1. Something that a guy at work asked me last week, which was something I get asked quite often by men and women alike.
2. An interview I watched with someone I love more than my own life - Diane Keaton - who shared why she never got married.
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Variations of the same question I get asked a lot are: "Do you have a partner"? "Are you with someone"? "Are you married"?
And when I say, "No."
Everyone (and I mean everyone) responds with utter surprise, "Oh my God, you're not?!?!?!?
And when I say, "No, I'm not. Why are you so shocked about that?"
They all respond with, "Because you look like someone who has a partner."
To which I reply, "Excuse me, but how does someone who has a partner look, exactly?"
And they usually say, "No, no, I mean you seem like someone who has a partner because you give off that vibe. Like you're in a relationship."
I respond, "Well, yes, I am in a relationship -- with myself. Perhaps that's the vibe you're getting."
And then they usually end the conversation with, "Wow...I can't believe you're not with someone. You should be."
I'm thinking to myself, "Should be?!?!"
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I was born in an era (the 1950s) when the proper life protocol was to find a mate, get married, have children, and live happily ever after. Men had a role to play and women had a role to play. And never the two should intertwine. And god forbid you get divorced. Or even more, god forbid you're gay.
However, I knew at a very early age, I would not be taking that path. Don't get me wrong, I celebrate that men and women are different. But I've never believed that men and women should be assigned specific roles just because they're different.
And I also knew that my path would be one of traveling solo and learning how to develop a healthy relationship with myself. I never felt a burning desire to be in a relationship, or that I would be "incomplete" without a partner.
Yet, I was told that everyone is meant to be with someone.
Whenever I pictured that in my mind (raised Catholic), I envisioned Noah's Ark - where everyone is matched two by two.
I believe that our journeys are all different. Some people go through life with a partner because that's how they learn. Others go through life single because that's how they learn. And then others go back and forth between being in a relationship and being single. Personally, I've had one longtime relationship and a few that were short-term. I learned a lot from those relationships. Particularly about myself.
Another thing people ask me is, "Don't you ever feel all alone not having a partner? Don't you get lonely being by yourself?"
My response is always, "No, I don't ever feel alone or lonely." And I mean that when I say it.
Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm alone. I thoroughly enjoy my life as a single man.
A relationship or marriage doesn't necessarily equate feeling un-alone. I've known plenty of people in relationships or married who felt very lonely.
Ever since I can remember, I have always felt surrounded by love.
To me, love is love - it's an energy. And I don't believe in only one source of love. It can come from many sources.
One of the major things I feel blessed for is how much I am loved.
And I don't mean that egotistically. I mean it in a very humble and grateful way.
I am abundantly loved and cared for.
And that love and care go with me, wherever I am. So how could I possibly ever feel alone?
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If having a partner, being in a relationship, or being married is someone's journey, so be it. Go for it.
The journey of being single is about finding fulfillment and happiness in your own life, whether or not you're in a relationship.
Either way, it's our choice...
💗to all of you!
And have a great rest of your week!
Ron, you have such an exceptional way of expressing your thoughts and feelings so well. And so clear. What an inspiring post! I'm currently single and have been for the past three years. Before that I had a few quality relationships. I also realized that some relationships have an expiration date. I used to think that if I got into a relationship, it would last forever. That's ROMANTIC in me. Lol!
ReplyDeleteI've been learning how to enjoy my own company and forming a sold relationship with myself. After all, you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. And being single taught me that. Besides, there are many perks to be single.
I'm at a point in my life where I have the attitude, if it happens, it happens. I'm no longer TRYING to find someone. In the meantime, I'm enjoying my own company.
Thanks for sharing, Ron. Your words are reaffirming!
Oh Ron, I wish you and I had this conversation years ago because it may have saved me from getting into relationships that were not very healthy (and I knew that going into them), just because I could say that I was in a relationship and not alone.
ReplyDeleteYou're so right, being in a relationship and/or being married does not make someone feel un-alone. I learned that the hard way. MANY times.
"I've never believed that men and women are assigned roles just because they're different." -- Amen, Ron! I love that men and women are different, but it doesn't mean we were born into roles. If some men and women like that, fine. But I'm not into role-playing Lol!!!!
And I agree with you about love. It doesn't come from only one source. I receive love from my family, friends, and even the people I work with.
After knowing you for so many years, I'm not surprised that you feel loved and cared for. You're loveable.
