Killing me Softly

A few months ago, within the same day, I was almost killed four times.

Once by a cab driver that was making an illegal u-turn, while running a red light and talking on his cell phone at the same time.

(he missed me by 2 inches!)

The other three times were by grocery carts at the supermarket.

(please remind me to NEVER go shopping on a Sunday)

Anyway, I was having a perfectly enjoyable afternoon at the grocery store, snapping my fingers to Donna Summers singing “Last Dance” (which was playing over the intercom). I stood in the produce isle with my little red grocery basket, getting ready to select my favorite hummus product when…SLAM…someone rammed their grocery cart into back of my heels.

(I saw stars!*#!?)

When I turned around to see who it was, I saw a woman blabbing on her cell phone totally oblivious to what she had just done…walking away.

(and still talking)

Later, I made my way (limping) over to the frozen food section to grab my favorite veggie burgers. While trying to find the tomato and basil pizza patties…SLAM…someone rammed their grocery cart right into my hip.

(this time I saw little dust bunnies!*#?)

When I looked up to see who it was, I saw a man wearing an iPod, caught up in the rapture of his musical ear plugs…walking away.

I shook my head in total disbelief, feeling like the invisible man.

As I hobbled on up to the express lane to check out of this madness…SLAM…someone rammed their grocery cart into my butt.

("Bumper cars, anyone?")

When I turned to see who it was, I saw a little elderly lady, totally unaware of what she had just done and thought, “Count to ten, Ron…count to ten!”

I felt like screaming, “HEY PEOPLE….MAYBE I SHOULD JUST WEAR TWO LARGE YELLOW CAUTION FLAGS OFF THE SIDES OF MY ASS…WOULD YOU NOTICE ME THEN???

I don’t think so.

I think the better idea would have been to not leave my apartment that day.

(and just ate potato chips, while looking for life insurance)

Killing me softly….with grocery carts and a cab.

(it's fun living on the edge)




Photo: badjoint

24 comments

  1. So sorry to laugh at this, but it was funny... at least the grocery cart parts.
    I despise grocery shopping more than almost anything in this world.

    But if it makes you feel any better, I have had about a weeks worth of injuries as well.
    #1. Gave myself a concussion from cracking my head on the coffee table while searching for something under the couch.
    #2. 2 year old poked me in the eye and cut it with his sharp little finger nail.
    #3. Same 2 year old head-butted me in the nose while throwing a fit (doing one of those throwing himself backwards things) and bloodied my nose.
    #4. Slipped on ice and fell of my porch.

    It's not safe at home either, maybe at your home, but not mine.

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  2. Greetings Nicole~

    No, LAUGH, please...that's exactly how felt when I looked back on this!!! Humor can always be found in the everything. That's why for me, writing things out...allows me the FEEL the wonderful comedy in my life and how silly it is for me to take things too seriously.

    WOW...your injuries sound a TAD more intense than mine!!! Especially the one about being POKED in the EYE!!! I once almost had one of my cats do that to me. It was total Divine Intervention that save me from that one. He missed my eye by a fraction!! It still hurt like hell.

    And aren't injuries to the NOSE just the worst? You can feel it in your toes...Yawza!!!

    I've heard other mothers, who also have children at home, say that it can be like a WAR ZONE!

    Maybe you should try wearing a football helmut, elbow and knee pads, and plastic goggles! And then take out additional life insurance!?!

    tee-hee!

    Thanks for stopping by, Nicole. It's always so nice sharing laughter with you!

    Have a SAFE day!

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  3. ((( Ron ))))

    Thank you, sweet friend. You have my email - let's touch base now and again, ok? You're a fabulous human being and I'll miss our interactions otherwise...

    hugs

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  4. Evening Miss Grace~

    Thank you SO MUCH for stopping by!!!!

    Go for it, girl...follow where you FEEL. I'm happy for your ability to trust and let go! Isn't it a wonderful feeling?

    Yes, we have each others emails, so we WILL keep in touch. I hope all is fabulous with your Reiki. Enjoy it!

    Love ya, Grace!

