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The other day I decided to add some THRILL to my life and try a new toothpaste.

(I thought it would be so much easier than the thrill of maybe trying a bikini wax)

Ok…so I’m standing there in the drug store looking at five shelves, filled with about 10 million brands of toothpaste…all swearing to give my mouth the whitest, brightest, sexiest, and healthiest smile on the face of this earth.

(oh dear, I’m a Libra…and I would rather get a rectal examination, than make a decision)

Too many choices here….

-Do I try the one with baking soda and bubbling peroxide, or do I try the one with enamel strengtheners, but does NOT have baking soda and peroxide, yet DOES have a 25 cent mail-in rebate?

-Or do I try the one with extra fluoride protection and a mild abrasive ingredient, or do I try the one for sensitive gums, but yet, does not have any bad-breath protection?

-Or should I try the one for wine, coffee, tobacco, severe tartar build-up, and paint stains, that also comes with a side-effect warning that if swallowed…may make my penis shrink?

-Or do I try the totally natural one, that the Peruvian natives use, which contains a rare tree bark called, nee-nee kah-kah?

-Or I could try the one with “sparkles and confetti” in it, that tastes like wild strawberries, which also comes with a Sponge Bob toothbrush.

-Or I could just say, KISS MY RECTAL ASS and continue using the same DAMN toothpaste that I’ve been happy with, and get the HELL out of this annoying drug store, and then go have a great burger at “5 Guys.”

Yea…I think that’s what I’ll do.

And then I’ll go home and brush my teeth with my faithful Buzz Light-Year toothbrush….

(and also make an appointment for a bikini waxing)

P.S. Have a great weekend, everyone!


  1. Im so with you on the too much choice thing!
    Good old Buzz Light-year!

  2. Hi Ron
    I feel your pain. I never change brands. It is too complicated and confusing to make a decision. You know what kind I buy and love? Crest Whitening Expressions Vanilla Mint. It has a really nice flavor. And a night, I brush with Crest Vivid White Night.
    Tying your last 2 post together, have your read this about buying toothpaste at Dollar Stores?
    Have a great day Ron
    PS, where ever did you find a Buzz Lightyear toothbrush? My son would die for one!!
    And, another PS. You have a Five Guys? Aren't they awesome? I thought they were only local to my area and the DC metro area. Cool!

  3. I'm back Ron
    I thought of one further comment on the toothpaste issue whilst I was brushing my teeth.
    The main factor for me in deciding on a brand of toothpaste is the cap. I like the flip caps and despise the screw on caps.
    And you want to know the is very husband tends to use his manliness and screw the caps on a little too tight. So when I try to get it unscrewed, it forces me to squeeze the tube kind of tight, which messes up #1 the tube (it makes a dent in the middle, when we all know you must squeeze from the bottom) and #2 the flow of any stripes inside (it kind of mixes them altogether).
    And really don't get me started on my other OC habits that mostly involve countering things that my husband does.

    OK, I am done for today.

  4. I don't think I've ever given that much thought to toothpaste in my life!

    Getting the burger was a way better idea.

    Enjoy your waxing! Will we get to see? :)

  5. he he he

    I tend to go for the same brand although not always the same toothpaste if the store doesn't have it in stock this time. I cannotabide toothpaste that doesn't have mint flavour, I just don't feel that my mouth is clean and fresh without the mint flavour.

    My colleague can't abide mint but uses strawberry flavour (his 3 yr old son's) but spends all day checking if his breath smells!!!

    have a great weekend :-D

  6. Helloooo Casdok~


    The insanity of it all!?#@

    As I looked at these toothpastes, I'm laughing and thinking, "Do you think they could possibly ADD anymore ingredients??

    I wonder what happened to plan old white toothpaste??

    YES....Sir Buzz Light-Year...don't you just LOVE that little guy?? He's my favorite character in the movie...FROM HERE...TO INFINITY!!!!

    GREAT seeing ya, dear lady. And thank you for stopping by this Friday morning.

    Enjoy your weekend!

  7. Good Morning Nicole~

    Ya, know...I've ALWAYS wanted to try Crest Vivid White Night, however, it always sounded like it would make my teeth GLOW IN THE DARK!?!?

    YES...and I MUST have a MINT flavor in my toothpaste...none of that cinnamon or fruity taste...BLAH!!

    I actually HAD a Buzz Light-Year toothbrush a while back and I got it at CVS. Do you have those where you live? I've also had a Sponge Bob one too. I always use a child's soft toothbrush, which I learned somewhere...that it's gentle on your gums and it's it can REALLY brush each tooth!

    If I try a regular toothbrush feels like I'm using a hair brush!?!

    tee, hee!

    YES....we DO have "5 Guys" and YEEEEESS...they are the B-E-S-T burgers in the world. And don't you LOVE the fries???

    Yummy...I think I'm ready for one!

