It Doesn't Have To End


Last week I read a post written by one of my blogging buddies, Herman Turnip at Terrible Analogies, entitled Growing Up.

It was a beautifully expressed moment, regarding the love and affection between he and his adorable son, Tyler. In fact, it was so touching that it stayed with me all weekend. I could not get that post out of my mind, or should I say…out of my heart, because that is where I felt it.

Herman captures the moment between he and his son so perfectly, that you feel as though you are there experiencing it with them; quietly watching from the sidelines.

Here are two brief excerpts:

“Kneeling down, I get a hug from him. A Kiss. I tell him to be a good boy. “Listen to your teacher.”

“I will, daddy. I love you.”

“I love you too, buddy,” I say as I get up and head out for work.”

And as I leave, I wonder why it is that he has to grow up. As I think about this a strange ache blooms in my heart. Because when he does grow up, when he no longer wants to hold my hand as we cross the street, I’ll sorely miss these moments that we share together right now.”

---------------

I have been thinking about his words and wondering that myself.

Why do we have to grow up?

Why is it, especially between a father and son, does outward affection and the spoken words, "I love you", seem to fade?

I realize this may not be the case with all fathers and sons, but it seems to be with a lot. What was once an audible and tactile bond between a father and son, gradually shifts into something that becomes understood; without the need for words or physical affection.

But why?

That doesn’t seem to happen as much between a mother and son or a father and daughter as the child gets older. I can remember telling my mother that I loved her every time we hung up the phone. Yet with my father, no. Only within the last 9 days of his life, did I once again make physical contact by kissing him on the forehead, holding his hand and saying the words, “I love you, Dad.”

Why do so many of us get to a point in our relationship where the display of affection often dwindles between a father and son?

Some say it’s a natural process.

But I don't think so.

I believe it’s something that some of us are taught as men.

I remember my own father telling me that he and I no longer needed to hug and kiss each other goodnight when I got to a certain age, because I was older.

And to this very day, I can recall how I felt and how that affected me.

It was like a “wall” went up between the two of us.

And he didn’t do it to be mean because my father didn’t have a mean bone in his body. He did it because he was told the same thing when he was a boy - that physical affection between a father and son stopped at a certain age. Almost like going through a rite of manhood.

I always knew that my father loved me. And he knew that I loved him. But it was never spoken or shown affectionately.

Yet I have to be honest and say, I missed that with him because he was such a lovable guy, that I wanted to hug him.

About 5 years ago, I was walking down the street and gradually came upon two men who appeared to be father and son. The father must have been in his 50’s and the son in his 30’s. I watched as the son opened the car door for his father. And right before the father got into the car; the son hugged him; kissed him on the cheek and said, “I love you, Dad.”

That interaction between the two of them went straight to my heart and brought tears to my eyes.

Because it was a tender and open exchange of love and affection between a father and son at any age.

So you see, it still can be.

We don't have to grow up...


Happy Monday everyone!
X

*And to Herman: Once again buddy, that was a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it!

64 comments

  1. You sure know how to write a post that sticks in my heart Ron! I agree with you that I noticed this "estrangement" of sorts with my brother and my father. I don't know if a conversation took place to mark the event...now you have me curious! I am going to have to mention it to my brother the next time I talk to him on the phone! Have a Happy and Stress Free Monday! Xo Jeanne

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  2. This is an amazing post. I remember when my Grandfather died, he was laying in the hospital bed and we knew he only had so much time...when I was finally alone with him in the room he leaned forward and told me he loved me. I ran out of the room in tears searching for my mom. When she finally asked what was wrong I said "Grandpa told me he loved me, he knows he is dying." My grandfather was an amazing man but out of all the time I knew he he never expressed himself that way. This post really brought me back to that time. Amazing post Ronnie :)

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  3. This is not a subject that I know much about, being a woman, but my parents were not very tactile with us kids, other than a kiss goodnight and a kiss goodbye as we went off to school. I imagine, with seven kids and a war to contend with, it must be difficult to have the time to give hugs and kisses and exchange loving words, throughout the day. It was filled with washing, cooking and cleaning. We all felt very loved though.