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  5. I am so sorry! That had to suck! I wonder if the invisible man had the same problems?
    I loathe Cell phones. In public places and in auto's they are a menace to society.
    Most folks don't have the mental capacity to walk and chew gum, let alone talk on the phone.
    My mother used to burn dinner every time my aunt called when she was cooking...
    NOW there's a memory! LOL
    Hope your boo-boo's are better my friend!
    (((((HUG))))))

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  6. Evening Sorrow~

    After this happen to me, on the way home from the grocery store, I tried to remember every detail of this experience, because I knew one day I wanted to post about it.

    It's amazing how many of the little life experiences that happen to us, REALLY are quite amusing and entertaining.

    Oh, dear...talk about hating cell phones. You ain't kidding, they ARE a menace to society!!! I saw this girl walking in front of me one day, who was babbling on and on, not paying any attention to the cars as she crossed the street. A cab missed hitting her by an eighth of an inch. And what was amazing...it didn't even faze her! I thought I was going to have to use her phone to call 911.

    My mother use to burn the dinner rolls EVERY single Thanksgiving Day....God love her!

    Thanks for dropping by tonight, Sorrow...always a TREAT!

    ((((HUG))) back at ya!

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  7. I just need to go on record.....

    NONE of those people were me!

    I won't attach a cellphone to my ear and walk about, pretending to be coordinated to do 'life' while someone's gabbing to me.
    I'm good--but I ain't THAT good! LOL

    Know your limitations, I say. Be honest enough to accept them.....PLEASE....
    I bruise easily. LOL

    *shaking head*

    Ya poor thing.

    And really--there's a problem with chips for dinner? ;-)

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  8. I don't know Mel...the first woman that hit me with a cart...looked A LOT like YOU!!!!

    (she was carrying a COW and a RUBBER DUCKIE)

    tee- hee!

    What is this FETISH that people have with always having something STUCK to their ears???

    I sware...there should be a law passed that forbids people to drive and use a cell phone. It's too freaking dangerous.

    (let alone driving a grocery cart)

    God Love ya, Mel...thanks for stopping by this evening...always a wonderful humorous bright spot!

    Mr. Lay's

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  9. Nothing like a little "Full contact grocery shopping" to rev up your engine.

    Maybe you should go to the market in a suit of bubble wrap next time. Of course some little kid would come by and want to pop you.

    Oh well, scratch that idea.

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  10. Oh shit, Jeff...between your comment last night and this one...I've got tears rolling down my face!!!

    BUBBLE WRAP....that is just too damn FUNNY!

    GREAT idea, though!!!

    You need to start thinking about writing a book of WIT!

    Thanks for ALWAYS adding your awesome energy to this blog, Jeff!!!

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  11. What a great story. I have had episode very similar to the ones you describe.

    Hey, why don't we open an insurance company for shoppers to help with these type of accidents.

    Got you covered.
    See you in Aisle 4.

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  12. Good one (love the title especially). When you wrote that you were bopping out to the music in the grocery store I had to laugh out loud. My store has a particular 80's themed selection that they play sometimes and it's all I can do to NOT break into song in the middle of the aisle (White Wedding! The Cure! Weird middle-aged woman who thinks she's still 25!)

    Unaware dipsnits wearing ipods and/or bluetooth devices in ears should not be allowed to operate grocery carts. Just my personal opinion....

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  13. I HATE grocery shopping. When did it become a "family" activity?

    A cattle prod. I'm thinking it might be a good accessory. Just give all the ignorant a little zap in the ass. They'd drop that cell phone right quick, I think.

    (Shopping cart to the heels - THE WORST!!! I'm glad you came out of this alive.)

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  14. Morning Dave!

    Maybe it's a LIBRA THING???

    Or we may just have severe "grocery store karma." I think I remember you and I as "bag boys" in Italy.

    Remember?

    Hey, the insurance idea is GREAT. We can even have it set up so that the customers can sign up for it "instantly" (like instant credit)!!!!

    Attention, attention!!!...I need a price check on Morton Salt (2 for 1) please.....

    Great seeing ya, Dave...thanks for "shopping" in today!

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  15. Hey Karen~

    You made me laugh!!!

