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Today I thought I would give you an update on what's going on with my personal shopper business that I started almost two years ago.

Short answer?

Nothing. 

Long answer?

The reason for nothing happening is a combination of two things. One, I've lost my passion for the beauty industry, perhaps through being burned out from doing it for over 30 years. And two (the stronger reason), the negative feedback I got from women.

Yes, you heard me right, negative feedback from women.

Which totally shocked me at first because here I was trying to help and support women to feel more inclusive as they matured with age, yet they didn't want to hear what I had to say because they were focused on trying to stay young. 

I realize that much of that has to do with how the media force-feeds women images of younger-looking models in all the ad campaigns that say, "This is how you're supposed to look at 45, 50, and 60." Which is farcical because all the ad models are in their early 20's and 30's. 

A Perfect Example:


What these images of younger women are doing is making mature women feel the need to recapture something that they used to be. And I've always been against that, instructing women to stop looking at these photographs because they aren't real. Even the women (girls) in the photographs don't look like that in real-life. Believe me, every photo you see in an ad is literally an illusion. And it kills me to see women on Instagram who are labeled and praised as "Top Beauty Influencers" and have 875k followers who are influencing other females to actually feel worse about themselves because the photographs they post on their feeds are all painfully contrived and digitally enhanced, making women believe they have flawless skin and a picture-perfect, storybook life.

Having been in the industry for so many years, I know for a fact that the men in the cosmetic advertising business are the ones who create these "youth oriented" images of what women should look like because men feel younger being around younger women. It's all about what's attractive to them. So yes, men in advertising are the ones who started this fraudulent belief system within the beauty industry.

Yet at some point, many women started to buy into the belief that looking young is the only thing that makes them attractive. Therefore, women are now perpetuating that myth by influencing other women to feel the same, which is to do whatever you can to hold onto your youth because that's the only way you'll be successful in this world.

Attempts At Starting My Business:

I tried many different ways to offer my business to women over the past two years, such as, offering (for free) guest speaking engagements for women's groups (specifically mature women's groups) to talk with them about aging and sharing my professional experience in taking care of their skin and using makeup without chasing youth. 

Yet, I barely got a response. And the few responses I did get via email had a very uptight feeling in the way they were worded. I could tell they felt uncomfortable talking about aging. 

I also spent weeks and months researching some of the top estheticians who either had their own skincare businesses, or worked for some of the top spas here in Philadelphia in an attempt to work together in ways that would benefit both our businesses. I figured that I could hand out their business cards to my personal shopper clients to support their business, and they could hand out my business cards to their facial clients to support my business. It was a win-win situation I thought.

However, after speaking with them on the phone and trying to set up a time for us to meet, they would either tell me they would call me back to make plans to meet for coffee but never called, or they would tell me that they would think about it and then I would never hear from them again. When I followed up with them, they ignored my emails. 

So, one day I decided to go online and google the Instagram account of one of the estheticians I had contacted and saw photo after photo of her showing what gorgeous skin she had, but I immediately could tell that her face was the result of injectables (Botox, Dysport, Juvederm, Restylane) all of which relax, smooth, and fill the face, giving her skin the appearance of a twentysomething-year old.

And that's when it finally dawned on me why I wasn't getting any responses. These business were making their money from telling women to resist aging, while I was telling women to embrace it. 

Hey listen, even though I might not agree with the procedure, if someone gets injectables that's their personal choice. But what I strongly object to is sharing photographs of yourself with flawless, smooth skin and plumped-up lips, and then telling other women they too can look like this by simply using skincare products and getting facials from you.

Several weeks ago I walked past a medi spa where they offer injectables and saw a sign like this on the sidewalk by the front door, enticing women to come inside and purchase the lips they've always wanted.

And incidentally, this spa is owned and operated totally by WOMEN... 


As I've shared in past blog posts, I see nothing negative about using makeup and skincare products. However, my outlook and approach to beauty products has never been about making women look younger. My approach has always been about allowing women to celebrate their own unique beauty, and using products to accentuate it at any age.