    GREAT seeing ya, my friend. And thank you for popping by this morning.

    Enjoy your weekend, Nicole!

  8. Good morning again, Nicole~

    Welcome back! are TOOO funny, my friend...because I can totally relate to the OC stuff. I have it with MANY things.

    And yes, I agree...the CAP is a factor too. I like the "stand up brands" - which enables the paste to always be at the top, when I squeeze the tube.

    And YES, again...I hate when the strips are messed up too!!!

    (MAJOR OC)

    Isn't this FUN....actually VENTING about something so simple as TOOTHPASTE????

    Thanks for stopping back and adding your extended thoughts, Nicole...always a treat!

  9. Howdy Nitebyrd~

    I KNOW...can't you TELL that each moment of my life is SO filled with thought-provoking insanity???

    tee, hee!

    I don't know WHERE these little thoughts come from.....

    However, thank god I have a blog. Because now I have place to write them down...and prove that I'm insane!!!

    But...I DO love it.

    YES...along with my Wicked Stepmother photo's (which I've YET to get copied) I'll post the bikini wax too. I'm thinking of maybe Brazilian...what do you think?

    God love ya,'s always a delight when you fly by!

    Enjoy your weekend!

  10. ooooh, Lady in made me giggle with your comment!!!

    Thank you!

    I too, must have MINT flavor to my toothpaste. I enjoy the taste of peppermint. I actually sometimes use an essential oil of peppermint, mixed with water, to refresh my breath.

    It makes my mouth feel all ZIPPY!

    And the fruity, mango, strawberry, cherry, me insane. I enjoy eating these fruits, however, I don't want to brush my teeth with them, ya know?

    Thank you for visiting this morning, Lady. And for sharing your thoughts and feelings about our teeth's best friend..."toothpaste."

    Have a FAB weekend!

  11. I hate changing brands of anything I've been using for years. I think that's why I've been married to MWM for 33 years. :)

    I might have been tempted by the toothpaste with the free toothbrush though - I'm a sucker for free gifts!

  12. Between your toohpaste and my bananas, we might have to do some group therapy together.

  13. Afternoon, Akelamalu~

    Oh gosh, I know what you mean...however, I thought I'd live a little dangerously...and try to at least expand my horizons, by experimenting with a toothpaste first....


    Sometimes, the "tried and true" are all I ever needed.

    And YES...I too enjoy getting a "gift with purchase"...isn't it a nice surprise?

    It's always GREAT seeing you, my dear friend. Thanks for your visit!

    P.S. And remember....brush you teeth at least TWICE a day....tee, hee!

  14. Howdy Jeff!'s not US that need the therapy.

    WE know how to laugh at ourselves...and that's the GREATEST therapy in the world!

    And thank you for being a part of the wonderful maddness, buddy!

    Thanks for stopping by today. And enjoy your weekend, Jeff!

    P.S. Hey...I hear there's a new BANANA flavored toothpaste coming out. Do you want me to pick up a tube for you???

  15. Ron I have got to meet you someday. I absolutely love your sense of humor.

    You certainly set the tone for the guesses on my last game. Damn that was funny!

    The answers are up.

  16. Great post! The cat brushing it's teeth at the end topped it off for me!

    About toothpaste...there are hardly any that DON'T whiten your teeth. I don't want the whitening it's hard to find one that doesn't offer that.

    So, after all this blabbering, what I'm trying to say is, I hear ya, man. Damn advertising.

  17. Howdy Jeff!

    YES SIR! I would also like to meet you AND your family some day!

    Hey it TAKES a funny man to KNOW a funny man!

    You too bud...the GREATEST sense of humor!

    Feel blessed that we've met!

    Oh, goody...can't wait to see the results...I'll be over in a bit!

  18. Greetings Rhea!

    Welcome! Thank you for your visit and taking the time to leave a comment...much appreciated!

    And you are SOOOOOO correct...DAMN ADVERTISING!!!

    What the hell ever happened to a PLAIN tube of flouride toothpaste?? And one with WHITE paste? They're all like stars and stripes now! And the flavors...YUK!

    I's like SENSORY OVERLOAD for the mouth!!!

    Thanks again for adding your two cents to this vent. It was much enjoyed. And please stop by anytime it moves you...the door is always open.

    Enjoy your weekend, Rhea!

  19. Thanks for the very warm welcome, Ron! I do think you deserve the bleach award on Jeff's site. lol

    Please come by my site when you have a chance, your comments are way too entertaining!

  20. You're very welcome, Rhea.

    And yes...I will most definately be by your place to say hello!

    It's so nice meeting you!

    And can you believe it????


  21. I,m glad im not the only one with a strange toothbrush...i have a cinderella one.And I never go shopping with my libra friends.....

  22. Helloooo Enigma!

    You're not going to believe this...but one time I had a BARBIE toothbrush...YES, was the only soft toothbrush in the store at the time, so I had no other choice. But I kind of liked it...I felt like KEN!

