Monday, July 01, 2013

My Small Feet And New Shoes

I know that the majority of people who feel frustrated when it comes to finding sizable and smart-looking clothes are either exceptionally tall or full-figured individuals.

And I can empathize with their frustration because I'm at the other end of the spectrum.

You see, I was born a MUNCHKIN.

When many people first meet me they say something like, “Oh...how small, thin and compact you are. It must be so easy to find clothing to wear. You're so lucky!"

It’s almost as if they’re describing me as either the latest Smartphone or a compact automobile.

And I usually respond, “Oh, you think so?”

I don’t think people realize how challenging it is to be my stature and age and find clothing in my size, which is why I end up having to shop in the Young Men’s department. And do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to walk through the department surrounded by 15 to 18-year olds, while PRETENDING to pick out clothes for a SON that I don't even HAVE?

However, the dead giveaway is when I hold up a pair of pants next to my waist in order to see if the length is suitable.

My brother Tom was witness to this last summer, when I went to Florida and had to buy a bathing suit in the Young Men’s department at Target because all the bathing suits in the Men’s department made me look as though I was swimming INSIDE the bathing suit.

In fact while I was picking out a few bathing suits to try on, my brother was on the phone with mother and jokingly said, “Hey Mom…Ron’s trying on bathing suits from the JUNIOR’S DEPARTMENT.”

Thanks, TOM...x

Okay, now I’m going to share my stats so that you can understand what I mean.

Clothing manufacturers do not make enough clothes for adult men in these sizes.

Age: 57
Weight: 130lbs.
Height: 5’ 7”
Suit: 38
Waist: 29
Inseam: 30
Shoe: 7 ½
Penis: 10 ½ inches.

HA! GOTCHA! I just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

Moving on…

Please notice my shoe size. Do you have any comprehension as to what it’s like to find that size in a MAN’S shoe?

Next to impossible. It would be so much easier if I were only willing to wear a woman's black pump in a size 9.

I think shoe manufactures make only THREE 7 ½’s, which are immediately purchased the second the shoes hit the sales floor by 15-year old lads, so that by the time I get there they’re GONE.

And the next time you’re in a shoe store, please take a look at the men’s section and notice how limited the 7 1/2-size area is.

There's like 3 pairs of footwear to choose from. One pair of brown loafers, one pair of sneakers with Skulls and Crossbones printed all over them, and one pair of flip-flops.

A few weeks ago I needed to buy a new pair of dress shoes, which gave me that familiar feeling of agita every time I have to look for shoes. And I’m not one of those people who needs to buy a fancy name-brand shoe; I just need a basic but nice-looking black leather dress shoe that’s comfortable.

I normally start with Payless because I like their prices. If I can’t find anything there, I will then try Burlington Coat Factory because they too have shoes that are reasonably priced.

Well, this time I was blessed by the Shoe God’s. I walked into Payless and immediately saw a pair of 7 ½’s sitting right there on the shelf. So I took off my shoes; slipped into the new dress shoes; laced them up; then walked around the floor to see how they felt on my feet.

Alright, I admit it, I didn't just walk around the floor, I walked up and down the floor as if I were a Dolce & Gabbana male model; working a catwalk.

And guess what? The shoes fit PERFECTLY!

And when I looked back on the shelf, I could see that they were the ONLY pair in this style so I GRABBED them!

I felt like yelling, “HA! I beat you to it, you 15-year old lads!”

And when I got home, I took a few pictures so that you could see them for yourself.

Here they are...

Now here's the BEST part...

*doing the HAPPY DANCE in my new munchkin shoes*