But chasing after youth is something I do see as a negative because it's an unending chase. And women should know that because remaining young is constantly being projected on them. Therefore, I would think that female influencers, beauty advisors, and spa owners would support other women through the aging process, rather than look at it as something that is taboo. 

As a man, I feel that women are harshly judged by age, much more than men. Not only does that make me angry, but sad as well. 

And that's the reason I attempted to start this business. To support women, letting them know that they are valued and celebrated as they mature.

In conclusion:

So for right now, I've put this business on hold until I feel the desire to offer my services again. I'm keeping my website up, just in case someone finds it and has any questions. 

In life, sometimes you have to move away from something in order to get a different perspective and then return to it.

So, we'll see.

And I'm okay with that. 

Have an AWESOME rest of your week, everyone! 

And remember ladies, you are beautiful and valued at any age! 💗

17 comments:

  1. It's all about making a profit with the big cosmetic corporations & plastic surgeons. Women, for the majority, are willing to spend their small fortunes to retain youth. And lately I have noticed ads for men promoting the more youthful look. For me I think every wrinkle & scar is a mark of living. I would say it adds character but that is so cliché. Elderly should be respected for their wisdom & beauty within. And tho your goal with your endeavor is to assist, most are too brainwashed of the falsified stats shown, they're not ready for inner enhancements.

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  2. *thunderous applause*

    Anni, your comment was not only OUTSTANDING, but SPOT ON as well!!!! Every single thing you mentioned is absolutely correct. And you're right, all of this "youth oriented" stuff is now affecting men because they too are chasing the fountain of youth!

    And this is my favorite thing you said because I say the same thing...

    "For me I think every wrinkle & scar is a mark of living."


    YES! And I also say that your face is a road map of your life. So why would anyone want to change that?!?!

    Even when I was a kid, I was always more attracted to older people because they're more interesting to not only look at, but to talk with because they have a history! Personally, I prefer an "aged face" rather than a youthful one.

    " Elderly should be respected for their wisdom & beauty within."


    YES!!!! And that's one of the things I loved about being in Japan for a summer. Their culture celebrates the elderly and holds them in high esteem. They believe the elderly are the ones with all the wisdom, because they've lived.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing you insight and wisdom, my friend. Very much appreciated!

    Have a fantastic rest of your week!
    X

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  3. I’m sorry to hear this, Ron. It was a great idea to try to team up with other businesses, so it’s a shame that none of them were interested in anything besides what I consider surgical means. The crazy thing is, that there ARE 20 and 30 somethings that do this! Honestly, I think it looks horrific on most people. I can’t stand the duck lips and it totally distorts the face. They either end up looking like a cat or their faces are bloated looking. Not a good look! I’ve also noticed that some of these young reality stars have started to look identical from all the Botox, implants and nose jobs. Isn’t that creepy?

    I’ll just keep taking care of my skin by hydrating, eating right, and using creams that don’t cost a fortune. My husband thinks my lips look good with cheap lip gloss! Lol!

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  4. Yes, you're right, there ARE 20 and 30 somethings doing this already because the industry is telling them to start these procedures early as "age prevention" can you believe that?!?

    " Honestly, I think it looks horrific on most people. I can’t stand the duck lips and it totally distorts the face. They either end up looking like a cat or their faces are bloated looking. Not a good look."

    THANK YOU! My sentiments exactly. And I don't care how well it's done, you can ALWAYS tell! I can spot an injected face two miles away.

    And yes, having these procedures DOES make everyone look the same. And how boring is that?!?

    "I’ll just keep taking care of my skin by hydrating, eating right, and using creams that don’t cost a fortune. My husband thinks my lips look good with cheap lip gloss! Lol!"

    BRAVO! And good for you! And I love your husbands' response! As I shared, I totally believe in taking care of your skin by doing those things you mentioned. And you don't have to spend a fortune on creams to get results. A high price tag does NOT mean high results. It's all about the ingredients. In fact, some of the higher priced creams are CRAP. LOL!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Have a grrrrrrrreat rest of your week!

