Going to the Movies Alone

One of the things I like most about having a day off in the middle of the week, is the fact that I can do certain things that the rest of the Monday through Friday work crowd can’t.

Things like going to the bank is pleasurable because of not having to stand in line with 50,000 other people who are busy filling in their deposit slips, which they should have done BEFORE standing in line; holding up the rest of us.

Another thing that’s nice is going to a uncrowded matinee movie.

(that is, except if you're me)

I have no problem with going to the movies alone. In fact, I love it. To not have to listen to anyone tell me every five minutes how they feel about the characters on the screen is truly a blessing.

On this one particular afternoon after paying for my $17.00 ticket, I walked into the theater finding it totally empty. I selected a seat about midway next to the wall. I then proceeded to take out my bag of Twizzlers which I had smuggled in my underwear because I did not want to take out a bank loan to pay the additional $10.00 at the concession stand.

Staring at the blank screen and munching on my smuggled goodies, I thought, “How wonderful, a day of peace and quite in solitary confinement .

And no sooner had I thought that, did I hear someone else entering the theater.

I watched as he walked up and down the isle trying to find the perfect seat while carrying an extra-large bucket of popcorn and a super-size soft drink. Finally, he spotted me and must of thought, “Oh look, how sad…a lonely person. Let me go over and invade their space.”

Not only did this FREAK sit in the same isle, but he also sat in a seat one over from mine. I tried not to make eye contact in fear I would dramatically do something to him with one of my Twizzlers.

I’m thinking, “You know buddy, there are 149 empty seats in this movie theater, so WHY did you have to pick a seat so close to mine to park your stupid carcASS??”

Just then the movie started. Or should I say the 30 annoying minutes of previews.

I took a deep breath and prayed for some peace.

Apparently, this beast-creature who was sitting next to me hadn't eaten anything in about two months, because the sounds that came out of his mouth were something you would most likely hear at a pig trough.

As he snorted and shoveled in double fist-full’s of popcorn, it sounded like wads of Styrofoam being scrapped together. In between shovels, he sucked and slurped on his soft drink while moving the straw up and down between the lid which sounded like two people screwing on a squeaky bed.

I felt like I was in a mental institution, going insane.

I was so aggravated that I started eating my Twizzler’s faster and faster. I must have looked like an electrical pencil sharpener, sticking them into my mouth and then chewing until they quickly disappeared.

Finally…the actual movie started.

By this time I was so overwrought with tension, I thought to myself, “Why the hell didn't I just wait for the damn DVD to come out, so I could sit in the privacy and peace of my own home?”

And just then....he let out a beautiful and hedonistic BELCH.

....I just LOVE my life.

5 comments

  1. LMFAO!!!!!!!!! OMG I have a stitch from laughing so much!!!!

    OMFG How annoying would that have been!!!! And YUMMM!!! Twizzlers!!

    LOL... If I read any more of your posts I'm going to wet myself! :-) LOL... ok one more! :-P *GiGGLeS xx

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  2. AnonymousJune 27, 2008

    I was in a bad mood because I had no one to go to the movies w/ and then I read your post.....OMG!!!! LMAO!!!!

    OMG!!! It is so funny!!!!
    Thank you for the suffering and the laughter!!!!

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  3. Hi Anonymous!

    Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment...

    Appreciate that!

    God...I actually forgot about this post (since I wrote it in Sept), but so glad you enjoyed it!

    It seems that one matter WHERE I go....people want to ALWAYS sit next to me!?!?

    OY VEY!

    Trust me...the next time you want to see a flick....RENT IT...it'll be so much more peaceful!

    BURP!

    Please stop by anytime.

    Nice meeting you!

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  4. Some people just don't understand the concept of 'personal space'. I work with someone who also doesn't understand this concept. Everytime I speak with this person, they get literally 1 inch from my face to talk to me as if I am deaf. I can tell what this person had for breakfast. Yes it's that bad. I feel ya Ron.

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  5. Hi Christina!

    Welcome...and thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment!

    Nice meeting you!

    It's funny you mention "space" because I wrote a post called Personal Space (which you may have already read) but that's EXACTLY what I talk about too, Christina...

    People getting too damn close to me and talking SOOO loud!!!

    I have customers at work, who do that a lot.

    Leaving in a city...the "space thing" can really get to me.

    Thanks again for your visit. Please stop by, anytime!

    Have a nice weekend, Christina!

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