The Dentist...a Few of my Favorite Things

Going to the dentist for me, is right up there with having my testicles kicked.

I don’t care what you go for (even if it’s just a simple cleaning), there’s always a tray sitting in front of you, with all these sharp, pointy and torturous looking metal objects, that you know will eventually be poked around in your mouth. And I love how when the over-head examining light hits these objects just the right way…they seem to glisten with an evilness.

I remember as a kid, when my father would take me to our family dentist. I always thought that my dad should have gone to dental school, because he LOVED taking me there. He always got this bright GLEE in his eyes, as he sat in a nearby chair and watched the dentist drilling my molars. He seemed fascinated to the point of actually being slightly aroused.

(much like the dentist in “Little Shop of Horrors”)

Anyway, the gas that they would use to anesthetize, was one of the most retched smelling stuff. Even as I write this, I can still recall the hideous odor. It smelt like sweet burnt rubber. And I never understood why they called it LAUGHING GAS, when for me, I did anything BUT laugh. After a few minutes of inhalation, I felt like I was freaking out on psychedelic drugs.

Oh my god…one time during a routine filling, the dentist must of had the gas turned up to FULL THROTTLE…because at one point, I started hallucinating that his hands were attacking me, like two black crows. I started thrashing my arms around and screaming, “No…No…get away!!”

My father had to come over and calm me down, “Ok Ronnie, calm down, boy…it’s only the gas.”

Only the GAS?? I mean, I felt like I was being thrown into the movie, “The Birds” and he’s telling me to calm down!

As an adult, I refuse to take laughing gas, and opt for novacane.

Another favorite, is when they stuff your mouth with about 6 of those cotton pads, that look like mini tampons. Your mouth feels like you have the worse case of cotton-mouth. And at the same time, the dental assistant is using a vacuum cleaner hose, to suck out what little amount of saliva you have left.

And then, like you can respond, the dentist will inevitably ask you, “You doing ok? You in any pain?”

“No…no pain, I only feel like a herd of sheep just walked into my mouth.”

But my all time favorite, is when you’re having a root canal procedure, and they place a dental dam over your mouth, which looks like a diaphragm and smells like a balloon. And the whole time, it’s pressing up against your nose, making you feel like you’re suffocating. Your mouth is open for what seems like an hour, so when it’s finished, you feel as though you have a severe case of lock-jaw.

I suppose, one of the things that I use to like about going to the dentist, was when I was a kid, and was leaving. They gave me a little plastic jewelry ring and a cherry lollipop.

The ring was for my bravery, and the lollipop I guess…was to make sure I came back!

Enjoy your weekend, everyone!


26 comments

  1. Cute pictures...
    I think that first one is me like a month ago.
    Oh.My.God After my last cleaning (I really don't even know why they bother anymore) a filling was found to be needing replacement. Not too bad, right? WRONG.
    Thinking, it's just a quick appt., I won't eat much and then have lunch later at the bookstore. YAY! So I only had a yogurt that morning. Didn't realize the filling they were replacing was the size of the grand canyon, I needed a big shot of novocaine, and the numbing stuff beforehand was flavored with some sort of pina colada. I don't like the drink, so you know medication flavored like that is going to be nasty. Since the filling was on the top and towards the back, I was practically laying upside down for him to reach it. When I think the horror is FINALLY over, he says.... Oh, I don't really like the way this looks, I'm going to REDO it. WTF? Redo??? So while he and his assistant are chatting away, I'm laying there with vertigo, nausea, a mouth numbed to my throat and the feeling that I will surely die if they don't finish soon. I think he has the gas, but I only had it one time many years ago and was never offered it again. Makes me wonder what I did/said while half under?? LOL
    I have had LOTS of dental procedures and I like my dentist but this recent procedure was just INSANE. When I finally crawled out of there I was soooo sick I could barely drive. I had to pull over at a store and get some iced tea and crackers thinking I'd pass out behind the wheel. That was surely a crazy day. I felt so bad I ended up going to bed and it was sore all day and the next. Turns out, it still wasn't sitting in there right and I had to GO BACK like a week later and have it replaced again! I still cannot eat certain foods on that spot.