    Hey, you wouldn't by any chance shop at a Trader Joes, would you??? Cause I do...and they always have a "music theme" for everyday. I always seem to go on DISCO day!!!

    Bee Gee's anyone???

    People must think I'm nuts...cause I just start dancing in the isle.
    And come to think of it...maybe that's why I get hit by the carts!!

    Oh man, and don't you just LOVE the bluetooth devices??? They look like an air traffic controller!

    Thanks for BOPPIN' today, Karen...always a pleasure!

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  16. Oh, Nitebyrd...your comment made me laugh so hard!!!

    That was too-too FUNNY!

    The "cattle prod" device is a FREAKING FABULOUS idea. Can you just image how much fun that would be???

    ZAP!..ZAP!..ZAP!

    Thanks for always leaving your wonderful humor here, Nitebyrd.

    You're a riot!

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  17. I hate it when I'm invisible!

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  18. I do hope you have healed from your shopping trip..physically and emotionally!
    I really dislike going grocery shopping...it begins in the parking lot here. I feel like I need to suit up for battle!

    I do have little friends in the store though..they have elderly people giving out samples and coupons. (by elderly I mean older tnan me..as in as old as dirt). Anyway, I have gotten very attached to them so it sort of like seeing family but without the BS and drama that tends to go along with my family.
    Good god how did i go from grocery shopping to this!
    Back to groceries..we seem to shop for the same things. Are you a vegetarian too?
    Thanks again for making me laugh..I needed it today, I seem to be dwelling in somewhat of a black hole right now. Maybe I should get dressed and go to the grocery store (Publix) and just end it all. :)

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  19. Evening Akelamalu~

    Although, wouldn't it be FUN if we could actually MAKE ourselves invisible?

    Thanks for stopping by, my dear friend!

    Enjoy your evening!

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  20. Hiya Gypsy-Heart!

    PUBLIX...where shopping is a pleasure!

    (see...I REMEMBER)

    I actually liked Publix. It was better than Albertson's or Winn Dixie (or Winn Dickie as I used to call it). Even the food in CANS looked dirty in Winn Dixie!!!

    Oh...you bring back memories for me!

    I actually like to grocery shop, except on days like THIS ONE! I sware...I should start wearing a car bumper!

    Tee-hee!

    No, I'm not a vegetarian, however I really enjoy eating a lot of things that vegetarians eat. I eat most everything except seafood...BLAH! I don't comsume alot of meat, though. I've always been one of those people who enjoys a diet of moderation in ALL things. I LOVE sweets. I enjoy coffee (2cups a day). And the only alcohol I drink, is red wine...love it!

    Oh...and I SOOOO know what you mean about the FAMILY STUFF. I have always kept a nice distance between me and the BS. Everyone calls me strange because I've never really felt attached to my family.

    However, I call myself....HAPPY!

    It's ALWAYS so great to have you visit here, my Capricorn friend. It's been an absolute pleasure getting to meet you (in THIS lifetime).

    And sometimes I believe that it's healthy to be in a black hole. I have discovered some of the brightest LIGHT...in darkness! So, be kind to yourself...and enjoy it!

    Thanks again for your visit!

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  21. Inconsiderate, selfish a**holes. I hate oblivious people. You should have screamed at them. I'm serious.

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  22. Hiya, Annie!

    Tee-hee!

    I think if I had been in a bad mood that day...I WOULD HAVE screamed!@:!

    I think I was just in TOTAL shock that people can sometimes be totally oblivious to others around them. It's like what I share in my previous post...it's all about respecting someones "personal space."

    Next time...it's a kick in the groin!

    OUCH!@#

    Love ya, Annie!

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  23. Killing me softly..... I have always had a fascination for the exteemes of life..to bodly go where no man has gone before..I have lived on the edge so much it has scared even me.

    "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser Gate. All those ... moments will be lost in time, like tears...in rain. Time to die. [Last words]

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  24. Hiya Enigma!!!

    Isn't living on the egde SO MUCH more interesting than living in the middle????

    And for me, being scared is strangly good! It IS scary...but somehow, I enjoy it.

    I freaking LOVE your last paragraph!

    Thank you for sharing YOUR "glitter beam" here. Always so BRIGHT!

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