    X

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  5. Ron, I never even knew you had another website. Before I left my comment, I checked it out. WOW...what a great site! When I have more time, I'll go back and dig around some more.

    Wonderful post! And being someone in my early 40's I knew exactly what you meant about feeling the judgement of age. It's so true. Like you said, over the years, women seem to be more judgmental of other women because of how the media judges US. Men too feel the pressure as well.

    You can always tell an injected face, can't you? Especially the LIPS. And what good does it do anyway because the face ends up not matching the body. You can't inject the whole body to look younger. At least not yet LOL!

    I think it's so important to embrace the process of aging because there isn't a damn thing we can do about it. Surgery and injects are merely a quick fix, but there will eventually come a time when even those things no longer work.

    Sorry to hear about your business and the negative feedback you got. And it's a shame because the idea is brilliant.

    Thank you for your support and encouragement to us females who are aging . You're a sweetheart! x

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  6. Hey there Clair!

    Thank you. I setup that website about 2 years ago so that it would be a separate entity from my personal blog/website. However, I do have a link on my sidebar that leads to it.

    Yes, and it's around that 40-year mark when ageism starts to come into play for women. And yet for men, it's never an issue, which is such a double standard. But yes, men too are now feeling it. Now they know what women have had to put up with for so many years LOL!

    "You can always tell an injected face, can't you? Especially the LIPS. And what good does it do anyway because the face ends up not matching the body. You can't inject the whole body to look younger. At least not yet LOL!"


    OMG, YES! I can tell almost immediately and from two miles away if someone has had injections, particularly the LIPS, forehead, and around the nose/cheek area. And you're right, the face doesn't match the rest of the body.

    "I think it's so important to embrace the process of aging because there isn't a damn thing we can do about it. Surgery and injects are merely a quick fix, but there will eventually come a time when even those things no longer work."


    Yes, and I learned that years ago because I've been in that industry for so many years and saw what it did to women. Many years ago I worked in in medi spa where they did injectables and could see just how addictive they became because the clients would come back every month for MORE and MORE fillers. I didn't work there long because I didn't stand behind all that stuff, so I quit.

    Like I said, I may go back to offering my services one day. But for now, I don't have the desire.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Hope you're having a FAB week!

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  7. Wow Ron, I didn't know you had a personal shopper business. And that's too bad because it sounded like a really great idea, and I bet you were good at it too. You're right though, women have much pressure when it comes to aging and it's so not fair. Guys too are now getting more and more into worrying about aging, but society doesn't look at men the same way they do women. And that's not right.

    Interesting to hear about the different kinds of fillers and relaxers for the face. I had no idea what those things did. I wonder if it hurts? And I bet it's very costly!

    Like you said, sometimes you have to move away from something to get a different perspective and then go back to it. I really like website. It's beautiful. Did you design it?

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  8. Hello there Daniel!

    Yup, I started that business about two years ago, right after I resigned from a job I had for 5 years. I wanted to branch off on my own and really help women who were older because they are neglected in the beauty industry, as if they don't even exist, and I find that both infuriating and sad.

    "Guys too are now getting more and more into worrying about aging, but society doesn't look at men the same way they do women. And that's not right."


    No, it's not right at all. Like you said, society doesn't see men the same way as they do women. It's like women are supposed to remain young their wholes lives while men just get old and no one even cares.

    Yes, these procedures are very costly and become very addictive because once clients see the immediate results, they want more and more and more. No it doesn't hurt because the area they work on is numbed first. And only estheticians who are also medical nurses can do injectables because they consider it a medical procedure.

    Thank you. No, I didn't design it myself. I made the website header myself, but that's it. I used a template from Wordpress.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Daniel! Always great to see you. Hope having a super week!

