Friday, February 03, 2012

Shhhhhhh! Remember, It’s Live Theater

For those of you who may have also had the opportunity to perform live onstage, you’ll undoubtedly understand what I am about to share on this post.

Often, during a Sunday matinee performance, the audience is filled with people who insist on smuggling in bags of hard candy wrapped in LOUD crinkly plastic to munch on, while watching the show.

Now just to let you know, I too smuggle candy (Twizzlers) into a movie theater because I refuse to apply for a personal bank loan to purchase something I can easily get at a CVS drug store for a $1.50 - and then shove it down the front of my pants.

However, it’s a MOVIE theater, not a LIVE theater.

I don’t think some people realize that a live theater is acoustically built so that sound is MAGNIFIED. Therefore, if the audience can hear what’s going on onstage, the actors can hear what’s going on in the audience.

To be a stage actor, you have to develope a lot of concentration.

I remember a time during a matinee performance of the musical, Falsettos, when I was in the middle of singing a solo ballad and began to hear that familiar sound.

Now I want you all to try to image what it’s like to stand in front of 375 audience members; singing your heart out, while listening to a woman sitting in the front row unwrapping hard candies which sounded like a POUND of bacon frying in a skillet.

CRINKLE, CRINKLE…..SIZZLE, SIZZLE…..CRINKLE, CRINKLE….SIZZLE, SIZZLE.

Truthfully?….I wanted to JUMP off that stage, GRAB her around the throat, SHAKE her until her eyes popped out of their sockets, and scream…“SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU IGNORANT FREAK….I’M TRYING TO SING!!!!”

But I resist, and continued to sing my heart out because I didn’t want to be handcuffed, arrested, and fingerprinted for WOMANSLAUGHTER.

And let’s not even talk about the audience members who forget (or REFUSE) to turn off their cell phone ringers. You have no idea what it’s like to be in the middle of a serious monologue and suddenly hear a ring tone of Aretha Franklin singing, R.E.S.P.E.C.T coming from 4th row center.

Oh, and one more thing…..

Please don’t ever try to respond out loud to what the actors are saying onstage. I once had a male audience member vocally exude from his seat, “YEAH! YOU GO, DUDE…YOU TELL EM’!”

I wanted to shout back, “THANK YOU….BUT YOU’RE NOT WATCHING A FRIGGIN’ FOOTBALL GAME ON TV, DUDE!!!!”

So please, audience members.

Shhhhhhhhh! Remember, it’s LIVE theater.

I leave you now with a short video clip of live theater etiquette.

*Be sure to have your volume set high to get the full effect.

Wishing you quiet weekend everyone!

X