My Fear of Clowns

I would like to preface this post, by saying that if there are any professional clowns who happen to be reading this…

I’m terribly sorry…try not to take this too personal.

I know there must be at least a handful of people on this planet who enjoy clowns….however, I am not one of them.

I can’t actually say that I hate clowns…it’s more of a blood-curdling and terrorizing fear whenever I see one.

I find them totally horrifying.

To me, clowns don’t look the least bit happy…they just look as though they’re possessed by some demonic energy that causes them to act like a FREAK.

And their hair and make up always looks like it was styled by a cosmetologist who was smoking marijuana that was laced with angel dust.

For the most part, clowns don’t speak, they just run around doing nonsensical things like making animal figures with balloons and honking a bicycle horn. Either that…or spraying you in the face with water that shoots out from a HUGE flower on their coat lapel.

How unfunny and annoying is that?

And to be honest…I’ve never seen a child smile or laugh at a clown. Usually they BURST out into tears and scream bloody murder.

I remember as a kid, going to the Barnum and Bailey Circus and begging my parents to sit far up in the bleachers, because I did not want clowns coming anywhere near me during the show.

And god forbid if one ever tried to touch me.

It’s weird, because sometimes I would spot an off-duty clown walking around the circus grounds and I swear…they always looked MEAN and NASTY. Like they really hated children.

I had an aunt who was an artist. And her “specialty” was painting pictures of clowns. Every wall in her friggin’ den was covered with these horrifying images of clowns. I remember being scared to be alone in the room with them, because no matter where I looked...a clown was staring at me. And one day she actually thought she was doing me a big favor, by telling me that I could select any one of the pictures on the wall, and it was mine.

In order not to hurt her feelings, I grabbed one at random and carried it home FACE DOWN so I wouldn’t have to look at it’s ugly face. And then I shoved into a garbage bag and placed it in a dark corner in the garage.

(I wonder what the hell ever happened to that?)

I’ve never seen the movie “IT” and will NEVER EVER…in fear that I won’t sleep for the rest of my life.

I’m sorry clowns…but you’re not funny.

You’re hideously scary.

And I think maybe you should consider the possibility of another occupation.

Maybe something a little less life threatening….


24 comments

  1. Good Morning Ron dear heart.

    Reading your words and laughing...what a nice way to start my morning!

    I do not fear clowns...but I have never been a clown lover either. Even as a child I didn't trust what was beneath the makeup..what were they hiding??? I guess I was already a dramatic soul..even in childhood. hee, hee

    Years ago, I did a clown charcoal piece, but I did it because it was creepy.
    Hmmm...I wonder where it ended up. Should we be concerned. we both have clown pieces lurking somewhere in our homes. :O

    Loved your vent..and love ya!

    ~gypsy-heart

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  2. Yeah, I think clowns are very very creepy!! When we went to the circus a couple of months ago, during intermission the clowns walked through the crowd selling coloring books. My 3 yr old wasn't paying attention and one of them screamed out "get your coloring book" from right behind him. Scared the shit out of him. He started bawling. Yeah, it was fun.
    For the most part, whenever I see a clown, I always think of the Joker on Batman and wonder if all clown-like figures are sociopaths. I wonder???

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  3. Morning Dear Gypsy-Heart!

    Tee, hee!

    And do you know what's weird? When I was looking for photo's of clowns on Flickr for this post...practically all of them were labled by the photographers as SCARY, CREEPY, HORRIFYING, etc....

    I often wonder (besides people who are professional clowns) if ANYONE really feels FABULOUS about clowns?

    (maybe I should do a poll on this blog one day to find out)

    I agree...it's just like you said, "With all that hair and makeup... what are they trying to HIDE??"

    eeeeeeeeww...I find the whole thing TOTALLY CREEPY!

    Anyway, my dear friend....thanks for stopping by this morning for a giggle and a share!

    Always a hoot being "dramatic" with you!

    (maybe you and I should start our own program where we can teach others the best DRAMATIC responses to clowns)

    Love ya!

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  4. Morning Nicole!

    OH MAN...just your description of what happened with your 3 year old at the circus made me HOWL!!

    Damn...I could actually visualize that happening!

    Ands SEE....that's what I'm talking about here...I've NEVER in my life seen a child OR an adult react favorably to a clown!!

    Everyone SCREAMS!

    (and I can just image what the coloring book looked like too...probably, images of clowns without appendages)

    eeeewww!

    OMG...and yes, I agree...didn't the joker in Batman give you the heebie-jeebies?

    (although Jack did a GREAT job!)

    Thanks for stopping by and sharing that clown story, Nicole!

    VERY funny!

    Have a great Wednesday!

    I hear it's getting COOLER today!

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  5. You have a very precise eye, Ron, and I can see how as a child that whole distaste for them got started.

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  6. Morning Annie!

    Isn't it the truth how everything can be traced back to our childhood...

