Friday, June 01, 2012

Old Versus New

Okay, I have this weird thing about preferring certain things OLD versus NEW.

Now I don’t mean something like an old, skanky toothbrush, no, I mean things such as bed sheets, pillow cases, blankets, clothing, and even pieces of furniture.

 I like things to feel used and lived in.

There is nothing more EVIL than getting a new set of bed sheets that are so STIFF it feels as though I’m sleeping in a manila envelope and getting severe paper cuts on my arms and legs. I also hate the aroma of new bed sheets because they smell too manufactured, which is why I have to wash them like FIFTY times before I can use them.

One of my fondest childhood memories was when I would sleep over at my grandmothers’ house because her bed linens were the softest EVER. The minute I got into that bed and felt them against my skin, I would drift off to sleep. Her bed linens made me feel as though I was wrapped within the comforting wings of an angel.

I think I feel most strongly about old versus new when it comes to my clothing because my skin is very sensitive to how something feels. I don’t like anything with a rough or stiff texture touching my epidermis. And even though I’m a little guy with not much weight on my bones, I like to wear slightly looser-fitting clothes or I feel like I’m suffocating. I don’t like things too tight.

*oh, except when I’m looking at a guys’ derrière. Now, that I like TIGHT.

Yes, I admit it, I’m a BUM watcher.

Anyway, back in April I bought two new pairs of jeans (on sale) for when I go on my trip at the end of June because the jeans I currently own are disintegrating. But I refuse to get rid of them because they are the most comfortable jeans in the world. Jeans are like wine, they get better with age.

And because of my slight build, I find Wrangler Slim Fit the best for me. If I buy Wranglers Relaxed Fit, they look as though I’m modeling a sack of Idaho potatoes.

As you all know, most new jeans look and feel like someone put about TEN pounds of starch in them. And they’re also initially way too blue. I like a more faded-look in jeans on myself.

I suppose I could purchase some acid-washed, slim jeans from a place like Diesel, but I don’t feel like spending HALF my rent on a pair of denim.

Yes I know, I’m asking for the world because I want jeans that are slim, but loose-fitting. Soft. Blue, but not too blue. Also inexpensive.

What can I tell you, I’m a demanding brat when it comes to my DENIM.

Here is a collage I made of my old jeans…..

Please notice the tattered and frayed pocket and crotch. I actually like that because it makes me look like a sexy cowboy who lassoes cows for a living. However, the crotch has gotten so frayed I had to use a piece of iron-on denim to cover up the HOLE because you could see my UNDERWEAR through them. RON’S PEEP SHOW!

Also, notice how nice and faded the jeans are. I know to most people, these jeans look like they should be TORCHED with gasoline. But to me, they’re heavenly.

Here is a photo of my new jeans…..

I already washed these suckers EIGHT HUNDRED times and the color has barely faded. And they’re still so stiff it feels I’m like wearing the Tin Man’s costume in “The Wizard of Oz.”

My only other option is to lay these jeans in the middle of the street for a few days and pray for a steam roller and some ACID rain....

Have a faaaaaaabulous weekend everyone!

X