your best interests at heart. Otherwise, their reflections may just be as false as your own."

    You said it! That is why I ask those people who I KNOW will be completely honest with me, have my best interest at heart, and who I respect. Otherwise, as you shared, their reflections/view point may just be as false as my own.

    Thanks a bunch for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and feeling on this post, my friend. Muchly appreciated and enjoyed!

    Hope you're having an awesome weekend!

    X

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  31. You know, I have always really wished I could see myself as others do. It could possibly help me overcome some of my hang ups. I have seen myself in a negative light as I've aged and I wish I could feel better about myself.

    Then again I could look even worse than I think to others :)

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  32. Hey Babs~

    " I have always really wished I could see myself as others do. It could possibly help me overcome some of my hang ups. I have seen myself in a negative light as I've aged and I wish I could feel better about myself."

    You speak so honestly, my friend, because I think we have ALL felt this way at one time or another. And not only when it comes to our physical appearance, but also our personality and what we present as 'ourselves.'

    It's a tricky thing seeing ourselves, because it's challenging to stand back and view ourselves from afar. This is why I have a few really good friends who have known me for MANY years, and who I respect in sharing their view point when I ask. But ultimately, I realize it's ME who has to eventually SEE it.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing on this post, Babs. You've added much!

    Hope you're enjoying a delightful weekend!

    X

    P.S. and say Hi to Mo for me!

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  33. I'm a victim of this as well. I've never though of myself as good looking, but the wife disagrees. When I was really big into lifting I never saw myself as big, but the wife told me I used to scare people. When running I never see myself as any good, but people I meet on the trails tell me I smoked them out there.

    Strange. Perhaps we're all just a bit too harsh on ourselves to see ourselves as we truly are? I dunno....

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  34. Hey Herman~

    "Strange. Perhaps we're all just a bit too harsh on ourselves to see ourselves as we truly are? I dunno...."

    GREAT point! And I think you're right!

    It may be a combination of standing too close to ourselves AND being too harsh on ourselves to SEE ourselves as we truly are.

    Strange, isn't it?

    Thanks so much for stopping and sharing your keen insight, buddy!

    Hope you had a AWESOME weekend!

    X to you, Karin, and Mr. Tyler!

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  35. hi ronnie, i do apologize i have been absent so long...many life things happening right now but i wanted to pop in tonight just to say hello and tell you how much i enjoyed your post about who you think you are and what others might see...so true as i too am very intense and yet don't really see it until someone points it out...well...unless i am really intense. :) loved SJP looking so YOUNG! wow are we all getting so much older? yikes! xoxoxo to you and have a good week . btw you ARE very attractive looking and you know it. :) xx

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  36. Good morning Linda~

    No apologies ever need, dear friend. I totally understand that life gets busy at times (especially at this time of the year). I do hope you're feeling better and enjoying the Fall.

    "...so true as i too am very intense and yet don't really see it until someone points it out...well...unless i am really intense. :)"

    Yaaaaaaay....another INTENSE person! I think 'we' creative-type people are naturally intense, you know? It's the 'artist' in us that makes us more sensitive and PASSIONATE.

    Yes, doesn't SJP look YOUNG in that first photo? I'm pretty sure it was taken from the first movie after the series. I love the last shot with her wearing the boa!

    Thanks so much stopping by, Linda. And for your sweet words.

    Have a wonderful week!

    ((((( Linda )))))

    xoxoxoxox

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  37. Awesome post, Ron.

    "I think the answer is because we’re standing too close; unable to look above and see ourselves from a birds eye view. We’re so busy trying to be ourselves, that we can’t always see objectively."

    And in my case, I am SUPER hard on myself. I think I need to borrow my friends eyes for a few days - and take a different look at myself.

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  38. Hey there Meleah~

    Thanks, girl.

    "And in my case, I am SUPER hard on myself. I think I need to borrow my friends eyes for a few days - and take a different look at myself."

    I am too at times, so I know EXACTLY what you mean.

    That's why I have a few 'really good' friends (who I respect and trust) and who have known me for ages, therefore will tell me honestly what they see.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your insight on this post, my friend. Very much appreciated!

    Have a faaaaaaabulous week!

    X

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