Monday, September 16, 2013

It Doesn't Have To End

Last week I read a post written by one of my blogging buddies, Herman Turnip at Terrible Analogies, entitled Growing Up.

It was a beautifully expressed moment, regarding the love and affection between he and his adorable son, Tyler. In fact, it was so touching that it stayed with me all weekend. I could not get that post out of my mind, or should I say…out of my heart, because that is where I felt it.

Herman captures the moment between he and his son so perfectly, that you feel as though you are there experiencing it with them; quietly watching from the sidelines.

Here are two brief excerpts:

“Kneeling down, I get a hug from him. A Kiss. I tell him to be a good boy. “Listen to your teacher.”

“I will, daddy. I love you.”

“I love you too, buddy,” I say as I get up and head out for work.”

And as I leave, I wonder why it is that he has to grow up. As I think about this a strange ache blooms in my heart. Because when he does grow up, when he no longer wants to hold my hand as we cross the street, I’ll sorely miss these moments that we share together right now.”

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I have been thinking about his words and wondering that myself.

Why do we have to grow up?

Why is it, especially between a father and son, does outward affection and the spoken words, "I love you", seem to fade?

I realize this may not be the case with all fathers and sons, but it seems to be with a lot. What was once an audible and tactile bond between a father and son, gradually shifts into something that becomes understood; without the need for words or physical affection.

But why?

That doesn’t seem to happen as much between a mother and son or a father and daughter as the child gets older. I can remember telling my mother that I loved her every time we hung up the phone. Yet with my father, no. Only within the last 9 days of his life, did I once again make physical contact by kissing him on the forehead, holding his hand and saying the words, “I love you, Dad.”

Why do so many of us get to a point in our relationship where the display of affection often dwindles between a father and son?

Some say it’s a natural process.

But I don't think so.

I believe it’s something that some of us are taught as men.

I remember my own father telling me that he and I no longer needed to hug and kiss each other goodnight when I got to a certain age, because I was older.

And to this very day, I can recall how I felt and how that affected me.

It was like a “wall” went up between the two of us.

And he didn’t do it to be mean because my father didn’t have a mean bone in his body. He did it because he was told the same thing when he was a boy - that physical affection between a father and son stopped at a certain age. Almost like going through a rite of manhood.

I always knew that my father loved me. And he knew that I loved him. But it was never spoken or shown affectionately.

Yet I have to be honest and say, I missed that with him because he was such a lovable guy, that I wanted to hug him.

About 5 years ago, I was walking down the street and gradually came upon two men who appeared to be father and son. The father must have been in his 50’s and the son in his 30’s. I watched as the son opened the car door for his father. And right before the father got into the car; the son hugged him; kissed him on the cheek and said, “I love you, Dad.”

That interaction between the two of them went straight to my heart and brought tears to my eyes.

Because it was a tender and open exchange of love and affection between a father and son at any age.

So you see, it still can be.

We don't have to grow up...

Happy Monday everyone!

X

*And to Herman: Once again buddy, that was a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it!