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  4. So sad, isn't it? Even as a mom, I miss the affection I shared with my son. He is at an age where hugs are merely tolerated.

    I suppose it is awkward and embarrassing for grown sons to hug and kiss their fathers. My husband always does the half hug and slap on the back with our son. But I think times may be changing as I see more men hug when greeting each other now than in times past.

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  5. After reading here, I read there. Man--as if I wasn't teary enough from reading you? He wrote that well.....as did you. I can see how that hung around in your heart for a while. I suspect it's going to for a while.

    Yes, there's a stark difference in public displays of affection that happens and I'm sure there are a whole array of cultural and societal things that come into play. I'm not one for public displays of affection--and it takes a special relationship with me to get inside that 'bubble' and involve any kind of 'touchy feely' jazz. That's a by product of some of the yuck I lived through. As you can guess, I didn't grow up with a very 'loving' relationship with my parent. We didn't hug and we rarely expressed affection--but I've no doubt that my father loved me (as best he could).
    Fortunately, I had enough 'healing' to have a different relationship with the boy and the girl. And the girl has been able to raise a hugely touchy feely Bug. LOL She's all about laps and hugs and kisses and hand holding--the whole nine yards. When she'll lose that, I don't know--but I'm clear there's a developmental process that happens that shoves us all into 'being more grown up'. (see, it wasn't just your dad.......) And like you and Herman Turnip....I'll be sad for that to transpire and I'll miss that, inter-personally. But I'm not above taking what I want....so I'm sure she'll get past Nana stealing hugs as a teenager, just as I'll get past the rolling of eyes and muttering when I do it.....just as HER mom got past me grabbing her and hugging the stuffings outta her whenever I wanted....audience or not! LOL


    Life's too short...and I've learned to not bow to the pressure of the world around me--something I'm not even sure my parent knew existed or acknowledged as a part of the 'we don't do that' taboo around public displays of affection/displays of affection period.


    Ain't it cool we've grown some?!

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  6. Ron, you write so amazingly well that what you feel and think comes through so vividly. Beautiful, beautiful post! I had tears in my eyes.


    And I know what you mean because I saw this with my brother and father as well. They are close, but not as openly affectionate as they were when my brother was a little boy. Whereas my father and I are still very affectionate with each other, both in word and touch. We hug and kiss each other hello and goodbye anytime we get together.


    Thank you for sharing this post, Ron. I love reading your blog! Have a wonderful week.

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  7. Good morning Jeanne!

    " I don't know if a conversation took place to mark the event...now you have me curious!"



    For me it was the conversation I had with my father, but for others it may be just something that happens without ever saying anything. Yet what was so wonderful was that within the last 9 days of my father's life, he and I bonded again affectionately. He was truly a very lovable man.


    Much thanks for stopping by, dear lady. Happy Monday to you! Have a super week!


    (((((((((((((((((((( You )))))))))))))))))))))


    X to you and the girlz!

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  8. Hey there Shae!


    (((((((((((((( You )))))))))))


    I cannot thank you enough for sharing that moment between you and your grandfather. How beautiful! And it brought back so many memories for me and my father during the last 9 days of his life because it was the same for me. In those 9 days, everything came together so that we had closure. I will always be grateful for that time we had. It was truly beautiful.


    Thank you for stopping by, girl. Happy Monday and have a SUPER week!


    X

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  9. Hola Denise!

    Thank you :) Herman's post brought out so many feelings and emotions for me, I just had to write this. I was thinking about it all weekend.

    "Whereas my father and I are still very affectionate with each other, both in word and touch. We hug and kiss each other hello and goodbye anytime we get together."



    Aw...that's awesome!!!!


    Much thanks for stopping by, girl. Have a WONDERFUL week as well!


    X

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  10. Goooooood morning Mel!

    Oh good, I'm so glad you read Herman's post, wasn't it BEAUTIFUL?? I'll tell ya, I thought about that post all weekend.

    "Yes, there's a stark difference in public displays of affection that happens and I'm sure there are a whole array of cultural and societal things that come into play."

    Good point! And yes, you're right.