I'm going to email this post to one of my besties. She will get a lot of it.
x you, dear Ron! xox
Good evening, Abby!
ReplyDeleteThank you. I can express myself much clearer if I'm writing it out. Even when I was younger, I loved to journal my thoughts and feelings.
" I also realized that some relationships have an expiration date. I used to think that if I got into a relationship, it would last forever. That's ROMANTIC in me. Lol!"
You are absolutely right about that. We tend to think that all our relationships are going to last forever. But that's not always the case. My longest relationship was a little over 4 years. I thought that relationship would last forever and ever. Yet, it didn't. However, I learned so much about myself, so I don't regret it. In fact, I feel so grateful for that relationship.
Like you, I took time away from relationships so that I could learn more about my relationship with myself.
"I'm at a point in my life where I have the attitude, if it happens, it happens. I'm no longer TRYING to find someone. In the meantime, I'm enjoying my own company."
GREAT attitude! I feel the same. If it ever happens again, it's happens. But I don't seek a relationship.
Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing on this topic, Abby!
Have a fabulous rest of your week!
X
Hola, Denise!
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of people (including myself) have done the same thing. I had one that I KNEW was not going to be healthy because I could see red flags right at the start. But I did it anyway. And hey, it thought me something though. So I don't regret.
Being raised in an Italian family, men and women had very specific roles to play, and they played them. I, however, could see that not all men and women would fit that mold.
Even being gay, people have asked me, "In a relationship, who is the man and who is the woman?" I just shake my head, smile, and say, "Neither of us. We don't play roles." LOL!
" I receive love from my family, friends, and even the people I work with."
Me too! That's I how feel! Love comes from all over. I feel so incredibly blessed for all the love in my life.
Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend. And for you sweet, kind words.
X you dear, Denise!
Have a faaaaaaaaabulous rest of your week!
"I celebrate that men and women are different. But I've never believed that men and women should be assigned specific roles just because they're different." --- that is so true!
ReplyDeleteRon, when I was younger I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't crave the same things girls my age wanted. I didn't care about finding a boyfriend or getting married. I wanted to do things with my life first. Which I did.
Later, a great guy came into my life (through a mutual friend). And after dating for several years, we got married. The one thing the two of us agreed on is not having kids. And you should have heard all the judgement we got about that. I have never believed that the only reason to get married is to have kids. Some couple just don't want to. And I would rather be upfront about that, rather than have kids and not be 100% committed.
GREAT post, Ron! You speak so well. Enjoy your single life!
Ron, I LOVED your reference to Noah's Ark because I too was raised Catholic. As a matter of fact, I was an altar boy!
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading your words, I kept saying to myself that I could have written this post because I feel so much the same about everything you expressed being single. I too feel loved. Always have. I get so much support and love from my family and close friends. I've never felt alone or lonely either.
When it comes to having a partner, I know myself too well. I "idealized" about having a relationship, but when it comes to actually doing it, I'm not willing to conform. And you have to conform and adapt. In all honesty, I'm selfish and want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.
What's really cool though is that both relationships I've had, I am still good friends with them. They are both currently in a relationship and I am genuinely happy for them.
To each his own, as you said. Either way, it's our own choice.
Splendid post, Ron!
Ron, forgot to mention before I hit the comment button that I am a big fan of Diane Keaton too. "Something's Gotta Give" is a classic.
ReplyDeleteYou should be?!? Isn't it funny how some people know what's best for someone else?
ReplyDeleteRon, you and I are from the same era. I was born in 1956, so I know what you mean about men/women roles. The Donna Reed Show was a prime example of the perfect all-American household. The husband went to work, while the wife stayed home and took care of the children, cleaned the house, cooked the meals, while wearing a shirtwaist dress and apron, and low high heels. LOL!
I always knew I wanted to get married and have a family, but I was also my own person. Thankfully, my husband is the same. We loved being married (still do), but we also give each other the space to enjoy other things.
My son feels as you do. He enjoys being single. He's had relationships but prefers a "bachelor" life, which suits him. He dates occasionally, but nothing serious. Yet.
I don't feel that everyone is meant to be in a relationship or married, because we all have different paths and desires.
"Being single doesn't mean that you know nothing about love" - I agree!
I smiled when you said that love and care go with you, wherever you are. I love the way you see and understand things, Ron. And yes, you are LOVED! xx
Good morning, Daniel!
