Tuesday, January 30, 2024

Just Because I'm Single, Doesn't Mean I'm Alone

My inspiration for this post came from two sources.

1. Something that a guy at work asked me last week, which was something I get asked quite often by men and women alike.

2. An interview I watched with someone I love more than my own life - Diane Keaton - who shared why she never got married.

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Variations of the same question I get asked a lot are: "Do you have a partner"? "Are you with someone"? "Are you married"? 

And when I say, "No."

Everyone (and I mean everyone) responds with utter surprise, "Oh my God, you're not?!?!?!?

And when I say, "No, I'm not. Why are you so shocked about that?"

They all respond with, "Because you look like someone who has a partner."

To which I reply, "Excuse me, but how does someone who has a partner look, exactly?"

And they usually say, "No, no, I mean you seem like someone who has a partner because you give off that vibe. Like you're in a relationship."

I respond, "Well, yes, I am in a relationship -- with myself. Perhaps that's the vibe you're getting."

And then they usually end the conversation with, "Wow...I can't believe you're not with someone. You should be."

I'm thinking to myself, "Should be?!?!"

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I was born in an era (the 1950s) when the proper life protocol was to find a mate, get married, have children, and live happily ever after. Men had a role to play and women had a role to play. And never the two should intertwine. And god forbid you get divorced. Or even more, god forbid you're gay. 

However, I knew at a very early age, I would not be taking that path. Don't get me wrong, I celebrate that men and women are different. But I've never believed that men and women should be assigned specific roles just because they're different. 

And I also knew that my path would be one of traveling solo and learning how to develop a healthy relationship with myself. I never felt a burning desire to be in a relationship, or that I would be "incomplete" without a partner. 

Yet, I was told that everyone is meant to be with someone.

Whenever I pictured that in my mind (raised Catholic), I envisioned Noah's Ark - where everyone is matched two by two. 

I believe that our journeys are all different. Some people go through life with a partner because that's how they learn. Others go through life single because that's how they learn. And then others go back and forth between being in a relationship and being single. Personally, I've had one longtime relationship and a few that were short-term. I learned a lot from those relationships. Particularly about myself. 

Another thing people ask me is, "Don't you ever feel all alone not having a partner? Don't you get lonely being by yourself?"

My response is always, "No, I don't ever feel alone or lonely." And I mean that when I say it.

Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm alone. I thoroughly enjoy my life as a single man.  

A relationship or marriage doesn't necessarily equate feeling un-alone. I've known plenty of people in relationships or married who felt very lonely. 

Ever since I can remember, I have always felt surrounded by love. 

To me, love is love - it's an energy. And I don't believe in only one source of love. It can come from many sources.

One of the major things I feel blessed for is how much I am loved.

And I don't mean that egotistically. I mean it in a very humble and grateful way. 

I am abundantly loved and cared for. 

And that love and care go with me, wherever I am. So how could I possibly ever feel alone?

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If having a partner, being in a relationship, or being married is someone's journey, so be it. Go for it. 

The journey of being single is about finding fulfillment and happiness in your own life, whether or not you're in a relationship.

Either way, it's our choice...

💗to all of you!

And have a great rest of your week!