    "Fortunately, I had enough 'healing' to have a different relationship with the boy and the girl. And the girl has been able to raise a hugely touchy feely Bug. LOL"

    Good for you, Mel! And me as well. For many years, I held off on being touchy with others, but I slowly came around to being more open about it because I think naturally, I'm a very affectionate person.

    "When she'll lose that, I don't know--but I'm clear there's a developmental process that happens that shoves us all into 'being more grown up'. (see, it wasn't just your dad.......)"

    Very true! It's that 'stage' of going from kid to grown up. And then it's something how it comes around again, after a child and parent move to another stage. I'm so grateful that my father and I had time together before he passed. It was very healing for the two of us.

    "But I'm not above taking what I want....so I'm sure she'll get past Nana stealing hugs as a teenager, just as I'll get past the rolling of eyes and muttering when I do it.."

    HAHHAHAHA! You GO, Nana Mel!!!!

    "something I'm not even sure my parent knew existed or acknowledged as a part of the 'we don't do that' taboo around public displays of affection/displays of affection period.

    Ain't it cool we've grown some?!"



    Yup....it sure is!!!!!! And it many ways, I see that changing because (guys in particular) are more openly affectionate (hugs) today.


    MUCH thanks for stopping by, dear lady, and sharing your thoughts and feelings on this post. Have a lovely week!


    (((((((((((((((( You ))))))))))))))))


    X

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  11. Ron, this post is a real tear-jerker, and I need to find a Kleenex! What a beautiful way to start the week off -- with a heart-felt post that I'm sure will resonate with so many!
    Never having been a son, I can't speak to why the dad-son relationship so often becomes less "physical." However, I've seen it happen, and it's sad. And I've seen it overcome, and that's wonderful! What mom doesn't want her husband and her son to have a close, loving relationship, one where both men feel okay with hugging and showing affection??
    You've piqued my interest -- now I'm off to go read Herman's post. Happy Monday, Ron!

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  12. Now I KNOW why everyone loves you, my friend. Yes, Herman's post was a tear-jerker. When I read it I had the tissues out all the way through. And again today. I guess it's a man thing that when they get older they take a step back and show their manly sides. Not a good thing, in my opinion.


    I only popped in to thank you for your lovely words and good wishes on my blog and now you have me in tears xx

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  13. Goood morning Valerie!

    "Yes, Herman's post was a tear-jerker. When I read it I had the tissues out all the way through."



    Me as well. Wasn't it a BEAUTIFUL post? And it touched me so that I had to share my thoughts and feelings about what it brought up for me. It was very healing.


    Thank you SO MUCH for stopping by today because I know how busy you are right now. Just know that my thoughts, prayers and love are with you and Joe!


    ((((((((((((( You & Joe )))))))))))


    X

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  14. Hiya Matt!

    "I'm lucky though to have a mother who compensated for that, giving lots of love and affection to both my sister and me. I hope to be an affectionate father when I have kids."



    Oh, how wonderful! Yes, I know several people who did not grow up with either a mother or father and it seems that the single parent compensated for the love and affection, which is awesome! Love and affection, no matter which parent it comes from is powerful.


    And I'm sure you'er going to be an EXCELLENT father, Matt!


    Much thanks for stopping by, buddy. Have a terrific week!


    X

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  15. What beautiful sentiments. I believe this happens because fathers and sons are the product of many centuries of gender conditioning that men are suppose to be tough when it comes to their feelings. Which, unfortunately translates to unemotional and distant. How many times have we heard boys be told to stop their crying when physically or emotionally hurt? Hugging between men? Unless you're European (or Italian ;-) ), it probably isn't going to happen much. Herman's words are very poignant. And your take on the topic can simply melt hearts.

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  16. Hey there Lisa!

    Loved your comment because you shared so many insightful points!

    "...because fathers and sons are the product of many centuries of gender conditioning that men are suppose to be tough when it comes to their feelings. Which, unfortunately translates to unemotional and distant. How many times have we heard boys be told to stop their crying when physically or emotionally hurt?"

    That is soooooo true! Boys are taught to be strong and tough.

    "Hugging between men? Unless you're European (or Italian ;-) ), it probably isn't going to happen much."