ReplyDeleteOMG, you were an ALTAR BOY?!?!? I secretly wanted to be one, but never went after it. However, my only reason was because I wanted to be a stage actor and being up there on the altar was like being ONSTAGE. Ha!
"I too feel loved. Always have. I get so much support and love from my family and close friends. I've never felt alone or lonely either."
That's AWESOME! I kept pretty much to myself as a kid, but even then I could feel the energy of love all around me.
" I "idealize" about having a relationship, but when it comes to actually doing it, I'm not willing to conform. And you have to conform and adapt. In all honesty, I'm selfish and want to do what I want to do when I want to do it."
I relate to that because I can be selfish too. Particularly when it comes to doing what I want. I've always felt like I had the soul of a gypsy - freedom, adventure, travel. That's what I loved about being a stage actor, being in a different place all the time and adjusting to it.
I think it's wonderful that you are still friends with your ex's and that you are sincerely happy for them. That says A LOT about you!
Thanks so much for stopping by, Daniel! And thanks for your honesty!
Have a superb rest of your week!
X
I OWN the DVD of "Something's Gotta Give"!!!! I freaking love that film! That's on my top-three favorite films of Diane Keaton. And what I really love about her is that she can do both comedy and drama, and excels in both!
ReplyDeleteMorning, Elaine!
ReplyDeleteI know, don't you love when people give you free advise when they don't even know you? Ha!
OMG, this was stellar!!!.........
"The Donna Reed Show was a prime example of the perfect all-American household. The husband went to work, while the wife stayed home and took care of the children, cleaned the house, cooked the meals, while wearing a shirtwaist dress and apron, and low high heels. LOL!"
Yes, you nailed it! That was the PRIME example of the all-American household.
"but I was also my own person. Thankfully, my husband is the same. We loved being married (still do), but we also give each other the space to enjoy other things."
That is so awesome! Your marriage sounds like the perfect match! I think it's not only important, but also healthy to have your own space in a relationship and marriage because even though your married, you are still separate people with separate interests.
Thanks so very much for stopping by today, Elaine! And thanks for your sweet words.
Have a fantabulous rest of your week!
X
This is like a pre-Valentine’s Day post, Ron. It must be soooo annoying to be questioned about your relationship status all of the time. I absolutely love your answer about being in a relationship with yourself! Brilliant!!! I’m wondering if people are getting a vibe from you that you are a happy, well adjusted person and not needy? Because that’s a compliment!
ReplyDeleteI never thought about the Noah’s Ark and human partnering connection, but I see how your mind went there. So much of the Bible is symbolism and I can’t believe I never made that connection before.
I’ve never been in therapy, but I’ve spent a lot of time examining my past toxic relationships and why I remained in them. I think it was because I was desperate to feel loved and cared for. I don’t think I’m alone in that. I’m SO glad that you feel loved, Ron. Is there anything more important than that? Sending you hugs for sharing something so personal. XOXO
"I’m wondering if people are getting a vibe from you that you are a happy, well adjusted person and not needy? Because that’s a compliment!"
ReplyDeleteOMG, it is so ironic you said that because I wondered the exact same thing myself. And I was going to say that in this post but thought it would come off "too self-serving." But now that you too mentioned it, I'm sure that is the reason!
And I never thought about it being close to Valentine's Day. I bet you're right about that too!
" So much of the Bible is symbolism and I can’t believe I never made that connection before."
When I was a kid going to Catholic school and church every week, my thoughts (and visuals) immediately went to Noah's Ark. LOL!
" I think it was because I was desperate to feel loved and cared for. I don’t think I’m alone in that."
No, you are absolutely not alone because that's why I remained in my longtime relationship for over four years. I should have left before then, but I kept thinking things would change. I tried and tried, but it just didn't work out. But as I shared, I learned so much about myself from that relationship. Particularly about the importance of self-love and self-respect.
Thanks so much for sharing so honestly, my friend. Have a faaaaaabulous rest of your week!
Hope all is well with your mom. Continuing to send you LOTS of good energy!
X
Ron, there's so much meaty wisdom in what you've written here!! You know, I think perhaps the reason people are so astonished when you tell them you're single is that most people tend to think of singles as being lonely because they're not paired up. But that couldn't be farther from the truth. I've been in relationships and now I'm single, and more and more, I realize something -- Being *happily* married is wonderful, but you don't have to be married to be happy.
