Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Gay 101

I don't often post about being gay because it's not something I think about or focus my energy on. Being gay is like being born with blue eyes, you just accept it as part of who you are. 

I know that sounds as if I'm simplifying it, but that's how I feel about being gay.

It's as natural for me as my eye color.

I was born in the 1950's, when there was no gay pride, gay support groups, or anything out there that helped a boy or girl come to the realization that they were attracted to the same gender. I just always knew that I was gay, even though I didn't have a label for it. So for me, even though the kids (mainly other boys) at school bullied me for sensing that I was different, I always felt sorry for them because I knew that their actions and words stemmed from fear. I mean, I could see it on their faces -- FEAR. And yet, I couldn't understand why they felt that way because I didn't have any fear of being gay. 

I don't know why I automatically felt comfortable with my sexual orientation, but I'm so grateful for it because I didn't go through the inner struggles that many gay men and women do. I was able to figure it out for myself. 

Anyway, the reason I'm sharing this post today is because over the past few weeks, several people asked me questions about being gay, which included some of their preconceived perceptions.

Below are some of those questions and perceptions. I also added a few that people asked me throughout my life. 

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Are You Born Gay, Or Is It A Choice?

Well, actually, it's both of those things. Yes, you are most definitely born gay. However, the choice comes from whether you accept it or not. But it's not as if someone wakes up one morning and suddenly thinks, "Hey...I choose to be gay!" Nor, did someone have something happen to them in their childhood that made them gay. You can't turn gay if you're not gay. 

Now, there are some people who choose to accept being gay later in life, after they've struggled with it. But I guarantee you that those feelings were always within them. Being gay is not something they suddenly decided to become. It's what they suddenly decided to accept. 

As I said, being gay is like being born with blue eyes. I can put contacts in to change the color to brown or green. However, my eyes will always remain blue.  

Just Because You're A Gay Man Doesn't Mean You Want To Be A Woman.

Many people are under the assumption that gay men really want to be women, that's why they're gay. 

As you all know from reading my blog for years, I love women and deeply admire them. And there have even been times in my life, such as when I portrayed a woman onstage in the theater, or when I dressed as a woman for Halloween and thoroughly enjoyed it. However, I've never had the desire to be female rather than male. I sincerely like being male and having a male body.  

You see, being a gay man is the desire to be in a relationship with another man, as a man. 

That's the attraction.

Being A Gay Man Means That You're Attracted To All Men.

I find it amusing how some straight men get very uncomfortable around gay men because they automatically assume that they will hit on them because they're a man. 

I also find it amusing how some straight men feel the need to preface or prologue something that they felt or said about another man, by saying, "Not that I'm gay or anything, but I think that actor is a nice looking guy." Or, "I think that actor is a nice looking guy, but I mean that in a manly way."

I just smile to myself when I hear things like that, and think, "Why do they feel the need to say those things?"

And for the straight men who assume that all gay men will hit on them, I will always come right out and ask them, "Do you find every single woman who walks by you on street attractive, just because you're straight?"

And that usually makes a light bulb go on in their heads because the answer is always, "No, I don't."

But I must also say that I have met many, many straight men who were not the slightest bit concerned about stuff like that because they were secure in themselves. In fact, I know a guy who used to come into the store that I worked, and whenever he saw me, he would run over and give me a big hug, and say, "How are you, Ron? Good to see you!" 

He was straight and knew that I was gay. But he didn't have an ounce of reservation because it didn't matter to him.  

Being Gay Is Not Only About The Sex

When you're gay, sex is one component of being in a relationship, just like a heterosexual relationship.

But it's not only about the sex. 

Being gay goes much deeper than that. For me, the most heartfelt thing about being a gay man has nothing to do with sex. It's about the close bond you share with the same gender. It's about growing in intimacy with another man.

And allow me to say that just because you're the same gender, doesn't automatically make the relationship easy and smooth. No way. And that's because men share many of the same similarities, so it can be very challenging at times. But that's all part of the growth.  

I truly believe that the reason I was born gay is because I have lessons to learn from being with my own gender.

Men are my greatest teachers because it's like looking into a mirror and seeing myself. 

Being Bullied For Being Gay, Did Not Make Me A Victim

I don't claim victimhood.

Even though I was bullied for most of my childhood and teen life, I never saw myself as a victim of injustice or felt like a minority.  

I knew I was different, yes, but I never thought that being different meant that I was unequal. 

And I didn't care if the world accepted me for being gay. That's not where my sense of acceptance came from. 

I also don't hold straight people accountable for what was done to me by continually reminding them of how I was treated in the past.  

Besides, not all straight people did that to me.

No, if I were to view myself as a victim, that's exactly what it would produce. 

And quite frankly, I have no intention of handing over my personal power by going through life with a sign around my neck that reads: VICTIM. 

And one last thing...LOVE

Some people have difficulty in understanding how two men or two women can form a committed relationship, live together, and love each other. And I always ask them to just take a moment and feel how their heart swells when it comes to their own husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, or life partner, and realize, that's exactly how a gay man and a gay woman feels. 

Love is Love...

Have a beautiful week, everyone! 

💗