    It's so ironic that you mentioned European because you're right it is different (especially in places like Italy or France) where men are more freely touchy. You see it here in the States sometimes, but not nearly as much.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Hope you had a wonderful weekend with your daughter. Have a fabulous week!

    X

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  17. Oh wow, Ron.

    I'm sorry the "wall" went up between you and your own father. That makes me sad.

    I try my best to make sure that never happens between my son & I - although now that he's 17 he wouldn't be caught dead holding my hand in public. But we do say, "I love you" to each other, every single day.

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  18. Hey Meleah!

    "I'm sorry the "wall" went up between you and your own father. That makes me sad."

    As a child, that's what it felt like. But I feel blessed to have had the time spent with my father during his last days, in which we reconnected on a very deep level (even though he couldn't speak), through gentle touch and emotions.

    "But we do say, "I love you" to each other, every single day."

    Aw...that totally made me smile. And I can tell, just from knowing you, that you and your son have an AMAZING relationship, full of love.

    Much thanks for stopping by, girl. Have a super-duper week!

    X

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  19. I think this is very true. I've seen it with my friends husbands as their children get older. It's somehow not "macho" to openly express that affection but like you said with your Dad, I don't think they ever have any ill intent. It's just a learned behavior. Sad, but true.

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  20. Hello there Angelia!

    "The hardest thing for me right now is my daughter spreading her wings, living with her boyfriend, being a mom, and instead of asking for advice, searching Google. I am proud of her, but it really is like my heart is smooshed."

    You know, even though I'm not a parent myself, I can FEEL what that must feel like because I know I would feel the same way. It's that fine line between allowing your child the freedom to spread their wings, but at the same time, missing them being a child. It's such a bittersweet feeling.

    "And I think showing love is important between all family members. I hug my kids and husband and dogs daily! And definitely say, I love you. :-)"

    And just from knowing you and reading your blog, I can sense that you are a very tentative and loving parent.

    Much thanks for stopping by, my friend. Have a SUPER week and I hope you're enjoying that adorable new granddaughter of yours.

    X

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  21. I'm glad you were able to have those final moments with your father. That makes me a lot LESS sad!

    xoxoxo

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  22. Wouldn't it be nice if men could share this affection all their life? Men seem to have this hang up about appearing in any way "gay" by showing affection for a fellow man. This hang up seems to outweigh their need for the affection or they would get past this. IMHO

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  23. Ha! Exactly, Dale!!!

    Thanks for stopping by, buddy. Have a super week!

    X

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  24. "This hang up seems to outweigh their need for the affection or they would get past this. IMHO"


    Good point. And I think that's the case with a lot of men, especially when they get to a certain age. And as one of my other readers shared, it's somehow not "macho."



    Yes, it would be nice if men could share this affection all their life - like the son and father I saw in the street. Because it still can be.


    Much thanks for stopping by! Have an AWESOME week!


    X

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  25. Me too...:)


    And thanks, Meleah!


    X

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  26. lovely post ron.


    not much affection from my mother and even less from my father. i think that's why i make it a habit to hug and kiss my kid every day, as well as telling her i love her. i told her i will do this until she is 89. ;) and she will never be too old for hugs and kisses from me. it will never feel awkward.

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  27. "Why do we have to grow up?"


    Yes, Ron, why indeed? It seems particularly difficult for fathers and sons to express emotions to each other.


    My dad and I moved from such tenderness--he used to call me "Boo-Boo" when I was a kid--to this kind of macho competition that was supposed to be good-natured.


    In reality though, it just widened the gulf between us.


    I envy that father and son you mentioned and your description of their relationship brought tears to my eyes as well.


    Age should have nothing to do with affection; fathers and sons should be able to show their love without having to camouflage it with all kinds of "manly" posturing. The shame of it is that we usually learn this lesson too late.


    Great post, buddy! Thanks so much for writing this and do take care.

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  28. Hey V Girl!

    "i think that's why i make it a habit to hug and kiss my kid every day, as well as telling her i love her. i told her i will do this until she is 89. ;) and she will never be too old for hugs and kisses from me. it will never feel awkward."

