Monday, September 24, 2012

Cleaning Under The Influence

Okay, either I’m slowly developing dementia, or I should not drink wine while cleaning.

You be the judge.

Saturday night at about 10 PM, I poured myself a nice glass of Cabernet Sauvignon and then sprawled out on the floor with some pillows in front of the television and watched one of my favorite DVD’s, Steel Magnolias.

I should probably tell you that I’m a lightweight when it comes to drinking. I can ONLY drink red wine and ONLY one glass. One glass is just enough to give me a delightfully giddy buzz, which usually entails wrapping a fuchsia boa around my neck and dancing around my apartment while listening to The Supremes singing, “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” and other Motown tunes.

Then I crash and fall asleep.

Anyhow, a few minutes into watching the movie I suddenly had to pee. So I went to the bathroom and did a tinkle, and then washed my hands. While drying my hands I noticed that the bathroom sink was getting kind of scummy-looking, so I grabbed the Comet cleanser from the cabinet under the kitchen sink (also grabbing my glass of wine), and then scoured my bathroom pedestal sink. Well, from scouring the sink, I went to scouring the toilet; to scouring the bathtub; to scouring the bathroom floor.

Fifteen minutes later, I realized I had scoured the ENTIRE bathroom. See, this is what happens when you drink wine and get distracted from what you were originally doing….like, watching a movie.

After I finished, I stood back and thought, “Wow….this bathroom looks faaaaaaaabulous!”

*and then I did a twirl*

I turned off the bathroom light, placed the Comet cleanser back under the kitchen sink cabinet, and then returned to my movie.

I don’t know about you, but drinking wine always makes me hungry. So I went to the kitchen and fixed myself a snack of crackers, bruschetta, and Asiago cheese.

But here’s what I saw when I opened the refrigerator door….

Now can you imagine if I was one of those people who drank MORE than one glass of wine?

I would probably wake up in the morning to find my toothpaste tube in the back of the refrigerator, and the milk carton on the first shelf in the medicine cabinet.

Warning: Don’t drink and clean. It's DANGEROUS.