I love me the Dollar Store.
I mean where else can you walk in with $10.00 and walk out with TEN items and feel like you just had a shopping spree at Bergdorf Goodman's in NYC? Except you don't leave with a Bergdorf Goodman's shopping bag, you leave with this....
However, throughout these many years of shopping in a Dollar Store, I’ve discovered certain things that are just not worth spending a dollar on because that’s all the quality you get.
A dollar's worth.
No, wait. Not even a dollar. More like 25 cents.
Shower Curtain Liners
The shower curtain liners you get at the Dollar Store are made of the most FLIMSY vinyl plastic that was ever invented.
It looks like real plastic; smells like real plastic (a Barbie doll head); feels slightly like real plastic.
But what it really is…is TISSUE PAPER.
OMG, if you even LOOK at them the wrong way, they tear.
I bet the longest I’ve ever kept a shower curtain liner from the Dollar Store was four weeks. So if you add up all the $$$'s I spent on Dollar Store showers curtain liners over the years, I probably could have paid for a week timeshare in Cancun; including a butler wearing only a Speedo, who feeds me red grapes one by one.
I just recently had to replace another shower curtain liner (which I had purchased at the Dollar Store) because it was so torn and shredded, it looked as though Norman Bates from the movie, Psycho, tried to SLASH me to death with a butcher knife while taking a shower, through the curtain.
I kid you not. The shower curtain liner had HUGE tears in it. I barely had enough left hanging on the rod to even call it a shower curtain liner because half of it had torn off the hooks.
Yup, so I'm finished with purchasing Dollar Store shower curtain liners.
I made the foolish mistake of purchasing a manual can opener at the Dollar Store earlier this year, because I didn’t feel like walking two more blocks to CVS to get one.
When I got home, I tried it out on a small can of Healthy Choice Chicken and Rice Soup, only to discover that when I inserted the can opener blade into the rim and then turned the handle to cut open the lid, the handle snapped off.
Cheap piece of CRAP!!!
Joke: What do you call a can opener that is broken?
Answer: A CAN'T opener.
I think the same stuff that the Dollar Store uses to make their shower curtain liners is the same stuff they use to make their scotch tape – TISSUE PAPER.
I dare you to try and start the roll without it TEARING every single time you TOUCH it.
And if you CAN start the roll, I dare you to try and get the scotch tape to STICK. Dollar Store scotch tape has literally no adhesive power. I would probably get more stick power if I just used my own SPIT.
The last time I purchased scotch tape from the Dollar Store, I got so aggravated from trying to start the roll that I opened one of the windows in my apartment and FLUNG IT OUT over the city of Philadelphia, 21 floors from above the ground.
Two seconds later, I suddenly thought...
“Shit…I hope it didn’t hit a pedestrian on the head.”
Well, at least I finally figured out a way to get it to STICK.