    You GO, girl! And I applaud you for that!

    ((((((( You ))))))

    We have the ability to break the pattern.

    And it's ironic you mentioned that because for many, many years, I had great hesitation to hug other people and be demonstrative with affection. And I honestly think it was because of that one incident with my father when I was a child. And again, I never held any resentment towards him because I knew he did it because that's what HE was told. But I was also determined not to allow that to affect how I viewed affection because I am naturally a very affectionate person. I learned a lot from my father. And for that I will always be grateful.

    Much thanks for stopping by, Val. Have a fantabulous week!

    X

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  29. Hey there Rob!

    You know, you shared so much in your comment that I could identify with.

    "I envy that father and son you mentioned and your description of their relationship brought tears to my eyes as well."

    And if I were to be completely honest, I felt the same way when I saw them - I was envious. But at the same time I was so touched to know that affection between a father and son CAN still exist. And they were proof of that.

    "Age should have nothing to do with affection; fathers and sons should be able to show their love without having to camouflage it with all kinds of "manly" posturing. The shame of it is that we usually learn this lesson too late."

    Rob, I freakin' LOVE how you said that! AMEN, brother!

    You and I are about the same age, so perhaps it had something to do with the time period that our father's grew up in.



    My thing is that I did not want it to make ME feel for the rest of my life, that I shouldn't be outwardly affectionate, with not only other men, but women as well. So now I hug people openly and tell them that I love them if I do. And I don't care if it's MACHO or not - HA!


    Much thanks for stopping by and sharing on this post, Rob!


    You da' man!


    Have a great week, buddy!


    (((((((((( You ))))))))))


    X

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  30. Herman TurnipSeptember 16, 2013

    Awesome post, Ron. And Thanks for the shout out!

    I grew up in a family that wasn't afraid of giving hugs. In fact, that's the standard greeting I get from my parents to this day. And growing up in and environment like that I've come to appreciate the family bond and knowing that, no matter how difficult the times might get, that you always have people to fall back on who care for you. And that idea should encompass not only family but friends as well.

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  31. Well, you did it again Ron, you brought tears to my eyes with your words. Man, you really know how to get to the heart of the matter.


    I think many men have issues showing affection, especially with other men. It's like what you said, most men are taught this as men. It's okay to be affectionate as children, but then we get to a point where it's no longer the "thing" to do, because we're MEN. I don't know how this ever came to be, but you don't see it as much in European countries, so perhaps it's a cultural thing.


    I'm a very affectionate guy and have no problems showing it. My father is as well, so perhaps that's why I'm this way. He and I still hug and kiss each other on the cheek. My father is a very open and non-conventional guy, so he raised my brother and me to be that way. To just be ourselves and not follow society's male/female standards.


    Beautiful post, Ron! Love your honesty.

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  32. Hey there Herman!!!!!

    You are so welcome! And thank YOU for your post because it really made me feel a lot of things, which was a good thing!

    "I grew up in a family that wasn't afraid of giving hugs. In fact, that's the standard greeting I get from my parents to this day."



    Yahoooooo! That is AWESOME! And that's why you're that way with Tyler. He's so blessed to have you as his father because that's how he'll be with his kids.


    You GO, Tyler!!!!!


    Thanks for stopping by, buddy! Have a FANTABULOUS week!


    X to you, Karin, and Mr. Tyler!

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  33. Hey ho Robert!

    Herman's post was so touching that it caused a lot of feelings and emotions to well up inside of me.

    " I don't know how this ever came to be, but you don't see it as much in European countries, so perhaps it's a cultural thing."

    How true that is. In fact, someone else mentioned that in their comment. Many European men openly show affection towards each other and don't even think about it. We have so many hangups in this country about what it means to be a man.

    " He and I still hug and kiss each other on the cheek. My father is a very open and non-conventional guy, so he raised my brother and me to be that way. To just be ourselves and not follow society's male/female standards."

    That is faaaaaaaaaaabulous!!!!! And that's the way it should be! Your father sounds like a SUPER guy!



    Much thanks for stopping by, buddy. Your comment made me SMILE.