    Maybe it would have been better with jewelry and candy, I don't know, but they better have something good next time or I'm staying home!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I HATE the dentist, more than anything in the world except liver.

    Whenever I'm there I always hear the dentist song from LSH in my head. Root canals should be used as torture to get secrets out of our enemies. AGGGHH! Marathon Man!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh Ronaldo you brought back such terrible memories of going to the dentist when I was a child. :(

    I go regularly now but I sure as hell don't like it. I have to take two paracetamol before I go for a check-up!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank goodness I have good teeth Ron, because if I wasn't afraid of the dentist before, I would be now. Between your vent and my recent experience, ugh, :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hate going to the dentist too. And I have many issues with my teeth because I don't drink milk... yes, I know, time to start taking some calcium pills! I'll have two or three appointments close together and I'll start feeling comfortable. Insert a few months and then I have to go back and it's like starting all over with my nerves. I can't stand the way the office smells, looks, any of it. And you're right about the shiny evilness of the metal thing-a-ma-jigs. Yikes!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Howdy sweetie babe. Hum, very interesting. I think you are right. Mother had that look too. What was it with them and dentist visits. I sat there leaning back and the dentist had his drill out...it looks lots bigger when it is going straight for you, huh? A cared rabbit is what I must have looked like.

    Well Ron, I figured it out. The thing to do next is...grab your dentist by his nuts, real hard and tight and say in slurred words. "Doctor, we will not hurt each other...correct?"

    He will nod...that means loosen the grip you have on him. If he doesn't nod...give his jewels a harder squeeze and a little twist. I'm sure he is nodding with vigor now.

    You will get the best treatment he is so able to give...I guarantee it. Then DEDUCT $50 from his bill to you. Um, for services rendered.

    Oh and this will only work if you have a male dentist...If your dentist is a female...you will get slapped or...she will give you her telephone number or both. It could be a win win situation. hehehe.

    I love going to the dentist. :D

    I love to hear stories from your childhood. I'm so impressed that your dad took you to the dentist office. Mother always did those type of things for me and siblings.

    Ciao babes...you have a fab weekend too.

    ReplyDelete
  7. GMAO!!!!!

    That is sooo cute! If I had balls I would rather have them kicked too then go to a dentist!!!

    I had a traumatic experience with a rotton old hag that was not in the mood for a terrified child!

    It was a school dentist van, and this woman had NO idea that my Mother was sitting outside.

    She litterally hit me and was verbaly abusing me to stop being a baby! Sure enough I was even more frightenend and tried to squirm away, but that didn't stop her from continuing to drill my teeth!!

    The drill (or what ever the heck it was) slipped and sliced my gum open! I screamed in HORROR and Mum came running in to find the woman treating me poorly and that I had had blood PISSING out of my mouth!

    Boy did that woman get in trouble! I just thank heck that Mum was there to witness it because she probably wouldn't have believed me (ya know... kids tales.)


    Ever since then I've never been able to get over the fear of it!

    It's so bad because a few years ago I was attacked and kicked in the jaw - causing my back teeth to shatter! :-S But I am sooo scared of dentists that I would rather live in pain then go back there!!!

    Terrible I know!!!

    BTW I LOVEEEEEE ROCKY HORROR!!!

    *GiGGLeS* xx

    ReplyDelete
  8. Evening Akelamalu~

    OOOOOOOHHHH dear god...you made me LAUGH!!!

    You have to take two paracetamol before you go for a check-up????

    That's so cute!

    Isn't the anticipation of going the WORST part??

    Can you imagine being a dentist, and having to deal with peoples FEAR all day long???

    Not me!

    Thank you so much for sharing your "distaste" of going to the dentist!

    Enjoy your weekend, dear lady!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hiya Middle Child~

    You are SO Right about how the entire office SMELLS!

    I wonder what causes that? But every dentist office I've been in, DOES have that same odor.

    (maybe it's caused by all that "laughing gas" they use!?)

    I know what you mean about setting up a series of appointments. It's the same way when your having a root canal done. It takes several visits to complete...and each visit is so filled with fear...it's exhausting!!!

    Oy Vey!

    Thanks for stopping by today, my friend. And for sharing in our LOVE of dentists!

    Have a GREAT weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Evening Nicole!