    And yes..."I" can't even shop with another Libra!!!

    GREAT seeing you, my friend and thanks for dropping by!!!!

    Have a great weekend!

  23. oh dear frued would have a field day with a barbie brush making you feel like ken,i dont know if I should mention this, but one of the strangest fetishes i ever read about, was a guy who got off on swallowing Barbie heads.......

  24. Enigma~

    Well, you know what they say...there's nothing like some GOOD HEAD!

    Sigmund Freud

  25. oh ron, you are too funny, and I need to really to start stop being so messy with my spelling.

  26. Jeff sent me here..and of course I wanted to see the guy who started the "vagina" monologue on Jeff's blog yesterday!!! ahahaha.
    Great blog, btw.

  27. The toothbrush was invented in Arkansas- If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush... I just had my teeth cleaned, and the dentist recommended I start using tartar control Milkbone dog biscuits for my snacks...

  28. Ron I ahve done a post that you will like, in fact I was thinking of you when I did it.


  29. Greetings Odat!

    Thanks SO MUCH for stopping by and for taking the time to leave a comment. It's so nice meeting you.

    I actually saw YOUR comment on Jeff's blog yesterday and it made me LAUGH so hard!! And THANK YOU for ALSO being in the same frame of mind that I was in, and SEEING a vagina too!!

    I STILL can't believe it was a BLEACH BOTTLE!!!

    (I think Jeff is lying and he actually took that photo in a brothel)

    tee- hee!

    Thanks again for stopping by to say hi! Please visit anytime you'd's a pleasure!

    Enjoy your weekend.

  30. Howdy Buffalo~ CRACKED me up with your comment!!!! know, if it works for dogs...why NOT us humans???

    Great seeing ya, bud...thanks for stopping by today!

    Enjoy your weekend!!!

  31. Evening Lady in Red~

    I have your blog on my google feed reader and I JUST read your post on the squirrel at your mom's house!

    How WONDERFUL!!!

    I'll be over in a minute to leave you a comment.

    And thanks for thinking about me, dear lady!

  32. You are so right...too many choices of everything.

    I said that out loud in the store recently, and I thought oh my god..I sound like my Mother talking about the old days!!! :O

    I have done the same thing..just finally leaving with what I always get. It is too stressful to decide.

    Speaking of shopping..I thought of you Friday. I was in Target at the little $1 area. Came home with two pairs of pink polka-dotted flip flops, strawberry and orange flavored lip gloss, and purple reading glasses!! hee, hee.

    Thanks again for a great Vent!
    Love funny friend!

  33. God Love ya, Gypsy-Heart!

    You are TOOOO funny about your shopping trip to Target!!!

    Dear God, my Capricorn friend and I used to go to the Target in Orlando every month, after we had our once-a-month dinner date...and would GO INSANE with little $1 purchases like you!!! Isn't it FUN??? I love buying all those little "extras" that you really don't need, but MUST have!!

    Your flip-flops sound so fun! I bet they go GREAT with the purple reading glasses!!


    For god sake, it's TOOTHPASTE...not a lung transplant!!

    It's ALWAYS a "fun time" when you visit, dear friend. Thanks for stopping by!

    LOVE back at ya!

  34. <---is a bit crabby that blogger ate my post to this one, dangit.

    Ah well....

    Happy Monday!

    <---has Elmo, Dino and Blue Puppy toothbrushes along with boring purple and red ones
    Oh.....and one that plays tunes when you make it go up and down.
    THAT'S my favoritest one.....this far......
    But it's only Monday. LOL

  35. Morning Mel~

    Oh God...sorry about that!

    I KNOW...Blogger has done the same darn thing to me SO MANY times!! But thank you for rewritting your comment, dear friend...appreciate that!

    Hey...your toothbrushes sound freaking AWESOME!! I've never seen the one that plays tunes!?! How cool is that? But I LOVE that one, I would REALLY enjoy.

    Right now, I'm using one that is shaped like a Crayola Crayon. I got it a the dollar store!!!

    Thanks for sharing in "our" wonderful INSANITY of "TOYS" Mel...doesn't it make brushing your teeth, so much more fun?

    Happy Monday to YOU!

  36. LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Oh My Friggin God!!!! When I read you'd rather have a rectal exam than make a decision, I fell out on the floor laughing!!!! Having been in relationship with not one but THREE Libran men, it was all I could do to keep from spewing my tea out of my nose as I nodded in agreement!!!! :)

    Love and Light to you!

  37. Oh dear, Grace....THREE Libra men????

    Bless you!

    We're not TOO bad...just bad at making up our minds!

    I'd also rather eat glass!!!!

    GREAT seeing ya, dear lady....thanks for stopping by for some "toothpaste vent!!!"

    Oy Vey!?!?!