Two Mothers

I’ve always felt very blessed with two mothers.

My biological mother passed away at the age of 40, when I was 5 years old. She left behind a husband and three young children.

About two years later, my father met and started dating a very special woman, who eventually became my second mother.

I’ve never referred to her as a stepmother, because I always felt, that because she literally raised us…she was my mother.

Technically, she may be a stepmother, but emotionally and spiritually, she just naturally became the “special bond” that mothers are.

For me, it was her love and unyielding devotion, to throw herself completing into our lives, that makes her my mother.

Having a second mother has allowed me to see, that the vocation of being a mother, does not always come out of giving birth.

It comes out of a woman’s desire…to give life.

Happy Mother’s Day Everyone!



26 comments

  1. *nodding* My birth mom passed away when I was five--growing up 'motherless' made for some interesting moments. I was the evil step-child who put lots of effort into making the evil step-mother disappear. *hanging head* True.

    My father and I had 11 years of 'him and me against the world'--hard to give that up and return to being 'the child'.
    I darn near succeeded in helping her decide to 'cut bait and run'.
    I'm glad she was made of tougher stuff.....and that I did some growin'.

    She was the only 'mom' I'd ever known....and in my early 30's I asked her to adopt me. She lovingly and gracious declined, after days of consideration.

    "You're already mine."

    I was hers by 'design'....G-d saw to that.
    She didn't need the paper or the court--truth be told, neither did I.

    I miss her sorely.
    And I know G-d's taking really, really good care of her.

    (((((( Ron )))))))

    Thank you.
    As much as I miss her in my life, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

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  2. Thankyou for those incredible words Ron!!
    I know its not *FOR* me you wrote it, but, in my opinion, it sums up a description and definition of 'mother' which so many people tend to over-look!!

    x

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  3. That's beautiful, Ron. She and your dad obviously did a good job raising you with love.

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  4. What a perfect post for the holiday weekend!
    How terrific that you developed a bond with your second Mom. To meet your father when he had 3 children and not only win his heart but yours too, that's a special person.

    OMG, here goes Therapy Session #4.....

    I feel happy for my hubby because he also has two Mothers. This is a freaking Oprah story but I'll TRY to condense it....(yeah, right)
    Hub born in a little village in Korea way way back when. Birth Mom..Korean. Father..soldier. The guy was transferred and never had contact with her again. Living away from home but trying to keep/raise him. Meets another Army guy but because he was young and in service he couldn't help with raising the boy and she was shunned by her Father. He said she could come home but not with the child. Her Mother never even knew she was pregnant.
    So here was this little blonde haired Korean baby back in the early '60's without much support. His birth Mom made the ULTIMATE sacrifice and to give him the best life possible gave him up for adoption to come to America and be cared for.
    OMG, what torture that must have been for her. He was 2 or 3 then. Somehow, she got the agency worker to give her the name and address of where he was coming in the States. She was told they were doctors (they weren't) and was later given a picture of him in his new life.
    The new parents.... A NJ couple who couldn't have kids of their own adopted Ron thru Pearl Buck's Welcome House. They also adopted 3 other children of different nationalities (1 passed away at a year old) so their home is like the United Nations!! lol

    So his parents here raised him since he was a toddler. He learned English and got his Citizenship when he was young, and all but forgot about his life in Korea but a few snipets of memory here and there.

    Fast forward to.... uh, around 1999/2000? Ron starts feeling like he wants to search for info. on his birth. He goes as far as to fill out a request and then tucks it in a drawer and forgets about it, never getting it notarized or sending it. A few months..?..later, his parents get a letter from the adoption agency saying birth Mom is trying to make contact with HIM. Whoa!
    He asks for their blessing to follow up on it and they said it was up to him.

    First it was email and phone contact and THEN a couple months later they MET. Because she was living in the States with her husband (the second army guy from way back then in Korean who did end up marrying her and bringing her here) and their two children, they planned to drive up from Georgia and that reunion was INCREDIBLE. He was so nervous, and when they pulled up, he ran out the front door, she jumped out of their van and it was a huggy luv fest on the front lawn. OMG. I'm standing there with my new brother-in-law and new father-in-law just in amazement at how all those years apart just melted away and she was holding her baby again and she was his Momma. OH I'm starting to tear up now just telling it.

    Anyway.... so it turned out quite nice. Well... there was one glitch that after the parents here found out that he was developing a relationship with her rather than just hearing the birth stuff, they did get wonky about it all. They all got to meet once and it was nice, but later some things happened and we had to smooth out some rough spots. Neither family really talks about the other one. We just keep it separate as it's easier that way to not hurt anyones feelings. His birth Mom knows the woman who raised him did a great job and gave him the best life she could and the Mom who adopted him knows that the other probably wouldn't have given him up if there were another way to go. He has enough love in his heart for them all. He calls the adoptive mother Mom and the birth mother Momma. Dad here is Dad and Momma's hub is called Abogi, the Korean word (even tho he isn't korean) for Father. Got it!?? LOL
    So that's my story and I'm sticking to it. LOL
    It's a wonderful thing for my husband to know his origins as he grew up wondering about the hows and whys. He's so deserving of two good families who love him.

