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I think when I was born, the angels must have hot-glued a little sign to the back of my head that says, “Please feel free to walk up and ask me whatever you want, because I have all the answers.

Maybe it’s the fact that I work in retail and have a certain “look.”

But could you please tell me WHY people in grocery stores constantly walk up to me, as if I worked there, and ask if I can tell them where certain “items“ are located??

“Oh, excuse me sir…could you please tell me where I can find black olives?”

“Yes…in the deepest part of your rectum.”

“What???? Do I look like a psychic?”

I mean, it’s my day off and I’m in street clothes. Why the hell do I look like an employee?? I don’t even have a name tag.

And not only that, but no matter where I am, be it in a restaurant, subway, Outer Mongolia…or even on the streets…a total stranger will frequently walk up, and tell me personal things about themselves, as if we were best friends.

One time (and I kid you not) a waitress, who was serving a friend of mine and I…actually sat down next to me in the booth (during our meal) and literally BURST out into tears, telling me how worried she was about her son, who was in trouble with the law.

And she was talking so loud…that I wanted slide under the table and never come up.

I swear…my friend and I just sat there looking at one another, like…..

“Where are the hidden camera’s?”

I also have this one individual, who finds me no matter WHERE I am in the city. And she even knows where I work. She frequently spots me in the bookstore, where I like to hang out, and tells me the same damn friggin’ thing every time she sees me….

“Oh…I have such horrible credit card debt and the interest rates are killing me. I’m forced to live with my hateful mother, because I’m so in debt and can’t afford to get a place of my own. My mother is such a pain in the ass, because she’s always in my face, complaining to me about how much of a complainer I am.”

(umm…like two peas in a pod)

Sometimes when I see her coming, I hide behind the bookshelves until she walks away.

One day, I asked a girl who I was working with, “Ok…so tell me honestly, why the hell do you think people do this to me. I mean, do I give off a certain “vibe?”

And she said, “It’s your eyes, you have very kind eyes - so you seem approachable. Which makes people feel like they can open up and talk to you.”

“Oh, really?”

“Well then…I think it’s about time I start wearing some DARK sunglasses.”