Monday, July 07, 2008

Tinkle Sprinkle....

Having lived in both New York City and Philadelphia, I’ve witnessed just about everything.

By “everything” I mean things that are unusual…and even a little bazaar.


I was beginning to think that I was “shock-proof” and no longer affected by life in a city.

Until today….

I enjoy spending almost every Sunday afternoon in what I feel, is one of the most enjoyable parks in Philly. It’s located within the oldest and most historical part of the city. It’s more of a residential park, where you see parents with their children, and dog owners walking their pooches. It’s a very relaxed park and not too terribly crowded.

I go there each weekend to spend some time within nature, and to also feed the squirrels.

Today I did what I pretty much do, any other Sunday…

I spread out my blanket, got my portable CD player going, and then proceeded to feed my fuzzy friends.

Let me interject here, that being a city, the parks also include many of the homeless people who enjoy taking naps on the surrounding park benches. I honestly don’t have a problem with this, because to me, they have just as much right to enjoy the parks as anyone else.

Anyway, about 15 minutes into my own enjoyment, I noticed a homeless man who was napping on a bench, which was about 15 feet away from me, get up and walk to the trash can that was next the bench.

I continued to feed the squirrels, when suddenly my eyes caught a motion from this gentleman, which made me freeze-frame….

I watched as this carefree individual opened his fly, reach inside his office and whipped out his BINKY.

(actually, it wasn’t a binky…it was more like a FIRE HOSE)

He then proceeded to empty his bladder all over the trash can, like some caveman from the prehistoric days.

I sat there with my eyes wide open, and my mouth to the floor. I literally couldn’t move.

(even the squirrels stopped eating and watched)

And the most attractive part, was that his bladder fluid was gushing down the side of the trash can like Niagara Falls, and then all across the sidewalk where people walk. And thank God at the time, no one was passing by him.

(because they would have needed a life boat)

When he completed his copious void, he shook his binky as if it was a lasso, and then threw it back into his office, zipped up the fly, and then went back to his nap.

And I thought, “How RUDE…..he didn’t even remember to wash his hands before he left the bathroom.”