    X

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  9. Ron, I'm so sorry. I, too, had high hopes for your new venture, and I still believe there's a place for a business like that. It's a crying shame that women can be so harsh on other women. For several years, I did "image consulting" with a company (similar to Mary Kay), where we focused on skin care, cosmetics, and beauty. I guess I must've been the sorriest person alive because ladies took one look at me (I've always looked way younger than I am, credit good genes!) and expected the items in my cosmetic bag to be miracle-workers for them too. It just doesn't work that way, and we all need to acknowledge that fact.


    Then, too, it's very hard for a woman to tell another woman she looks GOOD after a make-over. They just don't believe you! I'd have thought such compliments would hold up better coming from a man. I'm as astonished as the next person to hear they don't.


    Hang in there, my friend. It's easy to feel burned out after doing anything for 30+ years! Your star is shining out there somewhere, and one day you'll grab hold of it! xx

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  10. Hello there, Debbie!

    Much thanks for your kind words of encouragement. And although I'm burned out at the moment, I agree with you, I still believe there's a place for a business like mine and I have a feeling the time will reveal itself to me. So, I'm just going to allow myself to step away, but stay conscious of the things that present themselves to me.

    " I guess I must've been the sorriest person alive because ladies took one look at me (I've always looked way younger than I am, credit good genes!) and expected the items in my cosmetic bag to be miracle-workers for them too. It just doesn't work that way, and we all need to acknowledge that fact."

    OMG...that made me LOL because I met clients who thought the same thing. One time a woman came in and said that she didn't like the eye cream I suggested to her because it didn't make her look 25 years old. And I wanted to say to her (but didn't) that's because your 65 years old!!!

    "Then, too, it's very hard for a woman to tell another woman she looks GOOD after a make-over. They just don't believe you! I'd have thought such compliments would hold up better coming from a man. I'm as astonished as the next person to hear they don't."


    Funny you said the because when I was still working in a salon and cutting hair, I can't tell you how many times my female client would say to me, "I would NEVER go to a female hairstylist because I know she wouldn't make me look as good as a male hairstylist because she would be jealous of me!" HA!

    Again, thanks so much for your sweet words, my friend. Muchly appreciated. Have a GREAT rest of your week!

    X

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  11. You gave it your best shot and it was a fabulous idea. It's true our culture glorifies youth and most women fall for it. It's hard to embrace the effects of gravity and age! I wonder if you had made some in-roads with "influencers" on the internet, if that might have helped. But, sadly, it's an uphill battle to re-educate women when we are hit from all angles with the youth-centered culture of the fashion/beauty/cosmetic industry. I've always laughed at the commercials for mature skin creams with models who looks like they are 20 and 30 years old. it's comforting to know that some men see and appreciate mature beauty. Unfortunately, these men are too few and far between! X

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  12. Ron, I was wondering how that was going. Wow, has it been two years since you decided to start your own personal shopper business?! I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you because when you mentioned what you were going to do and make your main focus mature women, I had no doubt that they would be jumping for the opportunity to work with someone like you who encourage them to embrace the process of aging. But as you said, I think many women have bought into the whole belief that you have to hang on to your youth or you won't be taken seriously so the don't want to hear about getting older, even though it's inevitable.

    And you are so right about the injectables because I see so many women who you can tell they've had work done because it's so obvious. I take care of my skin by using good skincare and I also wearing makeup, but I would never go so far as to have surgery or even try things like Botox because what if something went wrong and you ended up looking worse?

    Hang in there, Ron because I still believe your business is a very valuable service for women. And even men. Have you ever thought about working with mature men as well?

    Thank you for the update, Ron xo

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  13. Hola Denise!

    Yes, can you believe it's been TWO years?!? And it's not that I initially wanted it to be my main source of income because I knew it would take time, so I continued to work to have a steady income. However, I was hoping that eventually I'd build that business up so that I could have two part-time jobs.

    And yes, I have to saw that I was shocked by the responses I got because I totally thought women would love my service and would happy that someone from the industry valued them.