    Oh my god....that's right, I totally forgot about your Hygenist School experience!

    eeeeewwwww!

    Hey...good for you for having strong, healthy teeth. What a blessing!

    I've known of several people who also have good teeth, and have never even had a CAVITY!!!

    That amazes me!

    Great seeing ya, Nicole. Thanks for your visit.

    Hope you have GREAT weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Evening Nitebyrd!

    HOLY SHIT! That's right..."The Marathon Man"...remember that HORRIBLE moment with the cavity???

    Even to this day, whenever I see that scene...it STILL make me SCREAM in pain!!!@!#

    That's ANOTHER thing you and I have in common... hating LIVER!!! Is it not the worst tasting thing in the world?? I mean, who the hell even thought about making a liver something you EAT???

    (It's a FILTER)

    Oh well...I guess it's time I go rent The Marathon Man again!!!

    GREAT talking to you, lady Nitebyrd. I love sharing our similar distaste of things!

    Have a GRAND weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Helloooooo Giggle~

    HOLY HELL!!! I cannot believe what you had to go through as a child with that dentist!! That's HORRENDOUS!! Did your mother sue or anything? Damn...I bet she was madder than hell!

    You poor thing!

    After that fiasco, I'd be PETRIFIED too!

    And you were ALSO attacked and kicked in the JAW? And it shattered your back teeth?? I mean, you don't have to tell me, but WHY????

    WOW!

    But I hear you about dentist. And it's sad, because so many of us put off going to the dentist, because of this horrible fear we have.

    Thank God, my teeth stay pretty healthy, but when I do go...it's usually something MAJOR...like the need for a root canal!

    I think we all should have been born with FALSE TEETH!

    Thanks for adding your dental stories to this post, Giggle!

    I still can't get over it!

    P.S. And yes...I love Rocky Horror too!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Howdy Miss Jones!

    Well...you had me laughing my ass off, to the point of snorting!!!

    DAMN...your FUNNY, girl!!!

    I freaking LOVE your suggestions. Especially about deducting $50.00 from his bill to me. Um...for services rendered.

    That's hysterical!

    YES...I'm telling you...my father literally got excited about taking us to the dentist. He LOVED every minute of it! My mother was like, "Fine...you do it, then!"

    My dad had this thing about going to the doctor and the dentist. I've
    never seen anything like it. I think he was a frustrated HYPOCHONDRIAC!

    Thank you SOOOO much for adding your wonderful humor to this blog.

    I have the most BRILLIANTLY funny people who stop here!

    You are so enjoyed, dear lady!

    Have a FABU weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Evening CrystalChick~

    Damn...I feel like I just took that journey from HELL with you!!!

    You're a VERY good writer. I mean it! You've got a wonderful gift for creating the experience for the reader.

    I was THERE with you!

    Hey...and thank you for reminding me about the pina colada numbing agent. That's RIGHT...that's what they all use, right before they shove that HUGE needle into your gums!!!

    Sometimes the novacaine needle is more painful than the actual dental procedure. Especially if they have to stick it in the roof of your mouth!

    eeeewww!

    oooh...oooh...and don't ya LOVE the fact that they tilted back, upside down? Sometimes I feel like I'm going to slid off the chair, onto the floor!

    Damn...so you had to have it REDONE twice???

    The whole experience sounded awful!

    Like I shared with Giggles in my comment to her....I think we all should have been born with false teeth.

    This way, if something went wrong, we could just drop them off at the dental office, and they could give us a loaner pair to use.

    And then every 10 years, we could just but a new pair!

    What do ya, think?

    GREAT story, M! And thanks for sharing it. It would be a great post on it's own!

    Hope you have a wonderful weekend, getting all your things ready for the craft show!

    Enjoy!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Is it safe?

    Is it safe?


    How about when they tell you to spit out the rinse water into that damn miniature toilet bowl looking thing and your mouth is so freaking numb you just dribble it don the front of yourself!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Howdy Jeff~

    Oh, that's funny...cause I was originally was going to title this post: Now...spit!

    Because I was thinking of that same DAMN thing that you just said!!!

    And I never thought about that spit sink looking like a miniature toilet bowl...but your RIGHT!

    Thanks for stopping by, buddy. Great seeing ya!