    Wish I had my Mom at this time. She passed away 12 years ago. My Dad 4 years after that. Unfortunately, my sister and I lost our very close relationship basically over a small property and a little bit of money and stuff. Even though I am a Mom and have great kids and a beautiful grandson, I can't help but feel a little sadness on that day. We had a great time last year and hub says WHATEVER I WANT TO DO SUNDAY IS FINE WITH HIM. He's paying and driving. LOL He's so great. :)))

    Thanks for the trip down memory lane!

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  5. Ron~ what a sweetie you are,
    from this mom,
    here's a big sloppy kiss and a thank you hug!
    Your the best!

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  6. Sounds like your were very fortunate because of your 2nd mom. I hate the thought of my kids being without a mom. And if something would ever happen to me, I really hope that my husband would go out and find someone wonderful for him and for the kids.

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  7. Well put my friend. Any woman that can convey the feelings and emotions that your words show is what the world believes a mother should be. She nutures our body, mind and spirit. She gives us love with no condition and all she needs in return is the satisfaction that she was their for someone who has the need.
    Thank you for sharing this beautiful story and thought. I bow to you.
    NAMASTE

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  8. Ron, that was one of the sweetest posts I've ever read. What a wonderful tribute to your mother.

    Oftentimes it takes becoming a mother (or a father) to fully appreciate what your parents did for you, but you sound like you truly appreciate her influence in your life.

    Just wonderful. I'm going to find a hankie now and hug my boys...and my mom!!!

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  9. How wonderful that you got a good stepmother not an evil one. My mother-in-law has always been a second mum to me. Aren't we lucky? :)

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  10. Ron...you are so very right. It is as you say.

    My girl is a tiger to protect our boys. I am their biological mother but she loves them as I do. My prince calls her mother and me too. He reminds me of her...they as so much alike. The temper, the way they tell a story. They are both hard headed. I'll tell him he is just like his mother (my girl) and he smiles...he takes it as a compliment. hehehe, I guess it was, deep down. I love them both. Anyway...he knows I am the one who gave him birth, but he also knows we are both his mothers. He loves us as I loved my mother, very much.

    They have a fab father...I love that he is an awesome dad. How lucky are these kids...2 mothers and a dad.

    You made tears well up in my eyes when you expressed your feelings. You are a wonderful son...

    I'm back, I wiped the tears away and blew my nose.

    you have a wonderful weekend babes and thanks for yor post.

    Ciao babes
    xoxoxoxoxo

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  11. Thats gorgeous Ronnie! :-)

    Thats a bit like my Brothers!

    My Brother 'D' has a different Father but shares the same Mother as me, and my Brother 'P' shares the same Father with me, but has a different Mother!


    Though, we don't see it like that at all! My Mother and Father raised us all since we were little babies... so theres no such thing as 'step' or 'half' to us!

    I'm the purebred tho :-P *GiGGLeS* xx

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  12. Evening Mel~

    Your words brought tears to my eyes, dear lady, because what you so beautifully shared here...was exactly the realization that she and I eventually came to...

    We were placed together as parent and child...by God's design. And one day she said that exact same thing to me, "You're already mine."

    And like you...this realization did not come without tremendous challenges. My siblings and I were very hard on her for many years.

    And I too...am glad that she was made of tougher stuff...and that I eventually did some growin'.

    She's such a lovely lady...who I'm honored to call, my mother!

    Thanks for sharing, Mel...

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  13. Evening Lady Sorrow~

    Thanks for the kiss and hug, dear Sorrow!

    And thank you..for being one of the many wonderful women that I've known...who epitomizes what a wonderful mother is!

    YOU'RE the best!

    Happy Mother's Day!

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  14. Hello Trub!

    So nice seeing ya!

    You're so welcome!

    This post actually is FOR you...because it's a tribute to ALL women.

    So thank YOU, dear lady!

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  15. Evening Dear Nitebyrd~

    When I read your post a while back, about the relationship that you have with your children...I couldn't help but FEEL all the love you share with them.

    You did such a wonderful job of guiding them...and at the same time...gave them the freedom to be the individual human beings that they were.

    Now that's VERY cool!

    Happy Mother's Day, Nitebyrd!

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  16. Evening Dear Nicole~

    Yes, my friend...I do feel very fortunate for my second mom. She's the coolest damn lady!

    (not that we don't share our differences now and then)

    But that's typical in any mother-child relationship.