    Have a super week!
    X

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  34. What a beautiful and touching post Ron. A lot to think about here.
    We should never miss the opportunity to tell someone we love them. It is sad that so often that starts to fade as we get older and life's/ family intrigues perhaps get in the way of what really matters. Sometimes it take a shake-up of sorts: tragedy, loss, illness ...to draw people together again, in a meaningful way. Again, so sad. Sometimes a gesture of kindness and love can mean even more as time passes, looking back too. I know I've got moments like these that I remember and cherish and others, missed opportunities on my part, that I regret.
    A lovely week to you Ron, G
    www.myreallifereviews.com
    www.veggiesyarnsandtails.wordpress.com

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  35. Good morning Geraldine~

    What a lovely comment. You've touched on things that add so much to this post...

    "We should never miss the opportunity to tell someone we love them. It is sad that so often that starts to fade as we get older and life's/ family intrigues perhaps get in the way of what really matters."

    How true that is! "Of what really matters."

    "Sometimes it take a shake-up of sorts: tragedy, loss, illness ...to draw people together again, in a meaningful way."

    Again, how true that is. Which goes back to your first thought and not missing the opportunity to tell someone that we love them.

    "Sometimes a gesture of kindness and love can mean even more as time passes, looking back too."

    Yes, and looking back on the time my father and I spent together during his final days, I see that. Those 9 days of sharing our love with one another gave us both closure. I will always be grateful for that time.

    Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing on this post. Thank you!

    Have a lovely week!

    X

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  36. Hey, that's right, Mark, I never noticed that your children weren't there. Gosh, sorry to hear about that but we all have things like this happen in our families. My family as well.

    Anyway, looks and sounds like you had a super wedding day in spite of it. I am sooooooooo HAPPY for you and Tara!!!!!

    And yes, if you get the chance to read Herman's post, I know you will enjoy it. He's a wonderful writer and a really nice guy!

    Thanks for stopping by, buddy! Have a great week!

    X to you and Tara!

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  37. OMG do you remember the post I did fairly recently on holding my daughter's hand on the beach!?? Uncanny! But such a different twist.. dads and boys. I think men should say I love you and hug... no matter what age. Not saying, "I love you" does not make you a man, as you know. What a wonderful post about a post!

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  38. OMG...yes, Katherine, that's right! I do remember the post you wrote about holding your daughter's hand on the beach this past summer. And I also remember being soooooooooo incredibly touched by it. And I'm sure it had something to do with my own feelings.

    " I think men should say I love you and hug... no matter what age. Not saying, "I love you" does not make you a man, as you know.

    Yes, I agree. And thank you!

    Hope you're having a terrific week, girl. Much thanks for stopping by!

    X

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  39. Heeeey Robert!


    Yes, aren't the comments beautiful? Reading them brought tears to my eyes. I'm so glad I shared this post because it felt very therapeutic for me. Like a healing in a way.


    And I can tell, just from knowing you here, you've got SUPER parents because they raised a SUPER son!


    Thanks for stopping back, buddy!

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  40. Just checkin' on ya--came by for my "Wednesday with Ron" and you were busy in the laundry room. LOLOL Sorry you missed me! Hope all is well. ;-)

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  41. Aw....God love ya, Mel, for checking up on me - you're a sweetheart!!

    (((((((( You )))))))

    Yes, all is well. Some Wednesdays I may add a post (like a photo or product review) and others not, depending on if the feeling moves me. I'll still be posting Mondays and Fridays, with an option to perhaps post on Wednesdays. I'll just let it be a SURPRISE - HA!

    Happy Wednesday, dear lady. And again, thanks oodles for stopping by this morning!

    X

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  42. (((((( Ron ))))))))


    I still got mt Wednesday with Ron, so I'm a happy camper!! ;-) If ya get bored, plenty of decorating to do with Halloween 43 days away. You can put spidery web stuff anywhere ya like!! LOL

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  43. "If ya get bored, plenty of decorating to do with Halloween 43 days away. You can put spidery web stuff anywhere ya like!! LOL"

    HAHAHAHAHHAHA! Mel, I LOVE YOU!!!!