    "Memories...scare the the corners of my mind...misty water-color memories...of the way clowns SCARED the hell out of me"

    tee, hee!

    Thanks for dropping in today, Annie!

    Have an awesome Wednesday!

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  7. that painting your Aunt gave you sat there for soooooooooo many years that it came to life - yep. that is how clowns are born.

    I'm not afraid of clowns, they don't even creep me out although I totally get it.

    They just annoy the crap out of me. My idea of the perfect day at the circus would be to beat a clown to death using a mime as the weapon.

    Problem solved!

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  8. OH!NO! Tell me you didn't go there! AGGHHH! I fucking HATE clowns! Even Cap't Spaulding!

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  9. Stupid blogger ate my comment.

    I'm going to go and have some chocolate and calm down. *pouts*

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  10. OMG...DIANNE....your comment made be HOWL!!!

    "My idea of the perfect day at the circus would be to beat a clown to death using a mime as the weapon."

    That was FABULOUS...

    ...the funniest thing I've EVER heard about clowns!!!

    BRAVO!

    And I hear you about MIMES too!

    Bazaar creatures, aren't they?

    Thanks for the wonderful laugh, Dianne!

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  11. Hey Miss Nitebyrd....

    I wrote this post just for YOU!!!

    I know how you and I share the same friggin' distaste for ANYTHING CLOWN!!!

    Hope you didn't get to scared, though!

    Thanks for stopping by, you wonderful clown hater, you!

    Sincerely,
    Happy the Clown

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  12. Hey Anndi!

    I'm so sorry about that!

    I've had that happen to me so many damn times!!

    It's so freaking annoying!

    I just hope it wasn't because of this new comment format.

    If it starts happening to others, I may just revert back to the other.

    Thanks for stopping by, though. I really appreciate it!

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  13. I have a 10 yr old niece who is totally freaked out by clowns...or at least used to be...now I think she just acts freaked out because she likes the attention...but I'm not sure. lol

    So, which is it, Ron, drama queen or true fear? or both?!

    Actually, clowns are freaky if you really look at them. I agree.

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  14. Whoa, I'm very late with my response. I was working on it.... then alien clowns came and took me away..... tee hee

    Let's see where was I?? I was working on my comment when sonny boy needed to use the 'puter. I thought I tabbed your page. Oh well, backtracking....
    I never really liked circus clowns or circuses for that matter, went MANY years ago, can't see EVER going again. Okay, maybe Cirque du Soleil???
    And I never much liked those 'hobo' type clowns either.
    But what I used to love were those 'poirot' clowns, the ones with porcelain faces, feet and hands and costumed bodies. Part of my collection is packed away in a box somewhere but I used to display them ALL. I'd have them on the top of the bookcase in poses, looking down at people. Some of them had very pretty painted faces. So I don't know that you would be totally freaked out. Eh, I think some people were a little weirded out by them ALL up there. LOL Because even though in nice costumes, some black, some pink, etc. they were still clowns. I had a few masks for the wall too. One is a porcelain jester face with the bright green hat that my Mom got me while in New Orleans. I don't display them anymore either, but should my decor ever get really themey again, I just might break open an old box. hehehe

    Circus clowns really are creepy though.
    Now, Jack was fabulous in Batman, definitely creepy. And we just saw the Dark Knight, the new Batman with Heath Ledger as the Joker and he was really bizarre. His makeup was very messy and he had scars on each side of his mouth and he did this weird licking thing with his tongue alot. It was both neat and sad to watch knowing he just died.
    It was a great portrayal though, very rogue.

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  15. Howdy Rhea!

    You hit the nail on the head!!!

    I believe it's the FEAR that brings out the DRAMA QUEEN within me!!!!

    My mom always refered to me as her DRAMATIC son.

    I guess that's why the stage has always beckoned me...

    Mucho thanks for dropping by today, Rhea!

    Always good sharing with ya!

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  16. Damn, Ron! Time for a new post and get rid of these freakin' clowns!

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  17. Afternoon Crystal-Chick!

    It's funny you mentioned Cirque du Soleil clowns, because I agree...there's something about them, that seems less frightening. If you can believe this, I've never seen one of their shows, but anyone who has ever gone, has said that they are remarkable!

    Very ARTIST and GRAND!

    They've got a show that comes to Philly every summer. I believe it's on Broad Street.

    I had a boss, who saw the show in Vegas and said it was unbelievable. I think it was called "O".

    A good friend of mine in Orlando used to have a HUGE collection of Poirot clowns, but I think it was her husband that actually liked them. Even those can give me the heebie-geebies. It's the face...something about the the white face.

    But the most scariest for me...are those damn CIRCUS clowns.

    Circus's in general I find pretty creepy.

    Hey...wasn't Jack the best damn Joker? He did creep me out, but I was so engrossed in his performance that it sort of overode the fear. Damn...he was good!