    And I think it's so beautiful of you, to wish that if anything were to ever happen to you...you would want your husband and children to find someone wonderful to share their lives with.

    Now...THAT'S a mother's LOVE!

    Happy Mother's Day, Nicole!

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  17. Howdy Rhea~

    I think I've always been very in touch with how a woman feels.

    And even though I'm not a woman...or a parent...I do connect closely to how a women nutures.

    So I DO truly appreciate her influence on me.

    It was not easy for her to walk into a family, where they were dealing with the lose of a mother.

    (and we were NOT easy on her)

    But she just stood firmly in her love...and eventually we responded.

    THAT's a mother.

    Happy Mother's Day, Rhea!

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  18. Evening Mr. Dave~

    What a beautiful and sensitive soul you are!

    And I just need to reitorate what you shared here with us...

    "She nutures our body, mind and spirit. She gives us love with no condition and all she needs in return is the satisfaction that she was their for someone who has the need."

    That's it, my friend!

    You said it PERFECTLY!

    And I bow to YOU!

    Bless you, sir!

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  19. Evening Akelamalu~

    It's funny that you mentioned "evil stepmother"...because whenever she needed to be strick with us...she would always refer to herself as the "evil stepmother!!"

    tee, hee!

    And it's wonderful that your mother-in-law is like a second mum to you!

    Yes...we ARE lucky!

    Happy Mother's Day, dear lady!

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  20. Evening Miss Jones~

    YES...how lucky your kids are to have 2 mothers and a dad!!!

    That is SOOOO freaking AWESOME!!!

    Your girl sounds like a lovely lady!

    And I think it's so damn cute that your son resembles her in ways...and takes it as a compliment!!

    See...this just goes to show, how a mothers love is so totally UNIVERSAL!

    Thank you for all the love you share here at Vent, Miss Jones. Your presence is such a blessing!

    Happy Mother's Day, Spiky!

    And to your girl too!

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  21. Evening Giggles~

    It's SOOOOO GREAT seeing ya!

    Hey...me too!

    I have a half brother from my father's second marriage to my present mother...but we've NEVER referred to one another as anything but BROTHERS.

    In fact...he and I are actually closer than my sister and brother that share the same father and mother.

    I truly think the connection we have is spiritual...and that being of the same bloodline...makes no difference, ya know?

    No "step" or "half" in our family either!

    Thanks so much for stopping by today, dear lady!

    And Happy Mother's Day to you TOO!

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  22. Evening CrystalChick~

    WOW...you had ME tearing up as I was reading your story too!

    It IS like an Opra show!!

    Ya know, this just made me SEE that a mothers LOVE...knows no time or distance...it's constant.

    And I think it's so wonderful that your husband is sensitive, compassionate and enlightened...to have simply opened his heart again and trust. I know that must have been frightening for him.

    What a wonderful soul your husband is! And his mom too!

    Hey...I lost my father 14 years ago, and I still miss him. We were fortunate to have shared some wonderful quality time together before he passed. We were able to forgive and let go of certain things...so I feel blessed about that.

    I cannot thank you enough for sharing this story, M. And especially now, during this Mother's Day weekend.

    Hope you have a wonderful Sunday, dear lady.

    And Happy Mother's Day to you!

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  23. Ron dear heart..you are such a sweet soul!

    I grew up with a real Mother and a step-mother and struck out in both areas.
    I always try to put a positive spin on things..so I am grateful to both of them for teaching me how NOT to be as a Mother.....so I've tried to be a DAMN good mother.

    I am happy to say that in all THREE of my marriages I've had wonderful Mothers-in-law. Hee, hee.

    Thank you for sharing this with us!

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  24. You are truly lucky to have such a lady like that.

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  25. Evening Dearest Gypsy-Heart~

    I bet you're one hell of a WONDERFUL mother...I can just tell!

    I bet you quide your children...but also give them their "space" to make their own choices.

    I can't imagine what it must be like to be a parent...but know that it must be VERY challenging, because you want the BEST for them, but you also know that they need to experience life for themselves.

    And it's wonderful that you've allowed your experiences with BOTH your mothers...to guide you to a different way of parenting. That diffinately is a POSTIVE SPIN!

    WOW...you were married three times? Well, it's like they say...the third time is always a CHARM!

    tee, hee!

    Thank you so much for sharing yourself on this post, my wonderful Capricorn friend!

    And HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!

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  26. Greetings Creative Type Dad~

    Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment!

    Yes...I do feel very lucky and blessed to have her as my mother. Cause let me tell you....we were NOT an easy bunch of kids!!!

    I briefly stopped by your blog and just wanted to tell you how very COOL I found it! It's so nice to see a father get so involved with his children. I'll be back to read more!

    Thanks again for stopping by!

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