    " I take care of my skin by using good skincare and I also wearing makeup, but I would never go so far as to have surgery or even try things like Botox because what if something went wrong and you ended up looking worse?"

    Good for you! And yes, I think it's a very positive thing to take care of your skin and body as we age, even if it's just for health reasons. But injectables? No. If other people want to do it, so be it. But I don't like the look of it, nor do feel the need to look younger than I am. I like being older.

    Thanks so much for your encouraging words, girl. Like I said, I may go back to it in the New Year after I've had time to be away from it. And yes, I would most definitely extend my services to mature men. In fact, after I got the mature women business up and running, I was going to move in that direction because I think men would like having another man help them to pick out products and make recommendations.

    Have an awesome rest of your week!
    X

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  14. Hey there, Lisa!

    Yes, it's hard to embrace the effects of gravity and age; particularly for women because society puts so much pressure on them. It's not nearly has hard for men.

    "I wonder if you had made some in-roads with "influencers" on the internet, if that might have helped. "


    I don't think so because as I shared, all the influencers I spotted online (the beauty influencers) were the ones who were promoting anti-aging to women, and using injectables and filters in their photographs.

    Yes, it is an uphill battle to re-educate women because they've been led to believe that somehow they are not valued as the mature, particularly when it comes to their physicality. However, I'm sure I'll revisit my business after I've had sometime away because I still think it's a great idea.

    I've always appreciated mature beauty. In fact, I think people women AND men get better looking with age. I've never been one was attracted to youth.

    " I've always laughed at the commercials for mature skin creams with models who looks like they are 20 and 30 years old."

    HA! I know, aren't they such bull? And that's what I mean about how the industry promotes illusions!

    Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. Hope you're having a FABULOUS week!

    X

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  15. Ron, being a woman in my 60's I can attest to ageism. And I began to feel it in my last two years of working for a company I had been with for almost 10 years. They were weeding out the old and bring the new (young). They could get them cheaper and mold them. You're right, ageism doesn't effect males as it does females, but I've notice that through the past several years, men are getting more and more concern with how they look age-wise. Even my husband is concerned about looking older LOL!

    I think the beauty industry was more focused on women because they knew women were more concerned about aging because of the pressure society places on them. And what I think has happened is women are now judging other women because it's like looking into a mirror and seeing yourself. I can tell you that women can be very critical and catty with each other at times.

    But like others have mentioned in their comments, don't give up because your business idea is a good one. And one that mature women need.

    And just for the record, I would never get injectables for myself. A) it LOOKS like injectables and B) I don't like needles LOL!

    We're getting back that cooler weather this week. Happy? I am! xo

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  16. Hey there, Elaine!

    " I began to feel it in my last two years of working for a company I had been with for almost 10 years. They were weeding out the old and bring the new (young). They could get them cheaper and mold them."


    Yes, you nailed it! And I have noticed that myself. Yeah, they might be getting them cheaper, but they also don't have the kind of strong work ethics prior generations have.

    You're right, men are now feeling the pressure of aging as well. Yet they don't have the same pressure that women do in the workforce, they just don't.

    "And what I think has happened is women are now judging other women because it's like looking into a mirror and seeing yourself."


    LOVE how you said that because it's spot on. We sometimes see things in others that we might not like or fear in ourselves, so we judge.

    Yes, I'm giving up on the business, I'm just taking a break to get a different perspective and get inspired again.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and for your encouragement, my friend. Appreciate it. And you better believe it, I am SO looking forward to the cooler weather we're getting this week because last week and the start of this week was so damn hot and humid.

    X

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  17. Everything you stated here is right on, Ron, and it’s not only the products and injections you mentioned, but clothing too. I cringe every time I see folks wearing tattered jeans they purposely bought in that condition. It might be excusable on younger women, but to see mature women wearing them and so many other items that they think makes them look younger seems sad. Don’t get me wrong, I do like to wear jeans and casual T-shirts, but none have rips or outlandish designs.

    Age is a state of mind and if you don’t mind it doesn’t matter, at least to me.

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