    I never got to see Keith Ledger as the Joker, though. I was in Border's yesterday, and noticed that they recently published a book about him. How sad about his early death. His energy always reminded me of James Dean...very intense, but gifted!

    Thanks for stopping by today, M!

    It's always great gabbing with you, dear lady!

    Hope you're having a wonderful Thursday!

    P.S. And have you noticed...it's SLIGHTLY cooler today???

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  18. Afternoon Nitebyrd!

    EEEEEEEEWWWWWW! I agree!

    Is not the photo at the bottom of this post the WORST??? It was actually a lot bigger, but I decided to reduce the size, as not to totally freak everyone out. When I found it I laughed so hard I thought I was going to die!

    I love his black teeth!

    But DAMN... he is one scary-ass clown!

    I promise...tomorrow you'll find a new post with photo's of sweet and loving images.

    Great seeing ya again, my fellow clown lover!

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  19. ron: What! Afraid of clowns? What gets me is that clowns are bnot funny. Ronald McDonald is a freak. If they want to make me happy at Mc Donalds...throw the clown out and give me a happy meal.

    Yeah and have you seen that movie...Killer Clowns? that will make you run from center ring at the circus. Plus I think clowns are French which tell you right there why they're not FUNNY! No offense meant to the FRENCH. Viva La France...I mean they adore Jerry Lewis (a clown) and would vote him President if they could. "Le Meow." hehehe.

    Sorry I was feeling a little catty but venting felt so very good. Your VENT was the right vehicle for that. hehehehe.

    Thanks sweetie...this post is winderful. BTW I do know people who are very afraid of clowns...for real. Clowns usually gave me an urge to kick them in the chins. They didn't think it funny...I thought that was funny. hehehe

    Ciao babe...Time I stop clowning around and got back to sleep. *Cough* I mean work.

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  20. Ok...Miss Jones...

    Your FRENCH REMARK suddenly made me laugh out loud...that I spit on my computer screen!!

    Oh...that was GREAT, girl.

    oui, oui Madam!

    Thoroughly enjoyed it!

    Yea...and what's up with the whole Jerry Lewis Thing?? I think as a kid...I found him funny for about 10 seconds. He is like TOO over the top for me...I always wanted to slap him!

    Listen, Miss Jones....you can VENT anytime you want. LET IT RIP!

    Thanks for sharing your stuff here, Spiky!

    That was FUNNY!

    Ciao bella!

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  21. After chocolate and coffee ... I'M BACK!

    Clowns... ok.

    They don't freak me out as much as mimes. I hate mimes.

    I had a friend in school who was always referred to as the class clown.. well, he actually became one! He went to clown school and now makes a living at being a clown.. so I can assure you at least one clown out there is a good guy. Maybe he's the exception to the rule?

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  22. Hi Anndi!

    Thanks SO MUCH for coming back after that DAMN blogger ate your comment!

    ooooh...chocolate and coffee...

    It ALWAYS makes one feel 100% better doesn't it?

    (and also a nice glass of wine too)

    MIMES....me too, girl...they FREAK ME OUT!!!

    And yes...I'm sure there are nice clowns (such as your friend) out there. And I know that becoming a clown is serious business too.

    So to your friend I say, "I'm sorry for generalizing. And I bet your a damn good HAPPY clown."

    Thanks for stopping back again, Anndi. That was nice of you!

    Enjoy your evening!

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  23. CLOWWNNNSSS!!!! You could have just as well said... ZOMBIES from the graveyard... it would carry the same meaning to me.. Though... circus clowns don't freak me out as much as RED SKELTON'S CLOWNS!!! Oh my gosh... I get goosebumps AND a good case of the heebie-geebies!! I wonder what ever prompted him to paint clowns?!! YIKESS... I think of that scary movie with the clown's face.. but I don't remember the film's title.. But, MY!!!!! I'm shivering in my shoes right now... Gotta think about something else... Like.... Shemar Moore.. Ahhhh... That's MUCH better!!
    Happy weekend Ron.. Miss ya!!
    (That's why I'm commenting on old posts-- I'm catching up from the time when I didn't know about you or your blog!!)....
    Hugs to you!
    Leesa

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  24. Bonjour Leesa!

    OMG...I totally forgot about Red Skelton's clowns! That's right...he did paint them!! I think he did it because of clowns representing comedy, but to me...they represent TOTAL ICKINESS!!!

    Ewwwwwww!

    And I think the movie you're thinking about is the Stephen King book "It." I've never seen it, but heard that it's utterly CREEPY! Most of his movies and books are! However, their are some that I really like....

    Christine (about the car), Cujo (about the rapid dog)

    They're very scary...but GREAT!

    Thanks SOOOO much for taking a peek at my archives, Leesa!

    That's so nice of you. Hope you're enjoying them!

    Miss ya too!

    I've got only four more days until I can finally have a day off and I'm SO looking forward to it!!!

    Take care, my friend!
    XO

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