ReplyDeleteSome would claim that being single is a selfish way to live, but I don't buy that. I think people have to be true to themselves. I think too often, one person in a relationship so overshadows the other that somebody gets lost in the shuffle ... and becomes less than they should/could be. It's hard work finding the right person who will put your best interests at the forefront.
Then, too, particularly as people age, we all pick up baggage that we somehow continue to bring on our life journey with us. Perhaps it's old heartaches or attitudes. And sometimes that baggage gets in the way of real commitment, blocking our chances of relationship bliss.
Good for you, recognizing that, as the Mary Tyler Moore Show used to say, "Love is all around!" It's great if you find a special someone to share that love with, but it's equally great to find it in co-workers, extended family, friends, nature, and pets. You're loved because you've found Love (I take that to mean God, but it could also refer to the spiritual energy surrounding us), and you've embraced that. {{{ YOU }}} xxx
I can't believe the audacity of some people when they say such things. I know they say them because I've been on the receiving end of questions like, "When are you getting married?" When are you having a baby? Do you think you will have another?" I've learned that people who ask such questions are discontented in their own lives, and seeing you/us happy makes them jealous. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteTHIS: I respond, "Well, yes, I am in a relationship—with myself. Maybe that's the vibe you're getting. That's what they're jealous of. Contentment, my dear friend. THAT is the golden ticket. Keep shining, my love. 😘❤️
Ron, my favorite thing (besides reading your words) about your posts are reading the comments that everyone leaves. You have such a quality readership that shares quality comments. And I like how you respond to each one with quality. So much of social media is a quick "hit the like button" and move on.
ReplyDeleteThat's why I like visiting your post the day after, so I can read all the comments before I comment.
Great post topic! I'm single at the moment and find myself really enjoying it. It was an adjustment after being in a relationship for almost five years. Like you, I embrace my singleness. It's allowed me to feel stronger. I also believe it's the most important relationship we can have. I don't know what my future is as far as relationships go, but I don't care. Like you said, just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm alone or lonely. There were times in my past relationship when I felt tremendously alone because toward the end we lived together, however, the relationship was over. It was actually easier to move through it once I moved out and got a place of my own.
Thank you for sharing this honest and personal post, Ron. You've inspire me!.
"One of the major things I feel blessed for is how much I am loved." Yes you are! X
Clair, thank you so much for your kind, sweet, and encouraging comment!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part of posting on my blog is reading and responding to comments. I've been blogging since 2006, so I'm old-school. To me blogging differs from other social media platforms because it's about communication between you and your readers. I know that some bloggers don't respond to comments and that's their choice. It's their blog, their choice. For my blog it's about a conversation, not just me saying something. If I wanted to do that, I would simply close comments and just allow my readers to read. But if someone takes the time to comment on one of my posts, then they deserve a response. Blogging will always be my favorite social media because it takes more time, yes, but it's worth it to me.
"Like you, I embrace my singleness. It's allowed me to feel stronger. I also believe it's the most important relationship we can have. I don't know what my future is as far as relationships go, but I don't care. Just just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm alone or lonely."
That's AWESOME! I know that adjusting to being single takes time after a relationship. But spending time with ourselves teaches us things about ourselves. And that's important because the more we know about ourselves, the more we can bring to a relationship in the future.
Again, thank you for your comment, Clair! Muchly appreciated. Have a grrrrrreat rest of your week!
X
You're right Ron, she excels in comedy (Somethings Gotta Give) AND drama (Marvin's Room).
ReplyDeleteLOVED her in Marvin's Room!!!! That scene at the end of the movie had my in tears. She can express such deep emotions through her eyes, without saying a thing. That's a gift!
ReplyDeleteRon, I saw a quote online (and I can't remember where) a long time ago that was so inspiring.
ReplyDelete"How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you."
Which means we have to love and respect ourselves first, because that's what we project to others.
I've no doubt you are loved, Ron. You project LOVE.
Ron, as others said in the comments that people probably ask you that because to them, you seem so contented as if you were in a relationship. A lot of people find it very difficult to be single, so when the hear that you're single and comfortable with it, they can't understand why.
ReplyDeleteI've not doubt that you feel loved, dude, because I have always felt that reading your blog. You have such a great energy that comes through in your words. Through the years, you've inspired me so many times.