    (((((((( You )))))))))

    X

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  44. When my daughter turned about13, she stopped being outwardly affectionate, as well. Her dad (my hubby) & his family have never been a "huggy" family. Mine, on the other hand, usually is, except for my dad. He never really hugged us much or said "I love you". That is, until May 10, 2010, when my babcia (his mom) passed away. Now he doesn't leave us without a hug or get off the phone without saying "I love you". But I do agree that men are mostly taught at a certain age that it's not manly to be affectionate or emotional. It's very sad to me because I think it would make a world of difference in the way people treat each other.
    P.S. (((RON))) I meant to comment on your "cold weather" post but I have been severely traumatized by hearing about the end of summer everywhere I go. On the radio & tv, in the newspaper & on my computer. I just couldn't take it anymore!!! Will no one tell Mother Nature that I just want summer forever??? I guess I'll have to deal with it, like always, with the support of family & friends, who aren't enjoying the...Oh, I can't even say that "S" word. LMAO! Love ya, buddy!!!

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  45. Hellooooooo Collette!

    So great to see you!

    "He never really hugged us much or said "I love you". That is, until May 10, 2010, when my babcia (his mom) passed away. Now he doesn't leave us without a hug or get off the phone without saying "I love you".

    Oh wow, that sounds a lot like what happened between me and my father, and how I was after he passed away. I think sometimes going through a death teaches us (as it did me) not to be hesitant to say I love you or show affection because we see how short life is. I'm so happy to hear that your hubby now says, "I love you."

    " Will no one tell Mother Nature that I just want summer forever???"

    HAHAHHAHAHA! OMG, that's right, I forgot that you don't care for the colder, winter weather and LOVE summer! Well, I have to say, I really did enjoy these past two summers. And can you believe that? ME...enjoying summer?!?!?

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Collette!

    ((((((((( You ))))))))

    Enjoy the rest of your week!
    X

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  46. Jay of The Depp EffectSeptember 19, 2013

    Aw ... Ron, that's so sad! I had a similar relationhip with my father, despite being a very much loved and wanted girl. There was a certain age beyond which he didn't feel able to express his affection for me physically. While I don't remember anything being said, I do remember that after the age of about five, the hugs and kisses and being allowed to sit on his knee just ... stopped. I felt - as you did - quite bereft and never did regain a loving relationship with him because he died quite young.


    I wish I'd known him adult to adult and the time had come when I could have perhaps tried to reinstate a warmer relationship with him.

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  47. Hiya Jay!

    You too?

    " There was a certain age beyond which he didn't feel able to express his affection for me physicallyI do remember that after the age of about five, the hugs and kisses and being allowed to sit on his knee just ... stopped.I felt - as you did - quite bereft and never did regain a loving relationship with him because he died quite young"

    Wasn't it the strangest feeling? Almost like a 'wall' between the two of you, where it just stopped - suddenly.

    "I wish I'd known him adult to adult and the time had come when I could have perhaps tried to reinstate a warmer relationship with him."

    Sorry to hear that Jay. But I'm sure he knew how much you loved him. Like my father, I sometimes think its the way they were raised. They still feel the love in their heart, but the physical affection just ends.

    Much thanks for stopping by, Jay. Hope you're having a wonderful week!

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  48. Jay of The Depp EffectSeptember 19, 2013

    I'm convinced that you're right, Ron. My paternal grandfather was a career soldier and had a reputation for being a 'hard man' - and he himself had run away from home quite young because his father (my great-grandfather) beat him. I don't remember him at all, but if you put photographs of him and my Dad at the same age side by side, you'd have a hard job to tell which was which.

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  49. Wow...then that explains it, Jay. It's like we repeat the pattern that was 'our' experience, which goes back and back in history. It's like an emotional/psychological DNA strand. It continues to amaze me how powerful our childhood stays with us.


    Thank you so much for sharing that, Jay! You've added much to this post.

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  50. Jay of The Depp EffectSeptember 20, 2013

    We can break the pattern though, Ron. Sometimes just with time and changes in society change just happens, but we can also consciously change it if we are only aware of what's happening.