    Now...spit!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Small wonder dentist's have one of the highest rates of suicide....

    The poor guys....nobody likes 'em.

    <--- personally goes in prepared with duct tape.

    Oh, not for me--in case you were wondering.....


    *nodding*

    The dentist and I have an 'understanding'.....

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hey again Ronnie *Flutters eyelashes*

    WOW you get the longest comments than any other blogger I know! :-)

    I guess because you're great at posting about things that everyone else can relate to!

    I'm not sure exactly what happened with that dentist woman... I know Mum did something about it, but I don't think it went as far as sueing (I was too young to rembember exactly but I must ask her!)

    hehe I don't mind talking about the cracked teeth even though it's horrible!!

    Years ago I was staying at a friends house and they were having a huge party! There were gate crashers and strangers everywhere!

    I went to bed early (as I usually do because I'm never last as long as everyone else LOL) and I was rudely awoken by some strange guy that tried to crawl into bed with me!

    Anyways I told him where to shove it and basicly he lashed out at me, kicked me to the ground and kicked me in the jaw which caused my back teeth to crack ffs!

    I never did anything about it because it was back in my 'pushover' days! But I'm regretting it now!

    But I'm so terrified of the dentist that I attempted to file my jagged teeth back myself with a nail file!!! LOL!!!

    I was always cutting my tongue on the bloody things!

    :-) xx

    ReplyDelete
  19. Mornin' Mel~

    Hey...you know? I DO remember either reading that or maybe someone told me about dentists having the highest suicide rate!!

    And I believe it's due to having so many people fearing them.

    Can you imagine?

    Hey...thanks for sharing your usage of "duct-tape"...I may try that next time!

    Great seeing ya, Mel!

    Thanks for stopping by on this great Spring day!!!!

    P.S. Enjoy your porch swing!

    ReplyDelete
  20. HOLY HELL AGAIN, Giggle!!!

    WOW...that must have been SOME party!!!!

    OUCH!!@#?!

    I can't even image what that must have FELT like!

    And good, girl...NO MORE "push-over" days....RAT GIRL to the rescue!!!!

    Yeeeehaw!!!

    Thanks for stopping by again, dear Giggle.

    Enjoy your Saturday (or actually SUNDAY for you!)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Take a 5 mg. valium 15 - 30 minutes before your appointment... It'll help relieve the anxiety a bit...

    ReplyDelete
  22. Evening Annie~

    Thanks for the advice!

    Hey...between THAT and the laughing gas...I should end up being somewhere in OZ!

    "Follow the yellow brick road....."

    Great seeing ya, Annie!

    Thanks for stopping by today!

    ReplyDelete
  23. sorry I have not been commenting I think I have been going through a comment drought

    you are lucky am here at all seeing the word dentist......normally that word has me running for the hills....maybe I am getting too old for the hills or perhaps its the running that I can't do anymore

    ReplyDelete
  24. Good Sunday Morning Lady~

    No need to ever apologize for time spent away from commenting.

    I totally understand. Sometimes we'e just not in the mood. It happens to me too!

    However, thank you very much for stopping by and saying hello, dear lady. It's always nice seeing ya!

    And yes....the DENTIST...isn't something how we ALL RUN!!!!!

    Hope you having a GREAT Sunday!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Do you think your father enjoyed the actual dentistry...or perhaps enjoyed toturing a little Ronnie? hehe I'm sure it was the former and not the latter.

    I'm actually going to the dentist this week for the first time in a few years (bad, I know). I'm kind of nervous about it. I've always had great teeth, only one filling ever, but I fear any kind of mouth pain...and I always get a headache, even from just a cleaning.

    ugh

    ReplyDelete
  26. Evening Rhea~

    YEEEEEES!!!!

    That's what it was....he DID like torturing little Ronnie!

    Daddy Dearest!

    tee, hee!

    You've only had ONE cavity you're entire life?????

    Damn, girl....you're amazing!!!

    You are SO blessed to have such strong teeth!!

    Hey...good luck at the dentist this week. I'm sure you'll do fine!

    And be sure he gives you a little plastic ring and a cherry lollipop!!

    Great seeing ya, Rhea. Thanks so much for stopping by!

    ReplyDelete