Thanks for sharing all aspects of your life with us, Ron. I admire your honesty.
Hiya, Matt!
ReplyDelete" A lot of people find it very difficult to be single, so when the hear that you're single and comfortable with it, they can't understand why."
Perhaps that is why. However, I've never had any issues being single. Like I shared, just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm alone, lonely, or unloved.
I think that some people (such as myself) are meant to be single. But who knows, maybe someday in the future, I will be in a relationship with someone. But right now, I LOVE my life exactly as it is.
Thanks so much for stopping by, and your kind words, Matt. Thank you!
Have a most excellent weekend!
X
A funny little meme about Noah's Ark: He's telling someone... "I'm only supposed to take two of each animal, but my wife insisted." And the picture shows about 12+ cats looking over the side. hahaha!
ReplyDeleteRon, I love all of your thoughts here!
I'm in a relationship with myself, too! But I do it while being married. LOL
Just because I'm with Ron over 40 years though certainly hasn't made me think that everyone is meant to be married or have one specific partner. Or that children have to be part of one's experience either. Even though I have kids/grands, I have friends who do not and that was a perfect choice for them. I know people who have long term relationships that work, but also know others that are not all that happy. And some single, who have good interesting lives. So it really depends on each person and what need or want to experience. So, yes, to all you said! Especially, love is love! It is energy ... everything is energy.
Diane Keaton is so cool! Her style, her humor, etc. I haven't seen all of her movies, but a quick list of favs... Something's Gotta Give (absolutely love that one!), Family Stone, and The Other Sister.
Ron, Great minds must think alike! I recently did a post that asked "Are You Lonely" and in it discussed not so much being alone in the sense of not being with someone, but in not having any human connections. According to many articles, people who fail to connect with others can develop serious medical issues as well as emotional or psychological ones.
ReplyDeleteI lived at home until my 30s and knew I had to get out on my own, which I did. And also like yourself came from a Catholic background (also Italian) where it was "expected" that you would marry by your 20s.
Then, in my late 30s married someone who did not turn out to be the "right" person, so I was single again after having the satisfaction of filing for divorce when he dragged his feet after leaving.
Although I am married now, we each have our individual interests and sometimes these are done alone or with other people that doesn't include the two of us. We met on-line in the days when communication was by emails (no Facebook or other social media back then) and it was 3 months before we meet face-to-face and then an additional 3 years before we decided to get married and it's been over 28 years we've been together.
You said that you have known many people in relationships or married who still felt lonely. Luckily, that is not the case with ourselves. We each know how to be alone without feeling lonely and also know that having "alone" time makes the being together time even better..
Hey there, D!
ReplyDelete"According to many articles, people who fail to connect with others can develop serious medical issues as well as emotional or psychological ones."
And I truly believe that because we need "human contact". You can be single, but still have deep, loyal connections with others. No doubt, that's important. No man is an island.
Sounds like you and your husband are the perfect match - you're together yet, you have separate interests and friends. That is not only important, but healthy. Time alone makes "being together" all the more special! And I think it's great that you met online. I know several people who did the same thing and are still together!
Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and feelings on this topic! Appreciate that!
Hope you're having a fantabulous weekend!
X
Hellooooooooooo, Mary!!!
ReplyDeleteOMG...that made me laugh my ass off at this...
" He's telling someone... "I'm only supposed to take two of each animal, but my wife insisted." And the picture shows about 12+ cats looking over the side. hahaha!"
HILARIOUS!
"I'm in a relationship with myself, too! But I do it while being married. LOL"
Loved that too! And is sounds very healthy to me because it IS possible to have BOTH. I believe that.
And WOW, you've been together for over 40 years! That's AWESOME! Just from knowing you and blogging with you all these years, I can tell that you and Ron have a wonderful connection and relationship. I think of you as "soulmates!
"Even though I have kids/grands, I have friends who do not and that was a perfect choice for them. I know people who have long term relationships that work, but also know others that are not all that happy. And some single, who have good interesting lives."
You're absolutely right, it really depends on each person, and what need or want to experience! It's your life, so it's your choice.
LOVE both 'Family Stone' and 'The Other Sister'! And both movies have great casts! Isn't ;Something's Gotta Give' stellar? She and Nicolson have amazing chemistry!
Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and feelings on this topic! Very much enjoyed!
X