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  51. You are soooooo right, Jay, we can break the pattern. And as you shared...if we are only aware of what's happening. Which is what happened during my father's last days. As sad as it was, a lot of healing took place. For me, as well as my father. I will always be so grateful for that time we shared together.


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  52. Our sons both hug and kiss both MWM and myself each time we see them - at 42 and 37 neither of them are embarrassed doing it. It means so much to us as parents. :)

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  53. Oh, that's WONDERFUL, Pearl!!!

    I wish ALL men felt this way.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, m'dear! Have a wonderful weekend!

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  54. Ron, these are some really beautiful comments in response to this post. I loved reading them!


    And thank you for your words about my father. I feel very fortunate to have him as my Dad. My Mom is super as well.

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  55. Mark PetruskaNovember 27, 2013

    Timely post. Notice I never mentioned my kids in my wedding entry. There's a reason for that: they weren't there. Both found excuses not to attend, and that caused a lot of hurt and disappointment. I don't want to rehash it all now, but needless to say, I too wish kids didn't have to grow up. Either that, or the alternative: actually grow up instead of being selfish and inconsiderate. Anyway, enough said. That does sound like a beautiful post.

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  56. What is this "growing up" of which you speak?
    Sounds awful.

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  57. Angelia SimsNovember 27, 2013

    What a touching post, Ron! You know how to pull the heart strings. I, too, wonder why we have to grow up. The hardest thing for me right now is my daughter spreading her wings, living with her boyfriend, being a mom, and instead of asking for advice, searching Google. I am proud of her, but it really is like my heart is smooshed. Growing up is tough! And I think showing love is important between all family members. I hug my kids and husband and dogs daily! And definitely say, I love you. :-) Great thought!

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  58. " It's somehow not "macho" to openly express that affection but like you said with your Dad, I don't think they ever have any ill intent. It's just a learned behavior."

    You are spot on, Chrissy. And as you shared, it's not something that has ill intent. In many cases it's a learned behavior.

    Much thanks for stopping by, girl. Have a super Monday and week!

    X to you and the gang!

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  59. Ron, this seriously touched my heart. I didn't grow up with a father (long story) so I missed that father and son bonding thing that most boys have. And I have to say that I whenever I've seen a father and son show affection, it really moves me. I'm lucky though to have a mother who compensated for that, giving lots of love and affection to both my sister and me. I hope to be an affectionate father when I have kids.

    Great post, dude. Thank you for sharing it.

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  60. Gooood morning Debbie!

    "Never having been a son, I can't speak to why the dad-son relationship so often becomes less "physical." However, I've seen it happen, and it's sad. And I've seen it overcome, and that's wonderful!"



    Yes, I've seen it overcome as well. The time I spent with my father during his last 9 days was so beautiful because he and I bonded on a level that was so deep. And even though he couldn't speak, we both exchanged our love for one another (through gentle touch) which gave us closure. I am so grateful for that time with him.


    Oooo...goody, so glad to hear you'll be stopping by Herman's blog for a read. It's a BEAUTIFUL post. He's a wonderful writer!


    Much thanks for stopping by, dear lady. Happy Monday and week!


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  61. Hey there Bijoux!

    "Even as a mom, I miss the affection I shared with my son. He is at an age where hugs are merely tolerated."

    Yes, you're right, even with sons and moms it can be the same - that period of going from boy to man and feeling more independent.

    "But I think times may be changing as I see more men hug when greeting each other now than in times past."



    Absolutely! I see it too! Guys are much more 'hug oriented' today - even younger guys (college students) I see in the street - they'll hug each other and I think that's awesome.


    Much thanks for stopping by, my friend. Have a beautiful week!


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  62. Good morning Babs!

    "We all felt very loved though."



    Yes, and that's the most important thing....you felt VERY loved!


    For being Italian, my family was not overly affectionate either. I think I was probably (and still am) more of an outwardly affectionate person. And as you shared, it was a different time back then - raising a family, washing, cooking, cleaning. Today, I think fathers and sons (and men in general) are becoming more open with affection.


    Thanks so much for stopping by, Babs! Have a wonderful Monday and week!


    X to you and Mo!

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